Our Divorce Mediation Blog

dividing the money

7/13/2018

In a lot of marriages, one spouse is in charge of handling the money – investing, paying bills, taxes, etc. And, in some cases, the other person is completely in the dark about the family finances. Sometimes, this is a conscious choice – one spouse has skills or interests in money management, and the other does not. And sometimes, it just happens with the natural division of labor that occurs when you create a family – you bring the kids to soccer, I will pay the bills; I will make dinner, while you call the accountant.

And this arrangement may work for many couples. Yet, if circumstances change, and the couple starts to think about getting divorced, the spouse without any money knowledge may feel that he or she is at a disadvantage. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we recognize that this is a common scenario for divorce mediation clients, and we make sure everyone understands the post-divorce financial plan and that both parties’ financial interests are being met.

During divorce mediation, we help couples create a financial plan for moving forward. As part of this process, we have clients lay out all of their assets, debts and expenses so we can all see the whole picture. For some divorcing spouses, this is the first time he/she is seeing all this information, and it may seem overwhelming. In divorce mediation, we help reduce some of the stress by breaking the process into manageable steps. We also recommend accountants and financial planners – these professionals can be especially helpful for divorcing spouses who have never taken on any financial role before.

Being out of the loop on the financial side can seem like a problem for some spouses, but it is not an insurmountable one. In divorce mediation, we make sure everyone has all the facts before the divorcing couple commits to a financial plan for their futures.

For more information about financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

SUMMER PLANS

6/29/2018

Congratulations! You made it through another school year. If you have a specific parenting plan in your divorce agreement then you know how your summer will play out for you and your kids. You know who is watching fireworks on the 4th of July with them. You know which week the kids will be with your ex-spouse so you can have some me-time. You know which week you are taking off of work to go on vacation or have stay-cations with the kids.
If you have a general parenting plan then you have no plans for the summer and some disagreements with your ex-spouse may be in your near future. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we address specific summer plans at the time you are getting divorced, even if you are getting divorced in October. We know what is to come. We use our experience in the field to help families avoid future pitfalls. We know that if you do not address how you are spending 4th of July, then that first 4th of July both parents may expect to watch fireworks with the kids. One parent may want to go down the shore and one parent may want to go to the local park and avoid all the shore traffic. If the holiday was already designated in your divorce agreement then there is no discussion, you follow the plan. No stress no mess.
There is also the day-to-day schedule in the summer. Is it different than your school-year parenting plan? If so, how? Again, the couple in October who feels overwhelmed can’t think ahead to summer and plan. They may think they will just work it out when the time comes. But, in the blink of an eye, summer is now here and if you have no plan then you will still feel overwhelmed and possibly still be arguing with your spouse/ex-spouse. If you worked out a specific plan then, now you will be divorced and ready to start to your new life this summer following your detailed parenting plan.
For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Summertime plans

6/15/2018

School is almost out for the year! While many kids are doing their happy dance, for divorcing families, this change in the regular parenting schedule and the additional expenses of summer may be stressful. To keep things running smoothly, divorcing parents should work together to create a summer parenting plan that will keep their children safe and entertained.

In divorce mediation, we help divorcing parents create a flexible and fair blueprint for the summer. These plans may include a way to select weeks for summer vacations, and/or plans for paying for the expense of camps, activities, or town pools. Generally, we advise clients to plan ahead for the summer to coordinate work calendars and to ensure that the family has the resources in place to cover the extra summertime expenses.

Camps and other summer programs can cost a lot. And while most divorcing couples agree to share these expenses in some way, sometimes it can be worthwhile to devise a more detailed plan that includes spending limits to avoid future arguments about how much each parent should expect to spend on summer activities.

Summer should be a season of fun and relaxation. A stress-free summer is more likely if your parenting plan allows you to prepare ahead of time and set aside the time and money needed to make it work.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Alimony in 2018 versus 2019

6/1/2018

The decision to move forward with a divorce is a serious one that has a long-lasting impact on your future and the future of your family. It is not a decision one should normally rush, except that this year time may be running out.

Because of the new tax law, the tax implications for spousal support (alimony) will change if your divorce is granted in 2019 versus 2018. If your divorced is finalized in 2018, then your alimony payment can be tax deductible for the person paying it and taxable as income to the person receiving the alimony. This current rule was designed to encourage higher earners to pay alimony to their exes. However, for the current rule to apply, the divorce process cannot just be started in 2018 but must be finalized by the judge after everything is agreed upon by all of the parties.

If your divorce is finalized in 2019 the alimony payment is not tax deductible to the payer or taxable as income to the payee. Instead, the payer gets taxed on his/her whole income, including the alimony paid. As a result, s/he will have less money to pay towards alimony and the person receiving the alimony will likely receive much less, albeit tax-free.

