Westfield Mediation, LLC - Our Divorce Mediation Blog

Second Saturday Workshop This Thursday 8/18/22

8/15/2022

This Thursday, August 18, 2022, Westfield Mediation, LLC will be participating as a panelist in a Second Saturday workshop on the legal, financial and emotional issues of divorce.

Second Saturday, founded in 1988 as part of The Women’s Institute of Financial Education provides information and support to women navigating the complex process of divorce. Second Saturday’s mission is to offer education, support and guidance to women during this life transition, helping them move confidently towards independence.

By presenting valuable information from a divorce mediator, a divorce coach and a certified divorce financial advisor, Second Saturday provides attendees with the resources to make better decisions for their families. In addition, participants in the workshop meet other women who are addressing the same issues as they are and can share their experiences.

If you are interested in attending this workshop or future ones, please reach out by email to Secondsaturdaysnj@gmail.com or by phone to (732) 632-5830. You can also visit their website, Secondsaturdaysnj.com.

HOW DO YOU SEE THINGS TURNING OUT WITH YOUR DIVORCE?

8/5/2022

How do you see things turning out with your divorce? The phrase I hear most often when clients are done with divorce mediation is, “Well, that was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.” We then discuss how this is usually a rough time in a person’s life, going through a divorce and adjusting to post-divorce life, but that using a divorce mediator and going through mediation rather than divorce litigation made it a little better. It helps you have a “good divorce”.

The divorce mediator remains neutral throughout the entire process. The mediator works directly with both spouses and does not take sides. However, the mediator can share information with both spouses that might steer the conversation in a new direction. For example, the mediator might point out that it is possible to have one parenting time schedule for the school year and a different one for the summer months. Or that it is more expensive to live in two homes than it is to live in one home, but your incomes have not increased, so it is not unusual for both spouses to have to make changes to their post-divorce lifestyles at first. This information can be helpful in allowing the spouses to then make decisions about their divorce agreement.

During the divorce mediation process you address all of the issues of your divorce, but not all at once. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the divorce mediators help break down the entire process into smaller, more manageable steps. The first meeting is an introduction to the divorce process and explains each step of the way. The next meeting addresses your parenting plan and a comprehensive way to address all issues concerning your children. Then we move on to the finances. We help you lay out the overall financial picture of all of your marital assets and debts. Then we help you figure out how you are dividing these marital assets and debts. Another step is for you to complete a marital lifestyle and post-marital lifestyle budget form (these are tough but are required by the court). One of the last steps is to figure out child support and spousal support. These steps can be done in this exact order or sometimes overlap or are put on hold and returned to at a later date. But they all get addressed in mediation. And it is not as bad as you think.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Mediation Now or Later?

7/21/2022

When is the best time to start divorce mediation? Should you talk to a lawyer first? Should you wait until you are living separately? Or you have worked out certain things?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we get these questions a lot from prospective clients who are trying to figure out next steps. We recommend that couples considering divorce come in for an appointment to learn about the divorce mediation process and ask all the questions that they have. We find that learning about divorce makes it much less intimidating. Knowing how the process works makes it all seem more manageable. In divorce mediation, we break everything down into small doable steps. Over time, we develop a workable plan for parenting, division of assets and debts, child support and alimony. Coming in for one introductory meeting often takes away the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Another great thing about mediation is that there is no set timeline. So, once you start, you can space the meetings in a way that works for you – emotionally and financially. Sometimes, clients want to move forward at a steady pace to get everything squared away. Other times, they prefer to separate the meetings by a few weeks while they address some of their family issues or get their budgets in order.

Back to the initial questions. First, we do advise consulting a lawyer, but it does not have to be a first step. Since a mediator is neutral and a lawyer acts as your advocate, it may be worthwhile to get the perspective of an expert who is only on your side before you submit your final agreement to the Court. If you go through divorce mediation, you can use a lawyer in a more limited, much less expensive way than you would in litigation. Second, you can wait until you are living separately, but you do not have to. Many clients begin living separately during the mediation process. This gives them the ability to live the newly-agreed-upon arrangement and tweak it as necessary. Third, it is a good idea to try to work out some issues on your own, but we will guide you through the process, so you know the questions to ask yourselves. We also help when you get stuck to generate new options you may not have considered.

