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GOOGLE AS A RESOURCE FOR DIVORCE

7/12/2024

We all use Google. Nothing to be embarrassed about. When a potential client calls, I will ask how they heard of Westfield Mediation. A few callers here and there will say that a friend used our services or their therapist or divorce attorney suggested calling us. But in reality, a very large majority of callers discover us by a Google search. And people seem ashamed to admit this. I try to normalize this process for them and tell them that many people find us that way. This seems to allay their fears that they are not the only one who do not know what to do about getting a divorce and turn to Google for help.

Everyone uses Google for all sorts of searches, all day, every day. So why should divorce be any different? It is not. Divorce tends to be a very personal issue. People may want to do their research about how to get a divorce from the privacy of their computer or phone. It is not a topic they want to discuss with family or friends. No one else has to know. Some people call and say that they have not even spoken to their spouse yet about wanting a divorce. They just want information about the divorce mediation process at this point. Some people have not said the word “divorce” out loud before speaking with me. That is all fine. The internet affords you the freedom to gather information about divorce options. However, sometimes the internet gives you too much information and it can feel overwhelming.

The big picture can be too big- where will I live, how will I pay bills, will I see the kids on Christmas, etc. At Westfield Mediation, we follow a very prescribed methodology to help break down the gigantic task of getting a divorce into much smaller, more manageable steps. This process is significantly less stressful than divorce litigation. You do have a lot of decisions to make when getting a divorce but you do not have to make them all at once. Google can be a great resource and you don’t need to feel embarrassed about using it. But also realize that Google can’t do it all. Google can lead you in the right direction…to Westfield Mediation, LLC.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at [email protected]

HAPPY BELATED FATHER'S DAY!

6/20/2024

Happy Belated Father’s Day! I hope you had a fun day being celebrated by your children. I hope that if you are divorced, you and your co-parent had previously agreed upon how you and your children were spending Father’s Day. If this day (and Mother’s Day as well) is not designated in your parenting plan as part of your divorce agreement then the day may not be so fun. What if your co-parent wants the kids to spend time with her father, the children’s grandfather, on Father’s Day and it is her parenting time all day on Sunday? What if her Father’s Day plans, which is adhering to your established parenting schedule, does not leave time for you to be with your kids?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, during the divorce process we help you schedule how the children are spending their time on a day-to-day basis, special occasions, holidays and vacations. The divorce mediator will review with the co-parents what days they want to designate as holidays or special occasions that will usurp the regular parenting schedule. Perhaps Father’s Day (and/or Mother’s Day) will be shared between the co-parents so the children can see the grandparents on the other side of the family or spend time with their new step-father (or step-mother). Usually during the course of mediation, parents readily agree on how to spend these special days, considering what they have done in the past and is best for the kids moving forward. Many times, a father does not want to deny his children from seeing their grandfather for part of the day, if this is what they have always done and all the cousins will be there as well. The parenting plan can be written so that a father is assured of spending part of Father’s Day with his children while also allowing the children to continue with some previously established family gathering, that now moving forward will not include their father.

Holidays that are not typically shared, such as Father’s Day (Mother’s Day and Parents’ Birthdays as well), are a good starting point for discussion about holidays. They seem to be less contentious and co-parents tend to address them in a very rational manner. Some of the other holidays (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas) can lead to a livelier discussion. However, this too can be handled in divorce mediation. Co-parents will alwaysknow what to expect about how their children are spending their time on these special days.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at [email protected]

A SUMMER PARENTING PLAN

6/7/2024

The unofficial start to summer has begun. An important part of a parenting plan accommodates the children's needs during the summer months. Using a divorce mediator can make this process smoother and more amicable, ensuring that both parents' and children's needs are met. A divorce mediator can help you craft a summer schedule that everyone can enjoy.

A divorce mediator is a neutral third party that helps divorcing couples reach mutually agreeable resolutions to all the issues related to their divorce. Unlike a judge, who imposes decisions, a divorce mediator facilitates discussions, helping co-parents communicate more effectively and work collaboratively towards a resolution to each and every topic of discussion. This approach is particularly beneficial for creating a parenting plan for summer schedules, which tends to vary from the school-year parenting plan and often requires some flexibility and cooperation.

There are many benefits to using a divorce mediator to help you develop your summer parenting plan. The divorce mediator at Westfield Mediation, LLC, is trained to help minimize disagreements by fostering a cooperative environment. This can be especially useful when planning for the summer, a period that might involve extended vacations, camps and other special activities. A mediator can tailor an agreement to your family’s unique needs. This can ensure that summer schedules take into account the children and their needs while accommodating co-parents’ work and personal plans. Mediation sessions enhance communication between co-parents. Better communication skills can be invaluable when dealing with unexpected changes or adjustments to the summer schedule, such as travel delays or illness. A final benefit is that mediation is significantly less expensive than litigation. This allows parents to allocate more financial resources to enriching their children’s lives and summer experiences.

There are several steps to creating a summer parenting plan during the divorce mediation process. Co-parents will identify their goals and priorities. Specific time frames may need to be allocated for vacation plans, summer camps, family events or just some downtime for the kids. So, the divorce mediator can guide the co-parents to discuss their summer plans and develop a plan of action. Your plan of action can be detailed with specific dates, times and responsibilities, reducing the likelihood of future misunderstandings. Or you can have a more casual plan of action that allows for maximum flexibility. The process you develop now can carry forward for future summer plans.

