Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

Celebrating Halloween

10/21/2022

Happy Halloween! When developing a parenting plan during the divorce mediation process, we talk to our clients about holidays and how the family is going to celebrate them going forward. There is a tendency during our mediation sessions to focus on the “big ones” like Thanksgiving or Christmas, Easter or Passover. When devising a schedule for these important days, we work hard in divorce mediation to develop plans that are fair to both parents and take important family traditions into account. As part of this discussion, we also talk about Halloween. Since Halloween is a smaller, sillier holiday, we often have to remind clients that they should create a Halloween plan too.

Generally, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we include a provision in the parenting plan for celebrating Halloween that says that both parents can see the kids in their costumes and participate in any school-sponsored activities like classroom parties or Halloween parades. We also talk about trick-or-treating – is it going to be near one parent’s home or the other? Are the kids going to go to alternate neighborhoods in alternate years? Are the parents both going to accompany the kids? If there are multiple children, are the parents going to each have separate roles shepherding the different kids around?

We try to make a plan that is both comprehensive and flexible, knowing that kids’ interests and needs change as they grow. Of course, the parents can deviate from this plan down the road. The goal in mediation is to provide clients with a place to turn for resolution if a dispute arises and they can’t agree on how to proceed.

Regardless of the plan the parents ultimately include in their divorce agreement, the main point stays the same. For many families, Halloween is a fun celebration that the children look forward to all year. It is important to have a post-divorce plan in place that allows everyone – parents and kids – to enjoy the day.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

THE TOP FIVE QUESTIONS WE GET ASKED AS DIVORCE MEDIATORS:

10/7/2022

Here are the top five questions we get asked most often as a divorce mediator at Westfield Mediation, LLC:

1. How is a divorce mediator different from a divorce attorney? A distinct aspect of mediation versus litigation is that the mediator is neutral and does not support or oppose a client’s position on the issues. A divorce attorney acts as your legal advocate, informs you about the law and advises only you (and not your spouse) about what is in your best interests (which may be the opposite of what is in your spouse’s best interest).

2.  How can a divorce mediator be helpful if she is not acting in my best interest? I know some people are skeptical when they start the mediation process on how this will work. But it does; just read the reviews from past clients. Having a third-party present, who is neutral, points the discussions about the issues of your divorce in a whole new direction. Clients are comfortable making decisions, hearing how other clients have addressed an issue (like what are we doing with our house) and moving forward towards their new futures. The mediator does not allow them to have the same fight over and over again but redirects the conversation towards resolutions.

3.  How much is this going to cost? Mediation is a ginormous savings versus litigation. You pay one mediator, as opposed to two attorneys, a lower hourly fee. No retainer is required. You pay for the time that you use as you use it. Our clients spend about $2,500-$3,500 per divorce in mediation. That’s total, not per person.

4.  How long will this take? I too have heard the horror stories about it taking years and years to get divorced. In mediation it takes between four and six meetings in total. Meetings last one hour. Meetings are scheduled are your convenience. So, you could be done in six weeks or stretch it out if you so desire.

5.  Do I need still need a lawyer if we agreed on everything in mediation? The short answer is no, but the real answer is it is up to you. Legally, you are not required to have an attorney to get divorced. You can represent yourself in court. It is called being pro se. At Westfield Mediation, we recommend that you use a divorce attorney in a more limited role, called a review attorney. This review attorney will fill out all the paperwork for court, accompany you to court, advise you of your legal rights and answer any legal questions you may have. While it is not legally required to have an attorney, we think it is best practice to do so.

These are just the top five most frequently asked questions. Contemplating divorce brings up a lot of questions and you probably have more. You are welcome to reach out to Westfield Mediation to discuss them. Please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Divorce Mediation for Small Business Owners

9/23/2022

Many of our divorce mediation clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC are small business owners or self-employed. Oftentimes, the business finances of these clients are intermingled with their personal finances. While this may make things a little tricky, it should not be seen as an obstacle to moving forward.

