Something about “alimony” strikes a nerve in divorcing couples.  In divorce mediation, we often talk about alimony or “spousal support”, as we call it in New Jersey, and in the beginning, the conversations can get heated. Sometimes, one spouse feels that they deserve more money for a longer period while the other wants to pay less money for a shorter time.  Fortunately, in divorce mediation, we can almost always come to a resolution, so no one feels cheated.

 In New Jersey, there are four types of spousal support, permanent, limited duration, rehabilitative (used to get one partner back on their financial feet) and reimbursement. The amount and terms of alimony are based on several factors including the length of the marriage and the earning capacities of each couple.  There is no one set official formula.  And the terms can get complicated because the amount of spousal support has tax consequences and also impacts child support obligations.  Moreover, the couple may decide to divide assets and liabilities in a way that takes into account how much spousal support is being paid.  So, really, decisions on spousal support can have a big impact on the whole separation agreement. 

Luckily, the fact that there is no set formula for spousal support can be used as an advantage. This way, the couple can work together with a mediator to develop an individualized plan that works best for their family.  In mediation, they can review their assets and budgets and potential earnings, and create a plan that leaves all the parties feeling like their interests are being considered. In divorce mediation, instead of seeing spousal support as a sticking point, it becomes one part of a larger plan for moving forward.  

For more information about Divorce Mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  Visit our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 

When it comes to getting a divorce, do not DIY it. Most divorcing people actually agree on most issues, but it is best to use some professional help to develop your divorce agreement. A professional divorce mediator can ensure that you are covering the many issues in an efficient and cost-effective manner. I recently had a couple come in with a “do-it-yourself” divorce agreement they found on the Internet, all the blanks filled in with their preferences. When I started to ask some more in-depth questions, it turned out that they weren’t as prepared as they thought. At that point, they realized that there were issues that they hadn’t even considered and they needed more time to discuss and figure out what would work best. 

Things that you do not know to include in a DIY divorce can have significant consequences, such as the one that came up recently for the Supreme Court having to do with beneficiary on a life insurance policy. Will the deceased man’s ex-wife or widow get the life insurance monies? http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2013/04/22/will-the-widow-or-the-ex-wife-get-the-money-supreme-court-to-decide/  As all good divorce mediators know, estate planning needs to be included in your divorce decree.  People may need to change their beneficiaries on insurance policies, and make changes to their will, powers of attorney and health care directives. A professional mediator has the depth of knowledge about divorce and develops a comprehensive understanding about your personal situation. She can then individualize the divorce process and document to reflect your circumstances. It is also best practice to have a tax attorney review your agreement so you fully understand the tax implications of your assets and liabilities moving forward. You may think you have enough money to buy a smaller house after you sell the larger family home, but then the tax bill arrives, and there go your profits and down payment for your next house. YIKES!!!

So while the Internet can provide some good basic information for you to feel prepared about the divorce process, it is best to utilize professionals at points during the course of your divorce. You can feel reassured that you have addressed all the important areas and will have no surprises down the road. 

What if only one half of the couple wants to get divorced?

As divorce mediators, we often hear this question.  Generally, both people know that their marriage is rocky. But often, only one spouse feels ready to end it.  The reasons vary – maybe one person is more willing to deal with conflict than the other, or one person feels more ready to start fresh.  Sometimes, it just takes one person longer than the other to accept that it is not working out. Still, as we tell our divorce mediation clients, if one spouse wants a divorce, it will usually happen. It may just take longer and be more complicated than if both parties agree.

Legally, the divorce process begins when one spouse files a divorce complaint in court.  And even if the other party never responds, the divorce can still go forward.  This kind of “divorce by default” is doable, but it’s not in either party’s best interest because the agreement doesn’t include the kind of compromises that ensure that both people will follow through.  It also involves expensive, time-consuming litigation.

A better approach is divorce mediation.  In divorce mediation, a couple can develop an agreement on their own, according to their own timeline.  Through mediation, couples work together to create an agreement on parenting and finances that works for them.  Mediation focuses on reducing conflict and preserving some sort of working relationship. And either spouse can file the divorce complaint in court at any time during the process. Often, couples wait until the whole agreement is complete, and they can file on the court’s faster “uncontested divorce” calendar.  By saving time and money, divorce mediation is better for the couple and their family.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we offer a one-time consult to people who want to get divorced but don’t think that their spouses are ready to go along.  By providing information that they can then bring home to their reluctant partners, we try to pave the way to future mediation, and ultimately better resolutions.

For information about our one-time consult for individuals, or for any other questions about Divorce Mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

One surprising fact you may learn from your divorce mediator is that you can decide who claims your children as dependents on a tax return.  It is not necessarily automatically the custodial parent. This is a financial aspect of your divorce that many people overlook. If you try to divorce on your own, you might miss some key financial components of the divorce that a professional divorce mediator knows to address.  You could spend a little money now to get divorcedwith a professional and save thousands in the future.  Indeed, the phrase “penny wise but pound foolish” comes to mind.

