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Parenting and Post-Divorce Mediation

3/16/2018

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Why do divorced couples go to post-divorce mediation?  For some ex-spouses, the judgment of divorce is not the final step in an extended emotional process.  

A recent divorce case in the headlines highlights the use of divorce mediation to resolve post-divorce parenting disputes. In this case, the divorced parents disagree about whether their child should play football in high school, with the mother wanting their son to play and the father objecting because of health concerns and their kid’s history of concussions.    

In cases like this, family courts generally require the parents to go to post-divorce mediation to try to resolve their issues. Starting with divorce mediation is best for the family because going to trial is expensive and time-consuming.  Also, if the parents cannot resolve parenting issues in mediation, the kids may have to be questioned by the lawyers, the judge, and/or state-appointed mental health experts, which can be stressful for the whole family.

Disagreement over the kids’ activities is just one topic of post-divorce mediation that we see at Westfield Mediation, LLC.  Sometimes divorced parents return to mediation to discuss other points like schedule changes, college payments, finances and/or plans to move.  Post-divorce mediation can be difficult and emotional, but if parents keep their focus on their children’s best interests, resolutions are possible.
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For more information about parenting plans or post- divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 

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A Cost-Benefit Analysis of Divorce Litigation

3/2/2018

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It is important to do a cost-benefit analysis before deciding to stop divorce mediation and start litigation. Maybe there is one thing you need to “go to the mat” and win your cause. But before you throw your hands up and say “no more mediation- see you in court” you have to stop and think that just because you go to court with what you think is a valid point of view of the issue at hand, does not mean the judge will see it that way and give you what you want. 

A prime example of this is parenting.  We have seen with our clients at Westfield Mediation, LLC, that often times during the course of the marriage one parent handles more of the day-to-day parental responsibilities than the other.  Now you are getting divorced and your co-parent wants a 50-50 parenting plan. You might not trust that the other parent can all of a sudden handle 50% parenting time in a shared parenting plan.  And you are willing to go to court to fight to have a majority of the parenting time.  But at what cost and what gain?  There are 4 weeks (lets call it 28 days for math sake) in a month.  So instead of 14 days for each parent you want 22 days for you and 6 days for your co-parent.  There is a lot of wiggle room between 14 versus 22 days and just because you go to court does not mean you are going to end up with 22 days.  And the judge may see the co-parents point of view and you end up with 14 days each anyway. 

​Or you could stop counting quantity altogether and focus on the quality of time you have with your kids. If it is your parenting day but the day is spent after school driving from one activity to the next, doing homework, eating fast food somewhere in between and then bed, what have you really won?

So instead of spending a lot of money, energy and time going through the court system to possibly get a worse situation than what you could have gotten had you stayed in mediation and found some compromise within the wiggle room, stop and think what you will gain and what it will cost you to gain this.   But let’s say the judge decides and grants you 18 days a month and your co-parent has 10 days.  4 days more/less than 50-50% parenting.  Is 4 days a month on either side of the argument worth the court process?  The court process is very stressful and takes a long time.  Litigation is super expensive (college tuition expensive). And there is no guarantee you get what you want.  Most people end up with some sort of compromise anyway, even if they go through the courts.  But now you have no money left to pay for your children’s college education. 
 
For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373.  View our website at  www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 

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    Authors

    Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

    Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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