Our Divorce Mediation Blog

Changing the routines after divorce

2/19/2018

Getting divorced changes the family routines, and both spouses will often need to take on new roles and responsibilities that are different from how it used to be.

These changes in lifestyle can be difficult at first. For example, in some families one parent does most of the child care from arranging child activities and playdates, to helping with homework, to buying presents for birthday parties. After divorce, both parents may have to share these jobs; and it can take some adjustment on the part of the whole family to get comfortable with the new normal. Similarly, a divorced parent may want to take a vacation with their kids. The traveling parent may have to deal with the difficulty of going away without another adult, while the other parent needs to get used to the idea that the rest of the family went on a trip without him or her.

Significant changes also occur on the financial front. For example, one spouse may have taken on the financial planning, money management, bill-paying pre-divorce. Now, that there are two households instead of one, these financial responsibilities need to be taken on by each ex-spouse.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help prepare our divorce mediation clients for these lifestyle changes. We explain that taking on these new roles and responsibilities may feel overwhelming at first. This is a normal and reasonable response. We encourage divorcing couples to seek outside help from friends and family and other support networks, especially during the transition time. We also suggest that our clients think of these changes as opportunities to develop new skills that will help them moving forward.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Big Changes may be coming for alimony

12/22/2017

The proposed tax bill that Congress is working on includes a big change to alimony/spousal support. According to the latest version of the bill, beginning with divorce agreements executed in 2019, alimony will no longer be a deductible expense for the ex-spouse who pays. And the recipient will not have to pay tax on the alimony he or she receives.

This change could be a big deal for divorcing couples. While it could save some money for the person who gets alimony, it may make the higher-earning spouse less inclined to pay spousal support – and have less money available to distribute -- if there is no tax benefit to the payment.

In New Jersey, determining the amount and time period of spousal support or alimony requires a balancing of factors – the length of the marriage, the parties’ age, health, income and ability to earn, etc. Currently, the alimony payments are taxable income for the person who receives them, and a tax deduction for the payer.

In divorce mediation, we work with our clients to develop a fair spousal support plan that also takes into account the divorcing couples’ assets and debts. In our experience at Westfield Mediation, LLC, the current tax rule generally encourages divorcing couples to include spousal support in their agreements, because both the payer and the payee benefit. It will be interesting to see how this proposed change plays out in the real world of divorce.

For more information on spousal support or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

The Hot-Button issue of Alimony

10/27/2017

Alimony is often a hot-button issue in divorce mediation, and the discussion can get very emotional. In many cases, one spouse feels that he or she deserves more money for a longer period while the other wants to pay less money for a shorter time. Also, while the goal is to even things out for some period of time to reflect the lifestyle of the marriage, the couple may also disagree on what kind of lifestyle they had. For example, if this past year was particularly good or bad, how should that factor into the calculation. Luckily, in divorce mediation, we are used to difficult discussions. And we can guide divorcing couples with somewhat competing interests to reach an agreement.

Determining the amount and time period of spousal support or alimony requires a balancing of factors – the length of the marriage, the parties’ age, health, income and ability to earn, etc. Because there is no one set formula, divorce mediators can help couples come up with creative solutions. For example, for our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we sometimes create a plan where the amount of spousal support changes over time, giving the receiving person some opportunity to establish himself/herself financially. Also, in our financial plans, we balance spousal support with the distribution of assets and debts to come up a fair allocation for both people. Alimony has tax consequences and also impacts child support, so it’s important to have a financial agreement that works for the whole family.

Coming up with a plan for alimony that makes everyone feel comfortable can be tricky, but it is doable. For more information on spousal support or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Child support for grown children

9/1/2017

Most states have a legal limit for “emancipation” – the date when parents are no longer legally required to support their children. It can be based on an age or on an event like getting married, joining the military or graduating from college.

But, in reality, not all kids are magically able to support themselves once they hit that date. So how do you create a divorce agreement to cover the expenses for that time period when your kids age out of child support, but are still not financially self-sufficient?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we have many divorce mediation clients who continue to support their children in some way after the legal age of emancipation. Sometimes, the divorcing parents still pay for some bills – like those for cell phones, car insurance, health insurance. In other cases, the kids still live with one parent or the other, rent-free, so the parent is covering both housing and food.