Many people do not know that you have options for claiming dependents.  And it could change over time if you choose. It might make more sense for the person who could financially benefit the most to claim the children as dependents each year.  Or perhaps you agree to alternate, Dad one year and Mom the next.  Or Mom takes kids 1 and 2 and Dad takes kid 3.  You can fill out the forms each year with the IRS and it is absolutely legal, no tricky games being played that would trigger an audit.  

How you plan to claim your dependents is something that should be included in your divorce agreement.  If ever there is a dispute in the future, you need the document to support your position.  In a March 27, 2013, Ask The Biz Brain column in the Star Ledger, the
father claimed both children this year even though the divorce decree states that starting this year the mother can claim the youngest son.  The mom now has more paperwork to fill out to get this resolved, but it can get straightened out, because it is in her divorce decree. It is vital that it is stated in the divorce decree how each dependent is being claimed each year.  Finding a good divorce mediator who can help you ask and answer the important questions about your finances is a good first step toward planning for your future. 

As part of its comprehensive approach to divorce mediation, Westfield Mediation, LLC offers parents a toolkit to help their children cope with divorce.  In a one-hour consultation, a mediator can meet with one or both parents to review how to tell children about a divorce, and how to improve their ability to deal with this major change in their lives. 

Children’s reaction to divorce often varies depending on their age; and there is range of behaviors that may be considered expected or normal.   For example, in some cases, very young children respond to their parents’ divorce by becoming more needy, while adolescents may show more anger.  Learning about children’s responses to divorce gives parents the tools they need to prepare for potentially difficult interactions.

In addition, studies have shown that children suffer most in high-conflict divorce, and it is the conflict rather than the divorce which causes the most problem.  Westfield Mediation, LLC focuses on teaching parents how to provide the least stressful environment for their children. The Parenting Toolkit includes both explanations of how children of different ages typically respond to divorce, and recommendations on minimizing family drama. 

For more information about the Parent Toolkit or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Are your worried about how your divorce will affect your children?  Are you already divorced but still fighting with your ex-spouse?  Studies have repeatedly shown that divorce in itself does not negatively affect your children, but high conflict divorce can be bad for your child.  I recently read that as a group, children of high-conflict divorce, especially boys, are two to four times more likely to have emotional and behavioral issues. So, how do you stop the conflict and protect your kids? It depends on where you are in the divorce process.  

You can use a divorce mediator from the get-go to first develop a workable agreement and minimize conflict from the start. You can set out which parent has responsibility for different days, different activities.  Find the areas where you agree- school, religion, after-school activities, and put those down on paper.  And if there are areas where you don’t agree, the mediator will help you come to a compromise solution.

If you have a parenting plan in place that is not working and you are constantly arguing with your ex-spouse, for the sake of your children, you need to find a better way.  You can use a Parent Coordinator. Even though the Courts recently announced the end of their Parent Coordinator Pilot Program, Parent Coordinators are not a thing of the past - it means only that the pilot program has
officially ended. Westfield Mediation, LLC offers Parent Coordination services. Through parent coordination, mediators will help you create a plan that works for your family.

Is your only choice to continue to file and answer motions about every little thing, because it is just impossible to get your co-parent to change? No. By using a Parent Coordinator, co-parents can improve their communication, decrease their conflict, and cause less stress for their children. So, you can end the expensive and time-consuming cycle of post-divorce motions.  Don’t let your child be a statistic in a future study about children with problems coming from high-conflict post-divorce families.  You can change your and your children’s future today.

“I want to get divorced, but I don’t want to spend a lot of money. What’s the best way to do it?”  The great thing about divorce mediation is that it is one of those rare times when the cheaper option is also the better one. 

Using a mediator to get divorced is way less expensive than going to a lawyer.  In divorce mediation, the couple meets with one person who helps them come to a fair agreement that both people can live with.  Instead of each person hiring his/her own lawyer and paying high hourly rates for each meeting, each email, and each telephone call between the lawyers, the divorcing couple uses one mediator at a lower hourly rate to get the job done.  Studies show that divorce through mediation can cost $7,500 from start to finish as compared to up to ten times that amount -- $75,000 – when both husband and wife hire their own lawyers. 

But is cheaper better?  In this case, it is.  Divorce mediation is not only cheaper than litigation, it is also faster, more private - no public record in court, meetings are confidential - and better for the post-divorce relationship.  Studies show that people are more likely to follow through on a plan that they helped to create.  Moreover, mediators work to minimize family conflict which is better for the couple, and the children as well.  

No question that divorce is an extra expense.  But staying in an unhappy marriage has high costs as well. And saving money on the divorce process ensures that you will have more money afterwards to spend on your new life.  So, before you write off divorce as something you can’t afford right now, consider divorce mediation.  