So, if you have been hemming and hawing about your divorce for years and alimony will be an issue, you may want to consider getting moving with the process. I imagine the courts will get overcrowded towards the end of the year with people wanting to make sure to get divorced in 2018. And you want be on that court calendar sooner rather than later so your divorce can be finalized in 2018.

One of the fastest ways to move through the divorce process is by utilizing divorce mediation. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we allow our clients to set the pace. Divorce mediation generally takes about 4-6 meetings from start to finish. And you schedule the meetings at your convenience. But the court has its own timeline as well, which may get backlogged as the end of the year approaches. There is still time to get divorced in 2018, but the window is closing fast.

For more information on alimony or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

No Secrets

5/18/2018

In Divorce Mediation, there can be no secrets.

In divorce mediation, divorcing couples work with one impartial mediator to hash out an agreement on parenting, finances, alimony, etc. The divorce mediator is a neutral party, and having the divorcing couple work together with one person is part of the reason that the mediation process saves time and money. Everything is out in the open. There is no time-consuming back and forth between clients and lawyers and lawyers and lawyers, like there is in divorce litigation.

Sometimes, though, during the process, one spouse or the other wants to tell the mediator his/her side of the story. Or ask a few “private” questions. Or share a secret out of earshot of their soon-to-be ex-spouse.

As divorce mediators, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we see it as our job to cut off these kinds of “one client to mediator” communications. We explain to our clients that all discussions should include both spouses. Conversations take place together in the mediation sessions or via three-way emails or texts. Divorce mediation is effective only if the mediator remains neutral, and does not even give the appearance of being on one person’s side.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Retirement Accounts Are A Marital Asset

5/4/2018

Many people are upset/elated to find out that retirement monies accrued during the marriage are considered a marital asset, regardless of which person’s name is on the account. If you had $100,000 in your 401(k) or IRA on the day you got married and $400,000 when getting divorced, $300,000 is considered the marital asset, even if only one person funded all $400,000 from his/her contributions from his/her paycheck into the account. The $100,000 is a pre-marital asset and not part of the marital assets. It belongs solely to the owner of the account.

Pensions can be a little trickier. When looking at a pension you first have to determine how much of your pension is considered to be a marital asset and if you are dividing it now or later. If some of your pension was earned before you were married you will probably need an actuary to do some complicated math to determine what dollar amount of your pension is considered to be a marital asset. There are some complex formulas that are used. It is not as simple as looking at a statement, like you can do with a 401(k) or IRA.

There are two methods to distribute the monies in a pension- Immediate Offset Method and Deferred Distribution Method. Both are well-named. The Immediate Offset Method means you find out the present marital value of the pension (let’s say $300,000 just like in the example above) and offset the value with another equivalent holding from the big pot of marital assets. So instead of getting $150,000 of the pension, you get $150,000 more than your spouse from the sale of the house (which sold for $500,000) and your spouse keeps full ownership rights to the pension. Person A gets $400,000 from the sale of the house and none of the pension. Person B gets $100,000 from the sale of the house and all $300,000 of the pension.

The Deferred Distribution Method means you are waiting to get money from the pension. You determine that one spouse will get x percentage or dollar amount from the pension and the other spouse will get the rest. However, this does not happen until the pension holder is eligible to receive the retirement benefits. You are deferring or waiting for some point in the future to get your marital share of this asset.

Neither method is better than the other. You have to determine which works better for your situation. At Westfield Mediation, LLC we help you figure out what your post-divorce economic life will be. This can help your work out how best to divide your retirement funds.

For more information on dividing retirement funds in a divorce or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

How To Get The Most Out Of Divorce Mediation

4/20/2018

Many clients come to divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC to save time and money. Divorce mediation is not instantaneous and it’s not free, but it is faster and way less expensive than both spouses getting their own lawyers and arguing the case in court. To keep the costs down and to use your mediation time most effectively, I have three suggestions.

Do your homework. In divorce mediation, we break down the process into manageable steps so it is not overwhelming. At the end of each meeting, we give our clients small assignments to complete before the next session – thinking about parenting, collecting documents, preparing a budget, etc. Doing those assignments insures that the process moves at a good pace. Not doing them slows down the process, and may lead to more meetings and consequently, more costs.

Communicate between meetings. We suggest that clients come up with a neutral way to talk to each other between meetings – text, email, shared calendars. By finding a way to address some issues on your own, like who paid the electric bill or whose turn it is to drive the kids to soccer practice, you can use your mediation session to work on the essentials of the divorce agreement instead of your everyday tasks.

Be forward thinking. Divorce mediation is designed to help you create an agreement for your future. It can be an emotional process, but it should also be a practical one. To the extent possible, it’s best to use the sessions to discuss what your goals are for the agreement as opposed to an opportunity to rehash the arguments that got you here in the first place.