In each of these scenarios, we help the divorcing parents come to an agreement about how to deal with these ongoing expenses. In some cases, we may divide the costs between the parties, or put limits on time frames or amounts. Our goal is to create a parenting plan that is fair to both sides and that is financially practical for the family.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Post-divorce Mediation

8/4/2017

Sometimes the divorce decree is not the final stop for divorcing spouses, and clients need Post-Divorce Mediation. While this may feel like a setback, it is actually pretty common. So, what are the reasons that already-divorced couples go to mediation?

In some cases, one or both of the exes are having trouble following the agreement, and they return to mediation in the hopes of working through their issues with a divorce mediator instead of returning to court. Indeed, the court prefers mediation to continuing litigation. In many settlement agreements, divorced couples are required to try to resolve their differences through mediation before the court will allow them to return.

Another reason for post-divorce mediation is that the needs of children have changed, and the parents want to modify the schedule, the parenting plan and/or child support. Obviously, it is not always possible to predict how your children’s interests will change over time, and sometimes the original plan for them must be modified. Moreover, if clients move to a new location or change jobs, parenting plans may need to be adjusted. In addition, major changes to income from either employment or inheritance also lead divorce mediation clients back to the drawing board to re-work spousal support, child support or both.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work with clients to make their post-divorce mediation sessions as painless and productive as possible. We recognize that many clients are frustrated to find themselves still working on their divorce, and we help guide them through this bump in the road. By using mediation rather than litigation to resolve post-divorce issues, clients can reduce their stress, and save time and money.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Tax time and divorce

3/3/2017

Like most people, I give my taxes passing thoughts here and there during tax season. Yesterday was one of those days because I was working on my business tax return. However, in my work as a divorce mediator I ask every client I see about their taxes, no matter the time of year.

Taxes are just one of the many important financial areas you have to consider when creating a divorce agreement. The issue of taxes pops up all over the agreement. Spousal support (alimony) is taxable to the person receiving the payment and tax deductible to the person paying it. Who is claiming the children as dependents on his/her tax return once you are divorced and filing separately? Are you selling your house together as a married couple or afterwards as a divorced single person? There are greater tax savings as a couple. What happens if 2 years from now, when you are divorced, you get audited for the tax year from 5 years ago when you were still married? Who pays for what? You can divide a retirement account without any penalties or tax burden when divorcing.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we suggest to every client that each party reviews his/her divorce agreement with a tax professional before signing off on the final agreement. You don’t want to agree to a certain division of assets and then have to pay a tax 8 years from now that you did not know was associated with assuming that asset. A tax professional is up-to-date on the latest tax law changes and can best advise you on the most cost-efficient answers to the many tax questions. Westfield Mediation, LLC, has a list of divorce knowledgeable tax professionals in the area if you do not have a personal accountant to help you with this vital piece of the divorce puzzle. When you are getting a divorce the issues of taxes comes up any time of the year, not just at tax time.

For more information about divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Gift-giving and divorce

12/23/2016

‘Tis the season – for celebrating and for presents. This time of year, in addition, to coming up with plans for how to spend and share the holidays, divorcing parents often need to negotiate gift-giving for their kids.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we discuss with our divorce mediation clients their plans for giving presents to their children. For holidays and birthdays, it is important for divorced parents to work together so that they do not buy duplicate gifts and/or one parent (or the Santa that visits that parent’s home) is not noticeably more generous than the other. To create some sense of equivalency, in some families, the parents decide on a monetary limit for each gift or a maximum for total purchases. In others, they exchange their planned lists so that each parent is in the loop. Setting these kinds of limits in advance and then sticking to them is an essential part of the trust-building that parents need to do to co-parent successfully after divorce.

In divorce mediation, we also make plans for purchasing the gifts that the children bring to other kids’ parties. Attending children’s parties is a significant part of a child’s social development, and the parents need to create a plan for sharing the responsibility of buying gifts, as well as the financial burden of paying for them. By covering these day-to-day issues in advance in divorce mediation, we reduce the possibility of arguments later on.

