Our Divorce Mediation Blog

DIVORCE AND HEALTH INSURANCE

9/21/2018

It is not legal to be married to more than one person at a time. This is one of the reasons you have to go to court to legalize your divorce. Also, the government cares what box you check on your tax returns- married, single, etc. A third logistical reason that others care if you are legally married or not is eligibility for health insurance. Once you are divorced you cannot be covered by your spouse’s health insurance. It does not matter if it is open enrollment time or not. When you get divorced you become ineligible as a spouse. A divorce is considered a life-changing event (like the birth of a child) and can happen any time during the year.

There is a status of married- but not married and not divorced. It is called divorce from bed and board. It is a way for people to be unbeholden to one another financially and emotionally but still technically be married. This was developed as a work-around for people who wanted to get divorced but couldn’t because of their religious beliefs. They are still married to one another and are unable to marry a different person. This morphed into another work around- for people who want the technicality of being married for the purposes of maintaining eligibility for their spouse’s health insurance and not for religious reasons. Judges caught on and it is very difficult now to be granted a divorce from bed and board.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, our divorce mediators help you figure out your plans for health insurance. Perhaps the cost of acquiring your own health insurance will be covered by spousal support? What is COBRA and how much does it cost? (Once you are divorced you are eligible to access health insurance through COBRA for a maximum of three years). Who is covering the kids? There are so many important issues that have to be addressed in a divorce. By using a mediator, you will make sure you don’t miss any and have covered them all, like health insurance.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

divorce mediation vs. arbitration

9/7/2018

Divorce mediation is different from arbitration. Divorce mediators do not act like judges -- they don’t decide for you what kind of parenting plan or financial arrangements you should choose. Instead, divorce mediators, like us at Westfield Mediation, LLC, let you decide what works best for you.

In divorce mediation, we guide you through the process to a fair agreement. We help you resolve your parenting and financial issues by making sure that you have gathered the relevant materials and information, and asking you the important questions for your future. We step in to make sure both spouses are heard, and have a voice in the process. But, we do not pick a plan for you.

That means that for divorce mediation to work, you need to have some ability to work together. Even if you cannot easily agree on all issues, you need to be compromise-minded. By guiding you through the divorce process, and letting you create your own agreement, we make sure that each of you have your say in the final product. And divorcing couples are more likely to follow an agreement that they have had input in creating than one that was decided for them in arbitration or litigation.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

NON-BINDING MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING

8/24/2018

The agreements that you reach in divorce mediation are put into a non-binding Memorandum of Understanding. Memorandum of Understanding is just a fancy industry term for a report that reflects the agreements you have reached in mediation. The key-term in that first sentence is non-binding. Non-binding means not legally agreed to. So, why do people go through a process that is meant to end their marriage if each party is not beholden to stick to the agreement in the document? This is a great question.

Divorce mediation works because it is not legally binding. People have the flexibility to make agreements in good faith without the rigidity of every decision being final. During the first meeting at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we explain that the agreements are not set in stone and legally binding until you get to court and get your divorce agreement signed off on by the judge or otherwise made binding by you between yourselves. You have the freedom to adjust who is spending Thanksgiving Day with the kids until you get to court. You have the freedom to reduce spousal support from 10 years to 8, until you get to court. You have the freedom to end up splitting the joint bank account 60/40 instead of 50/50 to balance out the other assets you are dividing. It is nice to have this wiggle room.

People find that divorce mediation works really well because both parties are involved in the decision making. Studies have shown that people who have input into their divorce agreement are more likely to follow through with the agreement and less likely to return to court post-divorce to change the agreement. People tend to end up with the agreement they reached in mediation as their final divorce agreement. Sometimes minor tweaks are made before the agreement is finalized, which is the beauty of mediation. You have the ability to make those changes as needed before going to court. Once you get to court and you and the judge sign the divorce decree, what is written in the document is legally binding.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Parenting pLans and 529 accounts

8/10/2018

There has been a lot of buzz lately about the changing tax laws and the impact on alimony. (Essentially, after 2019, the paying party no longer has a tax deduction and will be taxed on the alimony he/she pays, while the receiving party is not taxed on this income.)

