Category: TOP SIX BLOGS: PARENTING

HEALTH CARE DECISIONS AND DIVORCE

3/20/2020

In this time of the Coronavirus COVID-19 pandemic people who are getting divorced have an extra layer to consider. It is important to designate who has the power to make health care decisions for your children when getting divorced. There are actually two broad distinctions of custody in New Jersey- legal custody and physical custody. Legal custody involves major decisions regarding the children including, but not limited to, health care, education, selection of school, religious training, selection of child care providers, tutors, private lessons and extra-curricular activities. Physical custody involves where the children will be living and spending their time. Most people who use mediation have both joint legal and physical custody. You can have joint physical custody even if the kids spend more time with one parent than the other.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, our mediators make a point of explaining these two types of custody and having it clarified in writing in the divorce agreement. So, parents must be in agreement about any medical treatment for their children. However, there is an exception as well. In the case of an emergency (like your kid fell out of a tree and broke her arm or you are concerned your child has the Coronavirus) a parent is able to seek immediate medical attention without permission from the other party. However, that parent must inform the other parent as soon as possible and provide all information about the nature of the emergency as well as the name, location, and phone number of the hospital providing the emergency care. Both parents need to be aware of any follow-up care. And if the child then needs supportive care (nebulizer, inhaler, etc.) both parents must keep whatever the child needs in their respective homes.

These are standard procedures our divorce mediators write into your divorce agreement. So, while the Coronavirus is wreaking havoc with the world right now, if needed you are prepared to seek medical treatment for your child without having to worry about getting permission from your co-parent first. Joint legal custody means both parents have to be in agreement, except in case of an emergency. I think everyone can agree that this Coronavirus pandemic feels like an emergency.

Be well.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

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Studies show....divorce

2/3/2017

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Divorce mediation works for a lot of couples. With the guidance of an impartial mediator, couples are able to come in for about 5 meetings, sit in the same room, and have direct conversations with one another while making decisions about their new futures. This process helps couples have a base for a workable level of communication post-divorce. If you are co-parenting then you will still have to communicate on a regular basis with your ex.

Studies have shown that this type of positive post-divorce relationship is what is best for the kids. It does not seem to matter whether kids live with married or divorced parents. What does seem to matter is the level of conflict between the parents. So if parents are married and there is conflict or parents are divorced and there is conflict, the children are negatively affected. If parents are married and there is little conflict or parents are divorced and there is little conflict, the children are able to cope.

Studies have also shown that the more involved both parents are on a regular basis in the lives of a child, the better. Children can thrive during a divorce with both parents active in his/her life. The mediation process at Westfield Mediation, LLC, helps you build a foundation to have an active role in your child’s life. Strength builds upon strength. If you end your marriage in a healthy manner, you are more easily able to transition to a strong post-divorce relationship with your co-parent. This is beneficial to you and your children.

Studies also show that the parties who participate in divorce mediation are more likely to follow through with the decisions made in mediation, most likely because each had input into these decisions. So couples who participate in mediation are less likely to have to return to court post-divorce to change any of the divorce agreement.

For more information about divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

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GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS DURING A DIVORCE

1/6/2017

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There are good days and bad ones for children when their parents are going through a divorce. One day your kids seem to be coping beautifully and you feel fully confident in your decision to move forward with your new future. The next day one of your kids can’t stop crying, is really angry and blaming you for ruining his/her life. And you wonder if things will ever get better. And then the next day, life is better. Or maybe it takes 3 days and then life gets better, for now.

This expression of your children’s emotional unevenness is not unexpected. Divorce is a process, for everyone involved, and some days will be worse/better than others, for everyone involved. You have the big talk where you break the news that you and co-parent will always be Mom and Dad but will no longer be Husband and Wife. You answer all the questions, reassure the kids the divorce is not their fault, and express your love for them. But this is not a one-and-done discussion. You then need to periodically check in with your kids to see how they are handling all the emotional and physical changes to the new family dynamics. You want to be aware if your kids start to have more bad days than good.

