Our Divorce Mediation Blog

COMMUNICATION AND DIVORCE MEDIATION

1/18/2019

If you have kids then you will have to keep communicating with your ex-spouse after your divorce. With modern technology, you can text or email if you don’t want to have an actual conversation, but you can’t just cut the other person out of your life. One of the benefits of divorce mediation is that you communicate directly and in-person with your co-parent throughout the divorce process. This helps build the foundation for successful post-divorce conversations. If you choose collaborative divorce you have the option to talk directly with your co-parent or have your attorney speak on your behalf with you there. In a collaborative divorce both parties have meetings with their collaborative divorce trained attorneys present- a 4-way meeting each and every time. This can get very expensive and is not always needed if co-parents can be guided to speak with one another and not through another party. If you litigate your divorce then you each pay your attorneys to talk to one another about the divorce and you don’t communicate directly with your co-parent at all. This can get super expensive very quickly and make for a difficult rest of your life co-parenting relationship.

In divorce mediation, each person has the ability to consult with attorneys privately, in between mediation meetings. This allows you to attend mediation with knowledge and confidence about making important decisions in your life. Mediation also allows you to learn to speak directly with your co-parent about important and difficult topics. You start to see that not every conversation turns in to a WWE match. You build positive momentum and move forward towards a successful co-parenting relationship.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, our mediators witness this transformation all the time. Couples who come in on very bad terms and barely speaking end the process with a divorce plan in place and open communication. They understand how to talk with one another and that they will have to do so as things come up about the kids.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

when to get divorced

1/4/2019

There is no perfect time to get divorced. Still, a lot of our clients begin the divorce mediation process in the beginning of the year. And, in addition to the emotional reasons – following up on New Year’s resolutions for a new year, new plan -- there are some practical benefits to starting the process now.

If you are going to need a parenting plan as part of your divorce, the beginning of the year is a good time to start because the school year is in full swing and there are no major holidays to figure out for a while.

Financially speaking, the early months of the year are a good time to begin divorce mediation as well. For one thing, it is traditionally the best time to list your home for sale to maximize the market value. Most major holiday shopping is done, so you can evaluate your debt, and create a plan to address it. And, all of the end-of-year financial reports are in, so you know how much you earned/spent last year which gives you a good snapshot of your assets/debts and expenses going forward.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work with our divorce mediation clients to create a fair plan for parenting and financial issues all year long. We break down the process into small manageable steps to reduce stress and make it affordable for you. So, if you are considering when to begin the mediation process -- now is a good time to start.

For more information on parenting or financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Introducing new Partners

11/30/2018

Some people come into divorce mediation vowing never to marry or even date again. Realistically and statistically, this is not what is going to happen. So, one issue that we address in the divorce mediation parenting plans at Westfield Mediation, LLC, is how and when to introduce new partners to your children after divorce.

This can be a sticky issue for both the ex-spouses and the kids. In our agreements, we include a section that says parents will introduce the kids to a new partner only if they are in a committed relationship. Psychological studies show that it is upsetting to children to meet a stream of new potential mates for their parents, so it is best to have some commitment to the person before bringing him or her around. Still, we leave it up to the parents to decide what “committed relationship” means. And sometimes clients want the relationship to be a specified length – 6 months, one year, etc. for it to count.

We also suggest to our divorce mediation clients, that you give the other parent a heads up before the introduction takes place. This way, he or she will be prepared for any questions or reactions from the children. Often, our clients want to meet the new person too to see whom their kids are hanging out with, though we remind them that they cannot choose their ex-spouse’s new friends, boyfriends or girlfriends.

As divorce mediators, we do not usually address how these meetings should go. However, we do note that many therapists have weighed in on the best way to introduce new partners to your kids, and it would be worthwhile to do some research beforehand to smooth the transition.

For more information on parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

The Mediation Plan

11/2/2018

Sometimes people come to divorce mediation with a plan. They say we have already talked about everything and we know what we want to do about the kids, the house, the money, etc. On the other hand, sometimes new clients come to us and say that they haven’t talked at all about anything and the only thing they have agreed upon is coming to this first meeting. Both kinds of clients can be good candidates for divorce mediation.

