Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

Mediation Now or Later?

7/21/2022

When is the best time to start divorce mediation? Should you talk to a lawyer first? Should you wait until you are living separately? Or you have worked out certain things?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we get these questions a lot from prospective clients who are trying to figure out next steps. We recommend that couples considering divorce come in for an appointment to learn about the divorce mediation process and ask all the questions that they have. We find that learning about divorce makes it much less intimidating. Knowing how the process works makes it all seem more manageable. In divorce mediation, we break everything down into small doable steps. Over time, we develop a workable plan for parenting, division of assets and debts, child support and alimony. Coming in for one introductory meeting often takes away the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Another great thing about mediation is that there is no set timeline. So, once you start, you can space the meetings in a way that works for you – emotionally and financially. Sometimes, clients want to move forward at a steady pace to get everything squared away. Other times, they prefer to separate the meetings by a few weeks while they address some of their family issues or get their budgets in order.

Back to the initial questions. First, we do advise consulting a lawyer, but it does not have to be a first step. Since a mediator is neutral and a lawyer acts as your advocate, it may be worthwhile to get the perspective of an expert who is only on your side before you submit your final agreement to the Court. If you go through divorce mediation, you can use a lawyer in a more limited, much less expensive way than you would in litigation. Second, you can wait until you are living separately, but you do not have to. Many clients begin living separately during the mediation process. This gives them the ability to live the newly-agreed-upon arrangement and tweak it as necessary. Third, it is a good idea to try to work out some issues on your own, but we will guide you through the process, so you know the questions to ask yourselves. We also help when you get stuck to generate new options you may not have considered.

From that very first meeting, clients find that divorce mediation is a less expensive, less stressful alternative to litigation that will get them to where they want to be.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Divorce in the Current Economy

5/20/2022

The ups and downs of the current economy are making some couples contemplating divorce a little nervous. Divorce mediation involves dividing assets and debts, calculating child support and alimony and generally making financial plans for a new future. There will always be some level of financial uncertainty when taking steps toward divorce, but it should not keep you from moving forward. In divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we take current economic issues into account while helping to guide you toward a fair and equitable agreement.

Over the last few months, the stock market has been down, reducing the value of some retirement assets. These changes should not adversely impact the divorce mediation process. In mediation, we mostly focus on how we are dividing the assets rather than the account totals, so we can still move ahead with your plans.

Similarly, we can work around the uptick in the housing market. For many, the value of their marital home has increased in recent months, providing a bonus to divorcing couples seeking to sell or refinance their marital home, while making it harder in some cases to find a new place to live. These are also issues that can be addressed in mediation, while we make plans for your short-term and long-term financial futures.

Finally, the job market is also in flux, with minimum wages rising and employers offering various forms of work ranging from in-office to hybrid to fully remote. For many employees this has been a time of opportunity, while others are feeling stretched thin. These employment issues may impact the discussions involving child support and alimony in divorce mediation, but do not hinder your ability to move ahead.

Economic uncertainty is always going to exist in some form. The important thing is to address these concerns in divorce mediation and work together to factor them into your agreement. Finding solutions that work for both partners in mediation will allow you to move forward to a better, less stressful future.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

How to Use the First Session of Mediation

4/22/2022

The first session of divorce mediation is an introduction to the process. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we use this time to explain the divorce process in New Jersey (including the difference between a contested and uncontested divorce), how divorce mediation works and our practice’s approach to mediation.

For potential clients, it is an opportunity to present the facts about their situation and ask any questions. While there is no commitment required, sometimes clients use the time as their first step in divorce mediation and start planning for later sessions. Other divorcing couples use the intro session solely for information gathering and deciding if divorce mediation is the right path for them, and if it is, whether this is the right time to move forward.

To get the most out of the first session, clients should consider beforehand whether they have any questions and what are the key issues for them. Participating actively in this meeting will make it the most worthwhile. For example, they may want to know what the options are for selling or keeping their home. Clients also often have concerns about alimony – how it is calculated and what is required. If they have specific problems that have already arisen - for example, one partner is spending all the joint monies or has mental health issues that interfere with their ability to parent, or one party has immigration concerns that will be impacted by divorce - this session is a great place to discuss these topics and start developing plans to address them.

Sometimes, clients decide to continue divorce mediation while working through their outside issues. For example, they may decide to place their home on the market while in mediation. Other times, they feel it makes more sense for them to create a more stable set-up at home before moving forward. There is no set timetable to mediation, so there is a lot of flexibility for deciding how to proceed. Clients can take a break from the process at any time, and then return whenever they feel ready to move forward.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Sharing the Facts in Mediation

3/25/2022

For divorce mediation to work, the clients need to share the facts.

