Our Divorce Mediation Blog

SUMMER PLANS

6/29/2018

Congratulations! You made it through another school year. If you have a specific parenting plan in your divorce agreement then you know how your summer will play out for you and your kids. You know who is watching fireworks on the 4th of July with them. You know which week the kids will be with your ex-spouse so you can have some me-time. You know which week you are taking off of work to go on vacation or have stay-cations with the kids.
If you have a general parenting plan then you have no plans for the summer and some disagreements with your ex-spouse may be in your near future. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we address specific summer plans at the time you are getting divorced, even if you are getting divorced in October. We know what is to come. We use our experience in the field to help families avoid future pitfalls. We know that if you do not address how you are spending 4th of July, then that first 4th of July both parents may expect to watch fireworks with the kids. One parent may want to go down the shore and one parent may want to go to the local park and avoid all the shore traffic. If the holiday was already designated in your divorce agreement then there is no discussion, you follow the plan. No stress no mess.
There is also the day-to-day schedule in the summer. Is it different than your school-year parenting plan? If so, how? Again, the couple in October who feels overwhelmed can’t think ahead to summer and plan. They may think they will just work it out when the time comes. But, in the blink of an eye, summer is now here and if you have no plan then you will still feel overwhelmed and possibly still be arguing with your spouse/ex-spouse. If you worked out a specific plan then, now you will be divorced and ready to start to your new life this summer following your detailed parenting plan.
For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Summertime plans

6/15/2018

School is almost out for the year! While many kids are doing their happy dance, for divorcing families, this change in the regular parenting schedule and the additional expenses of summer may be stressful. To keep things running smoothly, divorcing parents should work together to create a summer parenting plan that will keep their children safe and entertained.

In divorce mediation, we help divorcing parents create a flexible and fair blueprint for the summer. These plans may include a way to select weeks for summer vacations, and/or plans for paying for the expense of camps, activities, or town pools. Generally, we advise clients to plan ahead for the summer to coordinate work calendars and to ensure that the family has the resources in place to cover the extra summertime expenses.

Camps and other summer programs can cost a lot. And while most divorcing couples agree to share these expenses in some way, sometimes it can be worthwhile to devise a more detailed plan that includes spending limits to avoid future arguments about how much each parent should expect to spend on summer activities.

Summer should be a season of fun and relaxation. A stress-free summer is more likely if your parenting plan allows you to prepare ahead of time and set aside the time and money needed to make it work.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Happy Spring Holidays

4/6/2018

Happy Spring holidays (Passover, Easter, Spring Break, etc.)! Many couples who get divorced using divorce mediation get along just fine and may want to continue to spend holidays and vacations together, especially when the children are on the younger side. If that works for you and your newly configured family- more power to you. So, parents may choose to not address how the kids will spend the holidays or school breaks or have something very vague mentioned about it in their divorce agreement. Again- that can work.

The role of the divorce mediator is not to stir up trouble but to point out to clients the potential pitfalls of not making decisions at the time of divorce. Yes, you are getting along with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse and can’t imagine being apart for the big Easter egg hunt. But what if 5 years down the road your new spouse and his/her family also have the tradition of a big Easter egg hunt and you want you and the kids to experience that. Or what if your new spouse is not so keen on spending holidays with your co-parent. If you have some vague plan or no reference to how the kids are spending Easter, then this can be a tough situation.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we encourage our clients to think ahead about worst case scenarios. You only have to follow the parenting plan and the designated assigned holidays if there is conflict. If your co-parent doesn’t mind the kids going to your new in-laws then go to your new in-laws and find those eggs, regardless of what is written in the divorce agreement. But if you disagree because you both want the kids to go to your respective Easter egg hunts then you have to abide by the agreement. No fuss because this issue was addressed long ago.

For more information on holidays in a divorce or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Parenting and Post-Divorce Mediation

3/16/2018

Why do divorced couples go to post-divorce mediation? For some ex-spouses, the judgment of divorce is not the final step in an extended emotional process.

A recent divorce case in the headlines highlights the use of divorce mediation to resolve post-divorce parenting disputes. In this case, the divorced parents disagree about whether their child should play football in high school, with the mother wanting their son to play and the father objecting because of health concerns and their kid’s history of concussions.

