A lot of people, myself included, get their information about various subjects (what is this “new math” on my kid’s homework sheet or how to treat a sprained calf muscle) from the internet.  But not all information you glean applies to all situations.  For example, as divorce mediators, we often get calls asking about how to get a legal separation, because the client read about it online.  While some states allow couples to have a legal separation either prior to or instead of a divorce, New Jersey does not.  In New Jersey, the state views you as either married or divorced or…...there is one little loophole-Divorce from Bed and Board. But this loophole may be closing for more and more people.
http://www.politickernj.com/65631/state-pension-panel-agrees-dancer-taxpayers-should-not-have-pay-other-people-s-marital-problem. 
  
Divorce from Bed and Board allows a person to live a separate life, especially financially, while technically still being married.  In
the past it was a way to get a divorce without technically getting a divorce, if it was against your religious beliefs to do so.  In more recent times, people used this option not so much for religious reasons but because it allows you to still be able to carry health insurance to your “sort of ex-spouse but technically still your spouse”.  
 
Because you are still legally married when you opt for Divorce from Bed and Board, most likely you can continue to provide health insurance to your spouse through your employer.  This avoids COBRA (which you can have for a maximum of 36 months) or self-insurance, both of which can be cost prohibitive, after a divorce. But some insurance companies are catching on to the loophole and no longer allow you to carry your spouse on your insurance plan if you choose Divorce from Bed and Board. It is best to check into your specific insurance plan when considering your plans for divorce.  

So, if you are looking for expert information about the realistic options when you are unhappy in your marriage, call a divorce mediator and get the correct information straight from the horse’s mouth.  The internet can be a great source for finding the answer to a homework problem or how to treat your latest ailment, but when if come to important decisions about your future, call a divorce mediator as a source of valid options.    

Something about “alimony” strikes a nerve in divorcing couples.  In divorce mediation, we often talk about alimony or “spousal support”, as we call it in New Jersey, and in the beginning, the conversations can get heated. Sometimes, one spouse feels that they deserve more money for a longer period while the other wants to pay less money for a shorter time.  Fortunately, in divorce mediation, we can almost always come to a resolution, so no one feels cheated.

 In New Jersey, there are four types of spousal support, permanent, limited duration, rehabilitative (used to get one partner back on their financial feet) and reimbursement. The amount and terms of alimony are based on several factors including the length of the marriage and the earning capacities of each couple.  There is no one set official formula.  And the terms can get complicated because the amount of spousal support has tax consequences and also impacts child support obligations.  Moreover, the couple may decide to divide assets and liabilities in a way that takes into account how much spousal support is being paid.  So, really, decisions on spousal support can have a big impact on the whole separation agreement. 

Luckily, the fact that there is no set formula for spousal support can be used as an advantage. This way, the couple can work together with a mediator to develop an individualized plan that works best for their family.  In mediation, they can review their assets and budgets and potential earnings, and create a plan that leaves all the parties feeling like their interests are being considered. In divorce mediation, instead of seeing spousal support as a sticking point, it becomes one part of a larger plan for moving forward.  

For more information about Divorce Mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  Visit our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 

When it comes to getting a divorce, do not DIY it. Most divorcing people actually agree on most issues, but it is best to use some professional help to develop your divorce agreement. A professional divorce mediator can ensure that you are covering the many issues in an efficient and cost-effective manner. I recently had a couple come in with a “do-it-yourself” divorce agreement they found on the Internet, all the blanks filled in with their preferences. When I started to ask some more in-depth questions, it turned out that they weren’t as prepared as they thought. At that point, they realized that there were issues that they hadn’t even considered and they needed more time to discuss and figure out what would work best. 

Things that you do not know to include in a DIY divorce can have significant consequences, such as the one that came up recently for the Supreme Court having to do with beneficiary on a life insurance policy. Will the deceased man’s ex-wife or widow get the life insurance monies? http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2013/04/22/will-the-widow-or-the-ex-wife-get-the-money-supreme-court-to-decide/  As all good divorce mediators know, estate planning needs to be included in your divorce decree.  People may need to change their beneficiaries on insurance policies, and make changes to their will, powers of attorney and health care directives. A professional mediator has the depth of knowledge about divorce and develops a comprehensive understanding about your personal situation. She can then individualize the divorce process and document to reflect your circumstances. It is also best practice to have a tax attorney review your agreement so you fully understand the tax implications of your assets and liabilities moving forward. You may think you have enough money to buy a smaller house after you sell the larger family home, but then the tax bill arrives, and there go your profits and down payment for your next house. YIKES!!!

So while the Internet can provide some good basic information for you to feel prepared about the divorce process, it is best to utilize professionals at points during the course of your divorce. You can feel reassured that you have addressed all the important areas and will have no surprises down the road.