Is the divorce rate really 50%? How many of your friends and family are divorced?   Is it every other marriage?  Not for me. In my children’s class at school, half the class is not from a divorced family.  On my block no one is divorced.  So how come we keep hearing that one in two marriages end in divorce. Statistics can be misleading.  It is not 50% of first marriages, but 50% of all marriages.  And since you are more likely to get divorced if you have been divorced, it is the people who have been divorced multiple times that are driving up the average to 50%. 

According to the website http://www.divorcerate.org/, the divorce rate in America for first marriages is 41%, second marriages is 60%
and third marriages is 73%. However, it also depends on where you live.  New York and New Jersey happen to have one of the lowest divorce rates in the country. One reason is believed to be that it is too expensive to get divorced in these areas and have two separate households. 

This is not a statistic you plan on becoming a part of on your wedding day.  However, statistically most likely either you or someone you know is heading for divorce at some point.  So, if you are going to be part of the 41%, or 60% or 73%, one way to keep costs down and be able to better afford a divorce, is to use a divorce mediator.  A divorce mediator meets with the couple together to work out all the issues of the divorce; parenting plan, child support, budgets, division of assets and debts, etc., to better help you afford two separate households.  Mediation promotes a better post-divorce relationship for you and your ex-spouse and you with your children.
Also, people are more likely to follow the divorce agreement because they created it, as opposed to having it imposed on you by a judge.  So, there is less returning to court for post-divorce motions.  While no one expects themselves to be a statistic, it is better to be informed and prepared just in case.  

For more information about divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at  info@westfieldnjmediation.com.

If you filed for divorce, can you still do mediation?  If you go through divorce mediation, do you still need a lawyer?  We commonly hear these questions from potential clients.  And the answers, for the most part, are yes, and yes.

Once you file a divorce complaint, you start the Court clock running. If you decide instead to try divorce mediation to save you and your spouse some time and money, you can pause the clock, so long as you inform the Court and your lawyers.  Usually, the Courts prefer that people resolve their differences on their own, so they are happy to give you the time to do so, as long as you keep them informed of your plans, and you don’t let things drag on too long.  If you and your spouse have started working with lawyers, those lawyers would not be able to mediate your divorce because of potential conflicts of interest. So you would need to find a divorce mediator to help you create an agreement.

What if you start with divorce mediation – would you still need to hire a divorce lawyer? Most likely, yes.  Once you and your spouse have come up with an agreement in mediation, we recommend that each of you hire a “review attorney” to look over the document, make sure your legal rights are protected, and explain any of the legal consequences to you.  The “review attorney” will then convert your agreement into the form that the Court wants, file the documents with the Court, and accompany you to the Court hearing.  Many lawyers will do these tasks for a set fee, rather than their usual hourly rate.

So, why go through mediation if you will still need to hire a lawyer?  Because divorce mediators do the bulk of the work quicker and for less money.  Moreover, in mediation, you come up with an agreement together, so there is no expensive, time-consuming back-and-forth between lawyers.  Divorce mediation is focused on resolving conflict, rather than winning, which reduces stress and is better for your on-going relationship.  And the agreement that you make together, you will follow together in the future.

For more information about Divorce Mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com