Our Divorce Mediation Blog

THE STATUS QUO AND DIVORCE

1/8/2018

Life on paper is not the same as life in real time. No divorce agreement is perfect. It is okay if you need to readdress some issues down the road. You and your children’s lives are not the same as they were 10 years ago. The status quo may work for a while for your divorce agreement after you get divorced. But sometimes you need to revisit the agreement. Either because the issue was never addressed in the original agreement (how to pay for college, new partners), your circumstances have changed (loss of job, relocation, remarriage), or you have changed your mind about something (private versus public high school).

The more detailed you make your original divorce agreement the less wiggle room there is down the road. But there is always wiggle room because a life outlined on a piece of paper does not take into account every real-life circumstance. So, you have to understand this when making your original divorce agreement. The mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, always explain this to clients. Some people choose not to address certain issues because they think it will never happen to them- relocation- or just don’t want to deal with it at the time of the divorce- paying for college. These are the people we see most often for post-divorce mediation for the modification of their original divorce agreement.

For certain issues, the status quo cannot stand. If your child is going to college then somehow it will get paid for or your child will not go to college. If you are moving then somehow your parenting plan will be reworked. You cannot approach post-divorce mediation thinking the current situation will stand when the circumstances demand a change. The mediators at Westfield Mediation help facilitate the conversation so you can make decisions about your new futures. Because the status quo just won’t do anymore.
For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Big Changes may be coming for alimony

12/22/2017

The proposed tax bill that Congress is working on includes a big change to alimony/spousal support. According to the latest version of the bill, beginning with divorce agreements executed in 2019, alimony will no longer be a deductible expense for the ex-spouse who pays. And the recipient will not have to pay tax on the alimony he or she receives.

This change could be a big deal for divorcing couples. While it could save some money for the person who gets alimony, it may make the higher-earning spouse less inclined to pay spousal support – and have less money available to distribute -- if there is no tax benefit to the payment.

In New Jersey, determining the amount and time period of spousal support or alimony requires a balancing of factors – the length of the marriage, the parties’ age, health, income and ability to earn, etc. Currently, the alimony payments are taxable income for the person who receives them, and a tax deduction for the payer.

In divorce mediation, we work with our clients to develop a fair spousal support plan that also takes into account the divorcing couples’ assets and debts. In our experience at Westfield Mediation, LLC, the current tax rule generally encourages divorcing couples to include spousal support in their agreements, because both the payer and the payee benefit. It will be interesting to see how this proposed change plays out in the real world of divorce.

For more information on spousal support or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

holiday card season

12/8/2017

It is holiday card season again. Sending out the annual holiday card can be such a chore, even under the best of circumstances. Just like Santa, you have a list and must check it twice. Who moved and what is the new address? Who sent you a card, so you must send them a card? Do you still have to send a card to your boss from 4 jobs ago? This mundane task can be even more difficult if you are separated or going through a divorce. Do you now send out two cards- one with Mom and the kids and the other with Dad and the kids? Do you divide the address list up and some people gets cards from one of you and the some get cards from the other one? Do you just skip it all this year?

So many decisions to make. How can you figure out your whole life if you can’t even figure out the Christmas card? Then you begin to panic about your divorce, and the downward spiral starts. If you can’t agree on this then you will never agree on anything. If you give in about the card and do what your soon-to-be-ex-spouse wants to do, then what is next? You may never get anything you want in the divorce process.

At Westfield Mediation we help our clients realize that there is give and take with all the decisions that they will make about their divorce. No one gets everything, and no one loses everything. You both compromise and eventually you reach a decision on things regarding all the areas of the divorce. There is no need to freak out. We help break down your whole life into much smaller, and more manageable, steps. A divorce mediator helps guide the discussion about your options about your post-divorce life. You reach decisions about your futures instead of dwelling on and repeating past arguments. And if you can make these difficult life decisions, like how the kids are spending their time on Christmas Day, then surely you can handle the task of a holiday card.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Family HOlidays and Divorce

11/24/2017

Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, oh my! With the start of the winter holiday season, many divorcing couples come face to face with family and old friends, and they wonder how to break the news that they are going through a divorce. While it may feel overwhelming, it does not have to be.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we explain to our divorce mediation clients that divorce is not the problem. It is the solution to the problem of a relationship breaking down. So, you can try to see it as a positive step forward towards reshaping your lives and minimizing conflict and stress.

