Our Divorce Mediation Blog - Westfield Mediation, LLC

Parenting and Non-disparagement clauses

5/29/2020

Can you limit what your ex-spouse says about you to your kids? Yes and no.

When crafting a parenting plan in divorce mediation, we generally include a clause stating that neither parent can say negative things about the other in front of the children. These provisions are called non-disparagement clauses and their purpose is to protect the kids from being exposed to and upset by their parents’ anger. The Courts require that child custody arrangements must be in the best interest of the children; and studies have shown that living in conflict has a negative effect on kids.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, most clients agree to this clause; and the Courts have held that voluntary-agreed-to provisions like this can be enforceable. Still, clients cannot be too restrictive in the kinds of limits that they put on their ex-spouse’s ability to speak about them. For example, the Courts have found that strict rules that prevent parents from posting specific statements on social media about their ex-spouse may not be enforceable. Such prior restraints on speech are not allowed under the Constitution’s First Amendment protections.

In divorce mediation, we work with divorcing parents to create a parenting plan that works for them and keeps the kids’ interests in mind. By including voluntary non-disparagement clauses in our agreements, we remind parents that part of their role as parents is modeling good, civil behavior for their kids and minimizing their exposure to anger and conflict.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Paying for College

2/7/2020

When divorcing clients come to mediation to work out a parenting plan, they are often surprised that the agreement for paying for their children’s expenses extends all the way through college.

In New Jersey, the courts have long viewed post high school education as a necessity for which parents are at least partially responsible. Therefore, it needs to be part of every divorcing couple’s parenting plan. As tempting as it may be, ignoring this issue now will not make the obligation to contribute to your kids’ education go away. In fact, if you do not address college as part of your divorce agreement, the court may later impose its own plan based on your children’s needs and goals and both parents’ resources.

As part of the divorce mediation process, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help divorcing couples come up with a plan for paying for college for their kids regardless of how old their kids are now. We talk about all the relevant factors -- costs, decision-making, college savings plans and applying for financial aid. Of course, it is hard to predict your children’s future educational needs and wants. Still, we have found that having a basic framework in place helps avoid big arguments and litigation expenses down the road.

For more information about parenting plans and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Parenting Plans and Moving within the state

10/16/2019

One of the sticky questions that arises when creating a parenting plan in divorce mediation is what happens to the family’s parenting plan if one parent wants to move – in state or out of state -- and the other parent does not agree with the move?

Since 2017, the Court has said that the parent who wants to move out of state has to show that his/her plan is in the best interests of the children. Now, in a case that was decided on October 7, 2019, the NJ Appellate Court said that the standard for an out of state move would also be applied to an in-state move. According to the case, if the parent of primary residence wants to move and the other parent objects, the objecting parent has to show that the best interests of the children are affected. Once this is shown, the Court considers several factors including family relationships, the age and education of the children, the parents’ employment, and the amount of time spent with each parent, etc. – to determine whether to allow the move and whether to make any adjustments to the established custody plan and parenting time. Essentially, this new decision raises the standard for divorced parents moving within the state to the same high standard applied to moves out of state.

For our divorce mediation clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we always recommend that our clients include a provision in their agreement on how to address moving. If the parents cannot agree on a move, they generally have to go to court to address their concerns. With this new case, they will have to show that a move in state or out, is in their children’s best interests.

For more information on parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

A NEW SCHOOL YEAR...AT WHAT SCHOOL?

9/6/2019

So long summer. A new school year is upon us and your kids are now back to school. Some kids are starting at a new school because they have graduated either from elementary to middle or middle to high school. It is the natural order of things. Other kids may be starting new schools because their family moved to a new town. And still some other kids are starting new schools because their parents are getting divorced. Sometimes when parents get divorced both parents end up moving to new towns. How do they decide what school system their children should attend? Their previous public school is not an option anymore because neither parent resides in that town. What if private school or magnet school needs to be considered?

