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Family Calendars

9/28/2012

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Once you are parents, you are always parents – even if you get divorced.  And sometimes figuring out where everyone needs to be -- holidays, vacations, school activities, team practices, visits with grandparents, etc. -- creates tensions between divorced parents which can spill over to the kids as well.  So how do you create a family schedule and calendar without re-igniting the tensions that led to divorce in the first place?

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help divorced or divorcing families create a parenting calendar that works for the whole family and avoids the arguments that often arise during this process.  In many cases, ex-spouses are unable to work together to develop a yearly schedule of children’s activities and family vacations that meets the needs of the kids and both parents.   Westfield Mediation, LLC can help eliminate the stress involved in this necessary task, minimizing conflict and improving overall family dynamics.

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, parents can work with trained, impartial professionals to facilitate agreement on scheduling issues.  By creating this framework together, the parents argue less, and studies show that it is the conflict that most adversely impacts children of divorce rather than the divorce itself.  Moreover, parties are more likely to adhere to a schedule or calendar that they create themselves than one that is imposed upon them by the courts.  By providing this calendaring service as part of our divorce mediation practice, Westfield Mediation, LLC strives to address all of our clients’ needs.

For more information about divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

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From Marriage Therapist to Divorce Mediator?

9/14/2012

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It seems a little counterintuitive for a marriage therapist to be a divorce mediator.  Aren’t therapists there to save a marriage? So how does one trained to help couples change their dysfunction into a satisfying relationship end up supporting couples splitting up?  

For a while I ran a program for high-conflict post-divorce couples.  These are the people you hear about that perpetually return to court, after their divorce is finalized, because they cannot agree or follow through on anything.  Dad wants the kids to play soccer; Mom wants them to play tennis.  Or Mom expects drop off to be at 8:00, but Dad shows up at 8:10. So, they go to court. The judges don’t have time for this kind of stuff. They want divorced parents to learn how to
co-parent effectively. 

And not just so that they don’t overwhelm the courts, but also because it is better for the family’s mental health. Research has shown that it is not the divorce itself which negatively affects kids; it is the level of conflict of the divorce that matters.  The higher the conflict the more negatively it affects the children. So, for the families I worked with, my job was to decrease the conflict and stop the cycle.  The program proved effective.  There was a significant decrease in court appearances for the couples who participated in the program.  Bitter and angry divorced couples learned how to co-parent, reducing judges’ caseloads, and more importantly, improving family life.

Then I heard about Divorce Mediation.  Wow! Now, instead of trying to clean up the mess after a
nasty divorce, I could help couples avoid a hostile divorce altogether.  I can stop the cycle before it happens.  This is a therapist’s dream come true!  Statistics have shown that couples are significantly more likely to follow through with an agreement they created, such as during the process of mediation, than one that is imposed on them during litigation. This is such an empowering concept for me.  A couple wants to build a new future, just no longer with each other.  I can help them do that, and create a future life plan that they will most likely follow through with, in an amicable manner. Again, Wow!

My therapeutic background enables me to help people resolve their differences to reach agreements, look towards a new everyday life, and acknowledge the emotional pain of a divorce. I have some unique skills to help couples through this difficult time in their life. 
I would rather help them now, to avoid having to help them further down the road when lots of damage, to themselves and their children, has been done. 
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    Authors

    Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

    Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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