That said, divorce is often an emotional process, and the fact that you are seeing family and friends may be an occasion to find support among people who care about you. Since almost everyone knows someone who has gone through divorce mediation or litigation, you are likely to find a sympathetic ear. And if you rather not talk about it, that’s fine too – your divorce does not have to define your interactions with others.

This Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas may be an opportunity for you to change up your old traditions to reflect the changes in your family or a chance to start new ones. It can be the time your friends and family help you find your new path.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

MORE THAN MEDIATION

11/10/2017

Any professional that tells you they can do it all for you regarding your divorce, may also have a bridge to sell you. Don’t fall for it. A good lawyer is a good lawyer, not a good forensic accountant. A good divorce mediator is just that and not a good real estate agent. An understanding divorce attorney is not the same as a good therapist. I encourage my clients to not depend on just one professional to get a divorce. I may be the best divorce mediator that ever was, but that does not mean I know what your house is worth. When getting a divorce it is important to tap into professionals regarding all the areas of your divorce and seek out their expertise.

If you are concerned that your spouse is hiding money then hire a forensic accountant. You are not going to lose out on anything by using a mediator versus using an attorney. The attorney will refer you to a forensic accountant and so will the mediator. If you don’t believe Zillow regarding the sale price of your home then hire an appraiser or get a market analysis done by a local real estate agent. Don’t rely on your attorney or mediator to do these things for you. The term “stay in your lane” comes to mind. Each professional should do what s/he does best and not try to do someone else’s job.

Using a divorce mediator can save you significant money, take less time and decrease the stress of the divorce process. But a mediator does not do it all for you. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, during the first meeting we explain exactly what we can and cannot do for you and offer direction towards other professionals you may need to complete this process. We just don’t leave you hanging out to dry. We know who and what it takes to get divorced. We have a lot of collateral contacts in the area. So if you are in need of a service we do not provide we can give you the names of real estate agents, forensic accountants, therapists, etc., who can help.

For more information about divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

The Hot-Button issue of Alimony

10/27/2017

Alimony is often a hot-button issue in divorce mediation, and the discussion can get very emotional. In many cases, one spouse feels that he or she deserves more money for a longer period while the other wants to pay less money for a shorter time. Also, while the goal is to even things out for some period of time to reflect the lifestyle of the marriage, the couple may also disagree on what kind of lifestyle they had. For example, if this past year was particularly good or bad, how should that factor into the calculation. Luckily, in divorce mediation, we are used to difficult discussions. And we can guide divorcing couples with somewhat competing interests to reach an agreement.

Determining the amount and time period of spousal support or alimony requires a balancing of factors – the length of the marriage, the parties’ age, health, income and ability to earn, etc. Because there is no one set formula, divorce mediators can help couples come up with creative solutions. For example, for our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we sometimes create a plan where the amount of spousal support changes over time, giving the receiving person some opportunity to establish himself/herself financially. Also, in our financial plans, we balance spousal support with the distribution of assets and debts to come up a fair allocation for both people. Alimony has tax consequences and also impacts child support, so it’s important to have a financial agreement that works for the whole family.

Coming up with a plan for alimony that makes everyone feel comfortable can be tricky, but it is doable. For more information on spousal support or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

dividing assets in a divorce

10/13/2017

One area that has to be addressed in a divorce is division of your assets and debts. What is happening to your house, 401(k), IRA, pension, stocks, investments, bank accounts, credit card debt, mortgage, student loans, car loan, etc. Anything and everything dealing with your finances is addressed. It can seem overwhelming but the divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, help you break it down in to smaller, more manageable steps. Some people choose to look at all of their assets and debts and split each and every one in half. That is very doable. But this is not your only option.

One of the great positives about divorce mediation is that you can develop a financial plan that works for you. You don’t have to split every asset or debt down the middle. One person may want to keep the house and one person wants to keep all of his/her pension (and the values are somewhat similar). When you have multiple investment accounts you can each keep a whole of several accounts and divide only one of them to balance out the bottom line. What can’t happen is that one person keeps all the assets and one person gets stuck with all the debt. At the end of the day when looking at the big picture if the numbers of all of your assets and debt and all of the other person’s assets and debts are close to one another then you have a plan for your financial future.