For more information about divorce mediation, contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 

Valentine’s Day may be a good time to take stock of your relationship. Sometimes, the thought of having to spend days like Valentine’s Day without a partner keeps people together even though they are in unhappy couplings.  While no relationship is chockfull of chocolate kisses and red roses every day, now is the time to assess, does your relationship have it any day? Is your partner still meeting your needs emotionally, spiritually and physically?  Many couples linger for years in a loveless marriage before deciding that enough is enough and they separate or divorce.  The message that you are only someone if you have a romantic partner bombards us daily, but particularly around Valentine’s Day, pressuring us to stay in a relationship, even if we are not happy. 

If you are looking for information about what exactly it would involve to get divorced, a good place to start is by contacting a divorce mediator.  Mediation involves both husband and wife attending meetings to decide how to separate their married life by developing a plan for parenting, child support, division of assets and debts, and alimony.  At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we even offer a one-time consult to educate one party if both parties are not willing to attend.  Often, one person is more ready for the divorce to proceed than the other.  

We often get phone calls inquiring about our service with the caller saying that he/she doesn’t really know how divorce works and is looking for information.  It could be the first time he/she has said the word divorce out loud and he/she is feeling very overwhelmed.  We understand.  Part of our job is to educate our clients about the divorce process and what mediation can and cannot do for them.  We put no pressure on you.  Mediation allows you to take control of the process.  If you have been unhappy in your relationship, let Valentine’s Day be your day of awakening to start planning a better future. 
 
For more information about divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

“If we pretty much agree on the issues, why do need a divorce mediator?”  Sometimes people find our website, read through it, and figure that they can probably handle the divorce on their own, saving time and money.  The truth is, while they may have a basic plan for separating, they may not have considered all the issues.  And sometimes a couple’s general agreement on broad issues masks their disagreement about the details.  So once they try on their own to put together something in writing, the process breaks down.

By working with an experienced divorce mediator, you can avoid these common pitfalls. An experienced mediator will raise questions on parenting, asset distribution, child and spousal support that you may not have even considered.  In fact, money spent now on a mediator may save you money down the road – you don’t want to end up having to hire an expensive attorney to clarify or modify your initial agreement.

The divorce mediation process also helps by creating a structure for reviewing the different issues, which helps you move forward to a satisfying conclusion.  Without the input of a third party, many couples may get stuck in an argument, and wind up rehashing old complaints.  Or at times, they procrastinate, slowing down the process and their ability to move forward with a new life.  A skilled divorce mediator ensures that the couple keeps advancing toward a resolution that works for them and their families.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 

Will the fiscal cliff changes affect your child support payments?  As divorce mediators, we can tell you -- the short answer is probably,
but not quite yet.  And having a clear support agreement in place will minimize any potential problems.  

You may have already seen changes to your take home pay.  Currently, Social Security is financed by a 12.4 percent tax on wages up to $113,700, with employers paying half and workers paying the other half. So your maximum share in 2013 is $7,049. Our government reduced the share paid by workers from 6.2 percent to 4.2 percent for 2011 and 2012. However, this benefit expired on December 31. So, if you are first determining child support using the current child support guideline program, until the new guidelines are released for 2013 (sometime in the spring), the program will underestimate the employee portion of taxes (the old 4.2% instead of the updated 6.2%). Parents can consult with a divorce mediatorto help calculate child support for this and any future years.  A divorce mediator can help save you time, money and decrease stress when addressing child support, as well as other areas such as issues of parenting (child custody), division of assets and liabilities, and spousal support (alimony).

Of course, tax rules change every year. And Child Support usually gets recalculated at several points during the course of a child’s life. A good divorce agreement, which a mediator can help you create, will have specific circumstances that will trigger an automatic review of the calculation of child support payment amounts. While there happens to be a change in the percent for social security this year, the social security cap changes every year. For example, it was $110,100 for 2012 with only 4.2% contribution resulting in $4,624, but in 2010 it was $106,800 with a 6.2% contribution resulting in $6,621. And the tax rates change every year too. Yet we do not take the new cap or the new tax rates into account until the new Child Support Guidelines are issued. So, despite all the fiscal cliff drama, the current glitch in the social security rate is no more of a problem than the other glitches.
 
It is clearly an imperfect system.  But from the court's point of view, the 2012 numbers are the official numbers until the updates are issued. So, if a couple agrees that child support shall be determined by the Child Support Guidelines every year, they are what they are. If the Child Support Guidelines are to be used, and if child support is to be adjusted annually, then maybe the effective date should be when the new Child Support Guidelines are issued each year instead of January 1. Or, if they are continually issued a few months late, then over time it all averages out. So, while the fiscal cliff may sound scary, it does not have to be.  When it comes to child support payments, instead of panicking, make sure you have a good agreement in place.