Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

How to Use the First Session of Mediation

4/22/2022

The first session of divorce mediation is an introduction to the process. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we use this time to explain the divorce process in New Jersey (including the difference between a contested and uncontested divorce), how divorce mediation works and our practice’s approach to mediation.

For potential clients, it is an opportunity to present the facts about their situation and ask any questions. While there is no commitment required, sometimes clients use the time as their first step in divorce mediation and start planning for later sessions. Other divorcing couples use the intro session solely for information gathering and deciding if divorce mediation is the right path for them, and if it is, whether this is the right time to move forward.

To get the most out of the first session, clients should consider beforehand whether they have any questions and what are the key issues for them. Participating actively in this meeting will make it the most worthwhile. For example, they may want to know what the options are for selling or keeping their home. Clients also often have concerns about alimony – how it is calculated and what is required. If they have specific problems that have already arisen - for example, one partner is spending all the joint monies or has mental health issues that interfere with their ability to parent, or one party has immigration concerns that will be impacted by divorce - this session is a great place to discuss these topics and start developing plans to address them.

Sometimes, clients decide to continue divorce mediation while working through their outside issues. For example, they may decide to place their home on the market while in mediation. Other times, they feel it makes more sense for them to create a more stable set-up at home before moving forward. There is no set timetable to mediation, so there is a lot of flexibility for deciding how to proceed. Clients can take a break from the process at any time, and then return whenever they feel ready to move forward.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Sharing the Facts in Mediation

3/25/2022

For divorce mediation to work, the clients need to share the facts.

In divorce mediation, a neutral mediator guides the divorcing couple through the process to create a divorce agreement that works for their family. For this process to be successful, the clients must actively participate in the discussion, complete assignments and collect all the required financial information. The clients play important roles in educating the mediator about their family dynamics and their financial situation. In many ways, the mediator has to base her guidance on the information that the clients choose to share. In other words, to some extent, she only knows what the clients tell her.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, to gather the necessary information from our clients, the mediators give assignments and ask relevant questions. But the clients have to choose to reveal important information about their lives for the process to work. For example, if one parent works 100 hours a week, that would be a key fact to know for crafting the parenting plan. Similarly, if either party is in a new relationship, or has mental or physical health issues, these are important considerations for deciding how best to move forward.

On the financial side, the parties have to share information about investments or accounts. Actual financial statements work best in educating the mediator (and sometimes the other spouse as well) about different assets, liabilities and sources of income. And if divorcing spouses share only tax information that is incomplete, the mediator will not be able to calculate child support and alimony that reflects the family’s actual financial situation.

This is not to say that in mediation you need to share everything about your personal lives. We do not need to know about all of the disagreements that led you to seek divorce. Just that now that you are seeking a divorce, the mediator (and sometimes an unknowing spouse) needs to know about those aspects of your lives that are relevant to helping you create an agreement that is both fair and practicable.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

What to Expect in Divorce Mediation

2/25/2022

Sometimes it is easiest for prospective clients to understand what divorce mediation is like, by learning more about what divorce mediation is not. Divorce mediation is a process where couples attend together (either in-person or virtually) and work together over a few sessions to create an agreement on parenting, division of assets and debts, child support and alimony. An impartial mediator guides the couple through the process. At the end of mediation, the divorcing couple leaves with a Memorandum of Understanding that lays out their agreement.

This definition means that divorce mediation is not therapy or a place to work on the issues that led the couple to decide to divorce. Rather, it is a forum for crafting a practical plan for the future. While sessions may become emotional sometimes, mediation is primarily a forward-looking process rather than a backward-looking one.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the mediator’s role in this process is to guide the clients in their decision-making by listening to their goals and asking questions that they may not have considered on their own. The divorce mediator may take steps to ensure that both spouses have a voice in crafting the plan and that the ultimate agreement is fair and equitable to both parties. However, the mediator remains neutral throughout the sessions. She is not there to take sides. In addition, it is not her role to act like a judge and decide how the couple should proceed.

This dynamic allows the clients to have control over their own plan and tailor it to their family’s specific needs. Moreover, divorce mediation has the added benefit of fostering cooperation so that ex-spouses learn how to work together toward agreement. In general, people are more likely to follow a plan that they helped draft than one that was foisted upon them by the Court.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Moving Out During Divorce

1/28/2022

Generally, during the divorce process, at least one person moves out of the shared home. Sometimes both spouses agree to sell the house and move; and sometimes one stays while the other relocates. The upheaval that comes with changing one’s living space can be stressful at the best of times. These days with Covid concerns, there are also additional factors to consider including the tight real estate market and the fact that so many people are working from home. In divorce mediation, we anticipate these stressors, and help couples develop flexible, practical plans for going forward with their lives.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, a neutral mediator helps each couple work together on a plan for moving on. The spouse who is leaving needs a new home, possibly one that can serve as an at-home office and accommodate the children during his/her parenting time. If one person is staying and one leaving, we sometimes devise a plan for the parties to continue to own the home together for a designated period of time – e.g., a set number of years or perhaps until the kids finish high school. In addition, we make arrangements for getting the person who is leaving their share of the equity in the home so that they have the resources they need to find a new place to live.