In cases like this, family courts generally require the parents to go to post-divorce mediation to try to resolve their issues. Starting with divorce mediation is best for the family because going to trial is expensive and time-consuming. Also, if the parents cannot resolve parenting issues in mediation, the kids may have to be questioned by the lawyers, the judge, and/or state-appointed mental health experts, which can be stressful for the whole family.

Disagreement over the kids’ activities is just one topic of post-divorce mediation that we see at Westfield Mediation, LLC. Sometimes divorced parents return to mediation to discuss other points like schedule changes, college payments, finances and/or plans to move. Post-divorce mediation can be difficult and emotional, but if parents keep their focus on their children’s best interests, resolutions are possible.

For more information about parenting plans or post- divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

A Cost-Benefit Analysis of Divorce Litigation

3/2/2018

It is important to do a cost-benefit analysis before deciding to stop divorce mediation and start litigation. Maybe there is one thing you need to “go to the mat” and win your cause. But before you throw your hands up and say “no more mediation- see you in court” you have to stop and think that just because you go to court with what you think is a valid point of view of the issue at hand, does not mean the judge will see it that way and give you what you want.

A prime example of this is parenting. We have seen with our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, that often times during the course of the marriage one parent handles more of the day-to-day parental responsibilities than the other. Now you are getting divorced and your co-parent wants a 50-50 parenting plan. You might not trust that the other parent can all of a sudden handle 50% parenting time in a shared parenting plan. And you are willing to go to court to fight to have a majority of the parenting time. But at what cost and what gain? There are 4 weeks (lets call it 28 days for math sake) in a month. So instead of 14 days for each parent you want 22 days for you and 6 days for your co-parent. There is a lot of wiggle room between 14 versus 22 days and just because you go to court does not mean you are going to end up with 22 days. And the judge may see the co-parents point of view and you end up with 14 days each anyway.

Or you could stop counting quantity altogether and focus on the quality of time you have with your kids. If it is your parenting day but the day is spent after school driving from one activity to the next, doing homework, eating fast food somewhere in between and then bed, what have you really won?

So instead of spending a lot of money, energy and time going through the court system to possibly get a worse situation than what you could have gotten had you stayed in mediation and found some compromise within the wiggle room, stop and think what you will gain and what it will cost you to gain this. But let’s say the judge decides and grants you 18 days a month and your co-parent has 10 days. 4 days more/less than 50-50% parenting. Is 4 days a month on either side of the argument worth the court process? The court process is very stressful and takes a long time. Litigation is super expensive (college tuition expensive). And there is no guarantee you get what you want. Most people end up with some sort of compromise anyway, even if they go through the courts. But now you have no money left to pay for your children’s college education.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Changing the routines after divorce

2/19/2018

Getting divorced changes the family routines, and both spouses will often need to take on new roles and responsibilities that are different from how it used to be.

These changes in lifestyle can be difficult at first. For example, in some families one parent does most of the child care from arranging child activities and playdates, to helping with homework, to buying presents for birthday parties. After divorce, both parents may have to share these jobs; and it can take some adjustment on the part of the whole family to get comfortable with the new normal. Similarly, a divorced parent may want to take a vacation with their kids. The traveling parent may have to deal with the difficulty of going away without another adult, while the other parent needs to get used to the idea that the rest of the family went on a trip without him or her.

Significant changes also occur on the financial front. For example, one spouse may have taken on the financial planning, money management, bill-paying pre-divorce. Now, that there are two households instead of one, these financial responsibilities need to be taken on by each ex-spouse.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help prepare our divorce mediation clients for these lifestyle changes. We explain that taking on these new roles and responsibilities may feel overwhelming at first. This is a normal and reasonable response. We encourage divorcing couples to seek outside help from friends and family and other support networks, especially during the transition time. We also suggest that our clients think of these changes as opportunities to develop new skills that will help them moving forward.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Sharing custody

