Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

As Covid Fades, New Parenting Issues Arise

6/18/2021

As we start resuming normal life activities with the reduction of cases of Covid-19 in the US (yay!), the mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, are helping divorced or divorcing parents deal with new issues in mediation.

First, parents will have to decide whether and when to vaccinate their children. In addition, a whole bunch of other questions have cropped up: What’s the family policy on mask-wearing? Who can the kids play with or visit? Can plans be made for inside gatherings or just outside ones? Should the children return to in-person camp or school? Should the children be allowed to travel – either in the US or abroad?

Generally, it is simpler for the children if both parents adopt a consistent approach. Moreover, it is best for parents to discuss these issues ahead of time to avoid any confusion or unnecessary battles.

In divorce mediation, we work with divorcing parents to address all of the issues that arise with child-rearing including health, education, activities and travel. We break the process into small steps to make it more manageable and less stressful for everyone. In addition to drafting parenting and holiday schedules, we also incorporate plans for decision-making and for covering all child-related expenses.

Our plans are both comprehensive and flexible. As a result, in mediation, we provide our clients with a framework for moving forward, so that when new unforeseen circumstances emerge, like those that came with the pandemic, parents are better equipped to work together to create a plan.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

MAKE DIVORCE NOT TOTALLY SUCK

6/4/2021

One of the nicest compliments we receive as divorce mediators is when clients tell us, “This was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.” It doesn’t mean that divorce mediation is all sunshine and roses, but it does mean that we have helped couples make divorce not totally suck. Our methodology of moving step-by-step through all of the multitude of decisions that have to be made when getting divorced makes the process more manageable. Many couples who have used our services after litigation has fallen apart are relieved to realize that they actually can work together to make decisions, which bodes well for their life as co-parents in their future.

The cost of divorce mediation is much more reasonable than collaborative divorce, which may include fees for several professionals for multiple hours per meeting or a litigated divorce using only divorce attorneys. In mediation, you pay for the time that you use when you use it, pay-as-you-go. We provide a parenting guide and a financial guide to help you make decisions. If you are able to communicate outside of the mediation meetings and make most of these decisions on your own then you will use less of the mediator’s time and keep costs down. The pace of divorce mediation can also be much faster than other methods. Most couples take about two weeks between meetings, but some have chosen to come on a weekly basis and end the process with a divorce agreement in hand in about 6 weeks.

Couples also like working on these major decisions in a more relaxed atmosphere. Just the three of us in a meeting having a conversation. There is no pressure to make a decision on the spot. You can have a discussion about something and develop some options to think about and revisit the topic at the next meeting. People especially like that mediation is confidential and not shared with the court or other outside sources. The mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, have the experience and disposition to work with you during a very stressful time in your lives. At Westfield Mediation, our sole focus is on divorce mediation and we bring many years of expertise in this one area to the table. While your divorce process might not be super-fun, we can try to help you make it suck less.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

College, Covid, and Costs

5/14/2021

In New Jersey, including provisions for paying for the kids’ college has become a standard part of the parenting plan in divorce mediation agreements. Adding the realities of Covid 19 and the recent changes to the financial aid rules to the mix have made the decision-making process a little more complicated.

In our state, the courts have long viewed post-high school education as a necessity for which parents are at least partially responsible. Therefore, it should be part of every New Jerseyan’s parenting plan in their divorce agreement. As tempting as it may be, ignoring this issue now will not make the obligation to contribute to your kids’ education just go away. In fact, if you do not address college as part of your divorce agreement, you risk the Court later imposing its own plan on your family based on your children’s needs and goals and both parents’ resources. So, if you say nothing in your divorce agreement, you may end up paying more later than the plan you could develop now during the divorce process.

Over the past year and a half, the pandemic has made the process of selecting a college more challenging. In many cases, because of travel restrictions, students have had to choose where to attend based solely on virtual tours and information. Many school programs have been remote and/or hybrid, meaning students had to pay for school, yet live elsewhere. Now some schools are requiring vaccinations prior to entry, while others are offering financial incentives to those who vaccinate. Divorcing parents need to work together with their children through this potentially fraught decision-making process.

In addition, recently revised rules on the financial aid process have changed the way income and support are applied in financial aid applications. Moreover, the rules on student loan forgiveness are also in flux.

As part of the divorce mediation process, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help divorcing couples come up with a plan for choosing and paying for college for their kids regardless of how old their kids are now. We talk about all the relevant factors – programs, costs, decision-making, college savings plans and applying for financial aid. When needed, we can provide referrals to college financial aid advisors who can help parents complete their children’s forms in a way that maximizes college support packages.

Of course, when your kids are young, it can be hard to predict your children’s future educational needs and wants. Still, we have found that having a basic framework in place helps avoid big arguments and litigation expenses down the road.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

AUTISM ACCEPTANCE MONTH AND DIVORCE MEDIATION

4/30/2021

The Autism Society of America is formally shifting references to April as “Autism Awareness Month” to “Autism Acceptance Month”. In honor of Autism Acceptance Month this week’s blog is about divorce agreements when your child or children are on the spectrum.