We often counsel people that their first new home after leaving the marital residence may just be an interim stop. They may need some time for their schedules and finances to stabilize. At that point, they will be better situated to find a more suitable choice for the long-term. Indeed, this need for an interim housing plan may be even more common now when there are fewer homes available for rent or sale in some markets. For many people, recognizing in mediation that their first home post-divorce is not necessarily their last makes the move feel much less overwhelming.

For more information about housing plans or other aspects of divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

A Good Time For Divorce Mediation

12/23/2021

Like most people, we are feeling drained by the endless pandemic. Still, if there is any silver lining in this difficult period that we have all been living through for the past two years, it may be that the pandemic has made people stop to consider what is important in their lives and work toward making positive changes. As a result of this “Covid clarity”, many of our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC have sought divorce mediation to improve their family situations and plan for happier less stressful futures.

Divorce mediation offers divorcing couples a better alternative to litigation. We work with clients to create a parenting and financial plan that works for their particular family. The process is broken into small steps so it is manageable and not overwhelming. There is no retainer required – the process is pay-as-you-go which works well for many budgets. Divorce mediation offers a quicker, less expensive path to divorce, and gives clients more control over the costs, pace and final agreement.

Living through Covid has taught us all the value of doing things that make you happy with the people who make you happy. It is time to make decisions that will improve your life now and in the future. If you are considering divorce, it may be best to use divorce mediation for your path forward.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

How Long Does Divorce Mediation Take?

9/24/2021

When prospective clients call, they often ask how long the divorce mediation process takes. The simple answer is easy – usually clients attend 4-6 one-hour sessions, generally 2 weeks apart, so you may be done in 8 -12 weeks. We can even meet weekly if you are in a hurry. The gaps between appointments provide clients the time they need to gather information and/or think about the issues and the options.

While the majority of our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, do wind up following this path, for others, the process takes longer. Some clients prefer to spread out the intervals between appointments for budgetary reasons. Mediation is pay-as-you-go, which is different from litigation where a lawyer requires an upfront retainer fee of several thousand dollars, so clients set up the meetings in a way that works for their particular financial situation. For others, they want to try out living their new parenting plan before committing to it in Court. And sometimes people want to get in a more settled financial place – either with their jobs or their new living arrangements before they move forward.

Even when clients finish mediation, they don’t all choose to get divorced right away. Sometimes people finish most of the process, and then take months away from mediation to be sure, or because other issues have arisen in their lives that they need to deal with first. In other cases, people wrap up, but then decide not to get divorced until months or years later. In these situations, clients often call us to update their documents one last time before filing.

So, the real answer to the question “how long does the process take?”, is that it is up to you. We can move as quickly or as slowly as you want. In divorce mediation, unlike divorce litigation where the Court sets the calendar, you can proceed on your own timetable. This is one of the many reasons that divorce mediation is a less stressful alternative to litigation.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

New School Year, Covid and Divorce

8/20/2021

With summer winding down and the new school year starting soon, this may be a good time for divorced or divorcing couples to evaluate their current parenting and financial plans. Unfortunately, the coronavirus is still a factor, which may impact family decision-making for the foreseeable future. In divorce mediation, we help divorcing couples create flexible parenting and financial plans to guide them through this process of dealing with changing schedules and options. And in some cases, when new issues arise, clients come back to mediation to address them and work together to ensure that they are on the same page.

In some families, kids are returning to school for the first time in many months. This transition may impact the parenting plan. In addition to the usual concerns of getting the children to school on time and accounting for their afterschool time, in divorce mediation, we now have new things to consider like vaccines and masking. Separated and divorced parents must also decide together what activities they are comfortable having their kids participate in and whether there should be any limitations on socializing and travel.

In addition, many businesses are opening up their offices this September with some companies requiring workers to return at least part-time. This development affects parenting plans and creates new child care needs because of the increased amount of time parents are spending outside of home at work and commuting. Moreover, the rebooting economy has impacted employment opportunities and upended the housing market which impacts divorcing couple’s financial decisions regarding assets, debts and support.

