Westfield Mediation, LLC - Our Divorce Mediation Blog

DIVORCE MEDIATION WORKS FOR SHORT-TERM MARRIAGES

2/6/2023

Any length of marriage can effectively utilize divorce mediation. The benefit for clients ending their short-term marriages is that you can clearly and quickly spell out the terms of your divorce agreement. If you have no children, in a mere 2-3 meetings you can plainly identify all of your marital and non-marital assets and how they will be allocated and/or shared. Anything that is non-marital is not up for grabs. So, if you have a rollover IRA from a job you left before you were married and that has not been co-mingled with any marital money, then that is not in the marital pot of assets to be divided. If you have educational loans that you accrued before you were married, those will continue to be your sole responsibility after the divorce.

Depending on how long your short-term marriage lasted may influence how you look at your marital assets. Recently, a couple that was married for less than one year decided to leave the marriage with whatever each came into the marriage with. What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours. They used mediation to put it all in writing and avoid any confusion or misunderstandings down the road. They plan to file the court paperwork and zip through the remaining steps to get divorced. Another couple has been married for a few years. They are stuck about what to do with the house, which they bought last year during a hot market with low interest rates. Now the interest rates have doubled and they have very little equity in the house. They are using mediation to reach an agreement about this issue and to put into writing all of the other financial issues that they agree upon already.

During the process of divorce mediation you create a divorce agreement, no matter how long you have been married. Even with short-term marriages there are plenty of benefits to using a mediator. You can reach an agreement in a few sessions, at a reasonable price, without missing any important details about your finances that could be costly in the future. You don’t know what you don’t know. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, our practice is solely focused on divorce mediation. It is all we do. So, we do know what you don’t know about divorce. We can guide you through the process quickly and cost-effectively.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

How to Be a Good Mediator

1/20/2023

Westfield Mediation, LLC’s recent launch of a new coaching and mentoring program for divorce mediators has made me think a lot about what makes a good divorce mediator. As coaches and mentors, we want to make sure that our mentees are ready to start their own practice and be successful.

So, what are the next steps? Divorce mediators must bring background knowledge as well as intangible skills to the table.

When divorce mediation clients come in, they want to feel reassured that the mediator knows how to put together a blueprint for their marital settlement agreement. That means that divorce mediators must know how to address parenting, the equitable distribution of assets and debts, child support and spousal support (alimony). Mediators help clients craft a parenting schedule and address decision-making for their children on all areas of their children’s lives including school, health, activities, religion and college. In addition, divorce mediators help divorcing couples divide their assets from bank accounts to retirement accounts. They also guide them to reach an agreement about the home, the cars, credit cards, pets etc. Essentially, every aspect of their lives together. Finally, they work on the support part of the divorce agreement – how is the divorcing couple going to make sure that the children’s financial needs are met and that both spouses can maintain a standard of living similar to their marital lifestyle.

Aside from acquiring this knowledge base about divorce, the mediator needs to develop certain key skills, to guide the clients through the process of developing a fair, workable agreement. Specifically, the mediator needs to learn to listen to the clients to find out what each party is seeking. Good listening can be harder than it sounds, because divorcing couples are often emotional and not always thinking practically. A mediator also needs to be fair and neutral. It takes sincere effort to recognize your own biases and make sure that you are not favoring one client over the other or allowing one client to call the shots. Finally, the mediator needs to be a good explainer. It is important that couples leave the mediation process with a clear understanding of what they have agreed to and how to proceed.

When divorcing couples come to mediation, they are asking for help to plan for their future. Learning how to be a good mediator is not easy. But the rewards that come from helping clients move forward make the process worthwhile for both the clients and the mediators.

