Our Divorce Mediation Blog

Alimony in 2018 versus 2019

6/1/2018

The decision to move forward with a divorce is a serious one that has a long-lasting impact on your future and the future of your family. It is not a decision one should normally rush, except that this year time may be running out.

Because of the new tax law, the tax implications for spousal support (alimony) will change if your divorce is granted in 2019 versus 2018. If your divorced is finalized in 2018, then your alimony payment can be tax deductible for the person paying it and taxable as income to the person receiving the alimony. This current rule was designed to encourage higher earners to pay alimony to their exes. However, for the current rule to apply, the divorce process cannot just be started in 2018 but must be finalized by the judge after everything is agreed upon by all of the parties.

If your divorce is finalized in 2019 the alimony payment is not tax deductible to the payer or taxable as income to the payee. Instead, the payer gets taxed on his/her whole income, including the alimony paid. As a result, s/he will have less money to pay towards alimony and the person receiving the alimony will likely receive much less, albeit tax-free.

So, if you have been hemming and hawing about your divorce for years and alimony will be an issue, you may want to consider getting moving with the process. I imagine the courts will get overcrowded towards the end of the year with people wanting to make sure to get divorced in 2018. And you want be on that court calendar sooner rather than later so your divorce can be finalized in 2018.

One of the fastest ways to move through the divorce process is by utilizing divorce mediation. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we allow our clients to set the pace. Divorce mediation generally takes about 4-6 meetings from start to finish. And you schedule the meetings at your convenience. But the court has its own timeline as well, which may get backlogged as the end of the year approaches. There is still time to get divorced in 2018, but the window is closing fast.

For more information on alimony or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

No Secrets

5/18/2018

In Divorce Mediation, there can be no secrets.

In divorce mediation, divorcing couples work with one impartial mediator to hash out an agreement on parenting, finances, alimony, etc. The divorce mediator is a neutral party, and having the divorcing couple work together with one person is part of the reason that the mediation process saves time and money. Everything is out in the open. There is no time-consuming back and forth between clients and lawyers and lawyers and lawyers, like there is in divorce litigation.

Sometimes, though, during the process, one spouse or the other wants to tell the mediator his/her side of the story. Or ask a few “private” questions. Or share a secret out of earshot of their soon-to-be ex-spouse.

As divorce mediators, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we see it as our job to cut off these kinds of “one client to mediator” communications. We explain to our clients that all discussions should include both spouses. Conversations take place together in the mediation sessions or via three-way emails or texts. Divorce mediation is effective only if the mediator remains neutral, and does not even give the appearance of being on one person’s side.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Retirement Accounts Are A Marital Asset

5/4/2018

Many people are upset/elated to find out that retirement monies accrued during the marriage are considered a marital asset, regardless of which person’s name is on the account. If you had $100,000 in your 401(k) or IRA on the day you got married and $400,000 when getting divorced, $300,000 is considered the marital asset, even if only one person funded all $400,000 from his/her contributions from his/her paycheck into the account. The $100,000 is a pre-marital asset and not part of the marital assets. It belongs solely to the owner of the account.

Pensions can be a little trickier. When looking at a pension you first have to determine how much of your pension is considered to be a marital asset and if you are dividing it now or later. If some of your pension was earned before you were married you will probably need an actuary to do some complicated math to determine what dollar amount of your pension is considered to be a marital asset. There are some complex formulas that are used. It is not as simple as looking at a statement, like you can do with a 401(k) or IRA.

There are two methods to distribute the monies in a pension- Immediate Offset Method and Deferred Distribution Method. Both are well-named. The Immediate Offset Method means you find out the present marital value of the pension (let’s say $300,000 just like in the example above) and offset the value with another equivalent holding from the big pot of marital assets. So instead of getting $150,000 of the pension, you get $150,000 more than your spouse from the sale of the house (which sold for $500,000) and your spouse keeps full ownership rights to the pension. Person A gets $400,000 from the sale of the house and none of the pension. Person B gets $100,000 from the sale of the house and all $300,000 of the pension.

The Deferred Distribution Method means you are waiting to get money from the pension. You determine that one spouse will get x percentage or dollar amount from the pension and the other spouse will get the rest. However, this does not happen until the pension holder is eligible to receive the retirement benefits. You are deferring or waiting for some point in the future to get your marital share of this asset.

Neither method is better than the other. You have to determine which works better for your situation. At Westfield Mediation, LLC we help you figure out what your post-divorce economic life will be. This can help your work out how best to divide your retirement funds.

For more information on dividing retirement funds in a divorce or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

How To Get The Most Out Of Divorce Mediation

4/20/2018

Many clients come to divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC to save time and money. Divorce mediation is not instantaneous and it’s not free, but it is faster and way less expensive than both spouses getting their own lawyers and arguing the case in court. To keep the costs down and to use your mediation time most effectively, I have three suggestions.

