Westfield Mediation, LLC - Our Divorce Mediation Blog

Divorce and Snow Days

2/19/2021

As children growing up, we loved snow days and the gift of a day off from school. Still, all the snow we have been having over the past few weeks has made me think of how challenging these schedule changes can be for divorcing parents. Divorcing parents have to create provisions in their parenting agreements to deal with unexpected occurrences – such as snow days.

In divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help divorcing parents craft agreements for their children’s regular and holiday schedules. We also include contingency plans for unpredictable events like snow days, sick days or emergencies.

In addition, to make everything run more smoothly, we address issues like the preferred means of communication between parent -- be it text, email or phone. Also, we add in provisions so that the children can reach out on their own to the parent who is not on duty in a reasonable way. We usually suggest shared calendars for the kids’ activities to ensure that everyone knows who has to be where and when. We find these tools go a long way towards easing conflicts. In general, by encouraging divorcing parents to work together on a parenting plan we hope to facilitate their ability to co-parent effectively once they are no longer married. We find that including all of these topics in the parenting blue print in the beginning of the process minimizes opportunities for arguments and confusion later on.

For more information on divorce mediation and parenting plans, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

DIVORCE MEDIATION AND THE FAMILY PART CASE INFORMATION STATEMENT

2/5/2021

Divorce in New Jersey is a legal process that at some point has to be done through the court system to be official. You filed paperwork with the state to officially get married and have to file paperwork with the court to officially get divorced. Most people who use divorce mediation services choose to start the court process when they are done with the divorce mediation process. Even though an uncontested divorce usually only requires you to show up in court once, the day you are granted your divorce, there is a back-and-forth paper trail between the spouses and the court system that occurs before this date. And there are time limits for each step in this process.

You complete some of the required paperwork that you will need for court during mediation. It is pages 6-10 of the Family Part Case Information Statement. Pages 6-7 covers your marital lifestyle and post-divorce lifestyle budgets. Pages 8-9 involves the allocation of all of your marital assets and debts. Page 10 is a checklist of required documents, which you will have handy from the divorce mediation process. These pages include a big chunk of what needs to be addressed for your divorce to be officially approved by the courts. You and/or your attorney can complete the remaining pages of this document. But this document is required for the divorce process in court.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the divorce mediators do not go to court with you. We do provide a list of mediation-friendly divorce attorneys in the area, who can support you through the court-related step of the process. The divorce mediators can help you reach an agreement about all the issues of your divorce in a more amicable, faster, lower cost manner and have some of the required paperwork completed.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Divorce Mediation and the Coronavirus

1/22/2021

As the Coronavirus has turned everyone’s life upside down, it has also impacted divorce mediation. Luckily, the divorce mediation process is designed to be adjustable and to minimize stress during difficult times.

So how have things changed?

For one, the new normal has demonstrated how important is to have a flexible divorce agreement. The agreement that we create in divorce mediation allows for changes to the parenting schedule to account for new issues like remote/hybrid school schedules and the unpredictability of outside-of- school activities. In addition, our agreements incorporate plans for how to proceed with alimony and child support in the short term and the long run, if the couple’s incomes change, or one or both parents lose their jobs.

Two, swings in the economy from the pandemic have also impacted the division of assets and liabilities. Over the past year, the whole country’s economic situation has changed significantly with record unemployment as well as huge stock market gains. Thus, many people’s income has become less dependable. At the same time, for some families, their retirement and other investment accounts are up. Similarly, the housing market in the suburbs has gotten very hot, so it’s a good time to sell a marital home, but not necessarily an easy time to find a new affordable place to live. All of these economic issues are considered and addressed in divorce mediation.

Three, with divorce mediation going virtual, clients do not need to be limited by location in picking their divorce mediator. Now, regardless of where you live in the state, divorce mediation can be equally convenient, opening up new options for divorcing couples who no longer have to travel to sessions or worry about baby-sitting.

Divorce mediation has long provided a better alternative to litigation. The roller coaster of the past year has demonstrated the continuing benefits of the divorce mediation process.
For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

DIVORCE, FINANCES AND THE NEW YEAR

1/8/2021

The new year is a good time to take a look at your finances, especially if you are considering getting a divorce in 2021. Are you now wishing you spent less on the holidays as your credit card bills are rolling in? Did you have more/less in your bank account than you thought? What is a reasonable monthly budget amount and what expenses does it cover? What is the value of your retirement account? These are financial concerns that you might not think about on a daily basis. You work hard, earn your paycheck, contribute to your 401(k) before your net pay is direct deposited into your account, and then you pay some bills. Somehow it all works out in the end. Or does it? Maybe you think it does because your spouse led you to believe this, but in reality there is a ton of debt to deal with. Maybe your pension is worth way more than you thought.

