Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

End of Summer, A Time for New Beginnings

9/7/2023

September always seems to me to be the time for transitions and new beginnings. As divorce mediators, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work closely with our clients to prepare for the various changes happening during this time of year.

For example, as part of the divorce mediation process, we guide our clients to create parenting plans; and September is often the time when divorcing parents switch from the summer parenting plan to the school-year parenting plan. Fall also starts the holiday season, and as part of crafting the parenting plan in divorce mediation, we help divorcing parents allocate the autumn days off from school like the Jewish holidays, Indigenous People’s Day, New Jersey teacher’s convention break and Veterans Day. Plus, we remind them to create a plan for Halloween - specifically, who is going to the school parade and trick-or-treating. Deciding all of these issues preemptively in divorce mediation helps minimize conflict down the road.

For divorcing parents of older children attending college, the fall semester usually begins around now. We help these divorcing parents develop plans to navigate the school schedule. In addition, we work with them to determine how to cover college expenses as well as the costs of living when the kids return home for breaks.

For divorce mediation clients with and without children, September often brings more demanding work schedules after the lazier days of summer which impacts both their flexibility and income. Financial plans created in mediation take into account these seasonal shifts.

Finally, for our mediator coaching clients, September begins the busy season when more clients are hoping to get divorced by year-end and are seeking assistance. We are available to assist these new mediators either to launch their new businesses effectively or to maintain their existing ones productively.

Changes can be both exciting and scary. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work closely with our clients to prepare them for these transitions.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Steps to Make Divorce Mediation Move Faster

8/10/2023

Sometimes clients come to divorce mediation and they are in a hurry to move ahead. Their reasons vary. In some instances, one of the soon to be ex-spouses is moving or starting a new job. Other times, the parties want to resolve their financial issues within the tax year. Or maybe, they are just ready and want to get it done. Luckily, in many ways, the pace of mediation is up to the clients. Divorce mediation can go as slowly or as quickly as you would like.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we meet with clients for 4-6 one-hour sessions where we address parenting and child custody, the division of marital assets and liabilities, child support and spousal support (alimony). In most cases, clients meet every two weeks or so, and then file for divorce when the mediation process is complete. The lag-time between filing and the hearing with the judge who issues the divorce order can be two-three months. (Of course, this timeline may vary based on the calendar of your local county court). So, based on this timetable, we tell clients that for most people it takes 5-6 months from the beginning of divorce mediation through the end of the process. This estimate is significantly shorter than the 12-24 months it usually takes for a litigated divorce.

However, for clients with a tight deadline, things can move much more quickly. We can schedule longer mediation sessions closer together, finishing the process in one month instead of two. This is especially doable when both spouses work together well and focus on the paperwork and decision-making needed to move ahead. In addition, to expedite the divorce process, clients who intend to use divorce lawyers to review their proposed agreement and file their paperwork should line these attorneys up early. Finally, instead of waiting to file for divorce with the Court at the end of the mediation process, clients can file while also attending mediation, starting the clock at the Court.

By taking these kinds of proactive steps, clients who are trying to move ahead quickly can reap the benefits of divorce mediation while meeting their goal of a speedy separation plan.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Great Time to Sign Up for Mediation Mentorship

6/8/2023

For many of the same reasons that we argue that divorce mediation is the best way to get divorced, we also maintain that now is a great time to train to become a divorce mediator. And for mediators looking to make the leap from training to practice, Westfield Mediation, LLC offers a coaching and mentorship program to help you launch your own divorce mediation business.

Over the years, we have explained why divorce mediation is a better alternative to litigation. The process moves more quickly, costs less, and puts the divorcing couple in control of their future. As a result, mediation offers a less stressful path to divorce than time-consuming, expensive, adversarial litigation. Moreover, right now, as we have pointed out before on our site, there is an extreme judge shortage in New Jersey, leading to significant backlogs at court and even more drawn-out litigation proceedings.

All of these factors have resulted in an increased reliance on divorce mediators. Consequently, this is a great time to learn to be a mediator. The 40-hour divorce mediation training course is offered throughout the year by both the New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators and the NJ Institute for Continuing Legal Education.