Another change in the new tax law -- getting less attention, but also important -- involves private school. Parents can now use funds in their 529 accounts to pay for private school tuition and books from elementary school through high school. This money used to be set aside for college or post-high school education only.

For our divorce mediation clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we create a plan for all the parenting expenses, including education expenses. For some families, that includes private school. So, now this change in the tax code has to be factored in. Being able to pay for private school with tax free dollars may help some families. In addition, families with existing 529 accounts may benefit from being able to access this money earlier.

But there are potential problems as well. For example, divorcing parents who want to use their 529 accounts for private school will have to consider whether there is going to be enough money in these accounts for both private school and college for their children or whether they need to rethink their long-term savings plans. In divorce mediation, we work together with our clients to create agreements that are comprehensive enough to address their children’s needs through college, yet flexible enough to account for the changing financial situation of the family.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Divorce and Therapy

7/27/2018

With the divorce rate being so high, odds are that you know someone (or two or three) who has gone through a divorce. Divorce has become normal in our society. A person is not regarded as an oddity if s/he gets divorced. The same is getting closer to being true for being in therapy. It is becoming more accepted to get support for your struggles.

When going through a divorce, it is quite common to need therapy for yourself, your co-parent, your children, or any combination of the family. As divorce mediators, we often recommend therapy to our clients. You are not crazy or mentally ill for seeking help. You are doing the best you can for yourself and your children during a difficult time in life. This hardship is not forever and people tend to find that the tough times do pass in time. Therapy helps you cope better and get through the dips in life faster.

Some people are still resistant to the idea of therapy because of the stigma it may carry. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we offer our clients a list of qualified therapists in the area who are knowledgeable about the mediation process and the common struggles people encounter when going through a divorce. We explain that when you turn 100 years old and look back over the course of your lifetime you may acknowledge that the year you got divorced was a rough one. Therapy can make it a little less rough.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

dividing the money

7/13/2018

In a lot of marriages, one spouse is in charge of handling the money – investing, paying bills, taxes, etc. And, in some cases, the other person is completely in the dark about the family finances. Sometimes, this is a conscious choice – one spouse has skills or interests in money management, and the other does not. And sometimes, it just happens with the natural division of labor that occurs when you create a family – you bring the kids to soccer, I will pay the bills; I will make dinner, while you call the accountant.

And this arrangement may work for many couples. Yet, if circumstances change, and the couple starts to think about getting divorced, the spouse without any money knowledge may feel that he or she is at a disadvantage. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we recognize that this is a common scenario for divorce mediation clients, and we make sure everyone understands the post-divorce financial plan and that both parties’ financial interests are being met.

During divorce mediation, we help couples create a financial plan for moving forward. As part of this process, we have clients lay out all of their assets, debts and expenses so we can all see the whole picture. For some divorcing spouses, this is the first time he/she is seeing all this information, and it may seem overwhelming. In divorce mediation, we help reduce some of the stress by breaking the process into manageable steps. We also recommend accountants and financial planners – these professionals can be especially helpful for divorcing spouses who have never taken on any financial role before.

Being out of the loop on the financial side can seem like a problem for some spouses, but it is not an insurmountable one. In divorce mediation, we make sure everyone has all the facts before the divorcing couple commits to a financial plan for their futures.

For more information about financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

SUMMER PLANS

6/29/2018

Congratulations! You made it through another school year. If you have a specific parenting plan in your divorce agreement then you know how your summer will play out for you and your kids. You know who is watching fireworks on the 4th of July with them. You know which week the kids will be with your ex-spouse so you can have some me-time. You know which week you are taking off of work to go on vacation or have stay-cations with the kids.
If you have a general parenting plan then you have no plans for the summer and some disagreements with your ex-spouse may be in your near future. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we address specific summer plans at the time you are getting divorced, even if you are getting divorced in October. We know what is to come. We use our experience in the field to help families avoid future pitfalls. We know that if you do not address how you are spending 4th of July, then that first 4th of July both parents may expect to watch fireworks with the kids. One parent may want to go down the shore and one parent may want to go to the local park and avoid all the shore traffic. If the holiday was already designated in your divorce agreement then there is no discussion, you follow the plan. No stress no mess.
There is also the day-to-day schedule in the summer. Is it different than your school-year parenting plan? If so, how? Again, the couple in October who feels overwhelmed can’t think ahead to summer and plan. They may think they will just work it out when the time comes. But, in the blink of an eye, summer is now here and if you have no plan then you will still feel overwhelmed and possibly still be arguing with your spouse/ex-spouse. If you worked out a specific plan then, now you will be divorced and ready to start to your new life this summer following your detailed parenting plan.
For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Summertime plans