For more information on parenting plans or divorce mediation, , please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Fair and equitable

11/25/2016

The focus in divorce mediation is on coming up with a plan that is “fair and equitable.” Keeping that standard in mind for our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC would seem to lead to an easy path for dividing assets and debts, and creating a reasonable plan for spousal support. Yet, in many divorces, the emotional and the financial are all tangled up, and what’s fair to one person seems quite unfair to the other.

Generally, (with a few exceptions), both the assets and debts accumulated during marriage are shared. But what if one spouse ran up big credit card bills while having an affair, or in a less extreme scenario, buying high-ticket items he or she knew that other spouse wouldn’t approve. Should those bills still be evenly shared? What if one spouse helped the other pay off debt early in their marriage – is there any credit later on for that assistance? What if one party’s low salary was an ongoing source of strain, should that spouse still get an equivalent settlement or generous alimony plan? Are the burdens borne by the primary parent and the primary earner the same? Should they share the pot evenly?

These are the kinds of emotional financial issues we commonly deal with in divorce mediation. We help divorcing couples draft a financial plan that they can both accept, keeping in mind both the best interests of the children, and the fair and equitable standard. It can be tricky, but the goal is to make it less of a win-lose scenario, and more of a collaborative effort. Working together with a mediator through this process helps preserve a better ongoing relationship; and divorcing couples who have some input into the plan are more likely to follow it.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Case information statement

10/14/2016

A very important form when getting divorced is the Case Information Statement. It is required by the court and gives a detailed picture of your finances. The key part of the form that you complete in divorce mediation is Part D, which is a two-column side by side form that shows your monthly budget when you were married and living under one roof and your projected monthly budget post-divorce and living in separate households. Almost every client has a difficult time with this form, either because they are already living apart and don’t remember what their under-one-roof expenses were like, or because they are still living together and don’t know what their expenses living apart will be. Most couples have to do this form several times.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help couples with this difficult, but useful, step in the process. It forces some couples to face the reality that divorce means they will be living apart with separate expenses. It is also helpful to give a family a sense of lifestyle post-divorce. It is very challenging to financially support two households on the same income that you are used to supporting one household. While some overall expenses will double (two cable bills, two heating bills, etc.) some will stay the same (dry cleaning, haircuts, etc.) and some may have to go down (entertainment, vacations, etc.). It is a valuable exercise so the client can prepare financially for his/her new post-divorce life. It is also helpful for both clients to see how the other plans to live and to ensure that one person is not living the good life while the other is living in a tent on the side of the road.

The court will use these budgets to make sure that this does not happen. In reality, both parties usually have to scale back his/her lifestyle for a little while after the divorce. But if there is an imbalance, then the alimony or child support amount between the parties may need to be adjusted. It is not fair if one person soars and the other plummets. Support amounts can help balance the economic scales. The CIS budget form is a difficult, but very necessary, form to help determine these factors.

For more information about Case Information Statements or divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

divorce and MOney Troubles

9/30/2016

Divorcing couples often have money troubles. Sometimes, these problems already existed, and maybe even contributed to the decision to divorce. Other times, it is just the expense of creating two households that makes things financially difficult. As part of the divorce mediation process at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help our clients create a workable financial plan.

In mediation, we go through our clients’ assets and debts, and help them devise an agreement for dividing them. We also create plans for child support and spousal support or alimony. Finally, we have our clients complete budgets that show how much they spend living together, and how much they will spend living apart.

During this process, it often becomes clear that for most people, the expenses of living separately are greater than those living apart, and their current incomes are going to need to be stretched. This is especially true at the beginning of the separation when the couple may need to set up a new home or two.

To get through this rough time, we encourage our clients to try to trim their budgets and/or maximize their income. Oftentimes, we recommend speaking to a financial advisor to determine how best to move forward with current income and investments. Laying out financial issues helps make clear what each person needs to do to afford their new life. And having a practical financial plan in place takes some of the stress out of getting divorced.

For more information about financial plans and/or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com