In mediation, we guide divorcing couples to reach a resolution on parenting and finances. The process works best if everyone is invested in it and does their part to compromise and move forward.

For more information about divorce or post- divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Happy Spring Holidays

4/6/2018

Happy Spring holidays (Passover, Easter, Spring Break, etc.)! Many couples who get divorced using divorce mediation get along just fine and may want to continue to spend holidays and vacations together, especially when the children are on the younger side. If that works for you and your newly configured family- more power to you. So, parents may choose to not address how the kids will spend the holidays or school breaks or have something very vague mentioned about it in their divorce agreement. Again- that can work.

The role of the divorce mediator is not to stir up trouble but to point out to clients the potential pitfalls of not making decisions at the time of divorce. Yes, you are getting along with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse and can’t imagine being apart for the big Easter egg hunt. But what if 5 years down the road your new spouse and his/her family also have the tradition of a big Easter egg hunt and you want you and the kids to experience that. Or what if your new spouse is not so keen on spending holidays with your co-parent. If you have some vague plan or no reference to how the kids are spending Easter, then this can be a tough situation.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we encourage our clients to think ahead about worst case scenarios. You only have to follow the parenting plan and the designated assigned holidays if there is conflict. If your co-parent doesn’t mind the kids going to your new in-laws then go to your new in-laws and find those eggs, regardless of what is written in the divorce agreement. But if you disagree because you both want the kids to go to your respective Easter egg hunts then you have to abide by the agreement. No fuss because this issue was addressed long ago.

For more information on holidays in a divorce or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Parenting and Post-Divorce Mediation

3/16/2018

Why do divorced couples go to post-divorce mediation? For some ex-spouses, the judgment of divorce is not the final step in an extended emotional process.

A recent divorce case in the headlines highlights the use of divorce mediation to resolve post-divorce parenting disputes. In this case, the divorced parents disagree about whether their child should play football in high school, with the mother wanting their son to play and the father objecting because of health concerns and their kid’s history of concussions.

In cases like this, family courts generally require the parents to go to post-divorce mediation to try to resolve their issues. Starting with divorce mediation is best for the family because going to trial is expensive and time-consuming. Also, if the parents cannot resolve parenting issues in mediation, the kids may have to be questioned by the lawyers, the judge, and/or state-appointed mental health experts, which can be stressful for the whole family.

Disagreement over the kids’ activities is just one topic of post-divorce mediation that we see at Westfield Mediation, LLC. Sometimes divorced parents return to mediation to discuss other points like schedule changes, college payments, finances and/or plans to move. Post-divorce mediation can be difficult and emotional, but if parents keep their focus on their children’s best interests, resolutions are possible.

For more information about parenting plans or post- divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

A Cost-Benefit Analysis of Divorce Litigation

3/2/2018

It is important to do a cost-benefit analysis before deciding to stop divorce mediation and start litigation. Maybe there is one thing you need to “go to the mat” and win your cause. But before you throw your hands up and say “no more mediation- see you in court” you have to stop and think that just because you go to court with what you think is a valid point of view of the issue at hand, does not mean the judge will see it that way and give you what you want.

A prime example of this is parenting. We have seen with our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, that often times during the course of the marriage one parent handles more of the day-to-day parental responsibilities than the other. Now you are getting divorced and your co-parent wants a 50-50 parenting plan. You might not trust that the other parent can all of a sudden handle 50% parenting time in a shared parenting plan. And you are willing to go to court to fight to have a majority of the parenting time. But at what cost and what gain? There are 4 weeks (lets call it 28 days for math sake) in a month. So instead of 14 days for each parent you want 22 days for you and 6 days for your co-parent. There is a lot of wiggle room between 14 versus 22 days and just because you go to court does not mean you are going to end up with 22 days. And the judge may see the co-parents point of view and you end up with 14 days each anyway.

Or you could stop counting quantity altogether and focus on the quality of time you have with your kids. If it is your parenting day but the day is spent after school driving from one activity to the next, doing homework, eating fast food somewhere in between and then bed, what have you really won?

So instead of spending a lot of money, energy and time going through the court system to possibly get a worse situation than what you could have gotten had you stayed in mediation and found some compromise within the wiggle room, stop and think what you will gain and what it will cost you to gain this. But let’s say the judge decides and grants you 18 days a month and your co-parent has 10 days. 4 days more/less than 50-50% parenting. Is 4 days a month on either side of the argument worth the court process? The court process is very stressful and takes a long time. Litigation is super expensive (college tuition expensive). And there is no guarantee you get what you want. Most people end up with some sort of compromise anyway, even if they go through the courts. But now you have no money left to pay for your children’s college education.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.