There are numerous components of a summer parenting plan. The plan should clearly outline each co-parent’s vacation time with the children. Vacation time does not mean you have to go on vacation with the children. It just means you have continuous parenting time that supersedes the regularly scheduled parenting time. The day-to-day parenting time might be different in the summer compared to the school-year schedule. You may need to address daily routines, pick-up and drop-off times, and any adjustments needs for work schedules. How are the children spending their time in the summer? Are there plans for summer camps, special events or extracurricular activities? And just like during the school-year, always have a contingency plan to help manage real life situations (that dreaded traffic again) without escalating tensions. A plan on paper is great but real life always finds a way to pop up, which can mess up your plan on paper.

Creating a summer parenting plan through mediation, not only helps in crafting a solid schedule but also fosters a cooperative co-parenting relationship. By focusing on the children and maintaining open communication, which is cultivated throughout the divorce mediation process, co-parents can ensure an enjoyable summer for their children. Embracing the divorce mediation process can turn what might be a stressful, expensive, difficult process into a constructive and positive experience for the entire family.

For more information about a summer parenting plan and divorce mediation, please contact Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at [email protected]

YOU ARE FINALLY DIVORCED!

5/23/2024

You are finally divorced! No matter what process you used to get divorced (litigation, mediation, collaborative, arbitration, DIY, etc.) you are now officially divorced. You went through the court process and a judge signed off on your divorce decree. You are done. Or are you? Divorce agreements are pieces of paper that cannot possibly address all issues that occur in real life. In real life, issues arise that were not included in your agreement because who knew back when you got divorced then that this may come up now. Or you were so anxious about getting a divorce that future issues were just not included. So, your divorce agreement may have left some key points out, like how are you paying for college for your children, and now it is time to pay for college for your children. Conversations/emails/texts with your co-parent have not gone well and you have made no progress about how to resolve this issue. You are sure that the only way to resolve this is to return to court and plead your case before the judge. The judge will make a ruling that you will both need to abide by.

But that is usually not the case these days. Final divorce agreements often require that ex-spouses see a mediator before resorting to utilizing the court system (unless to require enforcement of the agreement or to collect money referred to in the agreement). The court system supports post-divorce mediation and sees how successful it can be. Resolving an issue outside of court in post-divorce mediation frees up the court system to address cases more quickly and benefits everyone. Co-parents can settle their dispute in a timely manner for a low cost in post-divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC. Unless…co-parents are just coming to post-divorce mediation because it is required before they can take the step they really want, which is to have their day in court…again.

The judge will eventually hear your post-divorce case. And may not be pleased that you were the reason the issues were not solved in post-divorce mediation. So, it behooves all parties to come to post-divorce mediation with an open mind and put in sincere effort to try to resolve the presenting issues. It may actually be to your detriment to come to mediation with obviously no intention of working out an agreement and just to check the box that you followed protocol. You may actually find that putting in some effort during the post-divorce mediation process allows you to reach an agreement. There is give and take in the post-divorce process, just like there was when you were going through the original divorce process. Nobody gets everything they want, but they can reach a consensus through the post-divorce mediation process. Which is a win-win situation for all involved, including the court system.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at [email protected].

IT IS MORE EXPENSIVE FOR A FAMILY TO LIVE IN TWO SEPARATE HOMES THAN ONE HOME

5/9/2024

It is more expensive for a family to live in two separate homes than one home, which is what usually happens when you get divorced. Either you are each finding a new place to live or one person is staying where you currently live together and one person is moving out to live in a new residence. But what exactly makes it so expensive?

The list is extensive of what is now two separate bills instead of one joint bill— all of your utilities, rent/mortgage, car insurance, home owner’s/renter’s insurance, repairs, maintenance, cable, internet, cell phone, some food (for example, you now need two bottles of ketchup- one for each place), domestic help, etc. And when you are using a divorce mediator at Westfield Mediation, LLC, you will review all of these expenses when completing a Case Information Statement Budget Form (pages 6 and 7). It is a form the courts created. It is not as user-friendly as it could be, but it serves as a good reminder of what your monthly expenses consist of.

You have some flexibility about how and when to separate some of the joint expenses into two separate expenses. One of the more expensive bills that comes up is car insurance. Many people receive a multi-car discount or a bundle discount with their home owner’s insurance. When living apart you may no longer qualify for these offers and you can expect your monthly rate to increase. You can also address who is paying the marital house bills if one person is staying in the house and the other person moves out sooner or later than agreed upon. Or if you are selling the house but one person moves to a new residence sooner than the other, how are the house bills getting paid until it is sold? All of these issues are addressed in mediation in a calm and careful manner. They are important conversations to have so each party can start to plan for their increased expenses.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at [email protected]

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GOOGLE AS A RESOURCE FOR DIVORCE

HAPPY BELATED FATHER'S DAY!

A SUMMER PARENTING PLAN

YOU ARE FINALLY DIVORCED!

IT IS MORE EXPENSIVE FOR A FAMILY TO LIVE IN TWO SEPARATE HOMES THAN ONE HOME

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