For more information about divorce mediation or Westfield Mediation, LLC’s coaching and mentorship program, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

THE NEW NORMAL IN 2023

1/6/2023

I think we are all hoping that 2023 will be “back to normal”, whatever that means. But in reality, it seems that there is no back to normal, just adjusting to the new normal. I think we will now always have to wear a mask before going into a doctor’s office or second guess if a cold is just a cold. But you do have some power to shape your new normal life. Now is the time to reassess your marital relationship and see if it is one you want to continue, with the hope that bond with your spouse improves, or make a new normal for your life. If you decide to make a new normal that might involve a trial separation or getting a divorce. One significant lesson the past few years has taught humanity is that life is precious and you shouldn’t waste years of your life being miserable.
There is a less stressful, less expensive, faster way to develop a separation agreement or get divorced. It is called divorce mediation. Divorce mediation involves both spouses meeting together with a neutral mediator to address all of the issues in your separation/divorce agreement. These issues are a parenting plan, division of your assets and debts, child support and spousal support (alimony).

A parenting plan addresses all the details about your children. Where are they spending their time on a day-to-day basis, special occasions, holidays, vacations? What extra-curricular activities are they doing and who is paying for them? Are they being raised in a particular religion? What if one parent needs to move far away? What school will they attend?

The division of your marital assets and debts are the money questions. What is happening with the house, retirement funds, bank accounts, cars, investments, credit card debt, student loans, etc. We help you lay out your portfolio and then allocate when, how and who is getting what.

For child support in New Jersey, both parents have the obligation to provide financial support to their children. There is a child support formula. We can help you by entering the various factors into the formula and letting you know the minimum amount of expected support one parent will pay the other.

Spousal support can be one of the most contentious topics in a divorce. But in mediation, clients are aware that there is some and give and take in all areas, including alimony. The mediator may encourage you to consult with an attorney about this topic so you can be prepared with knowledge about the law and have a realistic expectation when discussing spousal support in mediation. We find that couples who have a reasonable understanding of their position are able to easily reach an agreement about this potentially difficult issue.

The expert mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, specialize only in divorce mediation. It is all we do and all we have done since 2011. We have the knowledge and experience to help you have a new normal in 2023.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Mediation for Couples Living Apart Together

12/16/2022

Sometimes couples want to start living separately without getting divorced. For some families, this is an interim step while they evaluate whether they want to get divorced, while for others it is just a new phase in their relationship. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help people in both these situations create plans for their new set-up. By working with a mediator to create a parenting and financial plan during their separation, couples avoid many of the pitfalls that can lead to arguments down the road.

While there is no official legal separation in our state, many families find that living separately instead of divorcing enables them to minimize the conflicts in their relationship, while continuing to share health insurance and financial responsibilities. If they are contemplating divorce in the future, they can start following a parenting and financial agreement for a period of time and see how it works for them. If necessary, they can then modify any terms before it becomes their official divorce decree.

For other couples “living apart together” is a way to create more independence in their lives. As recently reported in The New York Times, this arrangement has become more common in recent years. According to the Census Bureau the number of couples living apart together with no intention of getting divorced has risen 25% over the last twenty years. Studies found that women are often the driving force behind this arrangement because they want a break from the burdens of maintaining a home that tend to fall disproportionately to women.

Whether couples are seeking a baby step toward divorce or just a more independent structure for their marriage, a mediator can help smooth the process. In mediation, couples work together with a mediator to create a new plan for living separately that makes sense for their family.

For more information about separation mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

DIVORCE MEDIATION COACHING AND MENTORSHIP FOR NEWLY TRAINED MEDIATORS

11/30/2022

Westfield Mediation, LLC, is excited to announce that we are now offering coaching and mentorship for newly trained mediators to help launch their practice. You have had the divorce mediation training but are not sure about what to do next. How do you actually get up and running? The coaching curriculum is a practical three-part program that includes the nuts and bolts of starting a business, networking and social media tips and the development of all the paperwork you will need to do the mediation work. You learned so much in the divorce mediation training and now want to put it into action. But there are many steps to do from finishing the class to working with a client. And Westfield Mediation, LLC, can help fill in this gap for you. We provide step-by-step instructions with links to the appropriate websites, saving you hours of online searches trying to figure out how to do all of this on your own.

We also offer a second piece of the puzzle. As part of the mentorship program, we can support you while you hone your mediation skills. We were once where you are now. Working with your first clients can be nerve-racking. So, we offer you the ability to shadow live mediation sessions. Clients must agree to this ahead of time and all confidentiality rules are applicable. You can see in real time how a real mediator works with real clients. You can shadow a mediator before you even have clients of your own-- a very valuable experience as you embark on your own journey down the mediation path. The more support you have, the faster you can become a better mediator.