Many graduates of these training programs find that they need some help in translating their new knowledge into practice. That is where we come in. We provide coaching and mentorship to new mediators, providing as much assistance as needed for launching a business or adding to an existing one. We help you establish a practice and create materials for your clients. We can also review your early drafts of Memoranda of Understanding. In addition, we offer opportunities to observe our divorce mediations so that you can have real-world experience before you are out on your own.

It is a great time to use divorce mediation and to become a trained divorce mediator. We are happy to help you on this journey.

For more information about divorce mediation or our coaching and mentorship program, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

The Benefits of Virtual Mediation

5/11/2023

My recent presentation at the New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators conference about the growth of virtual divorce mediation has gotten me thinking about the benefits of an online process for clients. Since the pandemic, many clients have chosen to participate in divorce mediation virtually, enabling them to move quickly through the process while avoiding some of the hassles of meeting in-person.

With virtual mediation. there is no travel time, so you can choose a divorce mediator anywhere in the state to meet your needs. In addition, you and your spouse can attend together from one device or you can log in separately from separate devices and just meet up on screen. Some divorcing clients find that participating from different locations allows them to avoid some of the tension of sitting together hashing things out in a conference room.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we offer virtual appointments during the day and in the evening to accommodate clients’ work schedules. On occasion, clients meet with us virtually during their lunch hours – either from their offices or another location with privacy. Virtual divorce mediation also eliminates many of the issues that arise with babysitting as well as any worries about needing to cancel for illness.

At our divorce mediation practice, we have found that many clients prefer a hybrid approach – for example, they schedule the first meeting in person so that we get to know each other without the barriers of technology, and then we hold subsequent meetings online to take advantage of the convenience. By offering in-person, hybrid or virtual options, divorce mediation provides clients with the flexibility that they need to move their divorce process forward in a less stressful, more efficient way.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Who Is a Good Candidate for Mediation?

4/13/2023

Many people start the divorce process by contacting a divorce attorney. This first step can be a good way of gathering information about the process and the possible outcomes. It may be helpful to ask a divorce lawyer about the best/worst case scenarios and the potential costs for each scenario in your particular situation.

However, at Westfield Mediation, we have found that it may not make sense to stick with a lawyer for crafting your divorce agreement. Divorce litigation is usually extremely expensive, very time-consuming and adversarial and you do not always end up with a comprehensive and fair agreement. For most people, divorce mediation is simply a better alternative.

Unlike litigation, divorce mediation saves time and money and gives clients more control over their own divorce agreement and process. Still, some divorcing spouses may worry that the nature of their own relationship does not make them good candidates for divorce mediation. Maybe the spouses argue a lot or don’t communicate at all; or one of them earns significantly more money than the other. In some cases, one person is a financial expert and the other has been the primary parent and is well-versed in the kids’ schedules and needs.

In our divorce mediation experience, we have found that even if you and your spouse do not communicate well or have an imbalance in your understanding of the children’s activities and/or the financial issues or a complicated financial portfolio, the benefits of mediation in terms of cost and control and stress reduction, will still make it more beneficial to go through divorce mediation rather than divorce litigation.

An impartial divorce mediator can guide you through the process to ensure that both parties’ interests are expressed and everyone’s concerns are addressed. The divorce mediator can offer outside referrals to financial and tax experts to ensure that both parties have the same fiscal knowledge coming into any negotiations. A good divorce mediator does not allow one party to be steamrolled by the other and guides clients to a fair result for both spouses. For most people, it may be useful to consult with a lawyer for any legal questions, but hammering out the divorce agreement is best done in mediation.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

How to Be a Good Mediator

1/20/2023

Westfield Mediation, LLC’s recent launch of a new coaching and mentoring program for divorce mediators has made me think a lot about what makes a good divorce mediator. As coaches and mentors, we want to make sure that our mentees are ready to start their own practice and be successful.

So, what are the next steps? Divorce mediators must bring background knowledge as well as intangible skills to the table.