From that very first meeting, clients find that divorce mediation is a less expensive, less stressful alternative to litigation that will get them to where they want to be.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

SHOULD YOU MEET WITH A DIVORCE ATTORNEY FIRST OR NOT AT ALL IF YOU WANT TO DO DIVORCE MEDIATION?

7/8/2022

Should you meet with an attorney first or not at all if you want to do mediation? These are not the only options and it is up to you how you want to proceed. Consulting with an attorney does not prevent you from participating in divorce mediation. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we always recommend to our clients to consult with a divorce attorney before finalizing their divorce, so each person is aware of their legal rights. But in reality, you do not have to use attorneys at all, if you so choose, to get divorced in New Jersey. It is not legally required to do so.

So, is divorce mediation the first move you make when you want to get a divorce? We find that most people had not even heard of mediation before hearing about it from a friend, finding out about it online, etc. Sometimes people confuse it with meditation, because of the similar spelling. But, we also find that most people are super relieved after they have found mediation. Divorce mediation offers a much faster, less stressful, more economical and amicable divorce process. You still address all of the same issues you would if using only attorneys. You are not missing out or skimping on quality because it is costing you $3,000 instead of $30,000 to get divorced. Directly communicating with your spouse with a neutral mediator present allows you to cover all of the issues in a much faster way. This saves you both a lot of time which helps you both save a lot of money.

The attorneys are there to do their important part as well. They can advise you of your legal rights and help you complete the paperwork for court. We have found that the retainer fee for review attorneys, divorce attorneys acting in a more limited role because you are using divorce mediation services, will be reduced. And you can choose to see an attorney first and then begin mediation or vice-versa. It is up to you how you want to proceed. We just hope you have found mediation and include it as a major step in your divorce process and help spread the word to others as well.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Summer Schedules

6/24/2022

With the school year wrapping up, it is time to think about summer schedules. In divorce mediation, we meet with a lot of divorcing parents to help them create two parenting schedules – one for the school year and one for the summer.

School year schedules are often stricter than summer ones. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we find that for a lot of parents, maintaining a consistent schedule during the school year helps ensure that kids get their homework done and get a healthful amount of sleep. In some families, to reduce the stress of the school and work week, parents try to minimize the back and forth for the children in the parenting plan from September to June. Moreover, to keep things running smoothly when kids move from one parent’s house to another, some clients include in their parenting plans provisions that state that both parents will enforce a set bedtime during the school year. Establishing clear, easy to follow routines reduces sources of possible arguments for the kids and the grown-ups.

For many families, depending on what the kids do during the summer, there may be more flexibility for overnights and later evening activities during this time of year. In addition, many parents plan family vacations during the summer months and these trips also must be factored into the shared schedule.

While the summer allows for more flexibility and potential schedule changes, it may take some time to establish the summer rhythm and routine. Divorcing parents should expect there to be some bumps in the road while everyone shifts gears. In divorce mediation, we explain that being patient and accommodating with both the kids and each other can smooth this transition and allow for more relaxed summer breaks for everyone.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

ALL MONEY IS NOT CREATED EQUAL

6/10/2022

All money is not created equal when dividing up your marital assets in a divorce agreement. But when you put all of the values of your accounts on a spreadsheet it may look that way. This can be deceiving. The balance in your checking account and the value of the unvested stock you were awarded that will vest over the next 4 years may appear to both be $15,000 today and that is what is put on your balance sheet. And then you decide that one person will keep the checking account and one person will keep the stock. If so needed, you can withdraw the $15,000 from your checking account tomorrow to buy a car. You slowly get the value of the unvested stock over time, taking the risk that the value can go up or down depending on the stock price, and then have to pay taxes on it. So even if it stays flat and you eventually get $15,000 from the stock, you have to pay taxes on it. So, it isn’t really $15,000 for each of you. And the one who got the checking account money has been driving around a car for several years and can then resell that car for some more cash.

