Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

End of Summer, A Time for New Beginnings

9/7/2023

September always seems to me to be the time for transitions and new beginnings. As divorce mediators, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work closely with our clients to prepare for the various changes happening during this time of year.

For example, as part of the divorce mediation process, we guide our clients to create parenting plans; and September is often the time when divorcing parents switch from the summer parenting plan to the school-year parenting plan. Fall also starts the holiday season, and as part of crafting the parenting plan in divorce mediation, we help divorcing parents allocate the autumn days off from school like the Jewish holidays, Indigenous People’s Day, New Jersey teacher’s convention break and Veterans Day. Plus, we remind them to create a plan for Halloween - specifically, who is going to the school parade and trick-or-treating. Deciding all of these issues preemptively in divorce mediation helps minimize conflict down the road.

For divorcing parents of older children attending college, the fall semester usually begins around now. We help these divorcing parents develop plans to navigate the school schedule. In addition, we work with them to determine how to cover college expenses as well as the costs of living when the kids return home for breaks.

For divorce mediation clients with and without children, September often brings more demanding work schedules after the lazier days of summer which impacts both their flexibility and income. Financial plans created in mediation take into account these seasonal shifts.

Finally, for our mediator coaching clients, September begins the busy season when more clients are hoping to get divorced by year-end and are seeking assistance. We are available to assist these new mediators either to launch their new businesses effectively or to maintain their existing ones productively.

Changes can be both exciting and scary. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work closely with our clients to prepare them for these transitions.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Can Nesting Work?

8/24/2023

Can nesting work? Justin Trudeau (Prime Minister of Canada) and Sophie Gregoire Trudeau sure hope so. Their children will remain living in their home in Ottawa with their father, while their mother has moved to her own residence nearby. When the Prime Minister is away on state business (which occurs somewhat regularly), Sophie will move back in to take on primary parenting duties. The kids don’t move in or out of the home--the parents do. The children remain in the proverbial nest.

Typically, neither parent claims the nest as their primary residence and both parents alternate being the parent in the nest. The Trudeaus have particularly unique circumstances in which the Prime Minister remains in the nest and only Sophie rotates in and out of the nest. Nesting can be your solution when you want to have minimal disruption to the children. No child is packing up their stuff to move out of the home or between two homes -- they go to the same school, participate in the same extra-curricular activities, see the same doctor and have the same friends as before. Sounds great in theory.

In reality, there are a lot of logistics to work out when nesting. This is where divorce mediation can be a huge help. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, you can develop a plan before you get separated or divorced to address your post-divorce nesting lifestyle: what are the details involved and how to financially pay for it.

If you can afford it, then each parent may want to get their own small place to reside in when they are out of the nest. This arrangement involves having three households to financially support. More often, the non-nest is a small one-bedroom apartment close by that each parent utilizes when they are out of the family home. Parents should treat the non-nest like an Airbnb and make sure there are fresh sheets on the bed, garbage and dishwasher are empty, staple of food items are available and it is clean. They should also leave the nest in the same clean, proper working order. How do you handle grocery shopping, laundry, chores, pets, maintenance issues, lawn care, etc., for the nest? What if you have a new partner or want to bring a date back to the non-nest? These types of issues should be addressed beforehand and can be in mediation. The reality of nesting is--it is a lot of work.

For more information about nesting and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Creating a Parenting Plan for the Long-Term

7/13/2023

When clients come to divorce mediation for help crafting a parenting plan, we work together with them to make it both comprehensive and flexible. As mediators and parents, we know that the scheduling and financial needs of children change as they grow, and divorcing parents need a framework that can be easily adapted over time. Creating a well thought out parenting plan in mediation eliminates the need for parents to return to court to make changes. In addition, in divorce mediation, parents gain the tools for communicating effectively about their roles and perspectives.

For example, it may be that kids are young when the parents decide to divorce, and at this age, the parents have the most input into the children’s schedule and activities. However, over time, the kids may want to switch things up – instead of moving back and forth between parents’ homes, they may choose a different approach that works better with their social and academic responsibilities. This change may warrant a parenting plan update and a modification of child support. Similarly, one or more of the children that were living at home, may decide to go college and live away from home. At that point, they may be living with one or both parents for only part of the year. Such developments are common and should be expected. The parents need to have a plan that allows for changes to the schedules and child support so that they do not have to go back to court to rehash old issues.

For some divorcing parents with older children, different issues may arise. For example, the parents may decide that even after their children are legally emancipated, the parents intend to continue to cover certain expenses like cell phones, health insurance and/or car insurance for a number of years. The parenting plan can be drafted to reflect this agreement. In other cases, as parents age, they may want to add their children to be co-owners of assets like investments or bank accounts to smooth any transition as the parents need help caring for themselves or as part of estate planning. Their divorce agreement can be drafted to incorporate these plans.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we recognize that parenting is a life-long job. The needs of children change over time, and divorcing parents need a plan that anticipates these changes.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Celebrating Halloween

10/21/2022

Happy Halloween! When developing a parenting plan during the divorce mediation process, we talk to our clients about holidays and how the family is going to celebrate them going forward. There is a tendency during our mediation sessions to focus on the “big ones” like Thanksgiving or Christmas, Easter or Passover. When devising a schedule for these important days, we work hard in divorce mediation to develop plans that are fair to both parents and take important family traditions into account. As part of this discussion, we also talk about Halloween. Since Halloween is a smaller, sillier holiday, we often have to remind clients that they should create a Halloween plan too.

