Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

IT IS SAFE TO GET DIVORCED DURING COVID-19

8/7/2020

There are lots of stories about people delaying seeking medical care because of their fear of getting the coronavirus. I see public service announcements urging people to take care of themselves and get the help they need; it is safe to do so. The same applies if you are unhappy in your marriage and want to get divorced. While the courts remain primarily closed for in-person proceedings, it is possible to have video meetings, submit paperwork online or mail in your court documents. The court docket is finding a way to move along.

If you used divorce mediators to reach your divorce agreement then you only have to “show up” in court one time for your uncontested divorce- the day your divorce is finalized. Divorce Mediation is a court recognized settlement process. So, in some areas of New Jersey there are times when your attorney can represent you in court and you don’t have to go at all. If you want to represent yourself in court you can complete all the paperwork yourself and show up for court in your home for a virtual meeting on your scheduled day. You can get more information about the court process here and a divorce self-help guide from Legal Services of New Jersey here.

Now you are able to move forward with your divorce from the comfort of your own home. And if you need help taking the first step you can call the helpful divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC. Currently we are having all meetings virtually. So, take care of yourself and don’t put off getting a divorce if that is your intention. It is safe to do so.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Child Support and Coronavirus

7/24/2020

With all the layoffs, furloughs and unemployment accompanying the Covid-19 pandemic, many divorced couples are wondering how this impacts child support obligations. Are existing child support orders still enforceable? Can you change them if your employment situation is up in the air?

Generally speaking, the Courts hold that child support must still be paid even if the payers lose their jobs. However, parents can go to Court to modify existing orders. At the proceedings, they must be able to show a substantial change of circumstances. Specifically, the person seeking the change has to prove that the change in the parties’ financial situations is both substantial and continuing, in other words, not just a temporary setback.

Of course, the Court processes used to make these changes move slowly, especially now with the Covid-19 delays clogging the system. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we suggest to our post-divorce mediation clients that they can work out an interim arrangement between themselves while they wait to make it official. Similarly, if your child support plan was based on your child living away at college, and now he/she is living at home, you can work together to create a plan in mediation to account for your differing expenses in the short term. Divorce mediation and post-divorce mediation can be done relatively quickly allowing you to make the adjustments together now that will take longer to process in Court.

For more information about divorce mediation or post-divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

COVID PARENTING

7/10/2020

With graduation upon us, many divorcing parents are wondering, what if my child has a game or performance and it’s not during my parenting time. Can I go? Regardless of which parent has designated parenting time when, we think either parent should be able to attend his/her child’s events. Parents do not necessarily have to sit together, although it is nice if you can so your child does not have to choose which direction to look first for which parent, but you both can go. If a graduation or a school play falls during one parent’s parenting time, the other parent is still able to attend.

This is something that is standard and stressed in all of Westfield Mediation’s Memorandum of Understanding agreements. Now, in the age of COVID-19, each parent can merely join the live stream or click on the Zoom link, like all parents do, regardless of their marital status and living situation. You blend right in with the countless other squares watching the virtual school concert or graduation ceremony. You can sit socially distant from your co-parent with your mask on at the next soccer game. No one is judging you. You blend in with all of the other masked attendees sitting six feet apart.

Still, eventually when life returns to in-person attendance without social distancing at your children’s events, you can rest assured that the mediators at Westfield Mediation made it clear when you were getting divorced that the more involved both parents are the better, regardless of parenting time. Either parent may attend any and all events regarding the children. This is clearly stated in their divorce agreement.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Getting back to Life after coronavirus

6/26/2020

Many couples contemplating divorce before the pandemic put things on hold while they waited out the stress and uncertainty. A lot of people were reluctant to move forward with divorce mediation with their kids home from school, and the housing and employment markets all over the place.