Many children need the support of a professional therapist to feel less alone and normalize the divorce process for them. Many adults find they need this professional support too. At Westfield Mediation, LLC we have a list of therapists in the area that can help either you or your children cope with the divorce. Divorce is one of the most stressful events in a person’s life. But in the grand scheme of things, it is a relatively short-term stressful period. And all of the family members can adjust to the new normal of their life and can live their post-divorce life in a much happier, healthier manner.

For more information about Divorce Mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

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Back to school

9/2/2016

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In these waning days of summer, both parents and kids are gearing up for the new school year. For divorced or divorcing parents, the shift from summer schedules to school can sometimes be particularly stressful. When kids have homework and after-school and weekend activities, divorced parents who share custody need to be on top of scheduling issues.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we tell our divorce mediation clients that one effective way to ensure that everyone gets to where they need to be with less stress, is through shared calendars. In divorce mediation, we help parents create parenting plans, and there are now many scheduling apps available for divorced parents to coordinate activities (You can find some on our website http://www.westfieldnjmediation.com/resources.html). By plugging plans into the shared calendar, divorced parents minimize mistakes, scheduling conflicts, and arguments.

For children sleeping overnight in two different homes, parents should ensure that their kids have any necessary stuff – from homework to clothing to sports equipment available to them. Parents should create a quiet place for children to do their homework in each setting, and should stock up on some basic school supplies for each home. Similarly, it’s useful to have a system in place to ensure that sports gear, musical instruments, special clothes, etc. are easily accessible from both homes. Shared custody during the school year is definitely doable, it just requires both good planning and flexibility.

For more information about parenting plans and/or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

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Telling your children about the divorce

3/20/2015

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When is the best time to tell your children that you are getting divorced? We often hear this question from our divorce mediation clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC.

While your children may already have a sense of what is going on, we usually recommend waiting to tell them about the divorce until you have a parenting plan in place. Once you break the news to them, your kids are going to want to know where everyone is going to live, and how the new dynamic is going to affect their own lives. The better able you are to answer these questions, the less stressful the changes will likely be on your kids. Children, like adults, feel uncomfortable with uncertainty. Once they know the plan, they can begin the process of adapting.

In divorce mediation, a neutral, impartial mediator works with divorcing parents to develop their parenting plan. In these plans, we outline weekly schedules, holiday schedules, and strategies for financing your new family arrangement. Generally, the parenting plans allow for flexibility, because the needs of the parents and the kids change somewhat over time. Still, the parenting plans provide a blueprint for moving forward, which can be reassuring and helpful to both the parents and the children in the family.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

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Parenting

5/17/2014

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Sometimes when we are creating a parenting plan in divorce mediation, a divorcing couple seems puzzled by all the questions. Our plans are usually very thorough -- we like to review custody plans and holidays, as well as education, religious school, outside activities, college expenses, etc., etc.. Sometimes, couples ask “Why do we need to map everything out? Why can’t we just work it out when the time comes?” “We are flexible,” they claim.

Well, maybe. But, in divorce mediation, we like to create a blueprint for the family’s future. The parenting plan may change as the children grow and economic situations change. So, the more flexible you are the better. Still, it is good to have a default plan in place for every day, and for the times that problems arise. The parenting plan is a place to turn when the parents do not agree about how to proceed. Also, sometimes the partner claiming that the couple is flexible is really just used to get his or her way, so the parenting plan provides protection for both parties.

In addition, as people begin to move on, and add new people into their lives, the amicable relationship that they now have may change over time, and it is good to have a plan in place. Indeed, one of the more prickly issues, is often how and when to introduce new partners to the children. We discuss this and other difficult issues upfront, so that everyone knows how to proceed when the time comes. By covering all the issues in the parenting plan – the hard ones and the easy ones – we minimize future stresses for the parents and the kids, and the whole family does better.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908-913-0373 or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. You can also visit our website www.westfieldnjmediation.com

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Authors

Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

HEALTH CARE DECISIONS AND DIVORCE

Studies show....divorce

GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS DURING A DIVORCE

Back to school

Telling your children about the divorce

Parenting

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