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Changing the routines after divorce

2/19/2018

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Getting divorced changes the family routines, and both spouses will often need to take on new roles and responsibilities that are different from how it used to be. 

These changes in lifestyle can be difficult at first. For example, in some families one parent does most of the child care from arranging child activities and playdates, to helping with homework, to buying presents for birthday parties. After divorce, both parents may have to share these jobs; and it can take some adjustment on the part of the whole family to get comfortable with the new normal. Similarly, a divorced parent may want to take a vacation with their kids.  The traveling parent may have to deal with the difficulty of going away without another adult, while the other parent needs to get used to the idea that the rest of the family went on a trip without him or her.

Significant changes also occur on the financial front. For example, one spouse may have taken on the financial planning, money management, bill-paying pre-divorce. Now, that there are two households instead of one, these financial responsibilities need to be taken on by each ex-spouse.   

At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we help prepare our divorce mediation clients for these lifestyle changes. We explain that taking on these new roles and responsibilities may feel overwhelming at first. This is a normal and reasonable response. We encourage divorcing couples to seek outside help from friends and family and other support networks, especially during the transition time. We also suggest that our clients think of these changes as opportunities to develop new skills that will help them moving forward.

For more information on divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com. 

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PAYING FOR COLLEGE

2/2/2018

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The state of New Jersey does not care how married couples will pay for their children’s college education costs.  The state of New Jersey does care how divorced parents will pay for their children’s college education costs.  The issue has been brought before the courts.  Ex-spouses have sued each other, children have sued one or both parents expecting them to pay.  And in general, the courts have found that divorced parents must pay for college and continue to financially support their children in some way while they are in school.  Children are not considered emancipated (no longer financially dependent on their parents) if they continue on to college directly following high school. 

Thus, paying for college is an issue the divorce mediators at Westfield Mediation, LLC, address during the divorce process.  It can be difficult for parents with young children to think about their children going to college, let alone who will pay for it.  Yet, if you don’t want to return to court in the future because you never addressed the cost of college, you should lay out some parameters in your initial divorce agreement.  In divorce mediation, we frame it as what do you expect as the bare minimum from the other parent.  Is each parent paying in proportion to income, splitting it equally, contributing a specific amount, paying for the cost of a state or private university? 

When it comes time for your child to actually attend college, if one or both parents want to contribute more than the bare minimum as directed in the divorce agreement, s/he can.  If you agreed when you got divorced and your child was 8 years old that you and your spouse would equally pay for Rutgers University and now your child is 18 and got into Princeton (congratulations!), you can pay more of the costs than expected towards the cost of Princeton, but you are not obligated to pay more than your share of the cost of Rutgers, even if the child attends Princeton.  By planning ahead in divorce mediation, you avoid arguments down the road.

For more information on planning for college costs during a divorce or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, M. Ed., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, at Westfield Mediation, LLC at 908.913.0373.  View our website at  www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.
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    Authors

    Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

    Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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