6/15/2018

School is almost out for the year! While many kids are doing their happy dance, for divorcing families, this change in the regular parenting schedule and the additional expenses of summer may be stressful. To keep things running smoothly, divorcing parents should work together to create a summer parenting plan that will keep their children safe and entertained.

In divorce mediation, we help divorcing parents create a flexible and fair blueprint for the summer. These plans may include a way to select weeks for summer vacations, and/or plans for paying for the expense of camps, activities, or town pools. Generally, we advise clients to plan ahead for the summer to coordinate work calendars and to ensure that the family has the resources in place to cover the extra summertime expenses.

Camps and other summer programs can cost a lot. And while most divorcing couples agree to share these expenses in some way, sometimes it can be worthwhile to devise a more detailed plan that includes spending limits to avoid future arguments about how much each parent should expect to spend on summer activities.

Summer should be a season of fun and relaxation. A stress-free summer is more likely if your parenting plan allows you to prepare ahead of time and set aside the time and money needed to make it work.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Alimony in 2018 versus 2019

6/1/2018

The decision to move forward with a divorce is a serious one that has a long-lasting impact on your future and the future of your family. It is not a decision one should normally rush, except that this year time may be running out.

Because of the new tax law, the tax implications for spousal support (alimony) will change if your divorce is granted in 2019 versus 2018. If your divorced is finalized in 2018, then your alimony payment can be tax deductible for the person paying it and taxable as income to the person receiving the alimony. This current rule was designed to encourage higher earners to pay alimony to their exes. However, for the current rule to apply, the divorce process cannot just be started in 2018 but must be finalized by the judge after everything is agreed upon by all of the parties.

If your divorce is finalized in 2019 the alimony payment is not tax deductible to the payer or taxable as income to the payee. Instead, the payer gets taxed on his/her whole income, including the alimony paid. As a result, s/he will have less money to pay towards alimony and the person receiving the alimony will likely receive much less, albeit tax-free.

So, if you have been hemming and hawing about your divorce for years and alimony will be an issue, you may want to consider getting moving with the process. I imagine the courts will get overcrowded towards the end of the year with people wanting to make sure to get divorced in 2018. And you want be on that court calendar sooner rather than later so your divorce can be finalized in 2018.

One of the fastest ways to move through the divorce process is by utilizing divorce mediation. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we allow our clients to set the pace. Divorce mediation generally takes about 4-6 meetings from start to finish. And you schedule the meetings at your convenience. But the court has its own timeline as well, which may get backlogged as the end of the year approaches. There is still time to get divorced in 2018, but the window is closing fast.

For more information on alimony or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

No Secrets

5/18/2018

In Divorce Mediation, there can be no secrets.

In divorce mediation, divorcing couples work with one impartial mediator to hash out an agreement on parenting, finances, alimony, etc. The divorce mediator is a neutral party, and having the divorcing couple work together with one person is part of the reason that the mediation process saves time and money. Everything is out in the open. There is no time-consuming back and forth between clients and lawyers and lawyers and lawyers, like there is in divorce litigation.

Sometimes, though, during the process, one spouse or the other wants to tell the mediator his/her side of the story. Or ask a few “private” questions. Or share a secret out of earshot of their soon-to-be ex-spouse.

As divorce mediators, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we see it as our job to cut off these kinds of “one client to mediator” communications. We explain to our clients that all discussions should include both spouses. Conversations take place together in the mediation sessions or via three-way emails or texts. Divorce mediation is effective only if the mediator remains neutral, and does not even give the appearance of being on one person’s side.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.