In divorce mediation, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we guide divorcing couples through the process and help them come to an agreement on parenting, the division of assets and debts, child support and alimony. For those divorcing couples who come to us with an agreement in mind, we make sure that their plan is complete, that they have considered all of the issues, that they understand what they are entitled to, and that they know what they are signing up for. Often, we find gaps in their plans that they had not yet considered. We help them by drafting a plan that is flexible enough to cover any changes that may arise with their kids, or their jobs, while also comprehensive enough so that they do not have to go back to court over the years.

We also provide valuable guidance for those divorcing clients who have no idea how to begin. We address their feelings of being overwhelmed and make the process manageable by breaking it down into small steps. We explain the options and take away the stress that comes with uncertainty. Together, we create a plan that works for their particular family.

Generally, there is more than one kind of candidate for divorce mediation. Whether or not a divorcing couple comes to mediation with a plan for moving forward, there is still much to be gained from the process.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Affordable divorce

10/5/2018

“Can I afford to get divorced?” A lot of people ask us that, and the answer is generally “Yes.” In divorce mediation, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we show our clients how they can afford to go through the divorce process, set up separate homes, and move on to a happier, less stressful place.

First, the process. While going through a divorce is never free, if you use divorce mediation, instead of costly lawyers for adversarial litigation, you end up paying about 10-20% of the price for a better, quicker process.

Second, establishing two homes. In most cases, creating two households from one costs money, but it does not have to be overwhelming. In divorce mediation, we guide our clients through the steps to ensure that they each have a new place to live that they can afford. We help divorcing couples lay out their assets, debts and budgets, so that they know what they have, and what they can reasonably spend in the short run. The fear of separating some expenses like health insurance, car insurance, credit card payments, etc., sometimes keeps couples in an unhappy marriage. However, separating expenses does not have to mean doubling them. There are ways to deal with these expenses that make them more affordable.

Third, moving forward. Focusing on the expenses of the divorce process sometimes blinds couples to the costs of staying in an uncomfortable, dissatisfying home situation. Living with conflict contributes to stress and has a negative effect on emotional and physical health. Going through a divorce to move forward with your life can easily outweigh some of the financial costs of the process.
For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

DIVORCE AND HEALTH INSURANCE

9/21/2018

It is not legal to be married to more than one person at a time. This is one of the reasons you have to go to court to legalize your divorce. Also, the government cares what box you check on your tax returns- married, single, etc. A third logistical reason that others care if you are legally married or not is eligibility for health insurance. Once you are divorced you cannot be covered by your spouse’s health insurance. It does not matter if it is open enrollment time or not. When you get divorced you become ineligible as a spouse. A divorce is considered a life-changing event (like the birth of a child) and can happen any time during the year.

There is a status of married- but not married and not divorced. It is called divorce from bed and board. It is a way for people to be unbeholden to one another financially and emotionally but still technically be married. This was developed as a work-around for people who wanted to get divorced but couldn’t because of their religious beliefs. They are still married to one another and are unable to marry a different person. This morphed into another work around- for people who want the technicality of being married for the purposes of maintaining eligibility for their spouse’s health insurance and not for religious reasons. Judges caught on and it is very difficult now to be granted a divorce from bed and board.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, our divorce mediators help you figure out your plans for health insurance. Perhaps the cost of acquiring your own health insurance will be covered by spousal support? What is COBRA and how much does it cost? (Once you are divorced you are eligible to access health insurance through COBRA for a maximum of three years). Who is covering the kids? There are so many important issues that have to be addressed in a divorce. By using a mediator, you will make sure you don’t miss any and have covered them all, like health insurance.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

divorce mediation vs. arbitration

9/7/2018

Divorce mediation is different from arbitration. Divorce mediators do not act like judges -- they don’t decide for you what kind of parenting plan or financial arrangements you should choose. Instead, divorce mediators, like us at Westfield Mediation, LLC, let you decide what works best for you.

