No one needs to be trapped in an unhappy marriage.  Sometimes the emotional cost of staying together is higher than the financial cost of divorce.  Yet, in this uncertain economy, couples who no longer want to be together are worried that they can’t afford to get divorced.  Whether it’s the fear of paying high-priced lawyers, or the unwillingness to set up two households in a market that can barely sustain one, studies show that the recession has kept many couples together who would have otherwise split up.  So, if you want to get divorced, but you don’t think you can swing it financially, what should you do?

For couples concerned about financial issues -- that is most of us -- divorce mediation gets rid of the high legal bills, and offers an opportunity to come up with creative solutions to make post-divorce budgets work.  Divorce mediation offers significant savings because couples work together with one professional to resolve the issues.  In mediation, we focus on budgeting and dividing assets and debts so that each person leaves the marriage with enough money to support him/herself and the children.   Mediation is much less expensive than battling it out in court – saving you tens of thousands of dollars. 

Difficult economic times should not mean that you have to stay in difficult relationships.  Divorce mediation is the cost-effective way to figure out how to split up.  Couples have said that even though they had a smaller budget post-divorce, they were happier than staying in a miserable marriage.  Mediation provides emotional AND economic relief at a time when everyone needs some.

-Randi M. Albert

There is so much pressure to have someone to kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve.  The concept of WE is everywhere- look at advertising, movies, television, and magazines.  Yet, wouldn’t it be liberating to think only of yourself and what you want? To go where you want to go, and buy what you like? When you are married, you may find most of your socializing happens as a couple.  But now is the time to re-imagine yourself.  You are going from a WE to a ME.  It is not always easy because society puts pressure on you to be a WE.  But have no fear.  You can do it, and you will find the fun you have been missing.

There is pleasure derived from being an independent ME, as opposed to a trapped WE.  Hold your head up high as you ask for a table for ONE at the restaurant where YOU want to go, book ONE seat on an airplane for the trip YOU dreamed about, or buy ONE movie ticket for the film YOU have been dying to see.  You did it.  You are moving on with your life.  You are not alone.  Many men and women who have been married, for what seems like a lifetime, are now starting a new life as a ME. 

You may become a WE again someday, but for now treasure your time as a ME.  You have newfound independence, which may have been lacking for a long time.  It may take a moment to truly appreciate being a ME.  You were so used to being a WE and you never gave it much thought that it would ever be any different.  It is just the way it was. Most people say that first year post-divorce is really the toughest, but then they somehow start to discover the new ME that has emerged from the old WE.  And they like it. 

For more information about divorce mediation contact Randi M. Albert, JD, or Michelle Weinberg, LMFT, at Westfield Mediation, LLC, at 908.913.0373.  View our website at www.westfieldnjmediation.com or email us at info@westfieldnjmediation.com.