Now that the state is slowly opening up, it has become clear that the old normal may be a ways away. But, there are some hopeful signs of progress. The housing market seems to be recovering, so that divorcing couples who want to sell their home will be able to move ahead. Similarly, with stores and restaurants re-opening, employment is slowly rebounding in some sectors. In addition, the stock market seems to also be stabilizing, improving investment and retirement accounts. As a result, it may be a good time to start working out your future plans through divorce mediation even if we are living in a different reality.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help our divorcing clients craft parenting and financial plans that are flexible enough to work even in uncertain times. For example, we can design parenting plans that account for changing school and camp schedules. Similarly, the child support and alimony provisions in our clients’ agreements are designed to be adjusted as needed if income and employment issues arise. We also work with couples who are already divorced to modify their existing arrangements as circumstances change over time.

While the changes to our lives that came with Covid-19 were unpredictable, as divorce mediators who create plans that need to hold up over long periods of time, we are used to drafting agreements that work for now, and also account for unexpected developments.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

PETS AND DIVORCE

6/12/2020

The New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators had an entire hour-long webinar on pets this week. Believe it or not there can be a lot of areas to address when it comes to divorce and pets. The webinar was helpful in that it reconfirmed that the divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, cover all the bases during the process of divorce mediation. It is recommended that couples address what is happening with their pet when they are getting divorced. Sometimes this is a two-minute conversation during the divorce mediation process and sometimes it is quite lengthy, depending on your circumstances and desires.

At minimum, two general areas to address regarding your pet are who has health care decision making power and who is financially responsible for the costs associated with your pet. These areas sometimes go hand in hand and can be a one-time expense or an ongoing cost. Perhaps your pet has a one-time $300 ear infection. Or maybe your pet needs a daily insulin shot for diabetes that costs $100/month, every month. There are also more predictable costs like monthly heart-worm pills and a once a year check-up at the veterinarian. And end of life decisions for your pet are never easy. Do you want this to be a joint decision or does only one person have the authority to make that call?

A lot of issues came up during the webinar. And you can make the pet section of your divorce agreement as detailed as you see fit for your situation. One of the many benefits of divorce mediation is that you have the power to create your own divorce agreement that reflects your decisions. Pets included.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Parenting and Non-disparagement clauses

5/29/2020

Can you limit what your ex-spouse says about you to your kids? Yes and no.

When crafting a parenting plan in divorce mediation, we generally include a clause stating that neither parent can say negative things about the other in front of the children. These provisions are called non-disparagement clauses and their purpose is to protect the kids from being exposed to and upset by their parents’ anger. The Courts require that child custody arrangements must be in the best interest of the children; and studies have shown that living in conflict has a negative effect on kids.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, most clients agree to this clause; and the Courts have held that voluntary-agreed-to provisions like this can be enforceable. Still, clients cannot be too restrictive in the kinds of limits that they put on their ex-spouse’s ability to speak about them. For example, the Courts have found that strict rules that prevent parents from posting specific statements on social media about their ex-spouse may not be enforceable. Such prior restraints on speech are not allowed under the Constitution’s First Amendment protections.

In divorce mediation, we work with divorcing parents to create a parenting plan that works for them and keeps the kids’ interests in mind. By including voluntary non-disparagement clauses in our agreements, we remind parents that part of their role as parents is modeling good, civil behavior for their kids and minimizing their exposure to anger and conflict.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

DIVORCE, CORONAVIRUS AND CHILDREN'S MENTAL HEALTH

5/15/2020

In New Jersey, schools will remain virtual until the end of the year due to the coronavirus. Many end-of-the-year traditions (graduation ceremonies, dances/proms) have been cancelled. Your kids may be fed up with the monotony of seeing teachers, school mates and friends on screens and not in real life. Your child/children may be down in the dumps, anxious about the unknown future and a little lonely. These feelings are not unexpected under these unprecedented circumstances.

It is vital that you discuss your child’s mental well-being with your co-parent. Is s/he acting the same way in both houses? Or has the parenting plan been disrupted and your child is spending more time/less time with one parent than the other? How is s/he coping? Has s/he talked to either parent about these feelings?

