I recently learned about a new term when considering divorce- “leaning-out”. The person “leaning-out” wants help to decide whether to end a marriage or seek help for the relationship. The person “leaning-in” wants to stay married and is distressed that their partner is talking about divorce or may not even realize that their partner is leaning out. What I also learned from this webinar* is that talking to others about divorce is helpful. In the survey people talked to divorce lawyers and mediators. But they also talked to, in varying degrees, a religious leader, marriage counselor, friends/co-workers or family members. Between 75-95% of the time people found that talking to any one of these groups was helpful.
Specifically, 90% of the people talking to a divorce attorney or mediator (they were grouped together in the survey) found it helpful. This was the second highest most helpful group, coming in behind religious leaders at 95%. Thoughts about divorce often fluctuate. At various points in the longitudinal study a “leaning out” person became “leaning in” and vice versa. The point is that talking to a divorce mediator does not mean that you are absolutely getting divorced. However, it can be helpful to gather concrete information about divorce. This can help you decide your next steps. Maybe you return to couples counseling with renewed commitment to make the marriage work. Maybe you begin to make different financial and interpersonal decisions now knowing that divorce is in your future.
At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we offer a one-time 30-minute consult for “leaning out” people. This allows the person thinking about a divorce to gather more information about how the court system works in New Jersey and the process of mediation. We clearly explain the steps needed to officially get divorced through the court system. We also explain how mediation works and how it is different from some other ways of getting divorced. This knowledge can help a person feel more comfortable with their decision to stay in the marriage or not. If they decide not to stay in the marriage, the goal is for both parties to participate in mediation together to begin the divorce mediation process.
For more information about a one-time consult or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.
*William J. Doherty, Ph.D. and Steven M. Harris, Ph.D.
Helping Individual Clients Facing Divorce Decisions (2023, May 5)
MN Couples on the Brink Project
University of Minnesota
Specifically, 90% of the people talking to a divorce attorney or mediator (they were grouped together in the survey) found it helpful. This was the second highest most helpful group, coming in behind religious leaders at 95%. Thoughts about divorce often fluctuate. At various points in the longitudinal study a “leaning out” person became “leaning in” and vice versa. The point is that talking to a divorce mediator does not mean that you are absolutely getting divorced. However, it can be helpful to gather concrete information about divorce. This can help you decide your next steps. Maybe you return to couples counseling with renewed commitment to make the marriage work. Maybe you begin to make different financial and interpersonal decisions now knowing that divorce is in your future.
At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we offer a one-time 30-minute consult for “leaning out” people. This allows the person thinking about a divorce to gather more information about how the court system works in New Jersey and the process of mediation. We clearly explain the steps needed to officially get divorced through the court system. We also explain how mediation works and how it is different from some other ways of getting divorced. This knowledge can help a person feel more comfortable with their decision to stay in the marriage or not. If they decide not to stay in the marriage, the goal is for both parties to participate in mediation together to begin the divorce mediation process.
For more information about a one-time consult or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.
*William J. Doherty, Ph.D. and Steven M. Harris, Ph.D.
Helping Individual Clients Facing Divorce Decisions (2023, May 5)
MN Couples on the Brink Project
University of Minnesota
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