In divorce mediation, a neutral mediator guides the divorcing couple through the process to create a divorce agreement that works for their family. For this process to be successful, the clients must actively participate in the discussion, complete assignments and collect all the required financial information. The clients play important roles in educating the mediator about their family dynamics and their financial situation. In many ways, the mediator has to base her guidance on the information that the clients choose to share. In other words, to some extent, she only knows what the clients tell her.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, to gather the necessary information from our clients, the mediators give assignments and ask relevant questions. But the clients have to choose to reveal important information about their lives for the process to work. For example, if one parent works 100 hours a week, that would be a key fact to know for crafting the parenting plan. Similarly, if either party is in a new relationship, or has mental or physical health issues, these are important considerations for deciding how best to move forward.

On the financial side, the parties have to share information about investments or accounts. Actual financial statements work best in educating the mediator (and sometimes the other spouse as well) about different assets, liabilities and sources of income. And if divorcing spouses share only tax information that is incomplete, the mediator will not be able to calculate child support and alimony that reflects the family’s actual financial situation.

This is not to say that in mediation you need to share everything about your personal lives. We do not need to know about all of the disagreements that led you to seek divorce. Just that now that you are seeking a divorce, the mediator (and sometimes an unknowing spouse) needs to know about those aspects of your lives that are relevant to helping you create an agreement that is both fair and practicable.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

What to Expect in Divorce Mediation

2/25/2022

Sometimes it is easiest for prospective clients to understand what divorce mediation is like, by learning more about what divorce mediation is not. Divorce mediation is a process where couples attend together (either in-person or virtually) and work together over a few sessions to create an agreement on parenting, division of assets and debts, child support and alimony. An impartial mediator guides the couple through the process. At the end of mediation, the divorcing couple leaves with a Memorandum of Understanding that lays out their agreement.

This definition means that divorce mediation is not therapy or a place to work on the issues that led the couple to decide to divorce. Rather, it is a forum for crafting a practical plan for the future. While sessions may become emotional sometimes, mediation is primarily a forward-looking process rather than a backward-looking one.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, the mediator’s role in this process is to guide the clients in their decision-making by listening to their goals and asking questions that they may not have considered on their own. The divorce mediator may take steps to ensure that both spouses have a voice in crafting the plan and that the ultimate agreement is fair and equitable to both parties. However, the mediator remains neutral throughout the sessions. She is not there to take sides. In addition, it is not her role to act like a judge and decide how the couple should proceed.

This dynamic allows the clients to have control over their own plan and tailor it to their family’s specific needs. Moreover, divorce mediation has the added benefit of fostering cooperation so that ex-spouses learn how to work together toward agreement. In general, people are more likely to follow a plan that they helped draft than one that was foisted upon them by the Court.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Moving Out During Divorce

1/28/2022

Generally, during the divorce process, at least one person moves out of the shared home. Sometimes both spouses agree to sell the house and move; and sometimes one stays while the other relocates. The upheaval that comes with changing one’s living space can be stressful at the best of times. These days with Covid concerns, there are also additional factors to consider including the tight real estate market and the fact that so many people are working from home. In divorce mediation, we anticipate these stressors, and help couples develop flexible, practical plans for going forward with their lives.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, a neutral mediator helps each couple work together on a plan for moving on. The spouse who is leaving needs a new home, possibly one that can serve as an at-home office and accommodate the children during his/her parenting time. If one person is staying and one leaving, we sometimes devise a plan for the parties to continue to own the home together for a designated period of time – e.g., a set number of years or perhaps until the kids finish high school. In addition, we make arrangements for getting the person who is leaving their share of the equity in the home so that they have the resources they need to find a new place to live.

We often counsel people that their first new home after leaving the marital residence may just be an interim stop. They may need some time for their schedules and finances to stabilize. At that point, they will be better situated to find a more suitable choice for the long-term. Indeed, this need for an interim housing plan may be even more common now when there are fewer homes available for rent or sale in some markets. For many people, recognizing in mediation that their first home post-divorce is not necessarily their last makes the move feel much less overwhelming.

For more information about housing plans or other aspects of divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

A Good Time For Divorce Mediation

12/23/2021

Like most people, we are feeling drained by the endless pandemic. Still, if there is any silver lining in this difficult period that we have all been living through for the past two years, it may be that the pandemic has made people stop to consider what is important in their lives and work toward making positive changes. As a result of this “Covid clarity”, many of our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC have sought divorce mediation to improve their family situations and plan for happier less stressful futures.

