Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

Getting back to Life after coronavirus

6/26/2020

Many couples contemplating divorce before the pandemic put things on hold while they waited out the stress and uncertainty. A lot of people were reluctant to move forward with divorce mediation with their kids home from school, and the housing and employment markets all over the place.

Now that the state is slowly opening up, it has become clear that the old normal may be a ways away. But, there are some hopeful signs of progress. The housing market seems to be recovering, so that divorcing couples who want to sell their home will be able to move ahead. Similarly, with stores and restaurants re-opening, employment is slowly rebounding in some sectors. In addition, the stock market seems to also be stabilizing, improving investment and retirement accounts. As a result, it may be a good time to start working out your future plans through divorce mediation even if we are living in a different reality.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help our divorcing clients craft parenting and financial plans that are flexible enough to work even in uncertain times. For example, we can design parenting plans that account for changing school and camp schedules. Similarly, the child support and alimony provisions in our clients’ agreements are designed to be adjusted as needed if income and employment issues arise. We also work with couples who are already divorced to modify their existing arrangements as circumstances change over time.

While the changes to our lives that came with Covid-19 were unpredictable, as divorce mediators who create plans that need to hold up over long periods of time, we are used to drafting agreements that work for now, and also account for unexpected developments.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Why now may be a good time for divorce mediation

5/1/2020

Many couples who were considering divorce before the Coronavirus hit, are currently wondering whether they should move ahead now with divorce mediation or wait until life gets back to normal.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we tell our divorce mediation clients that we recognize that this is a difficult time for everyone. Yet, while we are all dealing with the stress and uncertainty of the quarantine/lockdown, there are some real benefits to working on your divorce agreement now.

First of all, we don’t know when the economy is going to pick up again, so waiting for the perfect time to move forward – the time when your home has more value, or you have better job security, or your retirement assets bounce back -- may mean waiting for a long time in an unhappy family situation. Instead of feeling stuck, you can use this time productively to create a parenting and financial plan. If the issues of your marriage are weighing on you, taking action may make you feel more in control of your life and less stressed all around. Moreover, if you decide to start creating a future plan -- there is no rush to finalize anything yet. The courts are open, but in a limited way right now, so the process can move ahead but may take a little longer. Having a plan in mind and on paper, will allow you to move quickly when you decide it’s the right time. Finally, because the pandemic has changed everyone’s schedule, and many of us are working from home, people can more easily plan their appointments.

The hardships we are living through with the Coronavirus and the quarantine can feel overwhelming. Still, for many families, there are real practical and emotional benefits to moving ahead now with divorce mediation.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Dealing with Divorce in the Days of Coronavirus

4/3/2020

As divorce mediators, we have been seeing firsthand that the stresses of life as a divorcing or divorced couple have been made that much harder by the new guidelines for daily life in place during the Coronavirus pandemic.

Many couples who have decided to get divorced are currently confined to their homes together because of the pandemic, adding to heightened tension all around. Moreover, the family’s ability to move forward by either selling their home, renting or buying a new home, or changing jobs has become much more limited, at least in the short term. A lot of people are currently unemployed and dealing with enormous financial pressures.

Similarly, in post-divorce households, ex-spouses are also dealing with new potential obstacles. Following parenting plans has become more fraught, with increased concerns about the children’s health, education, and activities. In addition, neutral places to pick up kids when they change households – like schools and libraries - have been closed. Moreover, when issues or disputes arise, the courts are providing only limited services to parents seeking enforcement of parenting plans.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we are continuing to help our divorce mediation clients get through these trying times. With calm compassion, we guide our clients through the sometimes complicated separation process to make workable plans for their future. In our experience, we have found that looking forward and creating practical plans for the days and years ahead helps people cope with the uncertainty and difficulty of their current circumstances.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

divorce and pets

3/6/2020

In many homes, pets – dogs, cats, lizards, rabbits -- are considered part of the family. So what happens to the pets if you get divorced?

In our divorce mediation agreements at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we always address how you are planning to care for the pets post-divorce. We consider what is in the best interest of the animals and the family. In addition to being an emotional issue, this is also a financial one, because pet care can be expensive. Also, some housing options do not allow for animals. So our divorce mediation agreements have to take feelings, finances and logistics into account.