In divorce mediation, we guide you through the process to a fair agreement. We help you resolve your parenting and financial issues by making sure that you have gathered the relevant materials and information, and asking you the important questions for your future. We step in to make sure both spouses are heard, and have a voice in the process. But, we do not pick a plan for you.

That means that for divorce mediation to work, you need to have some ability to work together. Even if you cannot easily agree on all issues, you need to be compromise-minded. By guiding you through the divorce process, and letting you create your own agreement, we make sure that each of you have your say in the final product. And divorcing couples are more likely to follow an agreement that they have had input in creating than one that was decided for them in arbitration or litigation.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Divorce and Therapy

7/27/2018

With the divorce rate being so high, odds are that you know someone (or two or three) who has gone through a divorce. Divorce has become normal in our society. A person is not regarded as an oddity if s/he gets divorced. The same is getting closer to being true for being in therapy. It is becoming more accepted to get support for your struggles.

When going through a divorce, it is quite common to need therapy for yourself, your co-parent, your children, or any combination of the family. As divorce mediators, we often recommend therapy to our clients. You are not crazy or mentally ill for seeking help. You are doing the best you can for yourself and your children during a difficult time in life. This hardship is not forever and people tend to find that the tough times do pass in time. Therapy helps you cope better and get through the dips in life faster.

Some people are still resistant to the idea of therapy because of the stigma it may carry. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we offer our clients a list of qualified therapists in the area who are knowledgeable about the mediation process and the common struggles people encounter when going through a divorce. We explain that when you turn 100 years old and look back over the course of your lifetime you may acknowledge that the year you got divorced was a rough one. Therapy can make it a little less rough.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

dividing the money

7/13/2018

In a lot of marriages, one spouse is in charge of handling the money – investing, paying bills, taxes, etc. And, in some cases, the other person is completely in the dark about the family finances. Sometimes, this is a conscious choice – one spouse has skills or interests in money management, and the other does not. And sometimes, it just happens with the natural division of labor that occurs when you create a family – you bring the kids to soccer, I will pay the bills; I will make dinner, while you call the accountant.

And this arrangement may work for many couples. Yet, if circumstances change, and the couple starts to think about getting divorced, the spouse without any money knowledge may feel that he or she is at a disadvantage. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we recognize that this is a common scenario for divorce mediation clients, and we make sure everyone understands the post-divorce financial plan and that both parties’ financial interests are being met.

During divorce mediation, we help couples create a financial plan for moving forward. As part of this process, we have clients lay out all of their assets, debts and expenses so we can all see the whole picture. For some divorcing spouses, this is the first time he/she is seeing all this information, and it may seem overwhelming. In divorce mediation, we help reduce some of the stress by breaking the process into manageable steps. We also recommend accountants and financial planners – these professionals can be especially helpful for divorcing spouses who have never taken on any financial role before.

Being out of the loop on the financial side can seem like a problem for some spouses, but it is not an insurmountable one. In divorce mediation, we make sure everyone has all the facts before the divorcing couple commits to a financial plan for their futures.

For more information about financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Summertime plans

6/15/2018

School is almost out for the year! While many kids are doing their happy dance, for divorcing families, this change in the regular parenting schedule and the additional expenses of summer may be stressful. To keep things running smoothly, divorcing parents should work together to create a summer parenting plan that will keep their children safe and entertained.

In divorce mediation, we help divorcing parents create a flexible and fair blueprint for the summer. These plans may include a way to select weeks for summer vacations, and/or plans for paying for the expense of camps, activities, or town pools. Generally, we advise clients to plan ahead for the summer to coordinate work calendars and to ensure that the family has the resources in place to cover the extra summertime expenses.

Camps and other summer programs can cost a lot. And while most divorcing couples agree to share these expenses in some way, sometimes it can be worthwhile to devise a more detailed plan that includes spending limits to avoid future arguments about how much each parent should expect to spend on summer activities.

Summer should be a season of fun and relaxation. A stress-free summer is more likely if your parenting plan allows you to prepare ahead of time and set aside the time and money needed to make it work.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.