Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

SHOULD YOU MEET WITH A DIVORCE ATTORNEY FIRST OR NOT AT ALL IF YOU WANT TO DO DIVORCE MEDIATION?

7/8/2022

Should you meet with an attorney first or not at all if you want to do mediation? These are not the only options and it is up to you how you want to proceed. Consulting with an attorney does not prevent you from participating in divorce mediation. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we always recommend to our clients to consult with a divorce attorney before finalizing their divorce, so each person is aware of their legal rights. But in reality, you do not have to use attorneys at all, if you so choose, to get divorced in New Jersey. It is not legally required to do so.

So, is divorce mediation the first move you make when you want to get a divorce? We find that most people had not even heard of mediation before hearing about it from a friend, finding out about it online, etc. Sometimes people confuse it with meditation, because of the similar spelling. But, we also find that most people are super relieved after they have found mediation. Divorce mediation offers a much faster, less stressful, more economical and amicable divorce process. You still address all of the same issues you would if using only attorneys. You are not missing out or skimping on quality because it is costing you $3,000 instead of $30,000 to get divorced. Directly communicating with your spouse with a neutral mediator present allows you to cover all of the issues in a much faster way. This saves you both a lot of time which helps you both save a lot of money.

The attorneys are there to do their important part as well. They can advise you of your legal rights and help you complete the paperwork for court. We have found that the retainer fee for review attorneys, divorce attorneys acting in a more limited role because you are using divorce mediation services, will be reduced. And you can choose to see an attorney first and then begin mediation or vice-versa. It is up to you how you want to proceed. We just hope you have found mediation and include it as a major step in your divorce process and help spread the word to others as well.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Summer Schedules

6/24/2022

With the school year wrapping up, it is time to think about summer schedules. In divorce mediation, we meet with a lot of divorcing parents to help them create two parenting schedules – one for the school year and one for the summer.

School year schedules are often stricter than summer ones. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we find that for a lot of parents, maintaining a consistent schedule during the school year helps ensure that kids get their homework done and get a healthful amount of sleep. In some families, to reduce the stress of the school and work week, parents try to minimize the back and forth for the children in the parenting plan from September to June. Moreover, to keep things running smoothly when kids move from one parent’s house to another, some clients include in their parenting plans provisions that state that both parents will enforce a set bedtime during the school year. Establishing clear, easy to follow routines reduces sources of possible arguments for the kids and the grown-ups.

For many families, depending on what the kids do during the summer, there may be more flexibility for overnights and later evening activities during this time of year. In addition, many parents plan family vacations during the summer months and these trips also must be factored into the shared schedule.

While the summer allows for more flexibility and potential schedule changes, it may take some time to establish the summer rhythm and routine. Divorcing parents should expect there to be some bumps in the road while everyone shifts gears. In divorce mediation, we explain that being patient and accommodating with both the kids and each other can smooth this transition and allow for more relaxed summer breaks for everyone.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

ALL MONEY IS NOT CREATED EQUAL

6/10/2022

All money is not created equal when dividing up your marital assets in a divorce agreement. But when you put all of the values of your accounts on a spreadsheet it may look that way. This can be deceiving. The balance in your checking account and the value of the unvested stock you were awarded that will vest over the next 4 years may appear to both be $15,000 today and that is what is put on your balance sheet. And then you decide that one person will keep the checking account and one person will keep the stock. If so needed, you can withdraw the $15,000 from your checking account tomorrow to buy a car. You slowly get the value of the unvested stock over time, taking the risk that the value can go up or down depending on the stock price, and then have to pay taxes on it. So even if it stays flat and you eventually get $15,000 from the stock, you have to pay taxes on it. So, it isn’t really $15,000 for each of you. And the one who got the checking account money has been driving around a car for several years and can then resell that car for some more cash.