Do your homework. In divorce mediation, we break down the process into manageable steps so it is not overwhelming. At the end of each meeting, we give our clients small assignments to complete before the next session – thinking about parenting, collecting documents, preparing a budget, etc. Doing those assignments insures that the process moves at a good pace. Not doing them slows down the process, and may lead to more meetings and consequently, more costs.

Communicate between meetings. We suggest that clients come up with a neutral way to talk to each other between meetings – text, email, shared calendars. By finding a way to address some issues on your own, like who paid the electric bill or whose turn it is to drive the kids to soccer practice, you can use your mediation session to work on the essentials of the divorce agreement instead of your everyday tasks.

Be forward thinking. Divorce mediation is designed to help you create an agreement for your future. It can be an emotional process, but it should also be a practical one. To the extent possible, it’s best to use the sessions to discuss what your goals are for the agreement as opposed to an opportunity to rehash the arguments that got you here in the first place.

In mediation, we guide divorcing couples to reach a resolution on parenting and finances. The process works best if everyone is invested in it and does their part to compromise and move forward.

For more information about divorce or post- divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Happy Spring Holidays

4/6/2018

Happy Spring holidays (Passover, Easter, Spring Break, etc.)! Many couples who get divorced using divorce mediation get along just fine and may want to continue to spend holidays and vacations together, especially when the children are on the younger side. If that works for you and your newly configured family- more power to you. So, parents may choose to not address how the kids will spend the holidays or school breaks or have something very vague mentioned about it in their divorce agreement. Again- that can work.

The role of the divorce mediator is not to stir up trouble but to point out to clients the potential pitfalls of not making decisions at the time of divorce. Yes, you are getting along with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse and can’t imagine being apart for the big Easter egg hunt. But what if 5 years down the road your new spouse and his/her family also have the tradition of a big Easter egg hunt and you want you and the kids to experience that. Or what if your new spouse is not so keen on spending holidays with your co-parent. If you have some vague plan or no reference to how the kids are spending Easter, then this can be a tough situation.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we encourage our clients to think ahead about worst case scenarios. You only have to follow the parenting plan and the designated assigned holidays if there is conflict. If your co-parent doesn’t mind the kids going to your new in-laws then go to your new in-laws and find those eggs, regardless of what is written in the divorce agreement. But if you disagree because you both want the kids to go to your respective Easter egg hunts then you have to abide by the agreement. No fuss because this issue was addressed long ago.

For more information on holidays in a divorce or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Parenting and Post-Divorce Mediation

3/16/2018

Why do divorced couples go to post-divorce mediation? For some ex-spouses, the judgment of divorce is not the final step in an extended emotional process.

A recent divorce case in the headlines highlights the use of divorce mediation to resolve post-divorce parenting disputes. In this case, the divorced parents disagree about whether their child should play football in high school, with the mother wanting their son to play and the father objecting because of health concerns and their kid’s history of concussions.

In cases like this, family courts generally require the parents to go to post-divorce mediation to try to resolve their issues. Starting with divorce mediation is best for the family because going to trial is expensive and time-consuming. Also, if the parents cannot resolve parenting issues in mediation, the kids may have to be questioned by the lawyers, the judge, and/or state-appointed mental health experts, which can be stressful for the whole family.

Disagreement over the kids’ activities is just one topic of post-divorce mediation that we see at Westfield Mediation, LLC. Sometimes divorced parents return to mediation to discuss other points like schedule changes, college payments, finances and/or plans to move. Post-divorce mediation can be difficult and emotional, but if parents keep their focus on their children’s best interests, resolutions are possible.

For more information about parenting plans or post- divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

A Cost-Benefit Analysis of Divorce Litigation

3/2/2018

It is important to do a cost-benefit analysis before deciding to stop divorce mediation and start litigation. Maybe there is one thing you need to “go to the mat” and win your cause. But before you throw your hands up and say “no more mediation- see you in court” you have to stop and think that just because you go to court with what you think is a valid point of view of the issue at hand, does not mean the judge will see it that way and give you what you want.

A prime example of this is parenting. We have seen with our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, that often times during the course of the marriage one parent handles more of the day-to-day parental responsibilities than the other. Now you are getting divorced and your co-parent wants a 50-50 parenting plan. You might not trust that the other parent can all of a sudden handle 50% parenting time in a shared parenting plan. And you are willing to go to court to fight to have a majority of the parenting time. But at what cost and what gain? There are 4 weeks (lets call it 28 days for math sake) in a month. So instead of 14 days for each parent you want 22 days for you and 6 days for your co-parent. There is a lot of wiggle room between 14 versus 22 days and just because you go to court does not mean you are going to end up with 22 days. And the judge may see the co-parents point of view and you end up with 14 days each anyway.

