Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

FILING FOR DIVORCE TO MOVE MEDIATION ALONG

7/12/2019

At the most recent mediator networking event the question came up about how to get both parties to continue to participate in mediation to completion, when they are almost done with the process. Sometimes one person unconsciously or deliberately stalls the process, usually because s/he can enjoy the perk of being currently separated without actually being divorced. A final, legal divorce will affect their current lifestyle so s/he is trying to put that off as long as possible. Or a person does not want to be labeled divorced. Checking the married box for another little while feels better, so mediation is stalled. A spouse will not make another appointment to come in and make some final decisions.

Usually the person who wants to get divorced is eager to continue the process and presses the more reluctant spouse to make another mediation appointment. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we have seen clients be more than 90% done, decisions made, and then, one party refuses to return to address that remaining few issues, that last 10%. So, what recourse does a person have?

Unfortunately, in divorce mediation not much. You can wait and cross your fingers that the reluctant spouse changes his/her mind and resumes mediation. Divorce mediation requires both parties to participate in the process. It moves faster, is more amicable and costs significantly less than litigation because both spouses are in the same room, directly speaking with one another about all the issues, making decisions about their new futures. And it is voluntary. You cannot force your spouse to participate. One recourse the person has, and not to be a jerk but just to move the process forward, is to file the divorce proceedings with the court and serve your reluctant spouse with divorce paperwork. Once your spouse is served s/he has a time limit to respond. This will either gently prod him/her to return to mediation to finish up addressing the few remaining issues or hash it out in court. Either way, resolutions will be reached and a divorce will be finalized. Hopefully, s/he can still see that mediation has worked and can continue to work until the end and s/he will return to mediation. But s/he may need that nudge of filing to move along the process.

To learn more about divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

The Divorce timeline

6/21/2019

Sometimes couples come to divorce mediation in a hurry to get through the process. Maybe they have been thinking about it for a long time, and now are ready to just get it done. They may have financial or emotional reasons to finish quickly.

In other cases, couples move slowly – taking their time through the steps to make sure that they know how they want their agreement to look, or spacing out the appointments in a way that works for their budgets. Sometimes it takes a while for both spouses to get on the same page, so there are delays of weeks or months as they move forward.

For clients who go through divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, the process generally takes 4 - 6 sessions with a mediator. Most people schedule the meetings 2-3 weeks apart, to give themselves time to gather information and materials, and to think about things. In our experience, it can be useful to have some down time in between sessions to give yourselves time to consider the issues and your options. After the divorcing couple reaches an agreement, they have to file with the Court and wait for a hearing with a judge, which adds another two to three months to the process.

So how long does divorce mediation take? Start to finish, the divorce mediation process can be as short as a few weeks or as long as several months. Divorce mediation can move more quickly than litigation because you have the advantage of working together with one mediator which naturally speeds up the process. But, really, the overall pace depends on you.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

THE DETAILS OF ALIMONY

6/7/2019

Spousal support, more commonly known as alimony, is not an automatic given in a divorce. The details need to be worked out. In New Jersey there are four categories of spousal support: open durational, limited duration, rehabilitative and reimbursement. Open durational and limited duration are the more common types of alimony. You can receive a combination of types of alimony, such as limited duration and rehabilitative, depending on your set of circumstances.

Open durational is for marriages longer than 20 years and generally can last until the person paying it reaches full retirement age. Limited duration is for a set amount of time. Rehabilitative and reimbursement spousal support are less common. Rehabilitative is to help pay for the recipient spouse’s schooling that needs to be completed to help him/her get on his/her feet after the divorce. For example, paying for a certificate program or to finish a college degree so that you can effectively enter or re-enter the workforce and start fully supporting yourself. Reimbursement occurs when one spouse helped pay for the other spouse’s advanced education during the course of the marriage but now will not be married to that person to reap the rewards of the education. For example, if you paid for your spouse’s law school while you were married and then get divorced upon his/her graduation, reimbursement spousal support is to pay you back for your outlay.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the professional divorce mediators can help you address all the terms of spousal support. No matter what type of alimony applies to your situation, you need to determine the terms of payment- how much and how long. Will you pay by check, direct deposit, once a month, per paycheck, once a year? Will you pay for 3, 5, 7, 18 years? Are you paying the same amount each year or is there a step-down process? Each divorce is unique and the mediators can help you figure out what works best for your new future.