For some families, the divorcing couples decide that the pets should follow the kids, so when the kids switch homes, the pets come along. Other families divide the pets over two households, with each adult responsible for their designated animal. In addition, some divorcing couples add in special instructions regarding the animals – for example, that the cats can’t be declawed, or that if one ex-spouse can’t care for the pet any longer, the other one gets first rights to the pet. By creating an agreement that address the needs of each specific family including the family pets, we help minimize the stress of the divorce process.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

everyone benefits from divorce mediation

1/10/2020

We have already talked about everything, do we still need a divorce mediator? We never talk at all, can we still go to divorce mediation? Yes and yes.

As divorce mediators, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we meet divorcing couples who are at different places in their relationship. Some soon-to-be-exes have worked out a parenting and financial plan for moving forward after divorce; some have not even agreed about ending their marriage; and most are somewhere in-between. Regardless of your preparation for the future, divorce mediation can be extremely helpful.

For those couples who have already worked out some details of their plan, the mediator can help by reviewing the plan. She asks the right questions and makes sure that the divorcing couple understands what they have agreed to. Then the mediator writes up the agreement in a way that is both comprehensive and flexible, and clearly reflects the family’s plan. By addressing all of the issues, divorce mediation reduces the chances that the family will have later disputes and will have to return to Court multiple times.

For those families where the spouses are not on the same page about moving forward or have not yet discussed how the new set-up will look, the divorce mediator breaks the process down into small, manageable steps to make it less overwhelming. She ensures that each party’s voice is heard, so that no one feels that he or she was steamrolled into agreeing to something that makes him or her uncomfortable. By working closely with the couple, the divorce mediator makes a difficult process less stressful and creates a fair agreement for the family going forward.

In divorce mediation, we meet you where you are in your own relationship and process, and help guide you along to a future that makes sense for your family.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

taking a break

12/6/2019

Sometimes we get clients who want to take a break from their marriage. They are not sure whether or not they want to get divorced, but they want to try living separately for a while, to see if a new living arrangement will reduce their daily stresses and arguments, and allow them to work on issues in their marriage and family in a healthier way.

While New Jersey does not have an official legal separation, in our divorce mediation practice at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we often help couples create an agreement for living apart. We work out both a parenting plan and a financial agreement, so that the separated couples can have a blueprint for their new living arrangement and see what works best for them.

Sometimes, living separately gives couples the space they need to work out underlying problems, and they are able to reconcile after living apart for a while. And if not, trying out the new parenting and financial plan allows them to see where adjustments should be made to their agreement if they ultimately decide to file for divorce. Separation is often a good interim step for couples contemplating divorce.

For more information about separation agreements or divorce mediation, , please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

What to do about the house When getting divorced

11/1/2019

When couples are considering getting divorced, one question that often causes great stress, is “where are they going to live after the divorce?” Generally, people are emotionally attached to their home, and worried about the impact of moving on both themselves and their children. In addition, for most people their house is both their biggest asset and their biggest expense, so coming up with a plan for selling it or keeping it has to factor into any future financial plan.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we always ask our divorce mediation clients to get a market valuation of their home from a realtor to determine how much equity they have in their house. We go over together how much they pay for their mortgage, property taxes, home owners’ insurance and other house maintenance. Then, we consider what would make the most sense financially, and for the emotional needs of the family.

Some options include selling the house, refinancing it in one spouse’s name or continuing to own the house together for a set period of time. Sometimes, divorcing couples are in a hurry to sell so that they have the cash they need to move forward. Other times, the couple wants to wait before selling so that they can fix up the house for maximum profits or just to adjust more slowly to the change in their circumstances. For some clients, rather than sell the house right away, the divorcing couple decides that one parent will remain in the home with the children until they finish high school or college. Such an approach may minimize the stress on the kids, by allowing them to stay in one familiar place.

In any case, the divorcing couple must decide how they will continue to pay for the house expenses, including the mortgage, taxes, home insurance, and potential repairs, until the house is sold or refinanced in one person’s name. The family also will need to allocate enough funds so that the parent who moves out can maintain his/her own separate household. Finally, the couple has to decide how they will divide the proceeds from the house once it is sold. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we know that each family has its own specific financial and emotional needs, and through divorce mediation, we can help create a plan to fit them.

