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A DIVORCE MEDIATOR'S TOOLBOX

11/15/2019

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How can a divorce mediator help couples resolve an impasse when the divorce mediator stays neutral and does not take sides?  The couple has been going around and around on the issue repeatedly fighting about it (parenting plan, money, alimony, etc.) and is making no progress.  What can a mediator add to the mix so decisions can get made?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, our mediators are prepared with a “toolbox” for divorce to address a wide variety of issues.  There are resources that a mediator uses to help make things clearer for clients.  It may be as straightforward as mapping out a potential parenting plan on a blank 4-week schedule.  This helps the couple see visibly on a handout who is responsible for the kids when.  It also plainly shows how long you go with/without seeing your children.  This tool then makes it simpler to move things around until you arrive at a resolution that both co-parents can abide by.  Or sometimes the mediator will encourage co-parents to use an ongoing resource, even once they are divorced.  A handy app, like Our Family Wizard  https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ helps co-parents figure things out that constantly come up with kids that parents want to know.  For example: expenses for the kids (school pictures, coaches gift, field trip), sharing general info (what shoe size is Jack now), or to commemorate a unique situation (Jane finally lost her tooth today).  These are just a few examples of the resources that the divorce mediator has in her handy toolbox, ready to share with clients, that the clients don’t know about sitting in their kitchen arguing with one another.

Once the mediator passes on these tools to you, you can continue to have a successful relationship with your co-parent once mediation is completed.  It reminds me of the adage- give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.   You need mediation to learn how to fish.  Sitting in your kitchen fighting with one another or not speaking to one another at all about these issues gets you neither.  But after mediation you will continue to feed yourself with the tools you learned in mediation.
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For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373.  View our website at  www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 

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What to do about the house When getting divorced

11/1/2019

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When couples are considering getting divorced, one question that often causes great stress, is “where are they going to live after the divorce?” Generally, people are emotionally attached to their home, and worried about the impact of moving on both themselves and their children. In addition, for most people their house is both their biggest asset and their biggest expense, so coming up with a plan for selling it or keeping it has to factor into any future financial plan.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we always ask our divorce mediation clients to get a market valuation of their home from a realtor to determine how much equity they have in their house.  We go over together how much they pay for their mortgage, property taxes, home owners’ insurance and other house maintenance. Then, we consider what would make the most sense financially, and for the emotional needs of the family.
 
Some options include selling the house, refinancing it in one spouse’s name or continuing to own the house together for a set period of time.  Sometimes, divorcing couples are in a hurry to sell so that they have the cash they need to move forward. Other times, the couple wants to wait before selling so that they can fix up the house for maximum profits or just to adjust more slowly to the change in their circumstances. For some clients, rather than sell the house right away, the divorcing couple decides that one parent will remain in the home with the children until they finish high school or college. Such an approach may minimize the stress on the kids, by allowing them to stay in one familiar place.

In any case, the divorcing couple must decide how they will continue to pay for the house expenses, including the mortgage, taxes, home insurance, and potential repairs, until the house is sold or refinanced in one person’s name. The family also will need to allocate enough funds so that the parent who moves out can maintain his/her own separate household. Finally, the couple has to decide how they will divide the proceeds from the house once it is sold.  At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we know that each family has its own specific financial and emotional needs, and through divorce mediation, we can help create a plan to fit them.

​For more information about dividing assets in divorce mediation or divorce mediation in general, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

 
 
 
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    Authors

    Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

    Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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