1/19/2018

For the most part, divorcing parents come to mediation with the idea that they will share custody of the kids. Usually, clients want to spend some time each week with their children. Still, shared custody can take many forms, and what the final parenting schedule looks like can vary depending on the needs of the family. The key to a successful post-divorce parenting plan is combining both consistency and flexibility.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work with divorcing clients to create parenting plans that will work for now and continue to make sense as their children grow. In some cases, the divorcing couple chooses a 50/50 plan. In 50/50 arrangements, parents share parenting evenly. These agreements can be a great choice as long as parents live near each other and are prepared to work together to juggle schedules and responsibilities. See http://www.westfieldnjmediation.com/blog/5050-parenting-plans. Other parents share time by having the kids live primarily with one parent during the week, while the other parent spends time with the children on some evenings and/or on weekends or over school breaks. These plans can also be a good option for some families.

Really, the most important factor contributing to a parenting plan’s success is the divorcing parents’ commitment to making it work. That means that each parent has to uphold their part of the agreement. It also means that when life intervenes, and a schedule needs to be modified --either temporarily or for the long-term -- the parents are willing to accommodate the changing needs of their children and their exes.

For more information on parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Child support for grown children

9/1/2017

Most states have a legal limit for “emancipation” – the date when parents are no longer legally required to support their children. It can be based on an age or on an event like getting married, joining the military or graduating from college.

But, in reality, not all kids are magically able to support themselves once they hit that date. So how do you create a divorce agreement to cover the expenses for that time period when your kids age out of child support, but are still not financially self-sufficient?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we have many divorce mediation clients who continue to support their children in some way after the legal age of emancipation. Sometimes, the divorcing parents still pay for some bills – like those for cell phones, car insurance, health insurance. In other cases, the kids still live with one parent or the other, rent-free, so the parent is covering both housing and food.

In each of these scenarios, we help the divorcing parents come to an agreement about how to deal with these ongoing expenses. In some cases, we may divide the costs between the parties, or put limits on time frames or amounts. Our goal is to create a parenting plan that is fair to both sides and that is financially practical for the family.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Post-divorce Mediation

8/4/2017

Sometimes the divorce decree is not the final stop for divorcing spouses, and clients need Post-Divorce Mediation. While this may feel like a setback, it is actually pretty common. So, what are the reasons that already-divorced couples go to mediation?

In some cases, one or both of the exes are having trouble following the agreement, and they return to mediation in the hopes of working through their issues with a divorce mediator instead of returning to court. Indeed, the court prefers mediation to continuing litigation. In many settlement agreements, divorced couples are required to try to resolve their differences through mediation before the court will allow them to return.

Another reason for post-divorce mediation is that the needs of children have changed, and the parents want to modify the schedule, the parenting plan and/or child support. Obviously, it is not always possible to predict how your children’s interests will change over time, and sometimes the original plan for them must be modified. Moreover, if clients move to a new location or change jobs, parenting plans may need to be adjusted. In addition, major changes to income from either employment or inheritance also lead divorce mediation clients back to the drawing board to re-work spousal support, child support or both.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work with clients to make their post-divorce mediation sessions as painless and productive as possible. We recognize that many clients are frustrated to find themselves still working on their divorce, and we help guide them through this bump in the road. By using mediation rather than litigation to resolve post-divorce issues, clients can reduce their stress, and save time and money.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

Yay for summer!

7/7/2017

Yay for Summer! Many kids (and parents) count down to the end of the school year. For divorcing families, summer sometimes comes with extra challenges. For some families, the beginning of summer means creating a new parenting schedule and coming up with a plan to pay for summer programs for the children.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work with our clients to help them plan for summer in advance. That may mean having a different, more flexible weekly schedule for a time when there are fewer concerns about schoolwork. It may also mean a need for more childcare. In addition, some parents like to set aside certain weeks so that each parent can have a family vacation with the kids.

Aside from working on the schedule, we also discuss the costs of camps, town swimming pools, or other summer programs so that the parents have a plan in place for paying for these expenses. We include a summer plan in all of our parenting plans, and build in flexibility so that the plan can be adjusted over time as the family’s needs and interests change.

Having a plan in place takes away some of the stress, and allows everyone to enjoy the fun of summer.

For more information about parenting plans or divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.