Or you could stop counting quantity altogether and focus on the quality of time you have with your kids. If it is your parenting day but the day is spent after school driving from one activity to the next, doing homework, eating fast food somewhere in between and then bed, what have you really won?

So instead of spending a lot of money, energy and time going through the court system to possibly get a worse situation than what you could have gotten had you stayed in mediation and found some compromise within the wiggle room, stop and think what you will gain and what it will cost you to gain this. But let’s say the judge decides and grants you 18 days a month and your co-parent has 10 days. 4 days more/less than 50-50% parenting. Is 4 days a month on either side of the argument worth the court process? The court process is very stressful and takes a long time. Litigation is super expensive (college tuition expensive). And there is no guarantee you get what you want. Most people end up with some sort of compromise anyway, even if they go through the courts. But now you have no money left to pay for your children’s college education.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Changing the routines after divorce

2/19/2018

Getting divorced changes the family routines, and both spouses will often need to take on new roles and responsibilities that are different from how it used to be.

These changes in lifestyle can be difficult at first. For example, in some families one parent does most of the child care from arranging child activities and playdates, to helping with homework, to buying presents for birthday parties. After divorce, both parents may have to share these jobs; and it can take some adjustment on the part of the whole family to get comfortable with the new normal. Similarly, a divorced parent may want to take a vacation with their kids. The traveling parent may have to deal with the difficulty of going away without another adult, while the other parent needs to get used to the idea that the rest of the family went on a trip without him or her.

Significant changes also occur on the financial front. For example, one spouse may have taken on the financial planning, money management, bill-paying pre-divorce. Now, that there are two households instead of one, these financial responsibilities need to be taken on by each ex-spouse.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help prepare our divorce mediation clients for these lifestyle changes. We explain that taking on these new roles and responsibilities may feel overwhelming at first. This is a normal and reasonable response. We encourage divorcing couples to seek outside help from friends and family and other support networks, especially during the transition time. We also suggest that our clients think of these changes as opportunities to develop new skills that will help them moving forward.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

PAYING FOR COLLEGE

2/2/2018

The state of New Jersey does not care how married couples will pay for their children’s college education costs. The state of New Jersey does care how divorced parents will pay for their children’s college education costs. The issue has been brought before the courts. Ex-spouses have sued each other, children have sued one or both parents expecting them to pay. And in general, the courts have found that divorced parents must pay for college and continue to financially support their children in some way while they are in school. Children are not considered emancipated (no longer financially dependent on their parents) if they continue on to college directly following high school.

Thus, paying for college is an issue the divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, address during the divorce process. It can be difficult for parents with young children to think about their children going to college, let alone who will pay for it. Yet, if you don’t want to return to court in the future because you never addressed the cost of college, you should lay out some parameters in your initial divorce agreement. In divorce mediation, we frame it as what do you expect as the bare minimum from the other parent. Is each parent paying in proportion to income, splitting it equally, contributing a specific amount, paying for the cost of a state or private university?

When it comes time for your child to actually attend college, if one or both parents want to contribute more than the bare minimum as directed in the divorce agreement, s/he can. If you agreed when you got divorced and your child was 8 years old that you and your spouse would equally pay for Rutgers University and now your child is 18 and got into Princeton (congratulations!), you can pay more of the costs than expected towards the cost of Princeton, but you are not obligated to pay more than your share of the cost of Rutgers, even if the child attends Princeton. By planning ahead in divorce mediation, you avoid arguments down the road.

For more information on planning for college costs during a divorce or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Sharing custody

1/19/2018

For the most part, divorcing parents come to mediation with the idea that they will share custody of the kids. Usually, clients want to spend some time each week with their children. Still, shared custody can take many forms, and what the final parenting schedule looks like can vary depending on the needs of the family. The key to a successful post-divorce parenting plan is combining both consistency and flexibility.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work with divorcing clients to create parenting plans that will work for now and continue to make sense as their children grow. In some cases, the divorcing couple chooses a 50/50 plan. In 50/50 arrangements, parents share parenting evenly. These agreements can be a great choice as long as parents live near each other and are prepared to work together to juggle schedules and responsibilities. See http://www.westfieldnjmediation.com/blog/5050-parenting-plans. Other parents share time by having the kids live primarily with one parent during the week, while the other parent spends time with the children on some evenings and/or on weekends or over school breaks. These plans can also be a good option for some families.

Really, the most important factor contributing to a parenting plan’s success is the divorcing parents’ commitment to making it work. That means that each parent has to uphold their part of the agreement. It also means that when life intervenes, and a schedule needs to be modified --either temporarily or for the long-term -- the parents are willing to accommodate the changing needs of their children and their exes.

For more information on parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.