Divorce mediation offers divorcing couples a better alternative to litigation. We work with clients to create a parenting and financial plan that works for their particular family. The process is broken into small steps so it is manageable and not overwhelming. There is no retainer required – the process is pay-as-you-go which works well for many budgets. Divorce mediation offers a quicker, less expensive path to divorce, and gives clients more control over the costs, pace and final agreement.

Living through Covid has taught us all the value of doing things that make you happy with the people who make you happy. It is time to make decisions that will improve your life now and in the future. If you are considering divorce, it may be best to use divorce mediation for your path forward.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

How Long Does Divorce Mediation Take?

9/24/2021

When prospective clients call, they often ask how long the divorce mediation process takes. The simple answer is easy – usually clients attend 4-6 one-hour sessions, generally 2 weeks apart, so you may be done in 8 -12 weeks. We can even meet weekly if you are in a hurry. The gaps between appointments provide clients the time they need to gather information and/or think about the issues and the options.

While the majority of our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, do wind up following this path, for others, the process takes longer. Some clients prefer to spread out the intervals between appointments for budgetary reasons. Mediation is pay-as-you-go, which is different from litigation where a lawyer requires an upfront retainer fee of several thousand dollars, so clients set up the meetings in a way that works for their particular financial situation. For others, they want to try out living their new parenting plan before committing to it in Court. And sometimes people want to get in a more settled financial place – either with their jobs or their new living arrangements before they move forward.

Even when clients finish mediation, they don’t all choose to get divorced right away. Sometimes people finish most of the process, and then take months away from mediation to be sure, or because other issues have arisen in their lives that they need to deal with first. In other cases, people wrap up, but then decide not to get divorced until months or years later. In these situations, clients often call us to update their documents one last time before filing.

So, the real answer to the question “how long does the process take?”, is that it is up to you. We can move as quickly or as slowly as you want. In divorce mediation, unlike divorce litigation where the Court sets the calendar, you can proceed on your own timetable. This is one of the many reasons that divorce mediation is a less stressful alternative to litigation.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

New School Year, Covid and Divorce

8/20/2021

With summer winding down and the new school year starting soon, this may be a good time for divorced or divorcing couples to evaluate their current parenting and financial plans. Unfortunately, the coronavirus is still a factor, which may impact family decision-making for the foreseeable future. In divorce mediation, we help divorcing couples create flexible parenting and financial plans to guide them through this process of dealing with changing schedules and options. And in some cases, when new issues arise, clients come back to mediation to address them and work together to ensure that they are on the same page.

In some families, kids are returning to school for the first time in many months. This transition may impact the parenting plan. In addition to the usual concerns of getting the children to school on time and accounting for their afterschool time, in divorce mediation, we now have new things to consider like vaccines and masking. Separated and divorced parents must also decide together what activities they are comfortable having their kids participate in and whether there should be any limitations on socializing and travel.

In addition, many businesses are opening up their offices this September with some companies requiring workers to return at least part-time. This development affects parenting plans and creates new child care needs because of the increased amount of time parents are spending outside of home at work and commuting. Moreover, the rebooting economy has impacted employment opportunities and upended the housing market which impacts divorcing couple’s financial decisions regarding assets, debts and support.

At Westfield Mediation, we work with divorcing and divorced couples to help you come to resolution on all of these issues in a less stressful way. By guiding you through this process, we make a potentially difficult time of the year much more manageable.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

As Covid Fades, New Parenting Issues Arise

6/18/2021

As we start resuming normal life activities with the reduction of cases of Covid-19 in the US (yay!), the mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, are helping divorced or divorcing parents deal with new issues in mediation.

First, parents will have to decide whether and when to vaccinate their children. In addition, a whole bunch of other questions have cropped up: What’s the family policy on mask-wearing? Who can the kids play with or visit? Can plans be made for inside gatherings or just outside ones? Should the children return to in-person camp or school? Should the children be allowed to travel – either in the US or abroad?

Generally, it is simpler for the children if both parents adopt a consistent approach. Moreover, it is best for parents to discuss these issues ahead of time to avoid any confusion or unnecessary battles.

In divorce mediation, we work with divorcing parents to address all of the issues that arise with child-rearing including health, education, activities and travel. We break the process into small steps to make it more manageable and less stressful for everyone. In addition to drafting parenting and holiday schedules, we also incorporate plans for decision-making and for covering all child-related expenses.

Our plans are both comprehensive and flexible. As a result, in mediation, we provide our clients with a framework for moving forward, so that when new unforeseen circumstances emerge, like those that came with the pandemic, parents are better equipped to work together to create a plan.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Authors

Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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