Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

How Long Does Divorce Mediation Take?

9/24/2021

When prospective clients call, they often ask how long the divorce mediation process takes. The simple answer is easy – usually clients attend 4-6 one-hour sessions, generally 2 weeks apart, so you may be done in 8 -12 weeks. We can even meet weekly if you are in a hurry. The gaps between appointments provide clients the time they need to gather information and/or think about the issues and the options.

While the majority of our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, do wind up following this path, for others, the process takes longer. Some clients prefer to spread out the intervals between appointments for budgetary reasons. Mediation is pay-as-you-go, which is different from litigation where a lawyer requires an upfront retainer fee of several thousand dollars, so clients set up the meetings in a way that works for their particular financial situation. For others, they want to try out living their new parenting plan before committing to it in Court. And sometimes people want to get in a more settled financial place – either with their jobs or their new living arrangements before they move forward.

Even when clients finish mediation, they don’t all choose to get divorced right away. Sometimes people finish most of the process, and then take months away from mediation to be sure, or because other issues have arisen in their lives that they need to deal with first. In other cases, people wrap up, but then decide not to get divorced until months or years later. In these situations, clients often call us to update their documents one last time before filing.

So, the real answer to the question “how long does the process take?”, is that it is up to you. We can move as quickly or as slowly as you want. In divorce mediation, unlike divorce litigation where the Court sets the calendar, you can proceed on your own timetable. This is one of the many reasons that divorce mediation is a less stressful alternative to litigation.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Questions to Ask Before Hiring A Divorce Mediator

7/23/2021

Many of our clients find us through referrals from friends, family members, co-workers, or therapists. Everyone knows someone who has gone through divorce, and it is often useful to learn from their experience. Other clients find us online, after googling “mediation”, “divorce mediator near me”, “parenting”, “alimony”, etc.

Either way, finding a mediator is just the beginning. Once you reach out to a divorce mediator, either through email or by phone, how do you know whether you should choose her to help you through this potentially stressful process?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we suggest that divorcing clients seeking mediators ask the following questions before making an appointment:

1. Do you have experience dealing with the types of issues presented in my
situation? For example, if you are a high earner with a low earning spouse or vice
versa, have they seen that before? Will they be able to help you create a parenting plan that works for your particular family situation? If you have special challenges
like mental health issues or debt, have they successfully addressed that before?

2. How much do you charge? Find out whether there is an hourly fee or a set fee for
the whole process. Ask whether the process is “pay as you go” or if a retainer is
required. Learn what the average cost is for clients, and what happens if you need to pause the process for some reason.

3. How long is the process? Ask how many meetings there will be, and the length of the meetings. Are they in person or virtual? Do they offer times when you are
available, e.g., mornings, evenings, weekends?

4. How is the mediation process structured? What do you leave with at the end of the
process?

After you have gathered this information, consider how it meshes with your own vision of how the divorce mediation should go. In addition, you should think about whether you felt comfortable communicating with the mediator.

Because this can be a difficult process, that most people only go through once, you need to trust your instincts on whether the mediator is going to be a good fit for you and your family.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Role of the mediator

3/1/2019

What is the role of the mediator in divorce mediation? At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we believe that the mediator should be your guide through the process. A divorce mediator is different from a judge or arbitrator who takes sides in disputes and makes pronouncements on how issues should be settled.

A mediator’s role is not to take one side or another in a couple’s long-simmering arguments. Instead, a mediator focuses on crafting a practical plan for the future. She helps the divorcing couple come to an agreement by explaining the options and by asking the right questions about the issues of parenting, child support, alimony, and the division of assets and debts. Her job is to make certain that the divorce agreement is both comprehensive and flexible enough to work over time.

In divorce mediation, we break the process down into small, manageable steps. In most cases, divorcing couples can agree on some issues right away, and we can address areas of agreement first, and then move onto harder topics. Based on experience working with divorcing couples, divorce mediators help clients work through any sticking points by promoting compromise and shared interests. In general, the divorce mediator’s role is to ensure that the agreement is fair and equitable, and that each spouse has a voice in designing the final product.

For more information on parenting or financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

The Mediation Plan

11/2/2018

Sometimes people come to divorce mediation with a plan. They say we have already talked about everything and we know what we want to do about the kids, the house, the money, etc. On the other hand, sometimes new clients come to us and say that they haven’t talked at all about anything and the only thing they have agreed upon is coming to this first meeting. Both kinds of clients can be good candidates for divorce mediation.

In divorce mediation, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we guide divorcing couples through the process and help them come to an agreement on parenting, the division of assets and debts, child support and alimony. For those divorcing couples who come to us with an agreement in mind, we make sure that their plan is complete, that they have considered all of the issues, that they understand what they are entitled to, and that they know what they are signing up for. Often, we find gaps in their plans that they had not yet considered. We help them by drafting a plan that is flexible enough to cover any changes that may arise with their kids, or their jobs, while also comprehensive enough so that they do not have to go back to court over the years.

