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How To Get The Most Out Of Divorce Mediation

4/20/2018

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Many clients come to divorce mediation at Westfield Mediation, LLC  to save time and money. Divorce mediation is not instantaneous and it’s not free, but it is faster and way less expensive than both spouses getting their own lawyers and arguing the case in court.  To keep the costs down and to use your mediation time most effectively, I have three suggestions.

Do your homework. In divorce mediation, we break down the process into manageable steps so it is not overwhelming. At the end of each meeting, we give our clients small assignments to complete before the next session – thinking about parenting, collecting documents, preparing a budget, etc.  Doing those assignments insures that the process moves at a good pace. Not doing them slows down the process, and may lead to more meetings and consequently, more costs.

Communicate between meetings. We suggest that clients come up with a neutral way to talk to each other between meetings – text, email, shared calendars. By finding a way to address some issues on your own, like who paid the electric bill or whose turn it is to drive the kids to soccer practice, you can use your mediation session to work on the essentials of the divorce agreement instead of your everyday tasks.

Be forward thinking. Divorce mediation is designed to help you create an agreement for your future. It can be an emotional process, but it should also be a practical one. To the extent possible, it’s best to use the sessions to discuss what your goals are for the agreement as opposed to an opportunity to rehash the arguments that got you here in the first place.

In mediation, we guide divorcing couples to reach a resolution on parenting and finances. The process works best if everyone is invested in it and does their part to compromise and move forward.

For more information about divorce or post- divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 


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Happy Spring Holidays

4/6/2018

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Happy Spring holidays (Passover, Easter, Spring Break, etc.)!  Many couples who get divorced using divorce mediation get along just fine and may want to continue to spend holidays and vacations together, especially when the children are on the younger side.  If that works for you and your newly configured family- more power to you. So, parents may choose to not address how the kids will spend the holidays or school breaks or have something very vague mentioned about it in their divorce agreement.  Again- that can work. 

The role of the divorce mediator is not to stir up trouble but to point out to clients the potential pitfalls of not making decisions at the time of divorce.  Yes, you are getting along with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse and can’t imagine being apart for the big Easter egg hunt.  But what if 5 years down the road your new spouse and his/her family also have the tradition of a big Easter egg hunt and you want you and the kids to experience that. Or what if your new spouse is not so keen on spending holidays with your co-parent. If you have some vague plan or no reference to how the kids are spending Easter, then this can be a tough situation.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we encourage our clients to think ahead about worst case scenarios.  You only have to follow the parenting plan and the designated assigned holidays if there is conflict.  If your co-parent doesn’t mind the kids going to your new in-laws then go to your new in-laws and find those eggs, regardless of what is written in the divorce agreement.  But if you disagree because you both want the kids to go to your respective Easter egg hunts then you have to abide by the agreement.  No fuss because this issue was addressed long ago. 
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For more information on holidays in a divorce or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373.  View our website at  www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 

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    Authors

    Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

    Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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