For example, these clients may have some credit cards or bank accounts that they use for work and some for home expenses. Or they may have used their family home as collateral for the business. So, when they are getting divorced, it takes a little time to figure out the value of their business and how to divide it, as well as what assets and debts go with the business and what belong to the family.

While it may seem overwhelming at first to make these distinctions, in divorce mediation, we break the process down into small manageable steps. We try to ensure that everyone is being open and transparent about their accounts. In some cases, mediation clients want to use an accountant who specializes in business valuations to provide an objective analysis of their business, and we provide them with a list of local specialists.

According the Courts, the division of assets and debts in divorce must be fair and equitable. We use this same standard when working in divorce mediation with small business owners or self-employed clients.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

WHAT IS A MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING?

9/9/2022

If you are getting a divorce with a divorce mediator you may be wondering, “What is a Memorandum of Understanding?”. In the simplest terms, a Memorandum of Understanding is just an industry term that is used to describe the report that reflects the agreements you have reached in divorce mediation. No one signs this document and it is not legally binding. This report will address your parenting plan, division of marital assets and debts, child support, and spousal support (which used to be known as alimony). It is a very thorough document but written in every day language that is straight forward.

So, a Memorandum of Understanding is a good first step towards an official divorce. Your final judgement of divorce, granted by a judge in court is legally binding, and includes a Marital Settlement Agreement. Simply put, a Marital Settlement Agreement is a jazzed-up version of the Memorandum of Understanding. The Marital Settlement Agreement contains all the legalese and contract language about the substance of the agreements reached in divorce mediation. The Memorandum of Understanding will clearly spell out all issues in basic, clear language. A Marital Settlement Agreement will add another layer, clarifying more legal issues. It’s good to start with the Memorandum of Understanding so you can clearly see what you have agreed upon before adding the legal protections.

The mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, help you develop a Memorandum of Understanding in a clear, organized manner. You may end up with a 10-15-page document that plainly spells out all of the agreements you reached in mediation. It is written in a way that is clear and concise while not omitting important aspects of your divorce agreement. The mediators are thorough and include many details. But mediators are not acting as attorneys and do not pretend to be. The Memorandum of Understanding does not have the sometimes difficult to understand legal terminology that can overshadow the essence of the agreement. That gets added in (and should be) when the Memorandum of Understanding becomes a Marital Settlement Agreement, which is prepared by a divorce attorney.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Second Saturday Workshop This Thursday 8/18/22

8/15/2022

This Thursday, August 18, 2022, Westfield Mediation, LLC will be participating as a panelist in a Second Saturday workshop on the legal, financial and emotional issues of divorce.

Second Saturday, founded in 1988 as part of The Women’s Institute of Financial Education provides information and support to women navigating the complex process of divorce. Second Saturday’s mission is to offer education, support and guidance to women during this life transition, helping them move confidently towards independence.

By presenting valuable information from a divorce mediator, a divorce coach and a certified divorce financial advisor, Second Saturday provides attendees with the resources to make better decisions for their families. In addition, participants in the workshop meet other women who are addressing the same issues as they are and can share their experiences.

If you are interested in attending this workshop or future ones, please reach out by email to Secondsaturdaysnj@gmail.com or by phone to (732) 632-5830. You can also visit their website, Secondsaturdaysnj.com.

HOW DO YOU SEE THINGS TURNING OUT WITH YOUR DIVORCE?

8/5/2022

How do you see things turning out with your divorce? The phrase I hear most often when clients are done with divorce mediation is, “Well, that was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.” We then discuss how this is usually a rough time in a person’s life, going through a divorce and adjusting to post-divorce life, but that using a divorce mediator and going through mediation rather than divorce litigation made it a little better. It helps you have a “good divorce”.