When divorce mediation clients come in, they want to feel reassured that the mediator knows how to put together a blueprint for their marital settlement agreement. That means that divorce mediators must know how to address parenting, the equitable distribution of assets and debts, child support and spousal support (alimony). Mediators help clients craft a parenting schedule and address decision-making for their children on all areas of their children’s lives including school, health, activities, religion and college. In addition, divorce mediators help divorcing couples divide their assets from bank accounts to retirement accounts. They also guide them to reach an agreement about the home, the cars, credit cards, pets etc. Essentially, every aspect of their lives together. Finally, they work on the support part of the divorce agreement – how is the divorcing couple going to make sure that the children’s financial needs are met and that both spouses can maintain a standard of living similar to their marital lifestyle.

Aside from acquiring this knowledge base about divorce, the mediator needs to develop certain key skills, to guide the clients through the process of developing a fair, workable agreement. Specifically, the mediator needs to learn to listen to the clients to find out what each party is seeking. Good listening can be harder than it sounds, because divorcing couples are often emotional and not always thinking practically. A mediator also needs to be fair and neutral. It takes sincere effort to recognize your own biases and make sure that you are not favoring one client over the other or allowing one client to call the shots. Finally, the mediator needs to be a good explainer. It is important that couples leave the mediation process with a clear understanding of what they have agreed to and how to proceed.

When divorcing couples come to mediation, they are asking for help to plan for their future. Learning how to be a good mediator is not easy. But the rewards that come from helping clients move forward make the process worthwhile for both the clients and the mediators.

For more information about divorce mediation or Westfield Mediation, LLC’s coaching and mentorship program, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Mediation for Couples Living Apart Together

12/16/2022

Sometimes couples want to start living separately without getting divorced. For some families, this is an interim step while they evaluate whether they want to get divorced, while for others it is just a new phase in their relationship. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help people in both these situations create plans for their new set-up. By working with a mediator to create a parenting and financial plan during their separation, couples avoid many of the pitfalls that can lead to arguments down the road.

While there is no official legal separation in our state, many families find that living separately instead of divorcing enables them to minimize the conflicts in their relationship, while continuing to share health insurance and financial responsibilities. If they are contemplating divorce in the future, they can start following a parenting and financial agreement for a period of time and see how it works for them. If necessary, they can then modify any terms before it becomes their official divorce decree.

For other couples “living apart together” is a way to create more independence in their lives. As recently reported in The New York Times, this arrangement has become more common in recent years. According to the Census Bureau the number of couples living apart together with no intention of getting divorced has risen 25% over the last twenty years. Studies found that women are often the driving force behind this arrangement because they want a break from the burdens of maintaining a home that tend to fall disproportionately to women.

Whether couples are seeking a baby step toward divorce or just a more independent structure for their marriage, a mediator can help smooth the process. In mediation, couples work together with a mediator to create a new plan for living separately that makes sense for their family.

For more information about separation mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Why Choose Divorce Mediation Over Litigation?

11/18/2022

Divorce mediation is a much better option for most couples than litigation. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we cover the exact same issues – parenting, child support, equitable distribution of assets and debts and spousal support – as you address in litigation for less money. Divorce mediation is a less adversarial, less stressful process where you – not the Courts or your lawyers -- control the schedule. You can still consult a lawyer during the process and most clients do. Still, by limiting the lawyer’s role to consultations, you save money and time that could be better spent with your family.

So, what are the primary advantages of divorce mediation?

1.  Divorce mediation is less expensive than litigation. Because you work with one mediator instead of two lawyers to resolve your issues, your expense is cut in half. In addition, mediation is pay as you go – no huge retainer required—so you can schedule the meetings in a way that works for your budget.

2. Divorce mediation moves much faster than litigation. Because you and your spouse have direct communication with each other while working together on your agreement, you can move as quickly as you want. Most couples complete divorce mediation in just a few months, while litigation may take years.

3.  Divorce mediation is better for your ongoing relationship which is especially important if you have children together. Working together on this process gives you the skills to continue co-parenting. Also, people are more likely to follow an agreement that they had a hand in creating. Even the Courts recognize the value of mediation and include a mediation component in the divorce litigation process.

4.  Divorce mediation is a confidential process while litigating through the Courts is not. Most people prefer to keep their private lives private.