For more information about dividing assets in divorce mediation or divorce mediation in general, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Parenting Plans and Moving within the state

10/16/2019

One of the sticky questions that arises when creating a parenting plan in divorce mediation is what happens to the family’s parenting plan if one parent wants to move – in state or out of state -- and the other parent does not agree with the move?

Since 2017, the Court has said that the parent who wants to move out of state has to show that his/her plan is in the best interests of the children. Now, in a case that was decided on October 7, 2019, the NJ Appellate Court said that the standard for an out of state move would also be applied to an in-state move. According to the case, if the parent of primary residence wants to move and the other parent objects, the objecting parent has to show that the best interests of the children are affected. Once this is shown, the Court considers several factors including family relationships, the age and education of the children, the parents’ employment, and the amount of time spent with each parent, etc. – to determine whether to allow the move and whether to make any adjustments to the established custody plan and parenting time. Essentially, this new decision raises the standard for divorced parents moving within the state to the same high standard applied to moves out of state.

For our divorce mediation clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we always recommend that our clients include a provision in their agreement on how to address moving. If the parents cannot agree on a move, they generally have to go to court to address their concerns. With this new case, they will have to show that a move in state or out, is in their children’s best interests.

For more information on parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

DIVORCE AND COURT FORMS

10/4/2019

Forms, forms and yet more forms. There is a multitude of required paperwork regarding your final divorce agreement that must be submitted to the court. In New Jersey, this is a multi-step process. To begin the process there are initial forms (complaint, insurance info, certification of non-collusion, etc.) you need to fill out when first letting the court know you want to get divorced. You will get most of these forms returned to you, with a docket number. This docket number needs to be included on all subsequent court forms that you submit to the court and serve the other spouse. Serving the spouse with the forms has its own set of forms as well. Then the spouse needs to answer the initial complaint paperwork with more paperwork saying s/he received the complaint and agrees with it or does not agree with it. Oh, and you both need to fill out the lengthy and intrusive Case Information Statement about your finances, income, and budgets.

Most couples who utilize divorce mediation have reached an amicable divorce agreement. They do not want the hassle of filling out forms and jumping through all of these hoops to get divorced. They have already done the serious part of making the decisions about the kids and dividing up the assets and debts. At Westfield Mediation, our divorce mediators can recommend review attorneys who in addition to informing you of your legal rights during the divorce and accompanying you to court, can help with all of the paperwork and serving and answering of the complaint.

If you want to do the paperwork yourself, you can seek assistance at the courthouse from the courthouse ombudsmen, attend a free divorce seminar provided by the courts like this one https://www.njcourts.gov/public/assets/ombuds/2019/divsem_eng.pdf?c=wAU or this one https://www.njcourts.gov/public/assets/ombuds/2018/divorceworkshopflyer.pdf?c=47P. You can get a divorce kit from Legal Services of New Jersey for a small fee and it includes all the forms. https://checkout.lsnj.org/index.php/hikashop-menu-for-categories-listing/product/1-divorce-in-new-jersey-a-self-help-guide-pdf-edition-for-individual-users-with-forms

But there is no way around it. No completed forms means no completed divorce. The forms must be done.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

When one spouse isn't ready for Divorce

9/20/2019

A lot of times in divorce mediation, we find that one spouse is more ready to get divorced than the other. Sometimes, the reluctant spouse does not want to move forward because s/he wants to keep working on the relationship. Other times, s/he recognizes the problems with the marriage, but s/he is worried about the impact of divorce on the kids, or on the family’s financial situation. Often, people are understandably nervous about the change and uncertainty that comes with divorce.

All of these feelings are normal and common. And couples shouldn’t rush into getting divorced. Yet, as we tell our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, if one person wants a divorce, realistically, it is likely it will happen sooner or later.

So, what should the reluctant spouse do? Even if you do not want to get divorced, you need to participate actively in the process or you will likely wind up living with an agreement that does not work well for you. Participating often means considering the tough questions that are hard to grapple with – what kind of parenting plan do you want? Where are you going to live? What are you going to do with the house? -- so that you end up with a plan that you both can accept. You should make an effort not to opt out of the process just to get it over with, or so you don’t have to think about the future.

In divorce mediation, we recognize that moving ahead with divorce can be difficult and emotional. We work with our clients to ensure that the hard issues are addressed in a way that works for both spouses – the ready one and the less ready one.
For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com