To learn more about spousal support and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Enforcing The Agreement

5/24/2019

One of the many advantages of divorce mediation, is that the agreement is not binding until it is filed with the Court. As a result, we can continue to make changes to the arrangements if needed. Sometimes, at Westfield Mediation, LLC , we suggest that the divorcing couple start following the agreement as we make it to see how it works for them. For example, if they created a parenting schedule in mediation, they can try it out to see how it plays out in real life. On the financial side, mediation clients sometimes begin closing their joint accounts and start separating their finances. By living the agreement while working on it, they can fine-tune their plans as we go.

For some families, the fact that the agreement isn’t yet binding can sometimes lead to confusion. If one spouse does not follow the provisions that we arrived at during mediation, the other person has little recourse until the agreement documents are filed with the Court. For example, if one parent does not pick up the children on his/her designated day or he/she drags his/her feet going to the bank to change the accounts, there is not much the other spouse can do until the Court signs off on the plan.

At that point, all the provisions are enforceable, and the ex-spouses can get the Court involved to make sure each party does what he/she agreed to do. Luckily, if follow-through is a concern, the fact that couples can complete their agreement fairly quickly in divorce mediation enables them to get to a place in a short time where they can create and file an agreement that the Court will enforce.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

INFORMATION ABOUT DIVORCE

5/10/2019

Knowledge is power. So how can you gather information when getting a divorce? Sometimes people turn to their friends, family or colleagues to discuss divorce. This can be a little tricky. There is often a lot of misinformation shared from these well intended people. We often hear our clients mention that they heard that their cousin’s friend got XXX amount in alimony, their co-worker’s neighbor never gets to see the kids, or they run the child support calculator their neighbor used and panic. You have to make sure when seeking information that it is coming first-hand from a knowledgeable source. Also, each divorce has a unique set of circumstances, so your divorce is not going to be the same as your neighbor’s or cousin’s divorce.

A lot of people look online as a first step. Maybe they want information about divorce but they don’t want to tell anyone just quite yet. There is some good information on the internet mixed in with some bad stuff as well. It is important to know your source. A lot of our clients first call and then say that they don’t know where to start or what to ask now that they have us on the phone. We reassure them that this is very common and give some basic information about the process of divorce mediation and how Westfield Mediation, LLC, can help them. People tend to find this initial information helpful and use it to make the next steps, which may entail speaking to their spouse, scheduling an appointment, or just thinking more about their options.

You can’t draw on past personal experience for answers because this is your first (and hopefully only) divorce. So, you seek out information. But sometimes searching for the answers in the wrong place can really just lead to more problems. The professional mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, are available to help give you the real-deal information you need to make good choices.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

More About Divorce and Taxes

4/26/2019

While tax filing day has passed for this year, taxes are still an important issue for couples going through divorce. There have been some changes to the tax code this year that specifically affect divorcing couples. During divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we always talk about the tax implications of any financial agreement, and we encourage our clients to speak to their accountants as well.

The big change this year affected alimony (spousal support). Until 2019, the paying spouse got a tax deduction for alimony payments and the receiving spouse was taxed on the income. Starting this year, the rule reversed so the paying spouse is taxed on the income and the receiving spouse is not. As a result, a new calculation is needed to get to the same amount of alimony paid and received. Another tax change that impacts divorcing couples is the new cap on the deductions for mortgage interest. This policy change has made home ownership more expensive in New Jersey which also has to be considered when creating a financial plan for the future. Finally, the rules regarding tax exemptions for children was eliminated and replaced with a tax credit based on income, which may affect how much each spouse pays the IRS.

While each of the changes needs to be factored into a divorce agreement, in divorce mediation, we break the process down into small steps so it is not overwhelming to our clients. We recognize that getting divorced is an emotional process, and we help explain the money issues so that couples can create an agreement that works for their financial future.

For more information on financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

TAXES AND DIVORCE

4/12/2019

April 15 is either the best of times or the worst of times, depending on if you owe or get a refund. One of the main reasons there is no such thing as a legal separation in New Jersey is due to taxes. The government cares if you are married or not and which box you check on your tax return so they know how to process your tax return paperwork. A legal separation would muddy the tax waters too much. One main tax issue to consider when you are getting divorced is who is claiming the children for tax purposes. You do not have to be the parent of primary residence to claim a child as a dependent. You can fill out an additional form when doing your taxes that allows you to claim a child as a dependent even if they lived with you for less than half the year.

