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Sharing Parenting

1/22/2016

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 What is the best way to share parenting when you are getting divorced?  At Westfield Mediation, LLC, we work with divorcing parents to make a future-oriented parenting arrangement that works well for the children while considering the parents’ interests too. The parenting arrangement can take many forms depending on the family.

An article in this Sunday’s New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/17/realestate/divorced-parents-living-close-for-the-childrens-sake.html ) highlights divorced couples with children who live either in the same apartment building or brownstone, or just blocks away from each other.  The featured stories focus on how the kids are able to go from one parent’s home to another easily, while maintaining their school and social routines.  The parents also seem able to move forward with their own personal and professional lives while preserving a relationship with their ex-spouse that allows them to work together. Some of the parents mentioned working with a mediator or therapist to create their plan.

For me, the most noticeable feature in these arrangements is how both parents’ focused primarily on the needs of their children in making a workable parenting plan.  Not every divorced family can live close together, either because of financial or emotional issues. Nonetheless, most divorcing couples have the option of working together with a divorce mediator to create a plan that benefits their children while allowing them to move forward. The key is to make the children’s well-being the paramount focus of your plan. 

For more information on parenting plans or divorce mediation, please contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at
info@westfieldnjmediation.com
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A Divorce mediator who is not always pro-divorce

1/8/2016

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I am a divorce mediator but not always pro-divorce.  I think of couple and family dynamics as a system.  Occasionally, the system gets out of whack, but can be fixed.  Like when you’re A/C is on the fritz and it is way too hot in your house.  It is miserable, but temporary.  Sometimes marriages are broken-down, but couples should not immediately throw in the towel on their marriage during a rough spot.  Nobody’s life is perfect, so it is normal to expect some ups and downs in life and difficult times in a marriage.  The New Year is a good time to reassess if your marriage is temporarily out-of-order or permanently beyond repair.

Counseling with a good marriage therapist can help a couple get out of the dysfunction and return to happiness.  Unfortunately, most couples wait too long before seeking support and too much damage has been done to recover to a healthy relationship.  Sometimes divorce is the healthier option for a failed marriage.  Staying in a bad marriage because you are afraid of all the unknowns that accompanies a divorce or for the sake of the children is not helpful to your (or your children’s) mental health and long-term happiness.
 
While I am not necessarily pro-divorce, I am pro-mediation if you do decide to get a divorce.  I am a realist.  I understand that divorce is going to happen for many couples out there.  I find it deeply satisfying to help couples make a difficult time in the lives a little more palatable.  Divorce mediation is the best of the worst situation.  At
Westfield Mediation, we gently guide couples through the divorce process at their own pace with no pressure from us.  We acknowledge the difficulty of making these important life decisions for their new future and how stressful it can be, while keeping people focused on the issues at hand and not repeating the same fight that led you to divorce mediation.  We promote a healthier post-divorce relationship.

For more information about divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at
www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com
 
 
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    Authors

    Michelle Weinberg, M.Ed.,LMFT, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with many years of experience working with couples.

    Randi M. Albert, JD, is an attorney with experience in family law and public service.

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