But you also have to think about your cash flow. In order to keep 100% of your pension for the future you may be giving up another asset that you could tap into for cash right now. Will your post-divorce budget allow that? And you have to keep in mind the tax implication for the assets that you are keeping or giving up. Or the interest rate on the debts that you are keeping or giving up. There is a lot to consider and that is why some people choose to just divide everything down the middle. But you don’t have to.

For more information about divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

moving forward in a fair and sensible way

9/29/2017

Divorce mediation helps clients resist the impulse to give in to unreasonable demands just to “get it all over with”. Most people who decide to get divorced take a while to reach the point where they are ready. And in many cases, by the time people decide that they are ready to pursue a divorce, they are worn down or overwhelmed. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we find that divorcing couples are anxious about how they are going set up a new life. With all this uncertainty and stress, it can be difficult to work together to create a future plan.

A key benefit of divorce mediation is that we break the divorce process down into manageable steps, so it is no longer as overwhelming. Moreover, divorce mediators help you through it, so you don’t have to figure everything out on your own. The mediator’s job is to serve as an impartial guide through an often emotional process.

Divorce mediators ensure that the process is fair and complete – so that both parties’ interests are met. We work with you to avoid the bad agreements that are made when one person gives in just because he or she is tired of arguing. The mediation sessions focus on the future, rather than on the reasons that the relationship has broken down. Indeed, because the parenting and financial agreements have far-reaching consequences, it is important to think beyond the past and the present to design a plan that will work for both of you and your family going forward.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

The Internet IS A Wonderful Thing

9/15/2017

The Internet is a wonderful thing. You can find almost anything about anything on it. There is a lot of information out there about divorce. Many of our clients find us on the Internet. Sometimes clients find us when they were looking for something else regarding their divorce but then stumble across the concept of mediation and are intrigued. Many people that get divorced really do want mediation but don’t know that they want it because they have never heard of it. But they do want a low cost, more amicable way to get divorced. When I am speaking to someone on the phone for the first time I often ask how they heard of Westfield Mediation, LLC. The caller usually seems embarrassed to admit that they found us on the Internet and sounds relieved when I tell them that many people find us online.

Once you know that you want to use a divorce mediator the Internet can be useful in finding a good divorce mediator. It is helpful to look at different mediator’s websites. This can be a valuable source of practical information but also help you decide who would be a good fit for your needs. You want to read any available reviews from colleagues and prior clients. You want to find the phone number so you can call and actually speak with your mediator. Or you may want to send an email to start the process.

The Internet also helps immensely with communication. One of the key differential factors of mediation versus litigation is that spouses communicate directly with one another instead of through their attorneys. So email is a tool made for divorce mediation. It allows the mediator to have a multi-person conversation about scheduling the next meeting, changes to the proposed plan, clarify a question, etc., quickly and directly with both parties at the same time. There are no hidden conversations. Everyone is aware of all contact going on. This helps to build trust and communication skills, things parents will need as they co-parent post-divorce. There are also divorce apps which help facilitate your post-divorce life.

So much information is out there. How did we ever find out stuff before the Internet?

For more information about divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Child support for grown children

9/1/2017

Most states have a legal limit for “emancipation” – the date when parents are no longer legally required to support their children. It can be based on an age or on an event like getting married, joining the military or graduating from college.

But, in reality, not all kids are magically able to support themselves once they hit that date. So how do you create a divorce agreement to cover the expenses for that time period when your kids age out of child support, but are still not financially self-sufficient?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we have many divorce mediation clients who continue to support their children in some way after the legal age of emancipation. Sometimes, the divorcing parents still pay for some bills – like those for cell phones, car insurance, health insurance. In other cases, the kids still live with one parent or the other, rent-free, so the parent is covering both housing and food.

In each of these scenarios, we help the divorcing parents come to an agreement about how to deal with these ongoing expenses. In some cases, we may divide the costs between the parties, or put limits on time frames or amounts. Our goal is to create a parenting plan that is fair to both sides and that is financially practical for the family.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.