There will never be the perfect time to tell the kids you are getting a divorce.  At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help clients navigate this journey.  We have some dos and don’ts about how to tell the kids.  It is best to sit down as a family and have both Mom and Dad tell all the kids at the same time, be available to answer any questions and reinforce that the kids are not to blame.  Regardless of how you feel, it is also best not to blame one another or give nitty gritty details about the reason for the divorce, even if the kids ask.  Some of the timing of when to tell your children about your divorce depends on their age and their understanding of the concept of time.  A 15 year old can envision abstract time about the future much better than a 5 year old.  So you don’t want to tell your 5 year old that you are moving out soon.  You want to say that you are moving out on Saturday.  You want to reassure your children that you love them, that this is not their fault and it is between Mom and Dad.  It is because Mom and Dad don’t love each other anymore the way people who stay married need to love each other.  So, Mom and Dad are getting a divorce and are going to live separately. 

You want to explain to your children what will stay the same (attending the same school, having the same friends) and what will change (two homes- one where you spend time with Mom and another house where you spend time with Dad).  You also want to be available to answer any questions your children may have during this conversation and in the future.  Children may have lots of questions after they have had a chance to process all this information. 

While there is no ideal time to have this conversation, if you are getting a divorce and have children, it is a conversation that must occur.  Westfield Mediation, LLC, can offer you the support you need to make this happen.

For more information about Divorce Mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com

What are the differences between divorce mediation and collaborative divorce and which works better? While both divorce mediation and collaborative divorce are designed to promote resolution and avoid costly, stressful litigation, they have a few key differences.

In divorce mediation, both spouses come in together to meet with one mediator. The divorce mediator is a neutral trained professional – not necessarily a lawyer – who helps the couple create an agreement for their family, covering issues of parenting, child support, alimony and the division of assets and debts. Sometimes, the couple hires outside divorce lawyers to provide advice along the way.  Usually, these attorneys provide only limited representation, keeping the legal fees low.  The divorce mediation process usually involves 4-6 meetings, and saves both money and time.

In a collaborative divorce, each spouse hires his/her own attorney from the beginning. The attorneys and the parties sign an agreement that states that they will try to work things out without going to court.  Then, the couple and their attorneys meet to try to reach an agreement.  If the divorce negotiations break down and the couple cannot come to agreement, they must go to court.  In these cases, they need to start again and hire new attorneys for the litigation process.

So which is better?  It really depends on the needs of the family.  Divorce mediation is a simpler, less expensive process that works best for couples who are interested in reaching an agreement, and able to express their positions.  Collaborative divorce is more complicated because the spouses each have attorneys throughout the negotiations.  This path may be a better option for spouses who believe that their views may not be heard unless they have a lawyer to represent them.

For more information about Divorce Mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908-913-0373 or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.  You can also visit our website www.westfieldnjmediation.com.