This is a topic that is addressed during the process of divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC. Our divorce mediators help a couple figure out what is in the best interest of the children. Often times one parent plans to stay in the same town and not move. This allows the children some continuity of attending the same school. But then what if that parent moves in the future. How do parents decide what new school would be the best fit for their children? If parents can address this issue during mediation then there is no need to return to court to decide- as I am sure some parents hastily did this past summer and particularly this past week.

Parents can be perplexed when this issue is brought up because they think they have a current plan in place that will continue to work until the kids graduate high school. However, it is impossible to predict the future. So sometimes, well intended plans take a left turn into the unknown. But it is not unknown if it is already in your divorce agreement. A good divorce mediator will help you plan for the plan that you never thought you'd need.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

summer vacations

8/23/2019

Now is often the time for summer vacations, and during divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we always ask clients about how they want to include family vacations in their post-divorce parenting plan. Of course, vacations need not be a big expensive trip away – sometimes they just involve an opportunity for each parent to have some extended time with the kids.

Generally, divorcing parents want to keep some of the same plans that they have had before they were divorced. So, for example, if they usually take a week with the kids down the shore, or attend an Independence Day barbecue with family, they want to keep that consistency. In mediation, we suggest that divorcing parents make their vacation plans a few months before summer begins to give both parents time and notice, and we put safeguards in their agreement so that there are no disputes about who gets which week for his/her plan.

Sometimes, when clients have long-term traditions of spending time with family or family friends over the summer, it can be difficult to decide whether and how to alter these traditions. Can you both still go? Do you need to alternate years? Do you need to come up with a totally different plan, so no one feels left out? By addressing these issues in divorce mediation, we work to resolve them sooner rather than later to minimize future disagreements. With productive, early communication, both you and your children can have a fun-filled summer.

For more information on parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Explaining Child Support

7/26/2019

During divorce mediation, divorcing parents are often confused by child support. How is it calculated? What is included? Can it change over time? Dealing with the uncertainty of how much each parent is going to pay to support their kids makes people anxious. By explaining child support to our divorce mediation clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC., we try to take some of the stress out of the divorce process.

Generally speaking, the state has a formula for calculating child support based on the parents’ incomes and the amount of time each parent spends with the children. Child support is designed to cover children’s day to day expenses of food, shelter, transportation, entertainment, clothing, etc. Additional costs like child care and health insurance are also factored into the equation.

Some special expenses are not included in the state’s formula and have to be addressed separately. These special expenses include things such as private school, college education, some extra-curricular activities’ expenses, and big celebrations like bar/bat mitzvahs, confirmations and Sweet Sixteens. Moreover, higher earners may find that the state child support guidelines cannot be applied to them. In those cases, parents determine their child support responsibilities based on a budget of their children’s actual expenses.

The Courts require divorced parents to pay child support until their children are emancipated – usually once the kid graduates from college, joins the military, gets married or begins working full-time. Child support can and should be recalculated on a regular basis. So, if one or both of the parents’ incomes goes down, they can seek to reduce their financial responsibility. The opposite is also true -- if the divorced parents’ incomes go up, or the children’s needs increase, the amount can be revised upward to account for these changes. Once our divorce mediation clients understand how child support works, they often feel more comfortable moving forward.

For more information on child support or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Communicating during and after Divorce

3/29/2019

Divorcing or divorced couples often have trouble communicating. Indeed, in many cases, this inability to exchange information or ideas contributed to the end of the marriage. Nevertheless, because our divorce mediation clients usually need to have some relationship post-divorce – either as co-parents or co-financial partners, in divorce mediation, we often address how to interact more effectively and civilly with your ex.

For divorced parents sharing custody of their children, it is vitally important to have a way to communicate with each other that minimizes misunderstandings and stress. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we advise our divorce mediation clients to have a shared calendar of kids’ activities so everyone knows where the family members need to be. To cut down on disputes, we suggest texting and email, rather than relying only on phone conversations – communications in writing may lead to less confusion and fewer arguments down the road.

For both co-parents and co-financial partners, we recommend providing reasonable notice of any plans to come by the other person’s home – essentially showing the same courtesy you would extend to a friend or neighbor. And if parenting or financial plans change for some reason, we suggest texts or email about these developments as well. Simple steps to keep the relationship civil and courteous can go a long way toward keeping the peace and reducing the drama for divorcing or divorced couples.

