“Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.”  For various reasons – health, health insurance, children, religion – many couples want to live separately from each other without getting divorced.  Through divorce mediation, these couples can craft an agreement for setting up separate lives without going through the legal process of ending their marriage.  While there is no official legal separation in New Jersey, couples can create plans for living separately.  It is almost like getting divorced without the divorce, but with one limitation – you can’t marry someone else.

In mediation, a trained impartial mediator can help the couple resolve issues of parenting, child support, spousal support and dividing the assets and liabilities.  For some families, this kind of informal arrangement is enough.  Others, who want their agreement to be enforceable by a court, can have an attorney use their mediated agreement to create a binding contract and/or file the mediated support plan with the court.  By starting with mediation, instead of using two attorneys, the couple saves time and money.  Moreover, divorce mediators foster compromise, minimizing stress and arguments.  Generally, couples are more likely to follow an agreement they drafted together.

So, if you’re like many couples – ready to separate, but not ready for divorce – a mediated agreement may be the way to go.  It is a great way to create a plan for your future designed by you with your needs in mind. 

For more information on creating an agreement for living separately, or on any divorce mediation issue, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 

How does divorce mediation work when you don’t even want to be in the same room as your soon-to-be ex-spouse?  Mediators have
specific skill sets to get people to communicate who can’t stand each other so they can make important life-altering decisions.   A mediator can take some of the drama out of the divorce, keep you focused on the issues at hand and allow you to move forward.  You may never have to be in the same room again with your ex-spouse, if you so desire. Tolerating a little bit of face-to-face negotiations during mediation can go a long way towards not contending with him/her for the rest of your life.  Agreements made during mediation tend to be followed and couples tend to not return to court to amend any agreements. So, deal with him/her now and you won’t have to face him/her down the road again.  

Once you have completed mediation and are divorced, there may still be times you will have to communicate with your ex-spouse, especially if you have children.  But communicate and actually see and speak to one another are two very different things.  With today’s technology, ex-couples have found numerous ways to “talk” without actually speaking to one another. Email or texts have been a godsend for many combative couples.  However, conversations via email or text can sometimes be misconstrued and still get
contentious. So, think before you type. There are even websites, like Our Family Wizard, which are specifically designed to help divorced families keep information flowing, without having to necessarily speak.  A recent New York Times article
highlighted the increased use of such websites and positive outcomes it produces. Ex-couples fight less, have no drama in front of the kids, and can stay involved with the kids without having to directly involve each other.  
 
While divorce mediation does require being in the same room with the person you may not want to speak with ever again, it allows you to get decisions made quickly and cost-effectively.  This helps your relationship down the road.  You can get divorced quickly now and choose to never hear your ex-spouse’s voice again.  It can all be done remotely afterwards.