Category: Divorce Mediation Process

The Benefits of Virtual Mediation

5/11/2023

My recent presentation at the New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators conference about the growth of virtual divorce mediation has gotten me thinking about the benefits of an online process for clients. Since the pandemic, many clients have chosen to participate in divorce mediation virtually, enabling them to move quickly through the process while avoiding some of the hassles of meeting in-person.

With virtual mediation. there is no travel time, so you can choose a divorce mediator anywhere in the state to meet your needs. In addition, you and your spouse can attend together from one device or you can log in separately from separate devices and just meet up on screen. Some divorcing clients find that participating from different locations allows them to avoid some of the tension of sitting together hashing things out in a conference room.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we offer virtual appointments during the day and in the evening to accommodate clients’ work schedules. On occasion, clients meet with us virtually during their lunch hours – either from their offices or another location with privacy. Virtual divorce mediation also eliminates many of the issues that arise with babysitting as well as any worries about needing to cancel for illness.

At our divorce mediation practice, we have found that many clients prefer a hybrid approach – for example, they schedule the first meeting in person so that we get to know each other without the barriers of technology, and then we hold subsequent meetings online to take advantage of the convenience. By offering in-person, hybrid or virtual options, divorce mediation provides clients with the flexibility that they need to move their divorce process forward in a less stressful, more efficient way.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at [email protected].

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Who Is a Good Candidate for Mediation?

4/13/2023

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Many people start the divorce process by contacting a divorce attorney. This first step can be a good way of gathering information about the process and the possible outcomes. It may be helpful to ask a divorce lawyer about the best/worst case scenarios and the potential costs for each scenario in your particular situation.

However, at Westfield Mediation, we have found that it may not make sense to stick with a lawyer for crafting your divorce agreement. Divorce litigation is usually extremely expensive, very time-consuming and adversarial and you do not always end up with a comprehensive and fair agreement. For most people, divorce mediation is simply a better alternative.

Unlike litigation, divorce mediation saves time and money and gives clients more control over their own divorce agreement and process. Still, some divorcing spouses may worry that the nature of their own relationship does not make them good candidates for divorce mediation. Maybe the spouses argue a lot or don’t communicate at all; or one of them earns significantly more money than the other. In some cases, one person is a financial expert and the other has been the primary parent and is well-versed in the kids’ schedules and needs.

In our divorce mediation experience, we have found that even if you and your spouse do not communicate well or have an imbalance in your understanding of the children’s activities and/or the financial issues or a complicated financial portfolio, the benefits of mediation in terms of cost and control and stress reduction, will still make it more beneficial to go through divorce mediation rather than divorce litigation.

An impartial divorce mediator can guide you through the process to ensure that both parties’ interests are expressed and everyone’s concerns are addressed. The divorce mediator can offer outside referrals to financial and tax experts to ensure that both parties have the same fiscal knowledge coming into any negotiations. A good divorce mediator does not allow one party to be steamrolled by the other and guides clients to a fair result for both spouses. For most people, it may be useful to consult with a lawyer for any legal questions, but hammering out the divorce agreement is best done in mediation.

For more information on divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at [email protected].

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How to Be a Good Mediator

1/20/2023

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Westfield Mediation, LLC’s recent launch of a new coaching and mentoring program for divorce mediators has made me think a lot about what makes a good divorce mediator. As coaches and mentors, we want to make sure that our mentees are ready to start their own practice and be successful.

So, what are the next steps? Divorce mediators must bring background knowledge as well as intangible skills to the table.

When divorce mediation clients come in, they want to feel reassured that the mediator knows how to put together a blueprint for their marital settlement agreement. That means that divorce mediators must know how to address parenting, the equitable distribution of assets and debts, child support and spousal support (alimony). Mediators help clients craft a parenting schedule and address decision-making for their children on all areas of their children’s lives including school, health, activities, religion and college. In addition, divorce mediators help divorcing couples divide their assets from bank accounts to retirement accounts. They also guide them to reach an agreement about the home, the cars, credit cards, pets etc. Essentially, every aspect of their lives together. Finally, they work on the support part of the divorce agreement – how is the divorcing couple going to make sure that the children’s financial needs are met and that both spouses can maintain a standard of living similar to their marital lifestyle.