Special considerations need to be made when creating a divorce agreement for a family with a child diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. First, we address the actual day-to-day parenting plan. How can you both provide consistency in care and schedule when you will now be living in two separate homes. Will siblings follow the same schedule? How will you help your child handle the transition from one home to another? How can you trust that the other parent is following through with existing routines or therapies? Establishing good communication with your co-parent will help ensure this continuity for your child/children. Co-parents who used divorce mediation to develop their divorce agreement tend to have stronger, more amicable and consistent communication skills post-divorce. They have practiced communicating directly with one another about difficult topics throughout the course of divorce mediation. A sense of trust is built that you are on the same page regarding the children. And you can continue to build upon the base of the positive co-parent relationship that was established during the divorce mediation process.

Another major area to address is finances. Children on the Autism Spectrum tend to have many additional expenses compared to their neuro-typical siblings. For example, they may have co-pays or fees for therapies, counseling, vitamins or special diet food that is not covered by insurance. Child support does not include these expenses and they can add up quickly since they are reoccurring each month. During mediation you and your co-parent can develop a realistic plan to make sure that these extra costs are covered.

A third major area to address is a plan to care for your child physically and financially beyond the age of 18. This need may vary from family to family, depending on the abilities of your child. Does a special needs trust need to be established? Is alternate housing needed? What supports will be needed and who will provide them?

The mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, are equipped to help you tackle all the extra issues that need to be addressed in your divorce agreement when a child with a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder is involved.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Using a Mediator without getting Divorced

4/16/2021

You do not need to be interested in getting divorced to make good use of our mediation services. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we also help clients who want to separate without getting divorced develop plans for moving forward. In addition, we work with unmarried parents to create parenting and financial plans for taking care of their kids.

While New Jersey does not have an official status of legally separated, some married couples want to start living separate lives without ending their marriage. The reasons vary. Sometimes, couples want to try out a separation plan to see whether they should reconcile or get divorced. Some spouses want to stay married, but live separately to retain some of the benefits of marriage, like health insurance, tax benefits, or the ability to make emergency healthcare decisions for their spouse without filing any proxy forms. Emotional or religious considerations may also influence these decisions. Whatever the reason, we can work with you to create a plan for living separately that you both agree to follow without the finality of getting divorced.

Similarly, sometimes unmarried parents want to create a parenting plan or financial plan. In mediation, we can work with these clients to develop an agreement on parenting schedules and decision-making for the children, covering all issues from holidays to education to religious upbringing to extra-curricular activities. We also work out the financial aspects of parenting, including child support, health insurance, paying for college etc.

We have found that many issues that we address in divorce mediation can be applied to clients with other family situations, and we are here to help.

For more information on divorce mediation or mediation without divorce or parenting plans and child support, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

CAN YOU DO DIVORCE MEDIATION IF YOUR SPOUSE ABUSES DRUGS OR ALCOHOL

4/2/2021

Can you use divorce mediation if one of the parties has a substance use disorder and abuses drugs or alcohol? There is no absolute answer of yes or no for this question. It depends on how well the user and his/her spouse compartmentalizes the use of drugs and/or alcohol. If it is pervasive and substances are used throughout each day then mediation will most likely not work. The non-using spouse can still get divorced and it can still be a more amicable process if they use a mediation-friendly divorce attorney. You don’t have to stay married to someone addicted to substances just because that person can’t participate in divorce mediation.

At our practice the mediators have noticed that certain employment fields seem to have a higher-than-average divorce rate and more frequent self-reports by at least one spouse of problems with alcohol or drugs. We have helped many people in these careers get divorced in a more amicable, faster, less expensive manner than a contentious litigation process. The presence of a substance use disorder does not preclude the spouses from participating in divorce mediation. Sometimes both spouses acknowledge the substance use in one of the spouses and other times one spouse thinks there is a substance abuse problem and the using spouse does not think it is an issue. Either way, mediation can work.

Westfield Mediation, LLC, offers you the choice of mediators to work with to address all the issues in your divorce agreement. You can develop a parenting plan, divide of all of your marital assets and debts, calculate child support and address spousal support either with Randi Albert, who has a background in law or Michelle Weinberg, who has a background in therapy. Either Randi or Michelle is more than capable of addressing all of these issues. But when one or both spouses may have a substance use disorder you may like having the option of choosing specifically someone with the law background or the mental health background. Just another characteristic that makes Westfield Mediation a great option for divorce mediation.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

The American Rescue Plan Act and Child Support

3/19/2021

Even in the divorce mediation world, everyone is talking about the new law just passed by Congress – the American Rescue Plan Act of 2021 (ARP). It promises new and increased cash payments to many Americans. One part of the law includes more generous tax credits for children; and this new payment structure may have an impact on child support for divorced and divorcing parents.

Previously, depending on their income, parents received a tax credit of up to $2,000 per child. Under the ARP, this potential tax credit increases to $3,000 per child and $3,600 for children under 6 starting in 2021. In addition, the IRS plans to estimate the amount of the child tax credits for the year for families and pay them out in monthly portions in advance beginning in July 2021. These increased tax credits may impact child support calculations going forward.