It is very important to understand the tax implications of various accounts when developing a divorce agreement because not all money is the same. Sometimes couples decide to divide all their assets and debts equally so that both are shouldering the tax issues, risks of stock going up or down, house value changing, etc. But you may each have different needs and wants so this divide-everything-down-the-line plan does not work for everyone. For example, one person really wants to keep all of the pension/retirement accounts and one person really wants to stay living in the house but can’t afford to buy the other person out of the house. So, you may trade off one asset for the other. You keep all of the house and I will keep all of my pension/retirement monies and we will call it even. But sometimes it is not even.

And it does not have to be completely even. You are allowed to develop a plan that works for you. And if in the end one person has a little bit more and one person has a little less than 50% of your marital assets, but it is what you both want, then you have the power to make these choices. A divorce mediator can help you sort all of this out. It is very helpful to have a third party, that is neutral, walk you through the steps of laying out all of your finances and debts and discussing your plans for each line item on your marital balance sheet. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, all we do is divorce mediation. Our expert mediators can help you develop a plan that will work for your new future, while keeping in mind that not all marital assets on the balance sheet are created equal.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Divorce in the Current Economy

5/20/2022

The ups and downs of the current economy are making some couples contemplating divorce a little nervous. Divorce mediation involves dividing assets and debts, calculating child support and alimony and generally making financial plans for a new future. There will always be some level of financial uncertainty when taking steps toward divorce, but it should not keep you from moving forward. In divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we take current economic issues into account while helping to guide you toward a fair and equitable agreement.

Over the last few months, the stock market has been down, reducing the value of some retirement assets. These changes should not adversely impact the divorce mediation process. In mediation, we mostly focus on how we are dividing the assets rather than the account totals, so we can still move ahead with your plans.

Similarly, we can work around the uptick in the housing market. For many, the value of their marital home has increased in recent months, providing a bonus to divorcing couples seeking to sell or refinance their marital home, while making it harder in some cases to find a new place to live. These are also issues that can be addressed in mediation, while we make plans for your short-term and long-term financial futures.

Finally, the job market is also in flux, with minimum wages rising and employers offering various forms of work ranging from in-office to hybrid to fully remote. For many employees this has been a time of opportunity, while others are feeling stretched thin. These employment issues may impact the discussions involving child support and alimony in divorce mediation, but do not hinder your ability to move ahead.

Economic uncertainty is always going to exist in some form. The important thing is to address these concerns in divorce mediation and work together to factor them into your agreement. Finding solutions that work for both partners in mediation will allow you to move forward to a better, less stressful future.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

LISTS CAN BE SO HELPFUL

5/6/2022

Lists can be so helpful. They can guide you, act as a reminder of tasks to be completed and give you a goal to accomplish. One of the goals that most people have when getting a divorce is to financially separate from one another as much as possible. Separate into two household with two sets of bills. Each goes to the grocery store and buys his/her own food. Each pay for the gas in his/her own car. Each pay for his/her own haircuts. What are we doing with the house, mortgage and credit card debt? And the list goes on and on. You eventually want it so that you keep track of your bank account/retirement fund/investments/credit card statements/etc. and what goes in and out of these accounts and I will do the same for mine. But how do you reach this point? During the course of your marriage all of these finances were intertwined. There was ours- not mine and yours.

During the course of divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help clients address all of these issues so they can make decisions for their new futures. And we use concrete lists and questionnaires to help you. We help you break down these tasks into smaller, more manageable steps over time. Yes, there are choices to make, but you do not have to make them all at once.

There are decisions that need to be made about your children and a parenting plan. So, we developed a parenting questionnaire to help you focus the conversation about these decisions that need to be made. We have a list of holidays that you may want to divide. We have a chart to help you map out a month of parenting time. We have tools for your financial future as well. We created a list of financial documents you will need as well as a financial questionnaire to help guide the conversation about how to divide your marital assets and debts. We also have a spreadsheet and a budget form so you can see your entire portfolio and financial budget in real terms on paper. This concreteness really helps guide the financial decision-making process.

It feels so good to check things off your list and move on to the next task. By the end of the divorce mediation process you will have checked off so many of the tasks needed to get divorced. These tools of lists, questionnaires and charts are concrete ways to help you move from ours to yours and mine. And the divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, can provide you with these tools to help you get there.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

How to Use the First Session of Mediation

4/22/2022

The first session of divorce mediation is an introduction to the process. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we use this time to explain the divorce process in New Jersey (including the difference between a contested and uncontested divorce), how divorce mediation works and our practice’s approach to mediation.