Aside from acquiring this knowledge base about divorce, the mediator needs to develop certain key skills, to guide the clients through the process of developing a fair, workable agreement. Specifically, the mediator needs to learn to listen to the clients to find out what each party is seeking. Good listening can be harder than it sounds, because divorcing couples are often emotional and not always thinking practically. A mediator also needs to be fair and neutral. It takes sincere effort to recognize your own biases and make sure that you are not favoring one client over the other or allowing one client to call the shots. Finally, the mediator needs to be a good explainer. It is important that couples leave the mediation process with a clear understanding of what they have agreed to and how to proceed.

When divorcing couples come to mediation, they are asking for help to plan for their future. Learning how to be a good mediator is not easy. But the rewards that come from helping clients move forward make the process worthwhile for both the clients and the mediators.

For more information about divorce mediation or Westfield Mediation, LLC’s coaching and mentorship program, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at [email protected].

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Mediation for Couples Living Apart Together

12/16/2022

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Sometimes couples want to start living separately without getting divorced. For some families, this is an interim step while they evaluate whether they want to get divorced, while for others it is just a new phase in their relationship. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help people in both these situations create plans for their new set-up. By working with a mediator to create a parenting and financial plan during their separation, couples avoid many of the pitfalls that can lead to arguments down the road.

While there is no official legal separation in our state, many families find that living separately instead of divorcing enables them to minimize the conflicts in their relationship, while continuing to share health insurance and financial responsibilities. If they are contemplating divorce in the future, they can start following a parenting and financial agreement for a period of time and see how it works for them. If necessary, they can then modify any terms before it becomes their official divorce decree.

For other couples “living apart together” is a way to create more independence in their lives. As recently reported in The New York Times, this arrangement has become more common in recent years. According to the Census Bureau the number of couples living apart together with no intention of getting divorced has risen 25% over the last twenty years. Studies found that women are often the driving force behind this arrangement because they want a break from the burdens of maintaining a home that tend to fall disproportionately to women.

Whether couples are seeking a baby step toward divorce or just a more independent structure for their marriage, a mediator can help smooth the process. In mediation, couples work together with a mediator to create a new plan for living separately that makes sense for their family.

For more information about separation mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at [email protected]

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Why Choose Divorce Mediation Over Litigation?

11/18/2022

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Divorce mediation is a much better option for most couples than litigation. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we cover the exact same issues – parenting, child support, equitable distribution of assets and debts and spousal support – as you address in litigation for less money. Divorce mediation is a less adversarial, less stressful process where you – not the Courts or your lawyers -- control the schedule. You can still consult a lawyer during the process and most clients do. Still, by limiting the lawyer’s role to consultations, you save money and time that could be better spent with your family.

So, what are the primary advantages of divorce mediation?

1.  Divorce mediation is less expensive than litigation. Because you work with one mediator instead of two lawyers to resolve your issues, your expense is cut in half. In addition, mediation is pay as you go – no huge retainer required—so you can schedule the meetings in a way that works for your budget.

2. Divorce mediation moves much faster than litigation. Because you and your spouse have direct communication with each other while working together on your agreement, you can move as quickly as you want. Most couples complete divorce mediation in just a few months, while litigation may take years.

3.  Divorce mediation is better for your ongoing relationship which is especially important if you have children together. Working together on this process gives you the skills to continue co-parenting. Also, people are more likely to follow an agreement that they had a hand in creating. Even the Courts recognize the value of mediation and include a mediation component in the divorce litigation process.

4.  Divorce mediation is a confidential process while litigating through the Courts is not. Most people prefer to keep their private lives private.

Going through a divorce is stressful. It is worth considering what would make this process less taxing emotionally and financially for your family. For many people that means choosing divorce mediation over costly, adversarial divorce litigation.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at [email protected]

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The Benefits of Virtual Mediation

Who Is a Good Candidate for Mediation?

How to Be a Good Mediator

Mediation for Couples Living Apart Together

Why Choose Divorce Mediation Over Litigation?

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