It is very important to understand the tax implications of various accounts when developing a divorce agreement because not all money is the same. Sometimes couples decide to divide all their assets and debts equally so that both are shouldering the tax issues, risks of stock going up or down, house value changing, etc. But you may each have different needs and wants so this divide-everything-down-the-line plan does not work for everyone. For example, one person really wants to keep all of the pension/retirement accounts and one person really wants to stay living in the house but can’t afford to buy the other person out of the house. So, you may trade off one asset for the other. You keep all of the house and I will keep all of my pension/retirement monies and we will call it even. But sometimes it is not even.

And it does not have to be completely even. You are allowed to develop a plan that works for you. And if in the end one person has a little bit more and one person has a little less than 50% of your marital assets, but it is what you both want, then you have the power to make these choices. A divorce mediator can help you sort all of this out. It is very helpful to have a third party, that is neutral, walk you through the steps of laying out all of your finances and debts and discussing your plans for each line item on your marital balance sheet. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, all we do is divorce mediation. Our expert mediators can help you develop a plan that will work for your new future, while keeping in mind that not all marital assets on the balance sheet are created equal.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Divorce in the Current Economy

5/20/2022

The ups and downs of the current economy are making some couples contemplating divorce a little nervous. Divorce mediation involves dividing assets and debts, calculating child support and alimony and generally making financial plans for a new future. There will always be some level of financial uncertainty when taking steps toward divorce, but it should not keep you from moving forward. In divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we take current economic issues into account while helping to guide you toward a fair and equitable agreement.

Over the last few months, the stock market has been down, reducing the value of some retirement assets. These changes should not adversely impact the divorce mediation process. In mediation, we mostly focus on how we are dividing the assets rather than the account totals, so we can still move ahead with your plans.

Similarly, we can work around the uptick in the housing market. For many, the value of their marital home has increased in recent months, providing a bonus to divorcing couples seeking to sell or refinance their marital home, while making it harder in some cases to find a new place to live. These are also issues that can be addressed in mediation, while we make plans for your short-term and long-term financial futures.

Finally, the job market is also in flux, with minimum wages rising and employers offering various forms of work ranging from in-office to hybrid to fully remote. For many employees this has been a time of opportunity, while others are feeling stretched thin. These employment issues may impact the discussions involving child support and alimony in divorce mediation, but do not hinder your ability to move ahead.

Economic uncertainty is always going to exist in some form. The important thing is to address these concerns in divorce mediation and work together to factor them into your agreement. Finding solutions that work for both partners in mediation will allow you to move forward to a better, less stressful future.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

LISTS CAN BE SO HELPFUL

5/6/2022

Lists can be so helpful. They can guide you, act as a reminder of tasks to be completed and give you a goal to accomplish. One of the goals that most people have when getting a divorce is to financially separate from one another as much as possible. Separate into two household with two sets of bills. Each goes to the grocery store and buys his/her own food. Each pay for the gas in his/her own car. Each pay for his/her own haircuts. What are we doing with the house, mortgage and credit card debt? And the list goes on and on. You eventually want it so that you keep track of your bank account/retirement fund/investments/credit card statements/etc. and what goes in and out of these accounts and I will do the same for mine. But how do you reach this point? During the course of your marriage all of these finances were intertwined. There was ours- not mine and yours.

During the course of divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help clients address all of these issues so they can make decisions for their new futures. And we use concrete lists and questionnaires to help you. We help you break down these tasks into smaller, more manageable steps over time. Yes, there are choices to make, but you do not have to make them all at once.

There are decisions that need to be made about your children and a parenting plan. So, we developed a parenting questionnaire to help you focus the conversation about these decisions that need to be made. We have a list of holidays that you may want to divide. We have a chart to help you map out a month of parenting time. We have tools for your financial future as well. We created a list of financial documents you will need as well as a financial questionnaire to help guide the conversation about how to divide your marital assets and debts. We also have a spreadsheet and a budget form so you can see your entire portfolio and financial budget in real terms on paper. This concreteness really helps guide the financial decision-making process.