Calculating child support is part of the divorce mediation process at Westfield Mediation, LLC. We calculate child support based on income and the number of nights each parent spends with the children, while also taking into account the payments parents make for health insurance premiums and/or child care. As part of the child support calculation, we determine which parent will be claiming the children as dependents for tax purposes. Sometimes, parents share these tax credits or alternate them over time. For our clients, we often run these numbers a few different ways to help them decide what is the best plan for them.

Divorced and divorcing parents may need to consult with their accountants to understand the impact of the new ARP laws on their taxes. In divorce mediation, we advise our clients to seek out the most up to date information available to help them make the best financial decisions for their family.

For more information on divorce mediation, parenting plans and child support, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

TAXES AND DIVORCE- NOT A DIY PROJECT

3/5/2021

Many people use TurboTax or a do-it-yourself approach to doing their yearly taxes. This works out fine and people are happy with the results and continue this method year after year. But this system does not always work as well the year of your divorce. There are unique tax circumstances you need to consider the actual year you are getting divorced and longer-term tax consequences as a result of your divorce agreement.

There are specific tax-related issues to consider about your divorce and you can address all of them during the divorce mediation process. Who is claiming the children for tax purposes? This may have an impact on your tax bill. Should the lower earner always claim the kids? Alternate years? It may also have a small effect on the monthly child support amounts. And the timing of your divorce can affect your tax bill. If it is close to the end of the calendar year then you may want to wait until the following year to actually get divorced. It may not matter to you much if your divorce is finalized in late December or early January, but it does to your state and federal government and the subsequent tax bill.

While the divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, are not accountants or tax experts, they are knowledgeable enough to know that these professionals should be a part of your divorce team before signing a final divorce agreement. The mediators have a list of mediation friendly tax experts in the area to pass along to our clients and always recommend that you have a tax expert review your agreement. For example, when allocating various retirement accounts in a divorce settlement, it is important to distinguish the difference between one account that has pre-tax money and will have taxes taken out during distribution and another account that has post-tax money contribution and will not have taxes taken out when it is time for distribution. At the time of your divorce the accounts may have equivalent values so you think you are dividing things equally, like you intended. But when you retire, one of you has a lot less money because Uncle Sam takes a chunk and the other still has the full value of the account that you thought it had.

These are things that the turbo tax program will not tell you, but a mediator will. It is ultimately up to you, with input from your tax expert, to make these decisions. However, the mediator can help you figure out what these tax issues may be and work with you to reach educated, informed decisions about your taxes now and for the future.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Divorce and Snow Days

2/19/2021

As children growing up, we loved snow days and the gift of a day off from school. Still, all the snow we have been having over the past few weeks has made me think of how challenging these schedule changes can be for divorcing parents. Divorcing parents have to create provisions in their parenting agreements to deal with unexpected occurrences – such as snow days.

In divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help divorcing parents craft agreements for their children’s regular and holiday schedules. We also include contingency plans for unpredictable events like snow days, sick days or emergencies.

In addition, to make everything run more smoothly, we address issues like the preferred means of communication between parent -- be it text, email or phone. Also, we add in provisions so that the children can reach out on their own to the parent who is not on duty in a reasonable way. We usually suggest shared calendars for the kids’ activities to ensure that everyone knows who has to be where and when. We find these tools go a long way towards easing conflicts. In general, by encouraging divorcing parents to work together on a parenting plan we hope to facilitate their ability to co-parent effectively once they are no longer married. We find that including all of these topics in the parenting blue print in the beginning of the process minimizes opportunities for arguments and confusion later on.

For more information on divorce mediation and parenting plans, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

DIVORCE MEDIATION AND THE FAMILY PART CASE INFORMATION STATEMENT

2/5/2021

Divorce in New Jersey is a legal process that at some point has to be done through the court system to be official. You filed paperwork with the state to officially get married and have to file paperwork with the court to officially get divorced. Most people who use divorce mediation services choose to start the court process when they are done with the divorce mediation process. Even though an uncontested divorce usually only requires you to show up in court once, the day you are granted your divorce, there is a back-and-forth paper trail between the spouses and the court system that occurs before this date. And there are time limits for each step in this process.

You complete some of the required paperwork that you will need for court during mediation. It is pages 6-10 of the Family Part Case Information Statement. Pages 6-7 covers your marital lifestyle and post-divorce lifestyle budgets. Pages 8-9 involves the allocation of all of your marital assets and debts. Page 10 is a checklist of required documents, which you will have handy from the divorce mediation process. These pages include a big chunk of what needs to be addressed for your divorce to be officially approved by the courts. You and/or your attorney can complete the remaining pages of this document. But this document is required for the divorce process in court.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the divorce mediators do not go to court with you. We do provide a list of mediation-friendly divorce attorneys in the area, who can support you through the court-related step of the process. The divorce mediators can help you reach an agreement about all the issues of your divorce in a more amicable, faster, lower cost manner and have some of the required paperwork completed.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.