Our Divorce Mediation Blog

WHO PAYS FOR DIVORCE MEDIATION?

2/15/2019

Who pays for divorce mediation? In divorce mediation no upfront retainer fee is required. You pay for the time that you use as you use it. So, after each meeting you pay for that hour meeting. Sometimes the mediator spent time in between meetings writing up part of your divorce agreement and you have to pay for that time too. Thus, each meeting can cost a different amount. Some couples have one person pay for one meeting and the other person will get the next one. But if the goal is for each person to pay half, this procedure might not work out equally.

Overall the cost of divorce mediation is really significantly less than a litigated divorce. But it is not free. And the cost of paying for this service needs to be addressed. The mediator has no preference who pays for what or in what form (cash, check, credit card). Often times if the couple still have a shared bank account, credit card or other asset, the cost can be paid for out of a shared account. If the couple no longer or never did share finances then the couple has to decide who is paying for what.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC we address our fee before your first meeting, but do not decide for you how to pay for it. We can certainly help the couple figure this out, but ultimately it is the couple’s decision. Sometimes, people need a payment plan to better budget a larger fee to coincide with their paychecks. Many times, couples each pay their portion of the fee that week by separate checks. Other times one person pays for it all every time. There is no standard way of how you must pay for mediation. Just another wonderful way divorce mediation is flexible and can work with you and your situation.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Things to Think about if Getting Divorced

2/1/2019

Getting divorced can feel overwhelming.

In divorce mediation, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we break the process down into small steps for our clients. That makes it more manageable and less stressful. While no prior preparation is needed to start the process, there are some basic questions you can ask yourself before going down this path, so that you feel more ready and in control.

First, if you have children, consider what would be the best plan for the kids. The standard for any parenting plan is “the best interest of the children”, so that mantra should guide your thinking. You can ask yourself, would the kids do best if the parents shared parenting time 50/50 or would they thrive with a different plan that took into account the parents’ work schedules? Do you need to stay in town or a certain part of town, so that they can continue at their schools? Or do you have a better network of family and friend support in a different location? You should try to keep your children’s lives as normal as possible during this process by limiting any conflict in your home. Most children can adjust to a new routine, as long as you provide consistency and support throughout the transition.

When you consider the financial part of the situation, you need to know how much money each of you earns now, as well as your earning potential, especially if one of you is currently working part-time or not at all because of family responsibilities. It is also useful to think about what assets and debts you have acquired over the marriage, and how much you spend on a monthly basis for housing and other basic expenses as well as the extras. Each of these factors will provide the basis for your financial plan going forward.

In divorce mediation, we guide our clients through the process to reach an agreement that works for their particular family. We help them ask and answer the questions that will get them to the right place for them.

For more information on parenting or financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

COMMUNICATION AND DIVORCE MEDIATION

1/18/2019

If you have kids then you will have to keep communicating with your ex-spouse after your divorce. With modern technology, you can text or email if you don’t want to have an actual conversation, but you can’t just cut the other person out of your life. One of the benefits of divorce mediation is that you communicate directly and in-person with your co-parent throughout the divorce process. This helps build the foundation for successful post-divorce conversations. If you choose collaborative divorce you have the option to talk directly with your co-parent or have your attorney speak on your behalf with you there. In a collaborative divorce both parties have meetings with their collaborative divorce trained attorneys present- a 4-way meeting each and every time. This can get very expensive and is not always needed if co-parents can be guided to speak with one another and not through another party. If you litigate your divorce then you each pay your attorneys to talk to one another about the divorce and you don’t communicate directly with your co-parent at all. This can get super expensive very quickly and make for a difficult rest of your life co-parenting relationship.

In divorce mediation, each person has the ability to consult with attorneys privately, in between mediation meetings. This allows you to attend mediation with knowledge and confidence about making important decisions in your life. Mediation also allows you to learn to speak directly with your co-parent about important and difficult topics. You start to see that not every conversation turns in to a WWE match. You build positive momentum and move forward towards a successful co-parenting relationship.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, our mediators witness this transformation all the time. Couples who come in on very bad terms and barely speaking end the process with a divorce plan in place and open communication. They understand how to talk with one another and that they will have to do so as things come up about the kids.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

when to get divorced

1/4/2019

There is no perfect time to get divorced. Still, a lot of our clients begin the divorce mediation process in the beginning of the year. And, in addition to the emotional reasons – following up on New Year’s resolutions for a new year, new plan -- there are some practical benefits to starting the process now.

If you are going to need a parenting plan as part of your divorce, the beginning of the year is a good time to start because the school year is in full swing and there are no major holidays to figure out for a while.