Going through a divorce forces you to take a close look at all of your day-to-day finances and your overall financial picture. It may feel very overwhelming, especially if you were not the person in the household to deal with any of this. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the divorce mediators help you break down your day-to-day finances and all of your assets and debts (house, retirement funds, bank accounts, mortgage, credit cards, student loans, etc.) into small digestible helpings of information throughout the divorce mediation process. Divorce mediation helps you move at your own pace in a confidential manner. Mediation promotes a more amicable relationship with each party contributing to the final decisions.

It is not wise to go through a divorce with your eyes closed and hope for the best. You need to be a part of the process. If you never dealt with any finances before, then now is the time to get familiar. A divorce mediator can explain each step in a clear, easy to understand manner, to help you address each piece of the financial puzzle. It is never the wrong time in your life to start taking control of your financial future. Divorce mediation can help you do that.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed,. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Returning to Mediation After Divorce

12/18/2020

After finalizing a divorce, many people assume that the process is over forever. And while it can be for some people, in other cases, clients return to divorce mediation after they are divorced. In fact, post-divorce mediation is pretty common, and even encouraged by the Courts to resolve any disputes that come up later. But if parties are already divorced through mediation or litigation, why would this happen?

There are several possible reasons. In some cases, one ex-spouse is not following the agreement, and the other wants to follow up in mediation before returning to Court (as is often required by the divorce agreement). In other cases, circumstances have changed – one partner has moved, remarried, or changed jobs. Or maybe, the parenting schedule no longer meets the needs of the kids and the parties want to try to modify the agreement so it better reflects the new reality.

Sometimes, the world has changed in ways that were not predictable. For example, many new questions have come up now with Covid 19 -- are the children going to school in-person or remote, can they visit extended family, play sports, etc., -- and these topics can be discussed in post- divorce mediation. Other times, the mediation agreement was vague on certain points, and now issues have arisen that weren’t specifically addressed – like what time is pick up from one parent’s house on a holiday, or how are we dividing college expenses -- and the couple needs to add more details to their existing agreement.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work with our clients to address any post-divorce issues that have cropped up. By enlisting the help of a neutral mediator, ex-spouses can work on the agreement in a calm, productive manner. We recognize that many clients are frustrated to find themselves still working on their divorce, and we help guide them through any bumps in the road. By using mediation rather than litigation to resolve post-divorce issues, clients can reduce their stress, and save time and money.

For more information about divorce mediation or post-divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

ACCOUNTANTS AND THE DIVORCE MEDIATION PROCESS

12/4/2020

A divorce mediator is the primary member of your divorce support staff, but should not be the only one. The divorce mediator helps you reach decisions about a parenting plan, child support calculation, spousal support amounts and division of your assets and debts, all within the privacy of a relaxed atmosphere where you have control over the process. These decisions can be made relatively quickly while spending less money on the process.

However, it is important to have additional members join in the process. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the divorce mediators always recommend that an accountant review your final divorce agreement before you sign it so that you are made aware of any tax consequences in your agreement. For example, your retirement account that you are keeping is worth $100,000 and your spouse’s retirement account that s/he is keeping is also worth $100,000 and you each agree to keep the account that is in his/her name. But the accountant points out that one account is a 401(k), which is tax-deferred and the other account is a Roth IRA, which is tax-exempt. In the 401(k) scenario you will pay taxes down the road and in the Roth IRA scenario the money is tax free once the money is deposited in the account. At the moment of your divorce the accounts have equal value but you will eventually have to take money out of your pocket to pay taxes on the 401(k) account. You do not have to do this for the Roth IRA.

During the divorce process on the paper balance sheet it looks like your divorce is going well and you think all is balanced financially. You each have $100,000 in retirement funds, which you both worked hard to stash away each paycheck. It is important to take the extra step of having an accountant or tax expert review your divorce agreement so that you fully understand the tax implications of your agreement.

You are always going to pay taxes on these retirement accounts. It is just a question of when you pay these taxes, before or after contribution. These are important factors to consider when discussing assets during divorce mediation.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Divorce and Coronavirus

11/13/2020

The holiday season is often a difficult time for newly divorced or divorcing families. For some families, this may be the first year that parents are spending Thanksgiving or Christmas apart from their spouses and children. Adding Covid-19 to the mix makes everything even more complicated, because celebrations will likely be smaller this year with fewer big family gatherings and minimal travel. Regardless of the limitations of divorce and Covid, everyone wants to find safe and festive ways to keep some of their traditions going and enjoy these special days.

