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Mediation and Mental Health Issues

11/26/2021

“Can I still use mediation to get divorced if my partner (and/or I) has (have) mental health issues?” This is a common question we hear from prospective clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC.

And the answer is “yes” for most people, and “no” for some others.

In divorce mediation, clients work together to create a divorce agreement covering parenting, division of assets and debts, alimony and child support. The mediator guides them through the process and serves as an impartial facilitator helping the divorcing couple reach a fair and workable compromise. Generally, our clients consult lawyers during the process, but they attend the mediation sessions alone.

So, if you or your spouse have mental health issues but you still can effectively advocate for yourself, then divorce mediation is a good alternative to litigation for you. It is a less stressful, faster process which affords your more control over the outcome, so it may in fact be particularly beneficial for some people. Nonetheless, divorce mediation clients with a history of mental illness or addiction may want to take additional steps in crafting their agreement. For example, the divorce agreement may include requirements that the parties remain in treatment as a condition of the parenting or support plan, or that a parent has to submit to random drug screenings or a breathalyzer test before his/her parenting time begins. Such clauses help protect both the ex-spouses and the children going forward.

However, if one of you is too mentally fragile at this point to fully engage in the negotiation process, it may make more sense for you to use lawyers to help you advocate for your interests. Similarly, if clients are actively using substances that impact their relationship and/or decision-making, we also consider whether that person can participate fully in the process. Divorce mediation is a great alterative to litigation but it may not be appropriate for everyone at every point in their life.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

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COLLEGE FOR YOUR CHILD AND DIVORCE MEDIATION

11/12/2021

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It seems like everyone on my daughter’s college tours last week was from New Jersey. Families were taking advantage of the Teacher’s Convention days off from school to pursue the college hunt. College options and paying for college can be a difficult, but necessary, conversation to have when getting a divorce, no matter the current age of your child/children. I realize that it is hard to think about college when you are struggling to pay for daycare for your toddler. But this is one of those things that divorce mediators know that clients don’t. Often times if issues around college, like when to start to talk about college, SAT/ACT prep class, college visits, college applications, FAFSA forms, computer needs, transportation to and from school, and the list goes on and on, are not addressed in your divorce agreement, no matter how old your child is when you get divorced, these topics come back to haunt you when your child is in high school or starting college.

College is one of the top reasons clients come to see us for post-divorce mediation. Their original divorce decree, which was not done through Westfield Mediation, LLC, with our divorce mediators, does not mention their child’s college education and now the time has come and they are in disagreement about expectations and costs. If clients do not have anything written about their children’s college plans and costs written into the divorce agreement, they run the risk of doing more/paying more than they may have decided upon at the time of their divorce. During the course of divorce mediation, the divorce mediator can provide options to help both parties come to a general agreement about expectations each has of the other and from their child. Then down the road when reality hits you have a framework to abide by and guide you. Some couples may want to tweak their original agreement depending on their actual circumstances and not the projection they made 13 years ago when they got divorced and their child was 4 years old. But at least they have a baseline to work from and do not have to pull something out of thin air. Maybe each parent agreed to pay x amount each year towards the costs of higher education but one party got a new, high-paying job a few years ago and wants to go over and above the agreed upon amount so their child will have fewer student loans or no loans at all. Great! But what if each agreed to pay 25% and that is all each can pay. You are protected from one parent suing the other parent, the child suing a parent, etc. because of your written agreement. If there is no agreement then there may be more court involvement. Yikes!

The divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation always bring up the issue of post-high school education plans with every couple who have children, regardless of their current age. We acknowledge the absurdity of discussing college plans for your preschooler during your divorce, but also warn about the pitfalls of not doing so.

For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373. View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

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Authors

Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

Mediation and Mental Health Issues

COLLEGE FOR YOUR CHILD AND DIVORCE MEDIATION

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