Financially speaking, the early months of the year are a good time to begin divorce mediation as well. For one thing, it is traditionally the best time to list your home for sale to maximize the market value. Most major holiday shopping is done, so you can evaluate your debt, and create a plan to address it. And, all of the end-of-year financial reports are in, so you know how much you earned/spent last year which gives you a good snapshot of your assets/debts and expenses going forward.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work with our divorce mediation clients to create a fair plan for parenting and financial issues all year long. We break down the process into small manageable steps to reduce stress and make it affordable for you. So, if you are considering when to begin the mediation process -- now is a good time to start.

For more information on parenting or financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

THE VALUE OF A PENSION AND A 401(k) IN A DIVORCE

12/14/2018

A pension and a 401(k) are two different ways to save for retirement. A pension gives you a set income amount distributed each and every month no matter how long you live. A 401(k) has a certain amount of money in the fund and when all of the money is eventually distributed that income stream is gone. Most people today no longer have the option of a pension and the comfort of a never-ending monthly income and must budget their retirement with 401(k) funds. However, most teachers, police officers, and fire fighters can still rely on a pension for funding their retirement.

When you are getting a divorce, it is important to have your pension evaluated by an actuary. An actuary is a math whiz that uses statistics to determine insurance risks and premiums. An actuary can also use those math whiz skills to determine the marital value of your pension. Most people with a pension receive a personal benefit statement which shows how much the employee has contributed to the pension. This is not the value of the pension. The value of the pension has to be calculated using a formula which will show the current value of that future stream of income. Your future stream of income might be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars even though you have contributed $35,000 at this time. If you retire at 60 and then live to be 100, that’s 40 years of pension money. If you get $3,000/month from your pension then you get $1,440,000 from the pension. But what if you live until 70? Then you get a total of $360,000. The actuary can help predict how long you will live and come up with an estimated current value of that future money (which also gets adjusted for inflation). Sometimes some of the money for your retirement may be earned before or after your marriage. That money does not count as a marital asset. It is not a straightforward calculation- which is why you need the skills of an actuary.

A 401(k) and a pension are not always an even swap during a divorce. It is important to have your pension evaluated so you can fully understand the value of the asset you are keeping or giving up. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, our divorce mediators help our clients understand this often-misunderstood situation. We help clients look at their entire financial situation as a whole and fully understand each piece of it. We help both clients have a realistic view of their new financial futures and their retirement funds are a key piece of that picture.

For more information on pensions or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Introducing new Partners

11/30/2018

Some people come into divorce mediation vowing never to marry or even date again. Realistically and statistically, this is not what is going to happen. So, one issue that we address in the divorce mediation parenting plans at Westfield Mediation, LLC, is how and when to introduce new partners to your children after divorce.

This can be a sticky issue for both the ex-spouses and the kids. In our agreements, we include a section that says parents will introduce the kids to a new partner only if they are in a committed relationship. Psychological studies show that it is upsetting to children to meet a stream of new potential mates for their parents, so it is best to have some commitment to the person before bringing him or her around. Still, we leave it up to the parents to decide what “committed relationship” means. And sometimes clients want the relationship to be a specified length – 6 months, one year, etc. for it to count.

We also suggest to our divorce mediation clients, that you give the other parent a heads up before the introduction takes place. This way, he or she will be prepared for any questions or reactions from the children. Often, our clients want to meet the new person too to see whom their kids are hanging out with, though we remind them that they cannot choose their ex-spouse’s new friends, boyfriends or girlfriends.

As divorce mediators, we do not usually address how these meetings should go. However, we do note that many therapists have weighed in on the best way to introduce new partners to your kids, and it would be worthwhile to do some research beforehand to smooth the transition.

For more information on parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

ASSESSING ALL OF THE ASSETS IN A DIVORCE

11/16/2018

One of the goals of divorce is to separate financially from one another. Sometimes you remain financially connected due to child support, expenses for the kids, college tuition, alimony, etc. But when going through a divorce you want to try to separate your financial entanglements as much as possible. You open up separate and individual bank accounts, you get individual instead of joint credit cards, you get your own car insurance. Sometimes in a divorce you divide joint assets, such as shares of stock or a pension, into separate accounts or you keep control entirely of one asset, such as a business.

You agree that once you are divorced and separate your assets into these individual accounts you have sole control over them. You manage when to sell your shares of stock and have no say over what your ex-spouse does with his/her shares after the divorce. If you kept all your investments with Bernie Madoff and your ex-spouse pulled all of his/her investments, then post-divorce you are bummed and poor and your ex-spouse is not. The same is said for a small business. If your spouse got 100% of the business in the divorce because you thought the business was not worth much, and then the business takes off, you cannot claim you are entitled to some of that success. Once you give up your claim to something, no backsies.

During divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we recommend that couples get all of their assets valued by outside, objective sources. You want to understand with hard facts what you are giving up and what you are keeping. Many times, people don’t want to go through the effort and expense of getting pensions or businesses evaluated. Instead they often ballpark what they think it is worth and then trade one asset for another. I’ll keep my pension and you keep your 401(k). However, if they got their pension evaluated, they would see that this is not an even swap. Or you may think your business is worth x but really it is worth y. You keep the business worth $100,000 (so you think) but really it would be valued at $25,000 by a forensic accountant doing a business valuation. So, in the divorce settlement you end up giving up too much of your entitlement to your spouse’s retirement funds so you can keep your business. In order for you to truly swap one asset for another you need to know the actual value of it all.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

The Mediation Plan

11/2/2018

Sometimes people come to divorce mediation with a plan. They say we have already talked about everything and we know what we want to do about the kids, the house, the money, etc. On the other hand, sometimes new clients come to us and say that they haven’t talked at all about anything and the only thing they have agreed upon is coming to this first meeting. Both kinds of clients can be good candidates for divorce mediation.

In divorce mediation, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we guide divorcing couples through the process and help them come to an agreement on parenting, the division of assets and debts, child support and alimony. For those divorcing couples who come to us with an agreement in mind, we make sure that their plan is complete, that they have considered all of the issues, that they understand what they are entitled to, and that they know what they are signing up for. Often, we find gaps in their plans that they had not yet considered. We help them by drafting a plan that is flexible enough to cover any changes that may arise with their kids, or their jobs, while also comprehensive enough so that they do not have to go back to court over the years.

We also provide valuable guidance for those divorcing clients who have no idea how to begin. We address their feelings of being overwhelmed and make the process manageable by breaking it down into small steps. We explain the options and take away the stress that comes with uncertainty. Together, we create a plan that works for their particular family.

Generally, there is more than one kind of candidate for divorce mediation. Whether or not a divorcing couple comes to mediation with a plan for moving forward, there is still much to be gained from the process.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

GOING TO COURT TO GET YOUR DIVORCE FINALIZED

10/19/2018

All marriages and divorces have official paperwork attached to them. I vividly remember going to the New York county clerk’s office and filling out the paperwork for my marriage license. This was no easy task since I lived in Connecticut at the time. So, I had to take an entire day off of work just to do the paperwork for marriage. You may have to do the same for your divorce. Annoying- but necessary. In almost all situations, you have to go to court to have your divorce granted by the judge.

My clients often ask why does a couple who goes through divorce mediation and agrees on everything in the end still have to go to court. They don’t want to take time off of work and court seems so intimidating and unnecessary. That is where the official paperwork comes in. I have been told that your attorney, or the judge if you have no attorney, will show the court that you think the agreement is fair, understand everything you agreed to in the divorce decree, were not forced into the agreement, that it resolves all the issues in your case, etc. It seems like it is a safety net preventing you from rescinding your agreement down the road. For example, you agreed to five years of alimony, but then five years later you want to return to court saying you didn’t really understand that alimony was for just five years, and now you want to extend it. There are witnesses and signatures that say otherwise. You previously stated and signed that you did understand and you did agree to these terms on the day you were in court. You both need to sign the divorce decree as well. Official paperwork.

It may be an inconvenience to have to take off of work to get divorced. But it is the only time you will have to go to court if you utilize divorce mediation. Westfield Mediation, LLC, offers different hours each day to best suit our clients needs, including evening hours. We can schedule appointments around your busy schedule. If you litigate your divorce you have to go to court many times and take many days off of work. You can be one and done with divorce mediation.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Affordable divorce

10/5/2018

“Can I afford to get divorced?” A lot of people ask us that, and the answer is generally “Yes.” In divorce mediation, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we show our clients how they can afford to go through the divorce process, set up separate homes, and move on to a happier, less stressful place.

First, the process. While going through a divorce is never free, if you use divorce mediation, instead of costly lawyers for adversarial litigation, you end up paying about 10-20% of the price for a better, quicker process.

Second, establishing two homes. In most cases, creating two households from one costs money, but it does not have to be overwhelming. In divorce mediation, we guide our clients through the steps to ensure that they each have a new place to live that they can afford. We help divorcing couples lay out their assets, debts and budgets, so that they know what they have, and what they can reasonably spend in the short run. The fear of separating some expenses like health insurance, car insurance, credit card payments, etc., sometimes keeps couples in an unhappy marriage. However, separating expenses does not have to mean doubling them. There are ways to deal with these expenses that make them more affordable.

Third, moving forward. Focusing on the expenses of the divorce process sometimes blinds couples to the costs of staying in an uncomfortable, dissatisfying home situation. Living with conflict contributes to stress and has a negative effect on emotional and physical health. Going through a divorce to move forward with your life can easily outweigh some of the financial costs of the process.
For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.