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Mediators or Lawyers – Why pay more?

6/21/2011

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Often, a person will call us hoping to schedule mediation.  The next day, he’ll call back to say that his wife has hired a lawyer, so they aren’t doing mediation anymore.  Yet, as we explain to these callers, it doesn’t have to be “either/or” – litigation and mediation are not mutually exclusive.  In fact, even for divorcing couples who have some areas of disagreement, the best approach -- that is, the approach that saves the most money and provides the best result for family relationships -- is to limit litigation to only those issues that remain  unresolved after mediation. 

Our mediators are doubly knowledgeable – we know family law and we know how to work with people to come to a fair agreement. We can help divorcing couples reach agreements on parenting, division of assets and/or spousal support. In some cases, parties can’t agree on one or two distinct issues in mediation, and they may decide to resolve those remaining problems through their lawyers.  This targeted approach is less expensive and time-consuming than trying to complete the entire divorce in court.    

Attorneys typically charge by the hour, with fees ranging from $300-500 an hour.  If each spouse has his/her own attorney, the costs quickly add up.  For example, a simple parenting issue of deciding how to get the children from one home to another can generate bills of $1,000 for husband and wife, because each spouse must speak to his/her own lawyer and then the two lawyers need to communicate with each other, and then report back to their clients. Yet, in mediation, husband and wife are in the same room, paying a single lower fee, and working together. Similarly, if a couple can work together with a mediator to devise a parenting schedule, why bring that issue to two attorneys who charge high hourly fees to meet with you and negotiate with each other, instead of one lower-priced mediator?  The end result, the parenting plan, can be the same whether you use a mediator or litigation, so why pay more for the same result. 

Think about what you do in other areas of your life -- when your child has an ear infection, you go to the pediatrician, not the ENT. Only when the child has an unresolved problem do you go to the specialist. Why? Because you know your pediatrician has the skills to handle it, and because it saves you time and money.  You can handle your divorce the same way – go to the mediators, and use your lawyers, only as needed.   Limit the amount of time and money spent with lawyers.

In addition, by limiting the issues on the table after mediation, there is less gamesmanship – why argue about matters on which you mainly agree?   Arguing just for the sake of arguing hurts everyone – husband, wife, children and extended family. By finding areas of agreement through mediation, divorcing couples improve their post-divorce relationship, which also minimizes the stress for your children. 

As we tell our callers, tell your spouse that it isn’t true that the best results require high-priced lawyers.  At Westfield Mediation, LLC, clients benefit from the knowledge and experience of mediators with backgrounds in law, marriage and family therapy. As graduates from the most prestigious universities in the country, we learned from leaders in our fields. We offer legal and mental health expertise, and have access to the highest quality resources. Divorce through mediation, or through a combination of mediation and litigation, is the best way to go.

Randi M. Albert
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The Effects of Divorce on the Kids

6/16/2011

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June 15, 2011

Most parents are worried about how their divorce will affect their children.  Some to the point that they decide to stay together for the sake of the children, even though their own preference is to get divorced. There is no one right answer.  Although studies have shown that it is the conflict within a divorce that has a detrimental effect of the kids and not the divorce in and of itself, each couple must make their own decisions.

If you do decide to get divorced, it is important to be aware of potential changes in your children’s thoughts, feelings and behavior. These changes are anticipated in the immediate aftermath of a divorce and can be only temporary.  It is common for children to feel:

  • Fear- where will I live, will we have money for food, will I see my Mom/Dad
  • At fault- if only I hadn't failed math, then Mom and Dad would not have had that bad fight and decided to get divorced
  • Conflicted- I love both of them but can't love either of them.  If I love Dad, Mom will be upset with me, if I love Mom then Dad will be upset with me
  • Sad- their sense of family life is ending
  • Anger- their sense of family life is ending
  • Stressed- need to step up and fill the absent parent role- be the "man of the house" or "the mom"
  • Lonely- circumstances may pull children away from trusted friends and family.  Children have no one to talk to or play with.
How can a parent help?

It is so important for parents to talk to the children about divorce.  This is not a one time conversation.  Make sure to periodically check in with your kids to get a sense of how they are coping and what they are thinking about the divorce.  It is vital to reassure them that you are the adults and can cope and they can be the kids and not have to take on the other parent’s role.  Most importantly, DO NOT SPEAK ILL OF THE OTHER PARENT.  Your children have 50% of their DNA from the other parent.  If you speak ill of the parent, in a sense you are speaking ill of your child. 

Mediation allows you to communicate with your spouse during the divorce process to address these issues.  You can decide how to tell your kids about the divorce and how to answer their questions, as well as reassure one another that there will be no parent bashing to the kids.  Working together through mediation can create a healthier post divorce atmosphere for your children and allow them to cope with the changes that divorce generates.

Michelle Weinberg
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First Post!

6/12/2011

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Start blogging by creating a new post. You can edit or delete me by clicking under the comments. You can also customize your sidebar by dragging in elements from the top bar.
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    Authors

    Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

    Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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