Our Divorce Mediation Blog

Yay for summer!

7/7/2017

Yay for Summer! Many kids (and parents) count down to the end of the school year. For divorcing families, summer sometimes comes with extra challenges. For some families, the beginning of summer means creating a new parenting schedule and coming up with a plan to pay for summer programs for the children.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work with our clients to help them plan for summer in advance. That may mean having a different, more flexible weekly schedule for a time when there are fewer concerns about schoolwork. It may also mean a need for more childcare. In addition, some parents like to set aside certain weeks so that each parent can have a family vacation with the kids.

Aside from working on the schedule, we also discuss the costs of camps, town swimming pools, or other summer programs so that the parents have a plan in place for paying for these expenses. We include a summer plan in all of our parenting plans, and build in flexibility so that the plan can be adjusted over time as the family’s needs and interests change.

Having a plan in place takes away some of the stress, and allows everyone to enjoy the fun of summer.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Child support guidelines do not apply

6/23/2017

New Jersey has specific guidelines for calculating child support but in some situations- for example, if you child lives away at college or if your income exceeds a certain amount- these guidelines do not apply. However, your child is not considered emancipated if s/he goes to college directly after high school. So you are still financially responsible for your child but the guidelines no longer apply because some of the costs covered by child support are paid for through your college costs (food, housing, etc.). So how do you figure this out?

You have to look at some of the actual costs that occur when s/he is home (food) and then also the costs that occur even if s/he is not home (housing). For example, your food bill may go up when your child is home from college but you are still paying the same mortgage each month even if your child is living at home only for winter breaks and summer months. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help clients navigate these murky waters. We help clients create a realistic and reasonable budget for these situations not covered by the state child support guidelines.

This also happens when couples are above the upper earning limits of the guidelines. If you are a high income family then the state assumes your expenses for your children are higher than the average New Jersey family and expects you to create a budget based on the actual needs of your children. It can be a little more challenging process but the mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, can walk you through the steps to arrive at a monthly support number.

For more information about NJ Child Support Guidelines or divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Nesting

6/9/2017

Divorcing parents often ask about “nesting” – the child custody/parenting plan where the kids stay in the family home and the parents take turns moving in and out. The idea is to keep the children in their same home to minimize the disruption to their lives. Meanwhile, the divorced parents either share a separate residence, or each has their own.

In a recent New York Times article (https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/30/well/family/after-divorce-giving-our-kids-custody-of-the-home.html), one woman described how the plan works for her family. She concludes that the set-up requires a lot of juggling, but over all, she was happy that they had chosen that option.

Her piece generated a lot of comments, and I was struck by readers’ take on her article. Some commenters suggested that the nesting option is great, but really only available to wealthy parents who can afford multiple households. Others thought it might work for the short term, but could get old fast – especially as the parents start to date. Some readers thought it made sense to focus on the impact on the kids, while others felt it underestimated children’s resilience and ability to adjust to a new family dynamic.

At our practice, Westfield Mediation, LLC, we focus on helping our clients create an individualized parenting plan that makes sense for their family. For families that want to try nesting, we explain the pros and cons, so that clients can consider whether it would work for them. Of course, the parenting plan that you start out with, doesn’t have to be the plan forever. For example, some clients want to try nesting, and then as the family changes and adapts, they want to try something else. We help create parenting plans that can evolve as your family life does.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Divorce happens in civil court

5/26/2017

Many couples do not realized when they start divorce mediation that only one person can file the paperwork to start the court process. The court considers divorce to be a civil case where one person is suing the other and there is a plaintiff and a defendant. So in order for the state of New Jersey to know that you want to get divorced, one person within the couple has to be the complainant and start the proceedings by filing the initial paperwork. The other member of the couple is served the paperwork and identified within the court system as the defendant, even if you are in 100% agreement about everything.

With the initial paperwork, you have to decide the grounds for divorce. New Jersey is a no-fault state when it comes to divorce. That means that the reason you are getting divorced does not have an impact on the outcome of the divorce. For example, you do not have to pay more in alimony because you had an affair. And you do not get more alimony because your spouse had an affair. However, when you get divorced you do have to give a reason to the courts why you want to get divorced.