For more information on parenting or financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Things to Think about if Getting Divorced

2/1/2019

Getting divorced can feel overwhelming.

In divorce mediation, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, we break the process down into small steps for our clients. That makes it more manageable and less stressful. While no prior preparation is needed to start the process, there are some basic questions you can ask yourself before going down this path, so that you feel more ready and in control.

First, if you have children, consider what would be the best plan for the kids. The standard for any parenting plan is “the best interest of the children”, so that mantra should guide your thinking. You can ask yourself, would the kids do best if the parents shared parenting time 50/50 or would they thrive with a different plan that took into account the parents’ work schedules? Do you need to stay in town or a certain part of town, so that they can continue at their schools? Or do you have a better network of family and friend support in a different location? You should try to keep your children’s lives as normal as possible during this process by limiting any conflict in your home. Most children can adjust to a new routine, as long as you provide consistency and support throughout the transition.

When you consider the financial part of the situation, you need to know how much money each of you earns now, as well as your earning potential, especially if one of you is currently working part-time or not at all because of family responsibilities. It is also useful to think about what assets and debts you have acquired over the marriage, and how much you spend on a monthly basis for housing and other basic expenses as well as the extras. Each of these factors will provide the basis for your financial plan going forward.

In divorce mediation, we guide our clients through the process to reach an agreement that works for their particular family. We help them ask and answer the questions that will get them to the right place for them.

For more information on parenting or financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

COMMUNICATION AND DIVORCE MEDIATION

1/18/2019

If you have kids then you will have to keep communicating with your ex-spouse after your divorce. With modern technology, you can text or email if you don’t want to have an actual conversation, but you can’t just cut the other person out of your life. One of the benefits of divorce mediation is that you communicate directly and in-person with your co-parent throughout the divorce process. This helps build the foundation for successful post-divorce conversations. If you choose collaborative divorce you have the option to talk directly with your co-parent or have your attorney speak on your behalf with you there. In a collaborative divorce both parties have meetings with their collaborative divorce trained attorneys present- a 4-way meeting each and every time. This can get very expensive and is not always needed if co-parents can be guided to speak with one another and not through another party. If you litigate your divorce then you each pay your attorneys to talk to one another about the divorce and you don’t communicate directly with your co-parent at all. This can get super expensive very quickly and make for a difficult rest of your life co-parenting relationship.

In divorce mediation, each person has the ability to consult with attorneys privately, in between mediation meetings. This allows you to attend mediation with knowledge and confidence about making important decisions in your life. Mediation also allows you to learn to speak directly with your co-parent about important and difficult topics. You start to see that not every conversation turns in to a WWE match. You build positive momentum and move forward towards a successful co-parenting relationship.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, our mediators witness this transformation all the time. Couples who come in on very bad terms and barely speaking end the process with a divorce plan in place and open communication. They understand how to talk with one another and that they will have to do so as things come up about the kids.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

when to get divorced

1/4/2019

There is no perfect time to get divorced. Still, a lot of our clients begin the divorce mediation process in the beginning of the year. And, in addition to the emotional reasons – following up on New Year’s resolutions for a new year, new plan -- there are some practical benefits to starting the process now.

If you are going to need a parenting plan as part of your divorce, the beginning of the year is a good time to start because the school year is in full swing and there are no major holidays to figure out for a while.

Financially speaking, the early months of the year are a good time to begin divorce mediation as well. For one thing, it is traditionally the best time to list your home for sale to maximize the market value. Most major holiday shopping is done, so you can evaluate your debt, and create a plan to address it. And, all of the end-of-year financial reports are in, so you know how much you earned/spent last year which gives you a good snapshot of your assets/debts and expenses going forward.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work with our divorce mediation clients to create a fair plan for parenting and financial issues all year long. We break down the process into small manageable steps to reduce stress and make it affordable for you. So, if you are considering when to begin the mediation process -- now is a good time to start.

For more information on parenting or financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.