And once you have those clients, we offer a review of the Memorandum of Understanding that you have written. It is always helpful and comforting to get some feedback about your first forays into this new world of divorce mediation documents. Westfield Mediation, LLC, has created a step-by-step coaching and mentorship program to help you actually begin your mediation business.

For more information on the coaching and mentorship program for newly trained divorce mediators, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. Email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com or view our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com.

Why Choose Divorce Mediation Over Litigation?

11/18/2022

Divorce mediation is a much better option for most couples than litigation. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we cover the exact same issues – parenting, child support, equitable distribution of assets and debts and spousal support – as you address in litigation for less money. Divorce mediation is a less adversarial, less stressful process where you – not the Courts or your lawyers -- control the schedule. You can still consult a lawyer during the process and most clients do. Still, by limiting the lawyer’s role to consultations, you save money and time that could be better spent with your family.

So, what are the primary advantages of divorce mediation?

1.  Divorce mediation is less expensive than litigation. Because you work with one mediator instead of two lawyers to resolve your issues, your expense is cut in half. In addition, mediation is pay as you go – no huge retainer required—so you can schedule the meetings in a way that works for your budget.

2. Divorce mediation moves much faster than litigation. Because you and your spouse have direct communication with each other while working together on your agreement, you can move as quickly as you want. Most couples complete divorce mediation in just a few months, while litigation may take years.

3.  Divorce mediation is better for your ongoing relationship which is especially important if you have children together. Working together on this process gives you the skills to continue co-parenting. Also, people are more likely to follow an agreement that they had a hand in creating. Even the Courts recognize the value of mediation and include a mediation component in the divorce litigation process.

4.  Divorce mediation is a confidential process while litigating through the Courts is not. Most people prefer to keep their private lives private.

Going through a divorce is stressful. It is worth considering what would make this process less taxing emotionally and financially for your family. For many people that means choosing divorce mediation over costly, adversarial divorce litigation.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

DIVORCE AND INSURANCE

11/4/2022

Health insurance coverage seems top of mind when couples are getting a divorce. People seem to know that they don’t want to go without health insurance and have to figure out their possible choices. And we discuss these options and timing of options during divorce mediation. But we also cover lots of other insurance issues that are not always top of mind when couples are getting a divorce. We have clients do some homework to figure out what alternatives they have and the cost when it comes to all of the other insurances like: car insurance, life insurance, and home owner’s insurance.

Car insurance can be tricky. Many people qualify for a discount if they bundle their home owner’s insurance and multiple car policy (just ask Flo from Progressive). When you start to live apart you will not be able to be on the same car insurance anymore and no longer get the bundle discount. You may also now need renter’s insurance if you are now renting a place to live. If your spouse remains living in the home there will still be home owner’s insurance. And for liability reasons, you don’t want to be removed from the home owner’s insurance until your name is removed from the deed and the mortgage, which sometimes takes place after the divorce is finalized. So, you might still be on the home owner’s insurance even though you might not be living in the martial home.

And if you have kids you will want to have some life insurance. You want to make sure that the financial contributions you make now to their well-being, in form of child support to your co-parent, or paying for dinner and a movie when the kids are with you, will still happen even after your unexpected death. If you’re not there to earn a paycheck you don’t want your kids to pay the price.
Wow! That seems like a lot to figure out. The divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, help you break down all of these tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. But you don’t know what you don’t know when you are getting a divorce and there is actually a lot to know about insurance- and not just the health care kind.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.
options

Celebrating Halloween

10/21/2022

Happy Halloween! When developing a parenting plan during the divorce mediation process, we talk to our clients about holidays and how the family is going to celebrate them going forward. There is a tendency during our mediation sessions to focus on the “big ones” like Thanksgiving or Christmas, Easter or Passover. When devising a schedule for these important days, we work hard in divorce mediation to develop plans that are fair to both parents and take important family traditions into account. As part of this discussion, we also talk about Halloween. Since Halloween is a smaller, sillier holiday, we often have to remind clients that they should create a Halloween plan too.