At Westfield Mediation, we work with divorcing and divorced couples to help you come to resolution on all of these issues in a less stressful way. By guiding you through this process, we make a potentially difficult time of the year much more manageable.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

As Covid Fades, New Parenting Issues Arise

6/18/2021

As we start resuming normal life activities with the reduction of cases of Covid-19 in the US (yay!), the mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, are helping divorced or divorcing parents deal with new issues in mediation.

First, parents will have to decide whether and when to vaccinate their children. In addition, a whole bunch of other questions have cropped up: What’s the family policy on mask-wearing? Who can the kids play with or visit? Can plans be made for inside gatherings or just outside ones? Should the children return to in-person camp or school? Should the children be allowed to travel – either in the US or abroad?

Generally, it is simpler for the children if both parents adopt a consistent approach. Moreover, it is best for parents to discuss these issues ahead of time to avoid any confusion or unnecessary battles.

In divorce mediation, we work with divorcing parents to address all of the issues that arise with child-rearing including health, education, activities and travel. We break the process into small steps to make it more manageable and less stressful for everyone. In addition to drafting parenting and holiday schedules, we also incorporate plans for decision-making and for covering all child-related expenses.

Our plans are both comprehensive and flexible. As a result, in mediation, we provide our clients with a framework for moving forward, so that when new unforeseen circumstances emerge, like those that came with the pandemic, parents are better equipped to work together to create a plan.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

College, Covid, and Costs

5/14/2021

In New Jersey, including provisions for paying for the kids’ college has become a standard part of the parenting plan in divorce mediation agreements. Adding the realities of Covid 19 and the recent changes to the financial aid rules to the mix have made the decision-making process a little more complicated.

In our state, the courts have long viewed post-high school education as a necessity for which parents are at least partially responsible. Therefore, it should be part of every New Jerseyan’s parenting plan in their divorce agreement. As tempting as it may be, ignoring this issue now will not make the obligation to contribute to your kids’ education just go away. In fact, if you do not address college as part of your divorce agreement, you risk the Court later imposing its own plan on your family based on your children’s needs and goals and both parents’ resources. So, if you say nothing in your divorce agreement, you may end up paying more later than the plan you could develop now during the divorce process.

Over the past year and a half, the pandemic has made the process of selecting a college more challenging. In many cases, because of travel restrictions, students have had to choose where to attend based solely on virtual tours and information. Many school programs have been remote and/or hybrid, meaning students had to pay for school, yet live elsewhere. Now some schools are requiring vaccinations prior to entry, while others are offering financial incentives to those who vaccinate. Divorcing parents need to work together with their children through this potentially fraught decision-making process.

In addition, recently revised rules on the financial aid process have changed the way income and support are applied in financial aid applications. Moreover, the rules on student loan forgiveness are also in flux.

As part of the divorce mediation process, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help divorcing couples come up with a plan for choosing and paying for college for their kids regardless of how old their kids are now. We talk about all the relevant factors – programs, costs, decision-making, college savings plans and applying for financial aid. When needed, we can provide referrals to college financial aid advisors who can help parents complete their children’s forms in a way that maximizes college support packages.

Of course, when your kids are young, it can be hard to predict your children’s future educational needs and wants. Still, we have found that having a basic framework in place helps avoid big arguments and litigation expenses down the road.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Using a Mediator without getting Divorced

4/16/2021

You do not need to be interested in getting divorced to make good use of our mediation services. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we also help clients who want to separate without getting divorced develop plans for moving forward. In addition, we work with unmarried parents to create parenting and financial plans for taking care of their kids.

While New Jersey does not have an official status of legally separated, some married couples want to start living separate lives without ending their marriage. The reasons vary. Sometimes, couples want to try out a separation plan to see whether they should reconcile or get divorced. Some spouses want to stay married, but live separately to retain some of the benefits of marriage, like health insurance, tax benefits, or the ability to make emergency healthcare decisions for their spouse without filing any proxy forms. Emotional or religious considerations may also influence these decisions. Whatever the reason, we can work with you to create a plan for living separately that you both agree to follow without the finality of getting divorced.

Similarly, sometimes unmarried parents want to create a parenting plan or financial plan. In mediation, we can work with these clients to develop an agreement on parenting schedules and decision-making for the children, covering all issues from holidays to education to religious upbringing to extra-curricular activities. We also work out the financial aspects of parenting, including child support, health insurance, paying for college etc.

We have found that many issues that we address in divorce mediation can be applied to clients with other family situations, and we are here to help.

For more information on divorce mediation or mediation without divorce or parenting plans and child support, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Authors

Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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