We also provide valuable guidance for those divorcing clients who have no idea how to begin. We address their feelings of being overwhelmed and make the process manageable by breaking it down into small steps. We explain the options and take away the stress that comes with uncertainty. Together, we create a plan that works for their particular family.

Generally, there is more than one kind of candidate for divorce mediation. Whether or not a divorcing couple comes to mediation with a plan for moving forward, there is still much to be gained from the process.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

NON-BINDING MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING

8/24/2018

The agreements that you reach in divorce mediation are put into a non-binding Memorandum of Understanding. Memorandum of Understanding is just a fancy industry term for a report that reflects the agreements you have reached in mediation. The key-term in that first sentence is non-binding. Non-binding means not legally agreed to. So, why do people go through a process that is meant to end their marriage if each party is not beholden to stick to the agreement in the document? This is a great question.

Divorce mediation works because it is not legally binding. People have the flexibility to make agreements in good faith without the rigidity of every decision being final. During the first meeting at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we explain that the agreements are not set in stone and legally binding until you get to court and get your divorce agreement signed off on by the judge or otherwise made binding by you between yourselves. You have the freedom to adjust who is spending Thanksgiving Day with the kids until you get to court. You have the freedom to reduce spousal support from 10 years to 8, until you get to court. You have the freedom to end up splitting the joint bank account 60/40 instead of 50/50 to balance out the other assets you are dividing. It is nice to have this wiggle room.

People find that divorce mediation works really well because both parties are involved in the decision making. Studies have shown that people who have input into their divorce agreement are more likely to follow through with the agreement and less likely to return to court post-divorce to change the agreement. People tend to end up with the agreement they reached in mediation as their final divorce agreement. Sometimes minor tweaks are made before the agreement is finalized, which is the beauty of mediation. You have the ability to make those changes as needed before going to court. Once you get to court and you and the judge sign the divorce decree, what is written in the document is legally binding.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Divorce happens in civil court

5/26/2017

Many couples do not realized when they start divorce mediation that only one person can file the paperwork to start the court process. The court considers divorce to be a civil case where one person is suing the other and there is a plaintiff and a defendant. So in order for the state of New Jersey to know that you want to get divorced, one person within the couple has to be the complainant and start the proceedings by filing the initial paperwork. The other member of the couple is served the paperwork and identified within the court system as the defendant, even if you are in 100% agreement about everything.

With the initial paperwork, you have to decide the grounds for divorce. New Jersey is a no-fault state when it comes to divorce. That means that the reason you are getting divorced does not have an impact on the outcome of the divorce. For example, you do not have to pay more in alimony because you had an affair. And you do not get more alimony because your spouse had an affair. However, when you get divorced you do have to give a reason to the courts why you want to get divorced.

There are two no-fault reasons in New Jersey- irreconcilable differences for at least six months and physically separated in different residences with no sexual relations with one another for a minimum of 18 months. Almost all our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, pick irreconcilable differences as their grounds for divorce, even if they can prove one of the fault reasons (adultery, mental or physical cruelty, drug habituation, etc.). Most people choose irreconcilable differences because it is the path of least resistance. If you pick a fault reason in a divorce then you must supply additional evidence to support your claim. You can’t go around and accuse someone of having affairs or abusing drugs and tarnish a good reputation because you are mad at your spouse for wanting a divorce. There must be supporting proof. And since New Jersey is a no-fault state many people don’t want to bother going through the extra steps it takes for a fault divorce versus a no-fault divorce. Of course, you always have that option.

For more information about Divorce Mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

When to Start Mediation?

5/12/2017

When is the best time to start divorce mediation? Do you need to know what you want to do or is it okay to still have questions about how it will all play out? What if you have already started litigation – can you still try divorce mediation?

Divorce mediation is a more economical, less stressful approach to working out the issues of divorce. It makes sense to try it regardless of where you are in your path to separation.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help clients at all stages of the process. At one end of the spectrum are couples who have just started thinking about divorce, and they want more information on the process. In these situations, we explain the options for parenting plans and living separately. We help the couple divide their assets and debts, and come up with an agreement that makes emotional and financial sense. Sometimes, divorcing couples stop and start mediation, as they figure out how they want to move forward. Together, we create a plan that works for their particular family.

In other cases, divorcing couples have been living separately for a number of months or years, and they want to put their arrangement in writing and make it official. In these cases, divorce mediation is also helpful, because there are often loose ends that need to be tied up – sometimes issues that the couple has not yet considered. For example, they may have created a day-to-day parenting plan, but have they considered what to do about college? Or life insurance? Similarly, one partner may have moved out, but have they decided what to do about the house? If and when they should sell it? How they should share the proceeds? These are the kinds of questions that we review in divorce mediation.

