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Divorce Dynamics

8/31/2012

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“We are doing it my way – or not at all!”  Many married couples develop decision-making patterns over time, and sometimes the pattern is lop-sided.  In some cases, one person is more controlling or in-charge, and the other is generally accommodating, easy-going.  This dynamic may work alright while the going is good.  But, if the marriage breaks down, the problems in this type of uneven dynamic become clear.  And if the couple later decides to divorce, can they ever reach a fair result?  And will it be possible for them to use divorce mediation rather than litigating their differences in court? 

Luckily the answer to both questions is “ Yes!”.

Divorce mediation relies on a third-party impartial mediator to help parties come to a fair and equitable agreement on issues of spousal and child support, parenting, and the division of assets and liabilities.  The neutral mediator guides the process, allowing the individuals to craft an agreement that works well for them and their family. 

Usually, a well-trained mediator can tell early on how the parties interact with each other, and can take steps to ensure that everybody’s interests are met.  The divorce decision-making process is too important to allow for brow-beating, or bullying by one party.  A good divorce mediator recognizes that the goal is not just agreement, but an EQUITABLE agreement, and that such a result is possible only if everyone has a role in setting the terms.

-Randi M. Albert, JD
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    Authors

    Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

    Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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