In divorce mediation, we help divorcing couples prepare for this time of year by making holiday arrangements in advance. This preparation minimizes disputes down the road because everyone knows who will have the kids each year on all the major holidays. Moreover, the parent who is not with the kids has enough prior notice to make alternate plans so that he/she does not feel left out of the fun. To make the most of the season, we often recommend that parents maintain some of their usual traditions so kids feel comforted, while also introducing new fun activities to demonstrate that change can be positive as well.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we also help our divorce mediation clients address the issues that have arisen with Covid-19. Specifically, parents often need to work out together how their kids are going to interact with other friends and family in a safe way. By working together in mediation to create a plan, divorcing parents can establish the ground rules for this time of year which makes everyone less anxious about the season.

For more information about parenting plans in divorce mediation or post-divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

BENEFITS OF DIVORCE MEDIATION DURING A PANDEMIC

10/30/2020

Life during the COVID-19 pandemic seems to have an underlying stress to it. There is a lot of talk in the media about how to cope, stress dreams and general concerns for people’s mental health. Another ongoing stress is living your life in an unhappy marriage. If you would like to get divorced, you don’t have to wait for the pandemic to be over to move on with your life. You and your spouse can participate in Zoom divorce mediation.

Divorce mediation is a lower cost, less stressful, more amicable alternative to litigation. It is done at your own pace. You retain more control over the entire process. It generally takes between 4 and 6 meetings in total, scheduled at your convenience. You can have all your decisions made about your divorce and move on to living your new life within two to three months. Think about it, you could have been done with the process months ago. The pandemic has been happening for 7 months already.

The divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, help you tackle all the areas you need to address in your divorce agreement. You don’t miss out on anything by doing the process faster, for less money and less stress. You cover the topics of a parenting plan, child custody, division of assets and debts, child support calculations, spousal support (alimony) in mediation, just as you would in litigation. Nothing is overlooked. It is time to deal with pursuing a divorce to get rid of the long-term underlying stress of staying in an unhappy marriage during a pandemic.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Learning More about Your Family Finances Before Divorce Saves Time and Money

10/16/2020

As divorce mediators, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we have seen that in many families, married couples are reluctant to discuss money issues. Sometimes one person handles all the financial decisions, pays the taxes and the bills. In other homes, the spouses keep most of their expenses and accounts separate, and don’t really share information about their assets and liabilities.

Recently, the coronavirus has created shifts of income and expenses in many homes, inspiring articles about how both spouses need to learn more about their finances in case one partner gets sick and can’t work or pay the bills. We have found that these same concepts about the importance of shared financial knowledge apply to divorcing families as well. Moreover, for divorcing couples, sharing information eliminates any suspicion of hidden assets or debts which reduces stress and helps you work together to create a fair agreement.

In divorce mediation, we help divorcing couples make sense of their financial picture. As part of that process, we go through their financial statements together to create a workable equitable plan. In divorce mediation, we tell our clients that it’s important to know a few basic things about your financial situation before you get divorced.

First, where are the important documents? You should both have log-in information for all savings, investment, and retirement accounts. You will both need to know what is out there to make a fair division of your accounts and debts. Secondly, whose name is on the accounts, the mortgage, the car title, etc. Who is the beneficiary of all your investments and life insurance policies? In our experience, starting with some simple fact-gathering upfront makes the process much easier and productive for everyone, saving time and money, and minimizing arguments down the road.

For more information about financial plans in divorce mediation or post-divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

DIVORCE MEDIATION FOR THE TECH CHALLENGED DURING COVID-19

10/2/2020

Life may be extra overwhelming in our new COVID world if you are technologically challenged. You may think that you cannot get divorced during the pandemic because it is too hard to participate in virtual divorce mediation meetings. If you can check your email, then you can join the virtual meetings.

The divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, can walk you through the process, step-by-step. All you have to do is show up on screen. We are currently meeting clients via Zoom. But clients are still able to drop off or pick up documents at the office from the receptionists. If you prefer, we can mail you a hard copy of the documents we look at together online during the Zoom meetings. We will not all be in the same room together but we can still get the job done.

So, don’t stay married longer than you want to because you are afraid that you can’t do virtual divorce mediation. Westfield Mediation, LLC, is here to help you. We understand that the divorce process can be overwhelming. And the technology can be overwhelming. So why would you want to combine the two? Living within a difficult marriage and wanting a divorce now, but not seeking one, is overwhelming too. We can help you cope with the technology so you can move on with your life.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.