For potential clients, it is an opportunity to present the facts about their situation and ask any questions. While there is no commitment required, sometimes clients use the time as their first step in divorce mediation and start planning for later sessions. Other divorcing couples use the intro session solely for information gathering and deciding if divorce mediation is the right path for them, and if it is, whether this is the right time to move forward.

To get the most out of the first session, clients should consider beforehand whether they have any questions and what are the key issues for them. Participating actively in this meeting will make it the most worthwhile. For example, they may want to know what the options are for selling or keeping their home. Clients also often have concerns about alimony – how it is calculated and what is required. If they have specific problems that have already arisen - for example, one partner is spending all the joint monies or has mental health issues that interfere with their ability to parent, or one party has immigration concerns that will be impacted by divorce - this session is a great place to discuss these topics and start developing plans to address them.

Sometimes, clients decide to continue divorce mediation while working through their outside issues. For example, they may decide to place their home on the market while in mediation. Other times, they feel it makes more sense for them to create a more stable set-up at home before moving forward. There is no set timetable to mediation, so there is a lot of flexibility for deciding how to proceed. Clients can take a break from the process at any time, and then return whenever they feel ready to move forward.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

I THOUGHT THE WHOLE POINT OF USING A MEDIATOR IS SO I WONT HAVE TO USE AN ATTORNEY

4/8/2022

“I thought the whole point of using a mediator is so I won’t have to use an attorney,” say many of our clients. And you can choose to get divorced without using attorneys. You can fill out all the court paperwork yourself and represent yourself in court (known as being “pro se”). This is absolutely legal. Still, the mediators at Westfield Mediation recommend that clients use a divorce attorney, but in a more limited role, known as a review attorney. A review attorney is part of your divorce team, rather than your sole (and costly) support in the divorce process. A review attorney is there when you have a question about something in between meetings with the divorce mediator.

An important difference between a mediator and a review attorney is that a mediator is neutral and does not support or oppose a position that you take. A mediator helps you address all the issues in your divorce -- a parenting plan which includes child custody, allocation of your marital assets and debts, child support and spousal support. But a mediator does not take sides or give advice. A divorce attorney is your legal advocate and can inform you about the law and what is in your best interest in your particular situation.

The example I always give clients concerns spousal support, which used to be known as alimony. The couple may decide that there will be no alimony. I explain that if you decide there will be no alimony now it is a very hard, if not impossible, decision to change in the future and encourage each spouse to speak with his/her attorney about this issue. What they may not realize is what they are giving up/expect to pay. After being equipped with this information, each spouse is better prepared to return to mediation to have an informed, productive conversation about this issue and reach a resolution. So, a ten-minute conversation with your attorney allows you to move the process along with the mediator, making educated decisions about your new future.

Of course, attorneys are an additional expense. Many people want to use a mediator because it is a significantly lower-cost alternative to litigation and they don’t want to spend their money on divorce lawyers. The adage “penny-wise, pound foolish” comes to mind. You are saving $2,500 now by not retaining a lawyer but you may well be unknowingly giving up lots more than that in future spousal support.

Ultimately the choice is yours. You can choose to use a review attorney or not. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the mediators are able to share a list of review attorneys in the area who know our work and are not out to gouge you or make you start the process from scratch. They understand that you have chosen to go through mediation and made some compromises in your divorce agreement, but will still advise you of your legal rights and help complete all of the court paperwork and accompany you to court.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Sharing the Facts in Mediation

3/25/2022

For divorce mediation to work, the clients need to share the facts.