It seems true that we are all in this together. And it will be easier for your children to make it through these times with your parental support. Arguing with your co-parent, before, during or after the divorce, is not the way to go. Now is the time to be even more flexible, communicative and understanding with your co-parent, regardless of the status of your divorce. Not an easy task. If needed, you can make an appointment with a divorce mediator at Westfield Mediation, LLC, to help resolve any issues that are arising because of your divorce and current circumstances. Having a third-party neutral present can help move the conversation from impasse to resolution. And your children need you to do this, for their sake. The kids have enough to deal with.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Why now may be a good time for divorce mediation

5/1/2020

Many couples who were considering divorce before the Coronavirus hit, are currently wondering whether they should move ahead now with divorce mediation or wait until life gets back to normal.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we tell our divorce mediation clients that we recognize that this is a difficult time for everyone. Yet, while we are all dealing with the stress and uncertainty of the quarantine/lockdown, there are some real benefits to working on your divorce agreement now.

First of all, we don’t know when the economy is going to pick up again, so waiting for the perfect time to move forward – the time when your home has more value, or you have better job security, or your retirement assets bounce back -- may mean waiting for a long time in an unhappy family situation. Instead of feeling stuck, you can use this time productively to create a parenting and financial plan. If the issues of your marriage are weighing on you, taking action may make you feel more in control of your life and less stressed all around. Moreover, if you decide to start creating a future plan -- there is no rush to finalize anything yet. The courts are open, but in a limited way right now, so the process can move ahead but may take a little longer. Having a plan in mind and on paper, will allow you to move quickly when you decide it’s the right time. Finally, because the pandemic has changed everyone’s schedule, and many of us are working from home, people can more easily plan their appointments.

The hardships we are living through with the Coronavirus and the quarantine can feel overwhelming. Still, for many families, there are real practical and emotional benefits to moving ahead now with divorce mediation.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

CO-PARENTING DURING THE CORONAVIRUS CRISIS

4/17/2020

The COVID-19 coronavirus crisis continues. Everyone is living their lives differently from the way they were five weeks ago. And that may mean some temporary changes to your parenting plan. The key word in that sentence is temporary. It may be that you and your soon-to-be or already ex-spouse need to develop a for-now plan to co-parent during this unprecedented time.

The mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, are available for virtual meetings to help you and your co-parent create a temporary parenting plan that is in the best interest of your children during this pandemic. You may need a mediator to help you adjust your established parenting plan, develop ways to have frequent contact (may be virtual contact) with both parents, or create a schedule for make-up parenting time that one parent is now missing due to the virus.

Safety is a concern. Logistics can be a problem. Both co-parents want what is best for their kids, but may disagree what that looks like. Numbers changing daily and a barrage of information being shared everywhere can be overwhelming. You don’t need the stress of fighting with your co-parent too. A mediator can be the calm, neutral go-between to help you both reach a temporary resolution.

To learn more about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Dealing with Divorce in the Days of Coronavirus

4/3/2020

As divorce mediators, we have been seeing firsthand that the stresses of life as a divorcing or divorced couple have been made that much harder by the new guidelines for daily life in place during the Coronavirus pandemic.

Many couples who have decided to get divorced are currently confined to their homes together because of the pandemic, adding to heightened tension all around. Moreover, the family’s ability to move forward by either selling their home, renting or buying a new home, or changing jobs has become much more limited, at least in the short term. A lot of people are currently unemployed and dealing with enormous financial pressures.

Similarly, in post-divorce households, ex-spouses are also dealing with new potential obstacles. Following parenting plans has become more fraught, with increased concerns about the children’s health, education, and activities. In addition, neutral places to pick up kids when they change households – like schools and libraries - have been closed. Moreover, when issues or disputes arise, the courts are providing only limited services to parents seeking enforcement of parenting plans.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we are continuing to help our divorce mediation clients get through these trying times. With calm compassion, we guide our clients through the sometimes complicated separation process to make workable plans for their future. In our experience, we have found that looking forward and creating practical plans for the days and years ahead helps people cope with the uncertainty and difficulty of their current circumstances.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.