Going through a divorce is stressful. It is worth considering what would make this process less taxing emotionally and financially for your family. For many people that means choosing divorce mediation over costly, adversarial divorce litigation.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

THE TOP FIVE QUESTIONS WE GET ASKED AS DIVORCE MEDIATORS:

10/7/2022

Here are the top five questions we get asked most often as a divorce mediator at Westfield Mediation, LLC:

1. How is a divorce mediator different from a divorce attorney? A distinct aspect of mediation versus litigation is that the mediator is neutral and does not support or oppose a client’s position on the issues. A divorce attorney acts as your legal advocate, informs you about the law and advises only you (and not your spouse) about what is in your best interests (which may be the opposite of what is in your spouse’s best interest).

2.  How can a divorce mediator be helpful if she is not acting in my best interest? I know some people are skeptical when they start the mediation process on how this will work. But it does; just read the reviews from past clients. Having a third-party present, who is neutral, points the discussions about the issues of your divorce in a whole new direction. Clients are comfortable making decisions, hearing how other clients have addressed an issue (like what are we doing with our house) and moving forward towards their new futures. The mediator does not allow them to have the same fight over and over again but redirects the conversation towards resolutions.

3.  How much is this going to cost? Mediation is a ginormous savings versus litigation. You pay one mediator, as opposed to two attorneys, a lower hourly fee. No retainer is required. You pay for the time that you use as you use it. Our clients spend about $2,500-$3,500 per divorce in mediation. That’s total, not per person.

4.  How long will this take? I too have heard the horror stories about it taking years and years to get divorced. In mediation it takes between four and six meetings in total. Meetings last one hour. Meetings are scheduled are your convenience. So, you could be done in six weeks or stretch it out if you so desire.

5.  Do I need still need a lawyer if we agreed on everything in mediation? The short answer is no, but the real answer is it is up to you. Legally, you are not required to have an attorney to get divorced. You can represent yourself in court. It is called being pro se. At Westfield Mediation, we recommend that you use a divorce attorney in a more limited role, called a review attorney. This review attorney will fill out all the paperwork for court, accompany you to court, advise you of your legal rights and answer any legal questions you may have. While it is not legally required to have an attorney, we think it is best practice to do so.

These are just the top five most frequently asked questions. Contemplating divorce brings up a lot of questions and you probably have more. You are welcome to reach out to Westfield Mediation to discuss them. Please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Mediation Now or Later?

7/21/2022

When is the best time to start divorce mediation? Should you talk to a lawyer first? Should you wait until you are living separately? Or you have worked out certain things?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we get these questions a lot from prospective clients who are trying to figure out next steps. We recommend that couples considering divorce come in for an appointment to learn about the divorce mediation process and ask all the questions that they have. We find that learning about divorce makes it much less intimidating. Knowing how the process works makes it all seem more manageable. In divorce mediation, we break everything down into small doable steps. Over time, we develop a workable plan for parenting, division of assets and debts, child support and alimony. Coming in for one introductory meeting often takes away the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Another great thing about mediation is that there is no set timeline. So, once you start, you can space the meetings in a way that works for you – emotionally and financially. Sometimes, clients want to move forward at a steady pace to get everything squared away. Other times, they prefer to separate the meetings by a few weeks while they address some of their family issues or get their budgets in order.

Back to the initial questions. First, we do advise consulting a lawyer, but it does not have to be a first step. Since a mediator is neutral and a lawyer acts as your advocate, it may be worthwhile to get the perspective of an expert who is only on your side before you submit your final agreement to the Court. If you go through divorce mediation, you can use a lawyer in a more limited, much less expensive way than you would in litigation. Second, you can wait until you are living separately, but you do not have to. Many clients begin living separately during the mediation process. This gives them the ability to live the newly-agreed-upon arrangement and tweak it as necessary. Third, it is a good idea to try to work out some issues on your own, but we will guide you through the process, so you know the questions to ask yourselves. We also help when you get stuck to generate new options you may not have considered.

From that very first meeting, clients find that divorce mediation is a less expensive, less stressful alternative to litigation that will get them to where they want to be.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Authors

Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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