In divorce mediation, a neutral mediator guides the divorcing couple through the process to create a divorce agreement that works for their family. For this process to be successful, the clients must actively participate in the discussion, complete assignments and collect all the required financial information. The clients play important roles in educating the mediator about their family dynamics and their financial situation. In many ways, the mediator has to base her guidance on the information that the clients choose to share. In other words, to some extent, she only knows what the clients tell her.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, to gather the necessary information from our clients, the mediators give assignments and ask relevant questions. But the clients have to choose to reveal important information about their lives for the process to work. For example, if one parent works 100 hours a week, that would be a key fact to know for crafting the parenting plan. Similarly, if either party is in a new relationship, or has mental or physical health issues, these are important considerations for deciding how best to move forward.

On the financial side, the parties have to share information about investments or accounts. Actual financial statements work best in educating the mediator (and sometimes the other spouse as well) about different assets, liabilities and sources of income. And if divorcing spouses share only tax information that is incomplete, the mediator will not be able to calculate child support and alimony that reflects the family’s actual financial situation.

This is not to say that in mediation you need to share everything about your personal lives. We do not need to know about all of the disagreements that led you to seek divorce. Just that now that you are seeking a divorce, the mediator (and sometimes an unknowing spouse) needs to know about those aspects of your lives that are relevant to helping you create an agreement that is both fair and practicable.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

SECOND SATURDAY AND DIVORCE MEDIATION

3/11/2022

I was recently asked to be part of the panel for the program Second Saturday. It is a national program that started in California and has local chapters throughout the country. You can read more about the national program here. There was a lot of information shared during the meeting and the attendees seemed interested in learning more about everything. The attendee’s realization that divorce is a process with many facets was my main takeaway from this type of program. And how each support person serves a vital role.

So much valuable information was shared in a relatively short amount of time about such a wide variety of divorce topics: divorce mediation, the legal process, court, finances, insurance, parenting, spousal support and child support. The program reinforced the idea that while it can be extremely helpful to use a divorce mediator to make decisions and arrive at a divorce agreement to address all of the aforementioned issues (and so much more), clients must recognize that mediation is not a one-stop shop that can meet all your needs. While divorce mediation can be your main stop along the way, we can also direct you to the other stops that may be needed when getting a divorce.

The professional divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, have a list of various collateral professionals who should be a part of your divorce team. For example, you may need a real estate agent for a market analysis of your home. We have a list of real estate agents to help you with this. You may need a tax professional to review the tax implications of your divorce agreement. We have a list of tax professionals to help you with this. You may need a financial advisor who can provide guidance about how to divide your marital assets. We have a list of financial advisors who can help you with this. You may need a review attorney who can advise you of your legal rights, complete all the court paperwork and accompany you to court. We have a list of review attorneys to help you with this. You may need a therapist for yourself and/or your family members. And guess what? We have a list of therapists to help you.

When going through a divorce the divorce mediator can be your main point person, but not necessarily your only one. We will direct you elsewhere as needed.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at http://www.westfieldnjmediation.com/ or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

What to Expect in Divorce Mediation

2/25/2022

Sometimes it is easiest for prospective clients to understand what divorce mediation is like, by learning more about what divorce mediation is not. Divorce mediation is a process where couples attend together (either in-person or virtually) and work together over a few sessions to create an agreement on parenting, division of assets and debts, child support and alimony. An impartial mediator guides the couple through the process. At the end of mediation, the divorcing couple leaves with a Memorandum of Understanding that lays out their agreement.

This definition means that divorce mediation is not therapy or a place to work on the issues that led the couple to decide to divorce. Rather, it is a forum for crafting a practical plan for the future. While sessions may become emotional sometimes, mediation is primarily a forward-looking process rather than a backward-looking one.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the mediator’s role in this process is to guide the clients in their decision-making by listening to their goals and asking questions that they may not have considered on their own. The divorce mediator may take steps to ensure that both spouses have a voice in crafting the plan and that the ultimate agreement is fair and equitable to both parties. However, the mediator remains neutral throughout the sessions. She is not there to take sides. In addition, it is not her role to act like a judge and decide how the couple should proceed.

This dynamic allows the clients to have control over their own plan and tailor it to their family’s specific needs. Moreover, divorce mediation has the added benefit of fostering cooperation so that ex-spouses learn how to work together toward agreement. In general, people are more likely to follow a plan that they helped draft than one that was foisted upon them by the Court.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Authors

Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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