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Communicating during and after Divorce

3/29/2019

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Divorcing or divorced couples often have trouble communicating. Indeed, in many cases, this inability to exchange information or ideas contributed to the end of the marriage.  Nevertheless, because our divorce mediation clients usually need to have some relationship post-divorce – either as co-parents or co-financial partners, in divorce mediation, we often address how to interact more effectively and civilly with your ex.

For divorced parents sharing custody of their children, it is vitally important to have a way to communicate with each other that minimizes misunderstandings and stress. At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we advise our divorce mediation clients to have a shared calendar of kids’ activities so everyone knows where the family members need to be. To cut down on disputes, we suggest texting and email, rather than relying only on phone conversations – communications in writing may lead to less confusion and fewer arguments down the road.

For both co-parents and co-financial partners, we recommend providing reasonable notice of any plans to come by the other person’s home – essentially showing the same courtesy you would extend to a friend or neighbor. And if parenting or financial plans change for some reason, we suggest texts or email about these developments as well. Simple steps to keep the relationship civil and courteous can go a long way toward keeping the peace and reducing the drama for divorcing or divorced couples.

For more information on parenting or financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 
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ACRONYMS OF DIVORCE

3/15/2019

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When you are getting divorced you learn some new acronyms like PAR, PPR, CIS, QDRO.  But what does all of this really mean in plain English? At first the new vocabulary of divorce can feel overwhelming.  But with the help of a divorce mediator at Westfield Mediation, it can all become quite clear quite easily.

PAR and PPR are interrelated and have to do with parenting.  PAR is the parent of alternate residence and the PPR is the parent of primary residence.  The parent of primary residence is the parent with whom the child/children spend more than 50% of their time.  The PAR is the parent with whom the child/children reside when not residing with the PPR. Practically speaking, when determining child support in New Jersey one parent is the PPR and one parent is designated as the PAR and the formula is calculated.  When both parents share time equally the calculation is done with Parent A as the PPR and Parent B as the PAR.  It is then recalculated with Parent B being the PPR and Parent A as the PAR and a final calculation is determined.  It is a lot of acronym to describe how much time the kids spend with their parents.

A CIS- not CSI like the TV show- is a Case Information Statement.  A Case Information Statement is a form you need to complete for the courts.  It is not fun, but it is necessary. Take a look. In divorce mediation we address Part D of the CIS- the budgets- and Part E- Balance Sheet of Assets and Liabilities.  So, most of this form can be tackled in mediation.

And finally- a QDRO.  QDRO (quad-row) stands for Qualified Domestic Relations Order.  It is used when dividing up a retirement account in a divorce. All plans are different and not every plan needs a QDRO, so be sure to check with your plan administrator to determine if a QDRO is needed to divide your retirement account.  The judge needs to sign the order and then it is sent to your plan administrator.  The plan administrator will then know that this retirement fund is being distributed to two people, instead of one, according to the terms of the divorce.  It is a very important form to complete and can have major tax implications if done incorrectly. 
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To learn more about the vocabulary of divorce and divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373.  View our website at  www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 
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Role of the mediator

3/1/2019

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What is the role of the mediator in divorce mediation? At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we believe that the mediator should be your guide through the process.  A divorce mediator is different from a judge or arbitrator who takes sides in disputes and makes pronouncements on how issues should be settled.  

A mediator’s role is not to take one side or another in a couple’s long-simmering arguments.  Instead, a mediator focuses on crafting a practical plan for the future. She helps the divorcing couple come to an agreement by explaining the options and by asking the right questions about the issues of parenting, child support, alimony, and the division of assets and debts. Her job is to make certain that the divorce agreement is both comprehensive and flexible enough to work over time. 

In divorce mediation, we break the process down into small, manageable steps.  In most cases, divorcing couples can agree on some issues right away, and we can address areas of agreement first, and then move onto harder topics.  Based on experience working with divorcing couples, divorce mediators help clients work through any sticking points by promoting compromise and shared interests. In general, the divorce mediator’s role is to ensure that the agreement is fair and equitable, and that each spouse has a voice in designing the final product.

​For more information on parenting or financial plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com
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    Authors

    Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

    Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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    Division Of Assets And Liabilities
    Divorce Attorney
    Divorce Mediation Process
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    Parenting
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