The divorce mediator remains neutral throughout the entire process. The mediator works directly with both spouses and does not take sides. However, the mediator can share information with both spouses that might steer the conversation in a new direction. For example, the mediator might point out that it is possible to have one parenting time schedule for the school year and a different one for the summer months. Or that it is more expensive to live in two homes than it is to live in one home, but your incomes have not increased, so it is not unusual for both spouses to have to make changes to their post-divorce lifestyles at first. This information can be helpful in allowing the spouses to then make decisions about their divorce agreement.

During the divorce mediation process you address all of the issues of your divorce, but not all at once. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the divorce mediators help break down the entire process into smaller, more manageable steps. The first meeting is an introduction to the divorce process and explains each step of the way. The next meeting addresses your parenting plan and a comprehensive way to address all issues concerning your children. Then we move on to the finances. We help you lay out the overall financial picture of all of your marital assets and debts. Then we help you figure out how you are dividing these marital assets and debts. Another step is for you to complete a marital lifestyle and post-marital lifestyle budget form (these are tough but are required by the court). One of the last steps is to figure out child support and spousal support. These steps can be done in this exact order or sometimes overlap or are put on hold and returned to at a later date. But they all get addressed in mediation. And it is not as bad as you think.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Mediation Now or Later?

7/21/2022

When is the best time to start divorce mediation? Should you talk to a lawyer first? Should you wait until you are living separately? Or you have worked out certain things?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we get these questions a lot from prospective clients who are trying to figure out next steps. We recommend that couples considering divorce come in for an appointment to learn about the divorce mediation process and ask all the questions that they have. We find that learning about divorce makes it much less intimidating. Knowing how the process works makes it all seem more manageable. In divorce mediation, we break everything down into small doable steps. Over time, we develop a workable plan for parenting, division of assets and debts, child support and alimony. Coming in for one introductory meeting often takes away the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Another great thing about mediation is that there is no set timeline. So, once you start, you can space the meetings in a way that works for you – emotionally and financially. Sometimes, clients want to move forward at a steady pace to get everything squared away. Other times, they prefer to separate the meetings by a few weeks while they address some of their family issues or get their budgets in order.

Back to the initial questions. First, we do advise consulting a lawyer, but it does not have to be a first step. Since a mediator is neutral and a lawyer acts as your advocate, it may be worthwhile to get the perspective of an expert who is only on your side before you submit your final agreement to the Court. If you go through divorce mediation, you can use a lawyer in a more limited, much less expensive way than you would in litigation. Second, you can wait until you are living separately, but you do not have to. Many clients begin living separately during the mediation process. This gives them the ability to live the newly-agreed-upon arrangement and tweak it as necessary. Third, it is a good idea to try to work out some issues on your own, but we will guide you through the process, so you know the questions to ask yourselves. We also help when you get stuck to generate new options you may not have considered.

From that very first meeting, clients find that divorce mediation is a less expensive, less stressful alternative to litigation that will get them to where they want to be.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

SHOULD YOU MEET WITH A DIVORCE ATTORNEY FIRST OR NOT AT ALL IF YOU WANT TO DO DIVORCE MEDIATION?

7/8/2022

Should you meet with an attorney first or not at all if you want to do mediation? These are not the only options and it is up to you how you want to proceed. Consulting with an attorney does not prevent you from participating in divorce mediation. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we always recommend to our clients to consult with a divorce attorney before finalizing their divorce, so each person is aware of their legal rights. But in reality, you do not have to use attorneys at all, if you so choose, to get divorced in New Jersey. It is not legally required to do so.

So, is divorce mediation the first move you make when you want to get a divorce? We find that most people had not even heard of mediation before hearing about it from a friend, finding out about it online, etc. Sometimes people confuse it with meditation, because of the similar spelling. But, we also find that most people are super relieved after they have found mediation. Divorce mediation offers a much faster, less stressful, more economical and amicable divorce process. You still address all of the same issues you would if using only attorneys. You are not missing out or skimping on quality because it is costing you $3,000 instead of $30,000 to get divorced. Directly communicating with your spouse with a neutral mediator present allows you to cover all of the issues in a much faster way. This saves you both a lot of time which helps you both save a lot of money.