It feels so good to check things off your list and move on to the next task. By the end of the divorce mediation process you will have checked off so many of the tasks needed to get divorced. These tools of lists, questionnaires and charts are concrete ways to help you move from ours to yours and mine. And the divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, can provide you with these tools to help you get there.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

How to Use the First Session of Mediation

4/22/2022

The first session of divorce mediation is an introduction to the process. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we use this time to explain the divorce process in New Jersey (including the difference between a contested and uncontested divorce), how divorce mediation works and our practice’s approach to mediation.

For potential clients, it is an opportunity to present the facts about their situation and ask any questions. While there is no commitment required, sometimes clients use the time as their first step in divorce mediation and start planning for later sessions. Other divorcing couples use the intro session solely for information gathering and deciding if divorce mediation is the right path for them, and if it is, whether this is the right time to move forward.

To get the most out of the first session, clients should consider beforehand whether they have any questions and what are the key issues for them. Participating actively in this meeting will make it the most worthwhile. For example, they may want to know what the options are for selling or keeping their home. Clients also often have concerns about alimony – how it is calculated and what is required. If they have specific problems that have already arisen - for example, one partner is spending all the joint monies or has mental health issues that interfere with their ability to parent, or one party has immigration concerns that will be impacted by divorce - this session is a great place to discuss these topics and start developing plans to address them.

Sometimes, clients decide to continue divorce mediation while working through their outside issues. For example, they may decide to place their home on the market while in mediation. Other times, they feel it makes more sense for them to create a more stable set-up at home before moving forward. There is no set timetable to mediation, so there is a lot of flexibility for deciding how to proceed. Clients can take a break from the process at any time, and then return whenever they feel ready to move forward.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

I THOUGHT THE WHOLE POINT OF USING A MEDIATOR IS SO I WONT HAVE TO USE AN ATTORNEY

4/8/2022

“I thought the whole point of using a mediator is so I won’t have to use an attorney,” say many of our clients. And you can choose to get divorced without using attorneys. You can fill out all the court paperwork yourself and represent yourself in court (known as being “pro se”). This is absolutely legal. Still, the mediators at Westfield Mediation recommend that clients use a divorce attorney, but in a more limited role, known as a review attorney. A review attorney is part of your divorce team, rather than your sole (and costly) support in the divorce process. A review attorney is there when you have a question about something in between meetings with the divorce mediator.

An important difference between a mediator and a review attorney is that a mediator is neutral and does not support or oppose a position that you take. A mediator helps you address all the issues in your divorce -- a parenting plan which includes child custody, allocation of your marital assets and debts, child support and spousal support. But a mediator does not take sides or give advice. A divorce attorney is your legal advocate and can inform you about the law and what is in your best interest in your particular situation.

The example I always give clients concerns spousal support, which used to be known as alimony. The couple may decide that there will be no alimony. I explain that if you decide there will be no alimony now it is a very hard, if not impossible, decision to change in the future and encourage each spouse to speak with his/her attorney about this issue. What they may not realize is what they are giving up/expect to pay. After being equipped with this information, each spouse is better prepared to return to mediation to have an informed, productive conversation about this issue and reach a resolution. So, a ten-minute conversation with your attorney allows you to move the process along with the mediator, making educated decisions about your new future.

Of course, attorneys are an additional expense. Many people want to use a mediator because it is a significantly lower-cost alternative to litigation and they don’t want to spend their money on divorce lawyers. The adage “penny-wise, pound foolish” comes to mind. You are saving $2,500 now by not retaining a lawyer but you may well be unknowingly giving up lots more than that in future spousal support.

Ultimately the choice is yours. You can choose to use a review attorney or not. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the mediators are able to share a list of review attorneys in the area who know our work and are not out to gouge you or make you start the process from scratch. They understand that you have chosen to go through mediation and made some compromises in your divorce agreement, but will still advise you of your legal rights and help complete all of the court paperwork and accompany you to court.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Authors

Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

Categories