There are two no-fault reasons in New Jersey- irreconcilable differences for at least six months and physically separated in different residences with no sexual relations with one another for a minimum of 18 months. Almost all our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, pick irreconcilable differences as their grounds for divorce, even if they can prove one of the fault reasons (adultery, mental or physical cruelty, drug habituation, etc.). Most people choose irreconcilable differences because it is the path of least resistance. If you pick a fault reason in a divorce then you must supply additional evidence to support your claim. You can’t go around and accuse someone of having affairs or abusing drugs and tarnish a good reputation because you are mad at your spouse for wanting a divorce. There must be supporting proof. And since New Jersey is a no-fault state many people don’t want to bother going through the extra steps it takes for a fault divorce versus a no-fault divorce. Of course, you always have that option.

For more information about Divorce Mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

When to Start Mediation?

5/12/2017

When is the best time to start divorce mediation? Do you need to know what you want to do or is it okay to still have questions about how it will all play out? What if you have already started litigation – can you still try divorce mediation?

Divorce mediation is a more economical, less stressful approach to working out the issues of divorce. It makes sense to try it regardless of where you are in your path to separation.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help clients at all stages of the process. At one end of the spectrum are couples who have just started thinking about divorce, and they want more information on the process. In these situations, we explain the options for parenting plans and living separately. We help the couple divide their assets and debts, and come up with an agreement that makes emotional and financial sense. Sometimes, divorcing couples stop and start mediation, as they figure out how they want to move forward. Together, we create a plan that works for their particular family.

In other cases, divorcing couples have been living separately for a number of months or years, and they want to put their arrangement in writing and make it official. In these cases, divorce mediation is also helpful, because there are often loose ends that need to be tied up – sometimes issues that the couple has not yet considered. For example, they may have created a day-to-day parenting plan, but have they considered what to do about college? Or life insurance? Similarly, one partner may have moved out, but have they decided what to do about the house? If and when they should sell it? How they should share the proceeds? These are the kinds of questions that we review in divorce mediation.

Sometimes, one or both spouses has already consulted an attorney or even filed for divorce. It is still possible to get the benefits of divorce mediation -- a faster, less expensive, less contentious divorce. We often meet with clients who have stated litigating and realize that they want a different approach.

Divorce mediation can be a good alternative at any time in the process – whether you have just started considering divorce, or have already been to court.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Not making a choice is making a choice

4/28/2017

Sometimes we get calls from potential clients who have done some research and have already decided they are getting a divorce and using a divorce mediator to do it. They schedule an appointment for the immediate future and get the ball rolling now. More often than not, however, we get the call from a potential client who is not sure what s/he wants and is looking for information about how this whole divorce thing actually works. The client is not absolutely sure that s/he wants to get divorced, but is considering it. They are scared about the unknowns of their potential new futures (finances, kids, being single again, having to start all over, etc.). They thank me for the information and hang up still not sure what they are going to do. Not making a choice is making a choice.

If you are not making a choice to change the status of your marriage and get divorced, then you are choosing to stay married. And that is fine. You will never get any pressure from the mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC that you have to get divorced. It is a big decision and should not be taken lightly. So if you call us one day and then continue to stay married for the next 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, whatever, it makes no difference. You can always call us back if and when you are ready to get divorced.

People usually consider getting a divorce for a while before taking any actual steps to get divorced. It is not a snap decision. During that initial phone inquiry we can give you a general overview of how the process of divorce mediation works and give your some realistic information about amount of time and costs involved. Knowledge is power and we want our clients to be making important life decisions for their futures from a position of strength. We will be here if or when you are ready to make a different choice about your marital status.

For more information about Divorce Mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Pets and Divorce

4/15/2017

In child custody arrangements for divorcing families, the legal standard is to act in the best interest of the child. But what about pets? In many households, pets – dogs, cats, lizards, turtles, rabbits -- are considered part of the family. So if a couple is getting divorced, how do they decide how to share the pets?

This is a common question that we address in divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC.

It used to be that pets were considered property that could be allocated to one divorcing partner or another, like a sofa, or the dining room table. Nowadays, in many states, the standard for sharing pets has changed to the best interest of the animal – mirroring the child custody rule.