Generally, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we include a provision in the parenting plan for celebrating Halloween that says that both parents can see the kids in their costumes and participate in any school-sponsored activities like classroom parties or Halloween parades. We also talk about trick-or-treating – is it going to be near one parent’s home or the other? Are the kids going to go to alternate neighborhoods in alternate years? Are the parents both going to accompany the kids? If there are multiple children, are the parents going to each have separate roles shepherding the different kids around?

We try to make a plan that is both comprehensive and flexible, knowing that kids’ interests and needs change as they grow. Of course, the parents can deviate from this plan down the road. The goal in mediation is to provide clients with a place to turn for resolution if a dispute arises and they can’t agree on how to proceed.

Regardless of the plan the parents ultimately include in their divorce agreement, the main point stays the same. For many families, Halloween is a fun celebration that the children look forward to all year. It is important to have a post-divorce plan in place that allows everyone – parents and kids – to enjoy the day.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

THE TOP FIVE QUESTIONS WE GET ASKED AS DIVORCE MEDIATORS:

10/7/2022

Here are the top five questions we get asked most often as a divorce mediator at Westfield Mediation, LLC:

1. How is a divorce mediator different from a divorce attorney? A distinct aspect of mediation versus litigation is that the mediator is neutral and does not support or oppose a client’s position on the issues. A divorce attorney acts as your legal advocate, informs you about the law and advises only you (and not your spouse) about what is in your best interests (which may be the opposite of what is in your spouse’s best interest).

2.  How can a divorce mediator be helpful if she is not acting in my best interest? I know some people are skeptical when they start the mediation process on how this will work. But it does; just read the reviews from past clients. Having a third-party present, who is neutral, points the discussions about the issues of your divorce in a whole new direction. Clients are comfortable making decisions, hearing how other clients have addressed an issue (like what are we doing with our house) and moving forward towards their new futures. The mediator does not allow them to have the same fight over and over again but redirects the conversation towards resolutions.

3.  How much is this going to cost? Mediation is a ginormous savings versus litigation. You pay one mediator, as opposed to two attorneys, a lower hourly fee. No retainer is required. You pay for the time that you use as you use it. Our clients spend about $2,500-$3,500 per divorce in mediation. That’s total, not per person.

4.  How long will this take? I too have heard the horror stories about it taking years and years to get divorced. In mediation it takes between four and six meetings in total. Meetings last one hour. Meetings are scheduled are your convenience. So, you could be done in six weeks or stretch it out if you so desire.

5.  Do I need still need a lawyer if we agreed on everything in mediation? The short answer is no, but the real answer is it is up to you. Legally, you are not required to have an attorney to get divorced. You can represent yourself in court. It is called being pro se. At Westfield Mediation, we recommend that you use a divorce attorney in a more limited role, called a review attorney. This review attorney will fill out all the paperwork for court, accompany you to court, advise you of your legal rights and answer any legal questions you may have. While it is not legally required to have an attorney, we think it is best practice to do so.

These are just the top five most frequently asked questions. Contemplating divorce brings up a lot of questions and you probably have more. You are welcome to reach out to Westfield Mediation to discuss them. Please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Divorce Mediation for Small Business Owners

9/23/2022

Many of our divorce mediation clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC are small business owners or self-employed. Oftentimes, the business finances of these clients are intermingled with their personal finances. While this may make things a little tricky, it should not be seen as an obstacle to moving forward.

For example, these clients may have some credit cards or bank accounts that they use for work and some for home expenses. Or they may have used their family home as collateral for the business. So, when they are getting divorced, it takes a little time to figure out the value of their business and how to divide it, as well as what assets and debts go with the business and what belong to the family.

While it may seem overwhelming at first to make these distinctions, in divorce mediation, we break the process down into small manageable steps. We try to ensure that everyone is being open and transparent about their accounts. In some cases, mediation clients want to use an accountant who specializes in business valuations to provide an objective analysis of their business, and we provide them with a list of local specialists.

According the Courts, the division of assets and debts in divorce must be fair and equitable. We use this same standard when working in divorce mediation with small business owners or self-employed clients.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Authors

Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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