Generally, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we include a provision in the parenting plan for celebrating Halloween that says that both parents can see the kids in their costumes and participate in any school-sponsored activities like classroom parties or Halloween parades. We also talk about trick-or-treating – is it going to be near one parent’s home or the other? Are the kids going to go to alternate neighborhoods in alternate years? Are the parents both going to accompany the kids? If there are multiple children, are the parents going to each have separate roles shepherding the different kids around?

We try to make a plan that is both comprehensive and flexible, knowing that kids’ interests and needs change as they grow. Of course, the parents can deviate from this plan down the road. The goal in mediation is to provide clients with a place to turn for resolution if a dispute arises and they can’t agree on how to proceed.

Regardless of the plan the parents ultimately include in their divorce agreement, the main point stays the same. For many families, Halloween is a fun celebration that the children look forward to all year. It is important to have a post-divorce plan in place that allows everyone – parents and kids – to enjoy the day.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Summer Schedules

6/24/2022

With the school year wrapping up, it is time to think about summer schedules. In divorce mediation, we meet with a lot of divorcing parents to help them create two parenting schedules – one for the school year and one for the summer.

School year schedules are often stricter than summer ones. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we find that for a lot of parents, maintaining a consistent schedule during the school year helps ensure that kids get their homework done and get a healthful amount of sleep. In some families, to reduce the stress of the school and work week, parents try to minimize the back and forth for the children in the parenting plan from September to June. Moreover, to keep things running smoothly when kids move from one parent’s house to another, some clients include in their parenting plans provisions that state that both parents will enforce a set bedtime during the school year. Establishing clear, easy to follow routines reduces sources of possible arguments for the kids and the grown-ups.

For many families, depending on what the kids do during the summer, there may be more flexibility for overnights and later evening activities during this time of year. In addition, many parents plan family vacations during the summer months and these trips also must be factored into the shared schedule.

While the summer allows for more flexibility and potential schedule changes, it may take some time to establish the summer rhythm and routine. Divorcing parents should expect there to be some bumps in the road while everyone shifts gears. In divorce mediation, we explain that being patient and accommodating with both the kids and each other can smooth this transition and allow for more relaxed summer breaks for everyone.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

New School Year, Covid and Divorce

8/20/2021

With summer winding down and the new school year starting soon, this may be a good time for divorced or divorcing couples to evaluate their current parenting and financial plans. Unfortunately, the coronavirus is still a factor, which may impact family decision-making for the foreseeable future. In divorce mediation, we help divorcing couples create flexible parenting and financial plans to guide them through this process of dealing with changing schedules and options. And in some cases, when new issues arise, clients come back to mediation to address them and work together to ensure that they are on the same page.

In some families, kids are returning to school for the first time in many months. This transition may impact the parenting plan. In addition to the usual concerns of getting the children to school on time and accounting for their afterschool time, in divorce mediation, we now have new things to consider like vaccines and masking. Separated and divorced parents must also decide together what activities they are comfortable having their kids participate in and whether there should be any limitations on socializing and travel.

In addition, many businesses are opening up their offices this September with some companies requiring workers to return at least part-time. This development affects parenting plans and creates new child care needs because of the increased amount of time parents are spending outside of home at work and commuting. Moreover, the rebooting economy has impacted employment opportunities and upended the housing market which impacts divorcing couple’s financial decisions regarding assets, debts and support.

At Westfield Mediation, we work with divorcing and divorced couples to help you come to resolution on all of these issues in a less stressful way. By guiding you through this process, we make a potentially difficult time of the year much more manageable.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

As Covid Fades, New Parenting Issues Arise

6/18/2021

As we start resuming normal life activities with the reduction of cases of Covid-19 in the US (yay!), the mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, are helping divorced or divorcing parents deal with new issues in mediation.

First, parents will have to decide whether and when to vaccinate their children. In addition, a whole bunch of other questions have cropped up: What’s the family policy on mask-wearing? Who can the kids play with or visit? Can plans be made for inside gatherings or just outside ones? Should the children return to in-person camp or school? Should the children be allowed to travel – either in the US or abroad?

Generally, it is simpler for the children if both parents adopt a consistent approach. Moreover, it is best for parents to discuss these issues ahead of time to avoid any confusion or unnecessary battles.

In divorce mediation, we work with divorcing parents to address all of the issues that arise with child-rearing including health, education, activities and travel. We break the process into small steps to make it more manageable and less stressful for everyone. In addition to drafting parenting and holiday schedules, we also incorporate plans for decision-making and for covering all child-related expenses.