Your divorce agreement should also address how to handle a future audit that addresses the time you were married. What if you get audited three years from now for 2018 and you were divorced in 2019? Additionally, how are you handling your current tax refund/tax bill that addressed the time you were married even though you are now divorced. For example, if you finalized your divorced in January but are due a refund/bill this April for the previous tax year, a tax year in which you were still married.

There are so many issues to consider when getting divorced. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, our divorce mediators help couples address them all, including the tax issues. A mediator knows all the issues to address and does not let any slip through the cracks, like the taxes. What you don’t want is to get divorced in January and then have to go back to court in April because your divorce agreement does not address your tax bill/refund and you do not agree on how to resolve it.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Communicating during and after Divorce

3/29/2019

Divorcing or divorced couples often have trouble communicating. Indeed, in many cases, this inability to exchange information or ideas contributed to the end of the marriage. Nevertheless, because our divorce mediation clients usually need to have some relationship post-divorce – either as co-parents or co-financial partners, in divorce mediation, we often address how to interact more effectively and civilly with your ex.

For divorced parents sharing custody of their children, it is vitally important to have a way to communicate with each other that minimizes misunderstandings and stress. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we advise our divorce mediation clients to have a shared calendar of kids’ activities so everyone knows where the family members need to be. To cut down on disputes, we suggest texting and email, rather than relying only on phone conversations – communications in writing may lead to less confusion and fewer arguments down the road.

For both co-parents and co-financial partners, we recommend providing reasonable notice of any plans to come by the other person’s home – essentially showing the same courtesy you would extend to a friend or neighbor. And if parenting or financial plans change for some reason, we suggest texts or email about these developments as well. Simple steps to keep the relationship civil and courteous can go a long way toward keeping the peace and reducing the drama for divorcing or divorced couples.

For more information on parenting or financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

ACRONYMS OF DIVORCE

3/15/2019

When you are getting divorced you learn some new acronyms like PAR, PPR, CIS, QDRO. But what does all of this really mean in plain English? At first the new vocabulary of divorce can feel overwhelming. But with the help of a divorce mediator at Westfield Mediation, it can all become quite clear quite easily.

PAR and PPR are interrelated and have to do with parenting. PAR is the parent of alternate residence and the PPR is the parent of primary residence. The parent of primary residence is the parent with whom the child/children spend more than 50% of their time. The PAR is the parent with whom the child/children reside when not residing with the PPR. Practically speaking, when determining child support in New Jersey one parent is the PPR and one parent is designated as the PAR and the formula is calculated. When both parents share time equally the calculation is done with Parent A as the PPR and Parent B as the PAR. It is then recalculated with Parent B being the PPR and Parent A as the PAR and a final calculation is determined. It is a lot of acronym to describe how much time the kids spend with their parents.

A CIS- not CSI like the TV show- is a Case Information Statement. A Case Information Statement is a form you need to complete for the courts. It is not fun, but it is necessary. Take a look. In divorce mediation we address Part D of the CIS- the budgets- and Part E- Balance Sheet of Assets and Liabilities. So, most of this form can be tackled in mediation.

And finally- a QDRO. QDRO (quad-row) stands for Qualified Domestic Relations Order. It is used when dividing up a retirement account in a divorce. All plans are different and not every plan needs a QDRO, so be sure to check with your plan administrator to determine if a QDRO is needed to divide your retirement account. The judge needs to sign the order and then it is sent to your plan administrator. The plan administrator will then know that this retirement fund is being distributed to two people, instead of one, according to the terms of the divorce. It is a very important form to complete and can have major tax implications if done incorrectly.

To learn more about the vocabulary of divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Role of the mediator

3/1/2019

What is the role of the mediator in divorce mediation? At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we believe that the mediator should be your guide through the process. A divorce mediator is different from a judge or arbitrator who takes sides in disputes and makes pronouncements on how issues should be settled.

A mediator’s role is not to take one side or another in a couple’s long-simmering arguments. Instead, a mediator focuses on crafting a practical plan for the future. She helps the divorcing couple come to an agreement by explaining the options and by asking the right questions about the issues of parenting, child support, alimony, and the division of assets and debts. Her job is to make certain that the divorce agreement is both comprehensive and flexible enough to work over time.

In divorce mediation, we break the process down into small, manageable steps. In most cases, divorcing couples can agree on some issues right away, and we can address areas of agreement first, and then move onto harder topics. Based on experience working with divorcing couples, divorce mediators help clients work through any sticking points by promoting compromise and shared interests. In general, the divorce mediator’s role is to ensure that the agreement is fair and equitable, and that each spouse has a voice in designing the final product.

For more information on parenting or financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com