Everyone knows someone who is getting divorced – in fact, there are hundreds of thousands of divorced people in New Jersey.  Even so, according to recent studies, the divorce rate in New Jersey is lower than other states.  Why? In part, because New Jersey also has lower marriage rate than other states.  According to a recent article in The New York Times (“Want Your Union to Last? Marry in New Jersey”, Oct. 12, 2012), 9% of New Jersey adults are divorced, while 52% are married. 

But other factors are also in play.  Some experts suggest that New Jersey’s low divorce rate reflects the fact that New Jerseyans tend to marry later and have more money and education than adults in other states.  Generally, older age at time of marriage, more education and better financial prospects lead to marital stability.  Another possible reason for the state’s low divorce rate is its high immigrant population who tend to have lower divorce rates than the native-born population. The impact of the recession is less clear – on the one hand, some people cannot afford to get divorced and support two households; on the other hand, financial stress often leads to breakdowns in relationships.

So what to do if you are among the divorcing population? One of the best options for divorcing couples is divorce mediation.  In mediation, couples meet with an impartial, trained mediator who helps them come to an agreement on issues of parenting and child support, and division of assets and spousal support.  Compared to litigation where each spouse hires a lawyer who advocates for one side over the other, mediation saves time and money and preserves family relationships.  While divorce statistics may show a decline in divorce across the state, there are thousands of divorcing couples who still need to find the best way to move forward.

-Randi M. Albert, JD

I often get asked, “How does a lawyer differ from a mediator?” The simple answer is that a lawyer is your advocate on your side while a mediator remains neutral and doesn’t take either the husband’s or wife’s side.  But the issue can get confusing because there are attorneys who practice both litigation and mediation (but not for the same client).  Still, once you take a side (lawyer) you cannot untake a side and become neutral (mediator) or vice versa.  

A lawyer is an advocate who can advise you on the law, develop a strategy to get you what you want, and discuss likely outcomes for the situation.  A mediator, no matter what his or her background, acts as an impartial facilitator and does not take sides. 
If a legal issue comes up, a mediator cannot switch to his/her lawyer hat and suddenly be a lawyer and give legal advice. Even if your mediator is a lawyer who knows the law and would be capable of being your legal advocate, she cannot be both lawyer and mediator because a single person cannot be an advocate for two opposing sides. Just like tax questions should be referred to your
accountant and house appraisal questions to your real estate agent, legal advice must come from your attorney.  An upstanding mediator does not pretend to be all things to all people and try to switch roles. Instead, a good mediator will make referrals as needed, to make sure you are getting the best professional assistance for all of your particular needs. 

A mediator’s job is to help the husband and wife reach fair and equitable agreements about their assets and liabilities, develop a realistic parenting framework, and make plans for the future for alimony and child support.  In order to remain neutral, the mediator does not back one side or the other -- the husband and wife make the important decisions.  The mediator’s only job is to move the process forward in a fair way.  At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we use our unique skills to focus solely on mediation, so our clients can feel comfortable with the process and make progress towards a final fair divorce settlement.