Our plans are both comprehensive and flexible. As a result, in mediation, we provide our clients with a framework for moving forward, so that when new unforeseen circumstances emerge, like those that came with the pandemic, parents are better equipped to work together to create a plan.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

College, Covid, and Costs

5/14/2021

In New Jersey, including provisions for paying for the kids’ college has become a standard part of the parenting plan in divorce mediation agreements. Adding the realities of Covid 19 and the recent changes to the financial aid rules to the mix have made the decision-making process a little more complicated.

In our state, the courts have long viewed post-high school education as a necessity for which parents are at least partially responsible. Therefore, it should be part of every New Jerseyan’s parenting plan in their divorce agreement. As tempting as it may be, ignoring this issue now will not make the obligation to contribute to your kids’ education just go away. In fact, if you do not address college as part of your divorce agreement, you risk the Court later imposing its own plan on your family based on your children’s needs and goals and both parents’ resources. So, if you say nothing in your divorce agreement, you may end up paying more later than the plan you could develop now during the divorce process.

Over the past year and a half, the pandemic has made the process of selecting a college more challenging. In many cases, because of travel restrictions, students have had to choose where to attend based solely on virtual tours and information. Many school programs have been remote and/or hybrid, meaning students had to pay for school, yet live elsewhere. Now some schools are requiring vaccinations prior to entry, while others are offering financial incentives to those who vaccinate. Divorcing parents need to work together with their children through this potentially fraught decision-making process.

In addition, recently revised rules on the financial aid process have changed the way income and support are applied in financial aid applications. Moreover, the rules on student loan forgiveness are also in flux.

As part of the divorce mediation process, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help divorcing couples come up with a plan for choosing and paying for college for their kids regardless of how old their kids are now. We talk about all the relevant factors – programs, costs, decision-making, college savings plans and applying for financial aid. When needed, we can provide referrals to college financial aid advisors who can help parents complete their children’s forms in a way that maximizes college support packages.

Of course, when your kids are young, it can be hard to predict your children’s future educational needs and wants. Still, we have found that having a basic framework in place helps avoid big arguments and litigation expenses down the road.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

AUTISM ACCEPTANCE MONTH AND DIVORCE MEDIATION

4/30/2021

The Autism Society of America is formally shifting references to April as “Autism Awareness Month” to “Autism Acceptance Month”. In honor of Autism Acceptance Month this week’s blog is about divorce agreements when your child or children are on the spectrum.

Special considerations need to be made when creating a divorce agreement for a family with a child diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. First, we address the actual day-to-day parenting plan. How can you both provide consistency in care and schedule when you will now be living in two separate homes. Will siblings follow the same schedule? How will you help your child handle the transition from one home to another? How can you trust that the other parent is following through with existing routines or therapies? Establishing good communication with your co-parent will help ensure this continuity for your child/children. Co-parents who used divorce mediation to develop their divorce agreement tend to have stronger, more amicable and consistent communication skills post-divorce. They have practiced communicating directly with one another about difficult topics throughout the course of divorce mediation. A sense of trust is built that you are on the same page regarding the children. And you can continue to build upon the base of the positive co-parent relationship that was established during the divorce mediation process.

Another major area to address is finances. Children on the Autism Spectrum tend to have many additional expenses compared to their neuro-typical siblings. For example, they may have co-pays or fees for therapies, counseling, vitamins or special diet food that is not covered by insurance. Child support does not include these expenses and they can add up quickly since they are reoccurring each month. During mediation you and your co-parent can develop a realistic plan to make sure that these extra costs are covered.

A third major area to address is a plan to care for your child physically and financially beyond the age of 18. This need may vary from family to family, depending on the abilities of your child. Does a special needs trust need to be established? Is alternate housing needed? What supports will be needed and who will provide them?

The mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, are equipped to help you tackle all the extra issues that need to be addressed in your divorce agreement when a child with a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder is involved.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Using a Mediator without getting Divorced

4/16/2021

You do not need to be interested in getting divorced to make good use of our mediation services. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we also help clients who want to separate without getting divorced develop plans for moving forward. In addition, we work with unmarried parents to create parenting and financial plans for taking care of their kids.

While New Jersey does not have an official status of legally separated, some married couples want to start living separate lives without ending their marriage. The reasons vary. Sometimes, couples want to try out a separation plan to see whether they should reconcile or get divorced. Some spouses want to stay married, but live separately to retain some of the benefits of marriage, like health insurance, tax benefits, or the ability to make emergency healthcare decisions for their spouse without filing any proxy forms. Emotional or religious considerations may also influence these decisions. Whatever the reason, we can work with you to create a plan for living separately that you both agree to follow without the finality of getting divorced.

Similarly, sometimes unmarried parents want to create a parenting plan or financial plan. In mediation, we can work with these clients to develop an agreement on parenting schedules and decision-making for the children, covering all issues from holidays to education to religious upbringing to extra-curricular activities. We also work out the financial aspects of parenting, including child support, health insurance, paying for college etc.

We have found that many issues that we address in divorce mediation can be applied to clients with other family situations, and we are here to help.

For more information on divorce mediation or mediation without divorce or parenting plans and child support, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

Authors

Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

Categories