As a result, our divorce mediation agreements may include shared pet custody plans with set schedules, and shared financial and decision-making responsibility. We cover who will pay for the animals’ food and veterinary bills. We consider who has the best set-up and ability to care for the animals, as well as where the human kids are going to be – in some cases, the animal schedule follows the child schedule. Because our divorce mediation agreements focus on the whole family, the needs of the pets and their owners must be included.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

A divorce mediator can help at any point

3/31/2017

No matter where you are in the divorce process you can use divorce mediation. Many people choose to use a mediator first, before getting any lawyers involved. And when the couple is done with mediation, each seeks counsel from his/her attorney and has the attorney file the paperwork in court and process all the documents. Some people meet with an attorney before starting mediation and periodically refer to the attorney throughout using mediation services. And others choose to return to mediation after they thought they were done. You may have thought that you agreed on everything but then when the agreement gets tweaked after consulting with your attorney, the tweaks are not quite right for both of you and you need to meet again with the mediator to get it just so.

It does not matter to the divorce mediator. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we are able to jump in and work with you regardless of your current status. We also do post-divorce mediation. Sometimes, years after you have been divorced your situation changes (relocation, schedule change, kids needs change, etc.) and you may need to rework your parenting plan which can affect your child support calculation. We can help you develop a new and improved parenting plan and child support calculation that works for your current situation.

So even if you are knee-deep in your divorce litigation, you can always choose to try mediation. You can change direction and start to mediate at any time, regardless of what you have already done to this point in your divorce. You may find that you are able to resolve disagreements much faster and more amicably by having face to face discussions guided by a neutral third party.

For more information about Divorce Mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

If WE agree on Everything, Why do Mediation?

3/17/2017

What does the divorce mediator add to the mix?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, I often get questions from divorcing couples asking me whether they need to bother with divorce mediation if they already agree on most major issues. In these conversations, I explain that the divorce process has several steps, and the agreement that you create is going to have a significant impact on your financial and emotional relationship into the future, so it is important to do it right.

A good divorce mediator adds value to the process and makes it easier, less stressful and more manageable. Sometimes that comes just from a having a third party in the room to defuse any tension. Moreover, for the nuts and bolts of the agreement, the divorce mediator brings knowledge and experience to the process.

First, the divorce mediator asks questions that you may not have considered. For example, maybe you came up with a parenting plan, but is it complete and does it cover all the important issues? In addition, your plan may work for now, but is it comprehensive and flexible enough to take you through the years? Similarly, is your financial plan workable? Does it fairly consider the value of retirement assets as compared to more liquid assets like bank accounts? Do you have a reasonable plan for the house?

Secondly, are you sure you both agree on all issues and that you know what you are legally entitled to? Sometimes, divorcing couples agree in the abstract, but divorce mediation helps hammer out the details.

Finally, even if you agree on a plan, are you confident that you can write up an agreement that accurately reflects your plan? Whatever you file with the court is the enforceable agreement, so it is critically important that it is correct.

So, yes, there are good reasons to go to divorce mediation, and even agreeable divorcing couples can benefit from the process.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Tax time and divorce

3/3/2017

Like most people, I give my taxes passing thoughts here and there during tax season. Yesterday was one of those days because I was working on my business tax return. However, in my work as a divorce mediator I ask every client I see about their taxes, no matter the time of year.

Taxes are just one of the many important financial areas you have to consider when creating a divorce agreement. The issue of taxes pops up all over the agreement. Spousal support (alimony) is taxable to the person receiving the payment and tax deductible to the person paying it. Who is claiming the children as dependents on his/her tax return once you are divorced and filing separately? Are you selling your house together as a married couple or afterwards as a divorced single person? There are greater tax savings as a couple. What happens if 2 years from now, when you are divorced, you get audited for the tax year from 5 years ago when you were still married? Who pays for what? You can divide a retirement account without any penalties or tax burden when divorcing.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we suggest to every client that each party reviews his/her divorce agreement with a tax professional before signing off on the final agreement. You don’t want to agree to a certain division of assets and then have to pay a tax 8 years from now that you did not know was associated with assuming that asset. A tax professional is up-to-date on the latest tax law changes and can best advise you on the most cost-efficient answers to the many tax questions. Westfield Mediation, LLC, has a list of divorce knowledgeable tax professionals in the area if you do not have a personal accountant to help you with this vital piece of the divorce puzzle. When you are getting a divorce the issues of taxes comes up any time of the year, not just at tax time.

For more information about divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.