Sometimes, one or both spouses has already consulted an attorney or even filed for divorce. It is still possible to get the benefits of divorce mediation -- a faster, less expensive, less contentious divorce. We often meet with clients who have stated litigating and realize that they want a different approach.

Divorce mediation can be a good alternative at any time in the process – whether you have just started considering divorce, or have already been to court.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Technically divorce happens In a day

5/2/2016

Divorce technically happens in a day… you wake up and go to the courthouse married and go to bed that night- divorced. This is the date of your divorce. From that date on you can change your name and insurance coverage, file for taxes differently, get remarried, etc. However, there is a process of divorce that occurs before your date of divorce. Divorce mediation can help you with the process of divorce.

During the first meeting at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we walk you through how divorce works in New Jersey. These are the steps everyone must take to start the process and this is how everyone ends up with a divorce decree in hand. The middle part can happen either through using divorce lawyers and the courts or in our mediation office. The middle part is when you make all the decisions about your kids, finances, child support, alimony, etc. You are not missing out on any vital information by using a mediator. The same information gets shared and all the same issues get addressed either by going through the courts or using a mediator. In mediation, the information is shared in a less stressful environment, on your time schedule, in a more amicable manner. We help the couple communicate directly with one another, while they make important life decisions for their futures.

Everyone who gets divorced starts and ends this process the same way, beginning with the decision to get divorced and ending with the court decree. The choice is how to get from here to there, and divorce mediation provides a better alternative.

For more information about Divorce Mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

The Divorce mediation process from start to finish

9/18/2015

In divorce mediation clients have a lot of control over the process. Clients can decide how often to meet, when to meet, and how detailed they want to be in their divorce agreement. Most couples want the “big” holidays included in their parenting plan, while some don’t want to specify who has the kids on Columbus Day. You can get as specific or open-ended as you want. But, who sets the agenda items for the meetings themselves?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we have developed a process to help couples efficiently complete divorce mediation. The first meeting is the same agenda for all new clients. We explain how divorce works in New Jersey, how the process of divorce mediation works and specifically how Westfield Mediation functions. We review our rules and agreement to mediate. We have found that a well-informed client is the best client. We want couples to understand how mediation works and what we can and can’t do for them before they agree to proceed any further. We do not want to waste clients’ time or money. We have found that starting from square one on day one is the most useful tool.

If children are involved, the next meeting will address the parenting plan. We have found it useful to know how much time each parent is spending with the kids before moving on to finances, because your finances will be affected by your new parenting plan. After the parenting plan we move on to big picture finances…what is happening with your house, retirement funds, credit card debt, college savings, etc. We also help you develop a budget for your new future’s day to day expenses. Lastly, we address spousal support, also known as alimony, and child support. These two issues are intertwined. The more money you receive in spousal support, the more money you have to contribute to the cost of raising your children, so you will receive less money in child support. We can also address any issues that are personal to your situation, such as pets.

We have found that following this process is the most cost-effective way to get from start to finish, saving the client’s time and money. Clients come to us for our expertise in divorce mediation and through our years of experience, we have found this process to work best.

For more information about Divorce Mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Do I Really Need a Lawyer?

8/21/2015

Do I really need a lawyer? I often get asked this question by my clients in divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC. The short answer is that legally you do not need a lawyer to get divorced. You can fill out the paperwork yourself and be considered pro se and represent yourself in court.

The long answer is that it is best practice to have a divorce mediator and a review attorney to get divorced. This is the best of both worlds. A divorce mediator is a neutral third party, meaning she does not take anyone’s side in a matter. A mediator can facilitate the process so you and your spouse are making all the decisions about your divorce agreement. A review attorney is a divorce attorney acting as a resource you can access as needed, rather than your sole support, during the divorce process. A review attorney is your legal advocate and has your best interests in mind. During the mediation process, sometimes issues of law come up and the mediator will refer you to your lawyer. Your lawyer can inform you of the law and advise you how to proceed keeping your best interests in mind. Then you are able to return to mediation with more knowledge about what you can/can’t/ should/shouldn’t do and can move forward in making an informed decision.

You don’t want to look back on the decisions you made during your divorce with any regret. The best way to assure that this does not happen is to use a mediator and keep control over the process, along with the support of the review attorney you can tap into when you need him/her. Also, the review attorney can complete all the paperwork for you and accompany you to court. This is very reassuring to many clients.

The cost of both parties using one divorce mediator and two separate review attorneys is still significantly less expensive than both parties retaining two divorce attorneys. So you can have the best of both worlds for less money.

For more information about Divorce Mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Authors

Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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