The attorneys are there to do their important part as well. They can advise you of your legal rights and help you complete the paperwork for court. We have found that the retainer fee for review attorneys, divorce attorneys acting in a more limited role because you are using divorce mediation services, will be reduced. And you can choose to see an attorney first and then begin mediation or vice-versa. It is up to you how you want to proceed. We just hope you have found mediation and include it as a major step in your divorce process and help spread the word to others as well.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Summer Schedules

6/24/2022

With the school year wrapping up, it is time to think about summer schedules. In divorce mediation, we meet with a lot of divorcing parents to help them create two parenting schedules – one for the school year and one for the summer.

School year schedules are often stricter than summer ones. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we find that for a lot of parents, maintaining a consistent schedule during the school year helps ensure that kids get their homework done and get a healthful amount of sleep. In some families, to reduce the stress of the school and work week, parents try to minimize the back and forth for the children in the parenting plan from September to June. Moreover, to keep things running smoothly when kids move from one parent’s house to another, some clients include in their parenting plans provisions that state that both parents will enforce a set bedtime during the school year. Establishing clear, easy to follow routines reduces sources of possible arguments for the kids and the grown-ups.

For many families, depending on what the kids do during the summer, there may be more flexibility for overnights and later evening activities during this time of year. In addition, many parents plan family vacations during the summer months and these trips also must be factored into the shared schedule.

While the summer allows for more flexibility and potential schedule changes, it may take some time to establish the summer rhythm and routine. Divorcing parents should expect there to be some bumps in the road while everyone shifts gears. In divorce mediation, we explain that being patient and accommodating with both the kids and each other can smooth this transition and allow for more relaxed summer breaks for everyone.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

ALL MONEY IS NOT CREATED EQUAL

6/10/2022

All money is not created equal when dividing up your marital assets in a divorce agreement. But when you put all of the values of your accounts on a spreadsheet it may look that way. This can be deceiving. The balance in your checking account and the value of the unvested stock you were awarded that will vest over the next 4 years may appear to both be $15,000 today and that is what is put on your balance sheet. And then you decide that one person will keep the checking account and one person will keep the stock. If so needed, you can withdraw the $15,000 from your checking account tomorrow to buy a car. You slowly get the value of the unvested stock over time, taking the risk that the value can go up or down depending on the stock price, and then have to pay taxes on it. So even if it stays flat and you eventually get $15,000 from the stock, you have to pay taxes on it. So, it isn’t really $15,000 for each of you. And the one who got the checking account money has been driving around a car for several years and can then resell that car for some more cash.

It is very important to understand the tax implications of various accounts when developing a divorce agreement because not all money is the same. Sometimes couples decide to divide all their assets and debts equally so that both are shouldering the tax issues, risks of stock going up or down, house value changing, etc. But you may each have different needs and wants so this divide-everything-down-the-line plan does not work for everyone. For example, one person really wants to keep all of the pension/retirement accounts and one person really wants to stay living in the house but can’t afford to buy the other person out of the house. So, you may trade off one asset for the other. You keep all of the house and I will keep all of my pension/retirement monies and we will call it even. But sometimes it is not even.

And it does not have to be completely even. You are allowed to develop a plan that works for you. And if in the end one person has a little bit more and one person has a little less than 50% of your marital assets, but it is what you both want, then you have the power to make these choices. A divorce mediator can help you sort all of this out. It is very helpful to have a third party, that is neutral, walk you through the steps of laying out all of your finances and debts and discussing your plans for each line item on your marital balance sheet. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, all we do is divorce mediation. Our expert mediators can help you develop a plan that will work for your new future, while keeping in mind that not all marital assets on the balance sheet are created equal.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Authors

Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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