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working out the details

10/28/2016

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Sometimes when we are working on a divorce agreement at Westfield Mediation, LLC, our divorce mediation clients ask us, “Why do we need to be so specific on the details?” They want to keep things open and flexible. In other cases, clients want all the details included – exact time of pickup for the kids, exactly how much can be spent on which kids’ activities, specific dollar amounts to be distributed for assets and debts, etc.

So, which is the better approach?

Generally, it is good to have some specifics in the divorce agreement, because the current mood of openness and friendliness may change over time, and it is useful to have a blueprint to return to if arguments arise at a later date. Nailing down the details now may avoid later problems. You can always both agree to do something different from the official plan filed in court -- but if you disagree, consulting the agreement might help settle the dispute.

Of course, it is also useful to build some flexibility into the divorce and post-divorce plan. Children’s needs change over time, and their expenses and interests may vary in unexpected ways. Moreover, the parents’ job situations may differ over time as well. So, there has to be some wiggle room in the agreement to deal with these possible developments. In our experience, the best divorce agreement provides guidance for the future as well as opportunities to review the plan to make any necessary revisions.

​For more information about divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at
info@westfieldnjmediation.com
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Case information statement

10/14/2016

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A very important form when getting divorced is the Case Information Statement.  It is required by the court and gives a detailed picture of your finances.  The key part of the form that you complete in divorce mediation is Part D, which is a two-column side by side form that shows your monthly budget when you were married and living under one roof and your projected monthly budget post-divorce and living in separate households.  Almost every client has a difficult time with this form, either because they are already living apart and don’t remember what their under-one-roof expenses were like, or because they are still living together and don’t know what their expenses living apart will be.  Most couples have to do this form several times. 

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help couples with this difficult, but useful, step in the process.  It forces some couples to face the reality that divorce means they will be living apart with separate expenses.  It is also helpful to give a family a sense of lifestyle post-divorce.  It is very challenging to financially support two households on the same income that you are used to supporting one household.  While some overall expenses will double (two cable bills, two heating bills, etc.) some will stay the same (dry cleaning, haircuts, etc.) and some may have to go down (entertainment, vacations, etc.).  It is a valuable exercise so the client can prepare financially for his/her new post-divorce life.  It is also helpful for both clients to see how the other plans to live and to ensure that one person is not living the good life while the other is living in a tent on the side of the road. 

The court will use these budgets to make sure that this does not happen.  In reality, both parties usually have to scale back his/her lifestyle for a little while after the divorce.  But if there is an imbalance, then the alimony or child support amount between the parties may need to be adjusted.  It is not fair if one person soars and the other plummets.  Support amounts can help balance the economic scales. The CIS budget form is a difficult, but very necessary, form to help determine these factors. 

For more information about Case Information Statements or divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.
 
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    Authors

    Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

    Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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